I hope your year was mellower than mine! It has been one adventure, one tribulation, after the next. As my journals no doubt describe! Though, there is much that was left unwritten. I hope to rectify that, at least for the less-sensitive subjects.

Though, the year started with hope, it was quickly crushed my the loss of my job. I spent those early days looking for a way out, and alone the way, made good company with my roommate and his friends. God, I miss those parties! It was nice to spend time with my bestie again, too! Thanks to Sherbert and Zapper, I was introduced to Telegram, oh, the doors that opened! I'm grateful for them looking out for me during those trying times, through thick and thin, I will never forget them.

As summer approached and my roommate left, I was left to my own devices. Living my life, in my own place, at my own pace. And i found that it was awful. After creating Central Washington Furs, I grew a community I thought never existed in my corner of the world! I met Jett, who lived in my own apartment complex! Small world for sure. And then there is Dan, who didn't live far, either. We would hang out and kill time, making our very-small D&D campaigns and enjoying each other's company. I know it sounds like late November, but I am thankful for their friendship. Wouldn't have made this far without you two!

Then, there was the Puyallup BBQ hosted by Puget Sound Furs. I finally got to meet some of the people I'd been chatting with on Telegram! Notably, Ardent, Reggie, Emboof, and Wee-Woo. My friendships with them were life changing, as well! The weekend trips to Kirkland to spend time with Reggie, the loving company of Emboof, and the relaxed and adventurous times I had with Wee-Woo; it was an amazing Summer, one I wont soon forget.
Speaking of that Summer, I biked around Seattle with my friend (at the time), RushFox! It was gorgeous and I was put through my paces, in more way than one, hehe. We hit up a bathhouse after our long and refreshing ride, first time either of us had been. Oh my lord, was that a great way to spend the evening. I got to play around like all those fox bottoms, taken by one lad after the next. Some of my friends weren't happy with me after that, which I understand. Lesson learned. I picked up a ravenous case of Mono sometime afterwards and had a falling out with Puget Sound Furs. Not my proudest moment, wrapping up the Summer in a painful and panicked fashion.

And yet, I moved on. Some of the people i met fell to the side, while other prevailed, but it was a trend I did not wish to continue. It seemed, though, that the damage was done, and I felt more alone than I'd ever been. Sure, I had new connections, ones I completely lacked over the last five years, but everything we feel is in reference. The bar was raised, and my fingers started to slip. I had a taste for being social, and I craved it.

September rolled around, and I began my first day back at BatesTech. It felt great to be back in an academic environment again, a place where I could challenge myself, and build a better future for the world, myself, and the ones I loved. . . okay, maybe I'm inflating my impact on the world just a smidge, heh. I'll return to this later in the journal. Just after, Furvana 2019 was on the horizon! My first furry convention ever! I was accompanied my RushFox, arriving in the wonderful Ocean Shores late Thursday. Soon after, Moku arrived, our other roomie. I was restless! Friday morning arrived, I ate breakfast downstairs and headed to the beach to see the sunrise. It was quite chilly , as expected, but I was just killing time until the con opened up. I was there the minute registration opened up and. . . they were having trouble with the machines. I lounged around for an hour with some pals until the got things up and running.

All the while, I asked the staff if they needed help and they put me to work! I was a volunteer for 13 hours that day! Starting out in registration, then con patrol for the rest of the day. Not exactly what I'd expected, but damnit if I didn't feel proud when I was awarded my Furvana Staff shirt after the 8 hours! I was also given some wooden tokens to hand out to attendee's who were behaving exemplary! It felt great to help everyone out, and they were grateful for my assistance.

But Furvana was all sunshine and rainbows. I spent Friday night drunk at a room party hosted by someone very surprising. I had been seeing a lot of familiar and painful faces from this year, and I feared that it would all fall apart. Saturday, I made a pledge to take things easy. I sat down with Ardent again after so long and he had a very refreshing chat about August. I'm really glad he took to time to hang with me that day. I also met a very special wah that day! Were it not for Anubis, that con would have been a dump for me, but he brought me back to my center. But, as the night dragged on, my anxiety caught up with me and I was crying. I spent most of it in the lobby of the SHilo, engaged in a long conversation with MusicFox and one other lad whose name escapes me, sadly.

