A bit of catch-up: I did go to Further Confusion, but was too sick to do much. I was a lot weaker than I expected to be - it was an unpleasant surprise to discover that just going from my room to the Dealer's Den required several rest stops along the way to sit down and rest, and that every trip on the elevator almost made me either throw up or pass out because so many people were trying to use it that it wasn't a quick trip up or down but a slog full of increasingly warm quarters and stopping on every, single, floor. When you're starting from twenty-something that made it torture. Once out of the elevator it took me an hour to reach the Dealer's Den, and once inside I couldn't stand in one place for very long. I absolutely had to sit down, and of course there's nowhere to do that but the floor in there, so I only managed to speak to a few of the people I went there to see very briefly, and had to move to the wall somewhere out of the way of traffic to avoid getting in anyone's way. My mom was with me to help every step of the way, and I couldn't have done it without her. Because of all this though, I would say that cumulatively, I was only able to spend maybe 45 minutes in the Den, and I may have seemed a bit rude to those I did want to talk to because I had to excuse myself so quickly, or try to start talking to someone after waiting not very long at their table because I was fast running out of gas. I'm very sorry about that. I also didn't get to look at any new artist wares - I couldn't even spend the time to look at one of my favorite artist's stuff that I'd fully intended to buy something from. (Sorry Laura! But thank you so much for the hug and the beautiful pin!) To those I did manage to speak with, thanks for brightening my day with what conversation I could manage, and of course thank you for the lovely art that I was able to get. To the artist who allowed me to sit behind their table when I badly needed a rest, being able to have a decent chat and not feel like I was about to keel over was the high point of the con for me, and I want to thank you so much for that.

I just want to note that I wasn't so foolish as to go to the con when I was already feeling like that - I'd actually been doing very well prior to this. The Tuesday before the con was my first round of the second bout of chemo, and we'd changed the drugs that we were using to ones we were hoping would be more effective and milder on the side effects. What I didn't find out until after the con and got my bloodwork done was that my counts had dropped pretty low after the chemo. I suspect the weakness was due to that. Until then, my blood counts had been stellar. Different drugs, different side effects. I wound up needing injections to stimulate my bone marrow to correct that and the second injectable chemo treatment was cancelled until my bloodwork was back to normal.

I'm bummed that I missed out on the Art Show and the bookseller table especially, but I was able to pick up some fantastic art that was done for me ahead of the con and those I did manage to speak with really buoyed my spirits, as did my very good boy Brigand (he comes with me to the con every time I go) who kept me company while I wasn't feeling good.

It's been a bit rough since then (If you're not interested in potential TMI, skip this bit) - like I said, different drugs, different side effects. It's been better in a lot of ways - no neuropathy in my hands and only very slightly in my feet so I can actually walk whereas with the previous chemo drug I was unable to do so, just as an example. But, worse in others. The nausea and vomiting has been hitting me very hard, and my blood count has been taking hits: neutrophils this week, thrombocytes that week... I've had to postpone several chemo doses and get those booster shots a couple times now. I even had endoscopy done on my stomach to make sure there was no blockage or other cause for the vomiting/nausea. I'm on three different anti-nausea meds and it's never the same combo twice that works, it feels like. Often, there's no complete relief, and sometimes, none work at all. Then there's the really bad days, where I wake up very nauseous and can't keep anything down, including my medications, and I vomit every fifteen minutes or so, the pain gets worse and worse, and often I have diarrhea at the same time. Those days are so bad I have to go in to either the infusion center where I get my chemo or, as happened the weekend before last, to the ER. Getting fluids and medication IV is the only way to break the cycle and stop the pain and the vomiting, which let me tell you, leaves me exhausted and miserable. Fortunately, those really bad days aren't frequent, but they're unpredictable.

While I was in the ER, they took bloodwork since I was going to have to have it done on that following Monday anyhow to make sure my counts had come up so I could have chemo on that Tuesday. The usual panel, which showed my numbers being back up, and after I was released from the hospital I did get my chemo for that week, but also a periodic panel for tumor markers. There's a protein associated with numbers of cancer cells that helps to monitor progress during chemo - normal is 0-30. Mine had been slowly coming down, my last two had been 138 and then 134. Slow, but at least it was going in the right direction, right? Well, this time it had jumped to 158. My oncologist said not to be too alarmed, but... easier said than done. It was very discouraging to see that, on top of everything else which I'll get into in a moment.

Right now, I'm dealing with a cold - despite my family staying in the house as much as possible my stepfather came down with one. He immediately sequestered himself in his room as far from me as possible, and my mom slept on the couch rather than with him to try and keep from getting it/exposing me, but she also caught it, and now it's got me. My chemo for this week has been rescheduled for next while I fight this off. I'm getting better, but I sound like my brother currently and my ribs are sore from coughing.

The worst thing happened earlier this month. I got notified by my boss that he's selling the practice, and the new owner has picked up all the employees except me. Since it's as if the business is closing and then reopening, the new owner is under no obligation to hold my job for me despite it being a medical leave. Even worse is that the new owner will be using their own insurance rather than the one the vet hospital has currently, so it's not eligible for COBRA since the policy itself will basically cease to exist. After speaking with the insurance rep, there's no way to turn it into a personal policy, I have to get a new one altogether and so despite the fact that with my current bills I've met my out of pocket for the year, there's no way to carry that over. I have to start anew on that front. So not only am I now unemployed, I'm struggling with trying to straighten out this mess and carry full payments for whatever policy I finally settle on as well as my Aflac ones. I'm not sure yet what if any effect it will have on my disability. The one good thing is that my boss has said they'll carry me on the insurance until the end of April and they're even paying it fully, not just their half contribution but mine as well, something they didn't have to do at all.

Kind of officially depressed at this point.