FA+
Shop
A PSA on meeting new people.
5 years ago
I originally posted this on my Twitter, but figured I'll post it here, too.
I don't think it's acceptable to approach someone who posts adult art and photos, like me, with sexy talk. Sometimes I get this with new people.
The act of doing art and making photos is a very personal thing. I can choose my level of comfort. If you're someone I've never met, I might not be comfortable with letting you in that far.
Speaking out loud is completely different than having a conversation.
It's no different than meeting someone in real life. Everyone has sex, but you still have to gauge how comfortable they are with you before you start talking about it with them, and it might take time for people to build that trust with you.
Some people loosen that trust faster than others, and it very much depends on how the friendship has been building.
But don't have the argument that since I post these kinds of things, and offer comfortable pieces of myself publicly, that you're entitled to build a friendship strictly your way, at your speed, about your desires, just because you know I might share them.
That's trying to take advantage of someone, stealing their influence on the friendship, and no better than the "but she dressed like a whore" argument.
Granted, the offense is not nearly that egregious. I'm not comparing rape to a social faux pas.
It's the argument, the mentality behind it.
Think of it like this: A chef will make food for people all day, but they might not want to come over to your house and cook for you.
They might not be comfortable talking recipes, if they know how to cook Asian dishes, if they like British food, etc.
They're people who are into lots of different things. Not every friendship they have is because of food. Food is their art, and they talk differently about it to family, friends, other chefs, and strangers.
A Bobby Flay might talk about his art in a completely different way with a Gordon Ramsay than with me.
Even so, there might be something that happened between him and Emeril Lagasse, and he doesn't really talk with him, or doesn't talk food with him.
And Emeril isn't entitled to know why that is, what happened.
My photos and drawings are my art. And my walls are high and vast. I've been through some shit, my life comes with a lot of very heavy baggage. Part of me doing what I do is working through some shit.
My username is a play on the word "darken" for a reason.
I want to build friendships with people. But I'm damaged, and complex. I'm not just my art.
I don't think it's acceptable to approach someone who posts adult art and photos, like me, with sexy talk. Sometimes I get this with new people.
The act of doing art and making photos is a very personal thing. I can choose my level of comfort. If you're someone I've never met, I might not be comfortable with letting you in that far.
Speaking out loud is completely different than having a conversation.
It's no different than meeting someone in real life. Everyone has sex, but you still have to gauge how comfortable they are with you before you start talking about it with them, and it might take time for people to build that trust with you.
Some people loosen that trust faster than others, and it very much depends on how the friendship has been building.
But don't have the argument that since I post these kinds of things, and offer comfortable pieces of myself publicly, that you're entitled to build a friendship strictly your way, at your speed, about your desires, just because you know I might share them.
That's trying to take advantage of someone, stealing their influence on the friendship, and no better than the "but she dressed like a whore" argument.
Granted, the offense is not nearly that egregious. I'm not comparing rape to a social faux pas.
It's the argument, the mentality behind it.
Think of it like this: A chef will make food for people all day, but they might not want to come over to your house and cook for you.
They might not be comfortable talking recipes, if they know how to cook Asian dishes, if they like British food, etc.
They're people who are into lots of different things. Not every friendship they have is because of food. Food is their art, and they talk differently about it to family, friends, other chefs, and strangers.
A Bobby Flay might talk about his art in a completely different way with a Gordon Ramsay than with me.
Even so, there might be something that happened between him and Emeril Lagasse, and he doesn't really talk with him, or doesn't talk food with him.
And Emeril isn't entitled to know why that is, what happened.
My photos and drawings are my art. And my walls are high and vast. I've been through some shit, my life comes with a lot of very heavy baggage. Part of me doing what I do is working through some shit.
My username is a play on the word "darken" for a reason.
I want to build friendships with people. But I'm damaged, and complex. I'm not just my art.
Comment posting has been disabled by the journal owner.