I also had the pleasure of meeting Ray, the audio mixer for the dances. Were it not for his company, I would have sure lost it, as well. I'll never forget him. Sunday was pretty mundane, I tried to spend what little time was left with Anubis, and that's exactly what I did. Rush wanted to leave early, and so we did. The sun set behind us as we left, quite poetic! That was the last time I saw him, in the capacity of a friendship, sadly. All the time we spent this year, and he was gone over. . . stepping on toes, regretfully.

I returned to my classes, intent on understanding electronics. I excelled this quarter, not only preforming well on paper, but finally understanding transistors on an intimate level, something that was made clear during ANW later in the quarter.
November 5th, 2019, 8:56AM, S 19th St and S Adams St, Tacoma, WA. An SUV turns left in front of me and crash into the drivers door at 35mph. I slam against the ground and open my eyes, my bike is barely running, my nose is bleeding, and my whole body aches. Did this just happen to me? No, it can't have.
Easily the most challenging, traumatic, and life altering moment of the year. I had the bike for nine days, took it on an adventure up to Nanaimo, BC to see Royce, a guy I was dating at the time. And it was gone. The bike and the relationship, not at once, though, haha.
I spent the night in the hospital and was soon back home, with crutches and an immobilizer. My mobility was gone, I was in a lot of pain, and I feared for my academic performance, as I could not make it to class for that week. I shouldn't have gone next week, either, but this was too important. Thankfully, my instructors worked with me so that i could get my work done over the computer and on my own. I was on the volunteer schedule for ANW 2019, too! How was I going to go about my duties with a broken knee and crutches? I wasn't. And so, I cancelled my schedule. The staff were very understanding. I fought my injuries and continued going to class, and over time, I saw my leg get better and better. It was healing much faster than anticipated!

ANW 2019. Whoa, where do I begin? I traveled with my pal, Kenic, and we made our way to Seattle from Tacoma. Making a pit stop in Federal Way to acquire a food supply for the weekend, since you'd be hard pressed to find a Safeway for a proper grocery store within walking distance in Downtown. I used one of those shopping cart scooters for the first time. I had a cheeky grin on my face the entire time! Life was good.

He dropped me off at the Hyatt, fully loaded with grocery bags, a full backpack, and crutches. I navigated the elaborate floor plan and initially confusing elevator layout after going through the process of checking into our room. I was not the head-roomie, so me checking in first made things complicated for Anubis, who was visibly stressed when he finally pulled up with the crew. We went out for food a few blocks away, which, for someone with crutches, was a little challenging, but I found ways to make it fun! Though, my internal stress and depression started to eat at me. Luckily, I had my friends there to rope me back in. After heading back, I explored the con space some more and ran into a certain Hyena. She was really cool and we had a nice chat. Never got to hang out with her after that, as per usual.

Kenic and I found ourselves in the hotel room, I had just drank some alcohol, and Anubis came back with another fursuiter. Kenic and I felt a little awkward just sitting in the other bed while they snuggled,, so he dragged me to a room party up top. Glad I went with him! I met up with Bink there and eventually had a physically flirty run in with Zenith. he was the highlight of my night~ As we drank more and the night went on, he had me up against the wall, sinking his claws into my chest, and oh my. . . I'll spare the rest of the details. I slept there with him, and woke up the next morning for my first full day of the con! There really wasn't anything interesting occurring throughout the day, my only goals were to spend time with Anubis and Zenith, drink, and get a photo with KiwiFox, Beta, and Zillion. I was able to do all of those, except Zillion. I had a chance the first night, after the film festival, and I tried introducing myself, but he didn't hear me. He was filming something with a friend and then left. Ouch.

