yikes its been over a year since i put out a journal, sometimes i wonder why i still write any or bother tweeting my thoughts, but i guess there are select few out there who care about what i say, so to sum 2019 up.... fucked, i lost 3 people who were very close to me one of them was my housemate who died on the roof while installing a new TV antenna, its a whole different experience finding someone dead rather than hearing about it from someone else

so from the end of 2018 to the end of 2019 i had been recovering from a torn ligament injury in my ankle when i took a fall when i was out for a walk, i cant believe how long it took to heal, it will never be the same but hey 99% is good enough and i think i know how to manage it, to add insult to injury of 2019 i sustained a wrist and shoulder injury in the workplace which 6 months later still hasnt healed so im wondering what ive done to it.

shortly after my uncle passed away this year i was made redundant at the optical job i had been working at for 4 years, this came from head office and i just happened to draw the short straw, since then i havent been able to bounce back financially, since then i had undergone more education to try and boost my chances of finding work, i got my forklift license with a 8 week gap between finishing these courses and landing my next job as a pallet stacker for target, weeellll this only lasted 2 weeks as this was the job i sustained the wrist and shoulder injury on, sadly i was noticed by my manager and was pulled off the floor and sent home, no more shifts until it was healed and i could pass a physical... yeah right, followed by another 2 weeks working a few shifts in a bar as a glassy with one working arm which im super grateful for to my gym buddy who asked her hubby to hire me, this allowed me to put funds away as in this time i got served a eviction notice as i couldnt catch up to rent in time, there was a bit of drama surrounding this with the landlord at the time, he could have done it a better way and actually spoke to me but what ever its behind me now

so with the news i was going to be homeless i made a call i never thought i was ever going to have to make, i called my father and asked to move home to south australia, he was fine and happy with me coming home, my choices were either move to south aus or tasmania with mum, as much as i get on better and love my mum tassie is too far and too cold for my liking and i figured my job prospects were better here, so a week until my moving day was when my housemate died on the roof, i remember heading into the laundry and having a quick chat with him that day, nothing seemed out of the ordinary, i was in and out of the laundry throughout the day, 5:45pm rolls around and i hear almost smashing on my door and im thinking ok thats not normal, my landlord yelled as i opened the door asking when i last saw him, i told him around 1-2pm, he replied with he is dead on the roof, i have never gotten up a ladder so fast in my life in some vain hope that he could be revived, but as i got to him in the low light as night was approaching he was stone cold, i think i stayed up there with him for 30 mins or so howling and yelling at the loss, even now typing this out weighs heavily on my mind, all i was thinking at the time is 'how on earth am i going to get you down'

we had a ambulance come out and then they called the other 2 services in, the firemen to get him off the roof safely and the police to notify them of what happened, the poor police had to wait around for a undertaker to come out which took several hours, so they stayed and comforted us, after he was down from the roof we were able to sit with him and say our goodbyes, 'im glad he is no longer in pain' i kept thinking, so once this had happened all drama between me and the landlord went out the window as i did everything i could to help him through the hard times of prepping for the funeral, i even moved my departure date so i could attend his funeral

it was hard to leave the life i had made for myself in qld, the amount of friends who offered for me to stay rent free till i found a job was more than i ever expected but i turned them down purely because of unstable income and didnt want to be a burden on them, as well as needing to come home for my mental health

fast foward to now, things are ok, im miserable without a job, arguments between me and my father come out on the odd occasion, its been nice having 2 dogs to come home to they help my stress levels alot, i had started seeing someone i met on tinder, we are taking things very slow, but theres been a few times ive given a weeks notice to him saying ill be in the suburbs can you spare some time to see me but he had plans, which made me sad as i want to see him and see if we progress into a relationship, time will tell

the furry side of things is on hold, no conventions this year which is going to suck so bad, but i need to find work and build myself up again and take some serious swings at my debt as ive been fighting to stay above it for over 7 years now

so yeah its been a tough road but im just hanging in there, im hoping the next time i write a journal it will have better news

thanks for reading fluffs