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It is done.
5 years ago
Hey all. Just one last update here.
I've fully moved into my new home, just few things that can stay in boxes until I figure out what to do with them. It's a small studio apartment that is big enough for me and my cat Astro. I have one big sturdy kitchen table that I use as my desk and gaming area, I like think of it as my "everything" table. There is a dressing room that leads to the bathroom which easily holds all my clothes and more. Honestly I have more storage space than I know what to do with at this point as it is just me. The area is barely 6 blocks away- less than that from my old home so my usual commute and life/shopping experiences are barely changed. However... as I live in St. Louis, going over to the next block makes a world of difference, and this is one of those areas. It is really sketchy outside. Every night the police sirens I would hear "off in the distance" from my old house are now right down the street. Thankfully there is a secured garage I am able to park my scooter- which is now my ONLY method of transport outside of the Metro, so at least it is safer than being left on the main street. The overall building is secure, needing a key to enter and then the key to your unit. I've not met most of my neighbors as of yet, I hope they are good people but I know all too well there is bound to be a bastard or two. Either way I tend to keep my head down in most cases anyway.
My life has changed so drastically in such a short period of time especially with the world locked in this pandemic, yet I don't feel the shock. I worry that might be coming. With all that has happened, I did what I had to do and made everything work. It's what I do, take a hard situation and make the best out of it with careful planning. While I was furloughed from work earlier in the month, I have set enough to the side to make sure rent and bills will be covered for both the months of May and June. Hopefully unemployment will start paying soon and that will cover food. For now... I am stuck with nothing but time alone in my new place.
Alone... That is a heavy word. I've never lived on my own before. While the last few years of my relationship were not exactly happy, despite there being many problems there was a sort of comfort to have someone there in the same house. It's a conflicting sort of liberating feeling. I feel like I can finally be myself again, that I can work towards being happy again in my life. That my life is once again mine to direct and not be held down or dictated to. Instead of barely being able to make ends meet, I can actually start to come out ahead now- once my job returns that is. But... at the same time, that loss of having someone there is a definite hole in my life where they used to be. I still care for my ex-partners and I like to think they still for me. People change, grow apart and those we fell in love with no longer stay the same. This is now how I wanted things to go down, but it did need to happen. I wish them the best in everything and I will miss them for a long time to come.
Perhaps it is a good thing for me to learn to stand on my own. In some ways I feel it is gratifying, knowing that I was able to see ahead, plan for the things I need for the upcoming months and make it happen. I don't know what I plan to do with my life from here, maybe save up for a car or something? I have also played with the idea of moving again after a year or two. If there is one thing I have any major regrets over, it is moving to this city. I know I can't return to the west coast, the cost of living there has grown to outrageous prices... but I know I don't want to live here forever. For now, I plan to take things slow, once the pandemic passes and my job reopens I can look into more long term plans.
Until then I will heal and move on as best I know how.
Thank you to all who have been with me during this time and for your support.
I've fully moved into my new home, just few things that can stay in boxes until I figure out what to do with them. It's a small studio apartment that is big enough for me and my cat Astro. I have one big sturdy kitchen table that I use as my desk and gaming area, I like think of it as my "everything" table. There is a dressing room that leads to the bathroom which easily holds all my clothes and more. Honestly I have more storage space than I know what to do with at this point as it is just me. The area is barely 6 blocks away- less than that from my old home so my usual commute and life/shopping experiences are barely changed. However... as I live in St. Louis, going over to the next block makes a world of difference, and this is one of those areas. It is really sketchy outside. Every night the police sirens I would hear "off in the distance" from my old house are now right down the street. Thankfully there is a secured garage I am able to park my scooter- which is now my ONLY method of transport outside of the Metro, so at least it is safer than being left on the main street. The overall building is secure, needing a key to enter and then the key to your unit. I've not met most of my neighbors as of yet, I hope they are good people but I know all too well there is bound to be a bastard or two. Either way I tend to keep my head down in most cases anyway.
My life has changed so drastically in such a short period of time especially with the world locked in this pandemic, yet I don't feel the shock. I worry that might be coming. With all that has happened, I did what I had to do and made everything work. It's what I do, take a hard situation and make the best out of it with careful planning. While I was furloughed from work earlier in the month, I have set enough to the side to make sure rent and bills will be covered for both the months of May and June. Hopefully unemployment will start paying soon and that will cover food. For now... I am stuck with nothing but time alone in my new place.
Alone... That is a heavy word. I've never lived on my own before. While the last few years of my relationship were not exactly happy, despite there being many problems there was a sort of comfort to have someone there in the same house. It's a conflicting sort of liberating feeling. I feel like I can finally be myself again, that I can work towards being happy again in my life. That my life is once again mine to direct and not be held down or dictated to. Instead of barely being able to make ends meet, I can actually start to come out ahead now- once my job returns that is. But... at the same time, that loss of having someone there is a definite hole in my life where they used to be. I still care for my ex-partners and I like to think they still for me. People change, grow apart and those we fell in love with no longer stay the same. This is now how I wanted things to go down, but it did need to happen. I wish them the best in everything and I will miss them for a long time to come.
Perhaps it is a good thing for me to learn to stand on my own. In some ways I feel it is gratifying, knowing that I was able to see ahead, plan for the things I need for the upcoming months and make it happen. I don't know what I plan to do with my life from here, maybe save up for a car or something? I have also played with the idea of moving again after a year or two. If there is one thing I have any major regrets over, it is moving to this city. I know I can't return to the west coast, the cost of living there has grown to outrageous prices... but I know I don't want to live here forever. For now, I plan to take things slow, once the pandemic passes and my job reopens I can look into more long term plans.
Until then I will heal and move on as best I know how.
Thank you to all who have been with me during this time and for your support.
And sure it sounds like a sad time, especially in the time that we're in, but it will get better in due time.
It's tough being alone at times, especially in a new place you aren't as familiar with... but you have a lot of good friends here, and you will get through this.
Stay safe
Hug
So yeah, pretty good so far. :P