My selfie with Beta was actually blurry and I felt awkward just standing there trying to talk with him, I imagine it must be rough walking around the con space for too long. That day, we came down in suit, and he got swarmed by the young furs near the elevator. Poor guy, heh. I am, however, very proud of the photo I got with Kiwi, had a nice chat with him, what a great lad.
Speaking of con space shenanigans, I saw Zenith in-suit and approached him. He spread his arms out for a hug, which I gladly accepted. But there was a problem! I always put my crutches aside for a hug, because it's more comfortable and less of a hazard, but I forgot to do so before hugging him. I was off-balance and elevated off the ground due to the crutches and I held on to Zenith for dear life. He, not expecting this lost his balance, too, and I fell on my back with him atop me. It was a little jarring, but I was laughing. This is a rom-com level oopsy! It was purrfect! I was worried that he had busted a stitch on his suit. Luckily, he was alright. The con staff were swarming us, though, as they asking me over and of again if I was okay. They wouldn't accept joyful nod as an answer, and so I was forced to say, very clearly, "Yes." We got back up and chatted for a bit. I would rejoin him later that day. In the meantime, I had time to kill. So I visited with my roomie's housemates and we had a drink together. I chilled with Spike back in our room and we watched the ever-hilarious parody, McGroover.

I met up with Zenith again. It was supposed to be 1-on-1, but we ended up visiting one of his freind's room so he could smoke weed. Eventually, we made it back to his room and he gave me a choice, just us and maybe a couple of his friends, or throw another party. I, an idiot, suggested that we have an underwear party. From what I've heard, it lasted until 7am. I dipped out around midnight, I was too tired and inebriated to continue functioning, and I could tell the it would still be a while before i got my 1-on-1 time. I never did that weekend.

I didn't return to the hotel room, either. I found a nice corner of the abandoned con space for a couple hours then hit up my friend Emboof, who was having an equally turbulent situation with his roomie. I crashed there for as long as I could (11am). I was summoned by Zenith once more, my roomie Spike had passed out hard and wouldn't wake up. He also wet the bed that night. Heh, kinda glad I bounced when I did. I came up to wake him up and make sure he got back to our room safely. He lost his shirt (momentarily), so we were looking all over for it. I said my solemn goodbyes to Zenith, thinking I would see him around again. Kinda got hurt feelings from that night.

I spent the rest of that day, sitting around the con space, trying to meet up with Coonkun and Deery, but we missed each other. I walked around with Rocoro and chatted. It was nice! Then I pretty much sat in one of the halls, listening to music and singing along as everything winded down, waiting for my ride to come and get me.

Both nights I slept, all I could dream of were transistor circuits. My mind was visualizing how they worked. That, and series aiding batteries, haha. See! I came back to it! Full circle. I ended up acing my transistors test, no surprise. I wrapped up the quarter and shortly after, I bought Sasha, my VFR800, as a stand in while I rebuild Sarah, my RF900R.

I was preparing to finally meetup with Acinonyx, a Chee I met on Howlr over the Summer. He finally moved up here. I bought him a gift and drew him a Christmas card with his character on it. But, plans kept getting pushed back this month, and I got too hopeful. Eventually, feeling down about not being able to do everything i wanted to with him. He saw this, and I woke up to two long messages saying that it would be best if we didn't meet because we were in this for different reasons. . . Oh, I'm a hopeless romantic, a poor Synth with a big heart, at times. And by heart, I mean a coolant pump. Haha. I never got to deliver his gift or his card.

I did my best to rectify the situation, but even before he read the messages, I knew it was lost, and after a particularly bad morning, I decided to execute my plans to hang out with Zenith sooner than planned. I packed up my stuff and rode for Ocean Shores and got to spend a few lovely days, just me and him. I would have stayed longer, but my dad is visiting this weekend, so I had to go back. The guilt would never leave me if I didn't ride back. But there was another part of me that was saying, "Fuck the world. I need to live for me while I still can." I wanted to stay , with him, just for a while. Before my life consumed me once again.

There are some gaps to fill here, but this is a journal, not a book, so I'm happy with this summary of all the notable events this year. I have some regrets, but I wouldn't change a thing if it meant I wouldn't meet the friends I have this year.
Looking forward, 2020 should be more fulfilling and stable. I've entered a PNW riders group, so hopefully I'll get some action photography out for you all! Personally, I no longer want things, I have everything I need. But there a hole still left unfilled. I want to find someone who lives for me, and I for them. Something exclusive. Someone I find attractive, inside and out, who fulfills me. I hope I find that someone next year, maybe I already have, and all I need to do is take that leap. In the wise words of Ben Barlow, "I've been moving mountains that I once had to climb."

No distance is too great, no divide too far, to keep you from the ones you love. I hope you all have a wonderful New Year, seeya next time!