Good afternoon, fuzziest of fuzzbutts and floofiest of Farnsworth-cosplayers.

I apologize in advance for both the darker tone of this journal and a necessary ---trigger warning--- as the following has to do with real-life death, murder and transphobia/homophobia. If imagery of this nature should be traumatic for you, lovely watcher, I suggest boot-scooting along and enjoying a pop-tart or mug of refreshing hot cider instead. Good on yer. *smiles*

If you should be of the type who is currently laughing about said group of persons I would humbly request that you set yourself on fire and go jump in a lake, please. I have neither the time nor inclination to deal with you today and no one should ever have to.

The Trangender Day of Remembrance. This is a day which is recognized, November 17th, every year for twenty years now, as one for trans persons and their allies, friends, family members and loved ones come together in memory of those taken from us.

Those of you lovely folkes who have followed me for any length of time will know just how much this day means to me and why. *head tilts* Out side of the whole, you know, memorial for people being murdered, thing... that's pretty heavy regardless of your personal involvement, I would think.

The extremely astute may have noticed I did not post an image for yesterday. The extremely astute would know that I have done so every year for several years now, in recognition of TDoR and the loved ones taken from me, stolen, fucking murdered or driven to commit suicide. There are five of such people in my life.

Yesterday I was invited to speak at an event locally, sharing my story and speaking with others in the community.  Krissiefox attended with me as did  Dratis.

It began with a candle-light vigil in which we walked silently around town square. Following this were several speakers on the mortality rates for trans and non-defined gender persons and the general lack of police involvement in such things. Krissie and I read off the lists of deaths in global terms, country by country and the means of their murder. The victims were stabbed, shot, strangled/hanged, run over by vehicles, publicly stoned to death, decapitated/dismembered and beaten to death. Victims ranged in age from 15 to upper 50's as I recall. Later, a reading was held for the murders specifically in the U.S. and the police cases for each, if there was one. Many times, police will refuse involvement as they believe the deaths to be results of "lifestyle choice" or the trans person is reported under a deadname and their proper identity is buried under bigotry. This unfortunately results in an extreme difficulty in accurate data-gathering. We can't really know how many TG/TS/intersexed person have been murdered as often, they aren't reported as such.

Many people shared their personal stories and it was incredibly moving- a grand reminder of why I do what I do and why it's so very important that we never allow ourselves to be silenced by big-mouthed bullies on the internet, the inhuman actions of religious groups and their terrorist thugs or the threat of real-life violence in our streets.

One speaker was a rep from a Cherokee Nation group of activists with some very interesting observations on the concept of "two-spirit" persons in their culture. Whether you believe in or agree with said notion or not, it is a fascinating thought to consider and one shared by many of the pre-christian cultures. Unfortunately, even in their isolated community, such notions are fading from knowledge with the encroachment of Euro-centric judeo-christian influence, leading to a decrease in acceptance and an increase in the previously unheard-of violence.

This is a reminder, lovely watcher, that There are no "Two sides" to hatred. There are no "two sides" to bigotry. If you think "both sides are just as bad" I would like to take this opportunity to ask that you educate yourself properly or go jump in a tire fire, as per your convenience

Many lit candles, hugs, tears and exchanges later, here we are.

On the subject of my art this year and why I have not posted anything...

This year is an odd one for me.

Normally, I am left in the odd position of struggling with my own feelings, decades of memories of loved ones, dead and gone, my own guilt and remorse, sorrow and the crushing notion every year that I hope to see one person, just ONE DAMN PERSON, leave a single journal, bit of art or even a single shout that they care, that they might even think about this day and how much some people are suffering in their own corner of the world and still, I see nothing. Not a one. *sighs* To be certain, If I searched I'd no doubt find much cartoonish imagery of fetishized "hot tranny" art, "sexy herms", "fem-bois" and assorted other taff which would turn my guts and make me desire to strike people with a blunt object but anything offering genuine support of such a serious circumstance and the real-world difficulties it entails- I'm highly doubtful. I try to keep things positive here but This leaves me very embittered.

I realize many people wouldn't know about this day, as it's just not part of their vin-diagram of overlapping interests and social circles but at the very least on places such as this I would almost- almost- hope for more... It's not a game. It's not a fetish. It's not RP digital-footsie SL play-pretend. It's literal life or death for millions of people worldwide.

In previous years I have posted a few things as I've managed to come to terms with some of the trauma I've experienced and tried to offer some manner of relation to those I can. Most recently, I posted this-http://www.furaffinity.net/view/29449496/

My relationship with my beloved  Sanita_Squirrel has been an unexpected and amazing thing and in ways I still have no explanation for, has greatly influenced my healing and personal growth. Though the nightmares I used to have almost nightly regarding Tabitha's murder have faded with her presence in my life, the rancor still remains as do the memories.

All current projects aside, I was still left with the question of what to create to honour those whose lives had been cut tragically short.

When it was requested that I bring a picture of Tabitha with me to the event I had to refuse. She had been a very shy woman and became deathly embarrassed anytime a camera threatened to capture her image. I wasn't very big on pictures either at the time, if for different reasons. Add to these her biological family doing everything they could to erase her identity as a woman from records. To my knowledge I have the only remaining picture in existence of her. I would not risk it's safety.

However, it was decided that I could create a sketch of her- which I did.

I've remarked before that I've felt she deserved the woman I am today, rather than the one she got- no matter how happy I made her at the time. This is what I drew, my memory of her and I, though more who I am today than who I was.

Due to the nature of this image I was not and still am not sure I feel appropriate posting it here or anywhere. I may be talked into it otherwise but that remains to be seen.


For those of you whom are trans or a genuine ally to said persons, I commend your bravery and the courage it takes you to live honestly. It is my sincere hope that in the years to come, there won't be dozens of candles lit-one for each name. There won't be readings of violent murders which our own police force ignores or even laughs at. Someday we will no longer have a need for this day.

Love yourselves and love one another. Bow to no god or master as they will never love you.

Ano Dominae. Regina Reginae. Ave Satanas. Ave Luciferi.