I've had a lot of time since I've been out of school and it’s felt like I’ve been studying for what seems like forever. Just a few weeks of freedom, the trip to visit goodnoodle, Ashyre, was fantastic. Best vacation I ever had and she was amazing. I got to hang out with good friends and people who treat me like more than family. I can't wait to go back!

But since I returned home, in the slump of depression and negativity, I realize how miserable I am.

I have absolutely no yearning to remain in my current arrangement and I'm pushing hard to get out. I had a positive outlook on things before I returned home and it just all left me less than a day being back home and having to be subjected to the emotional strain that is my family.

I'm returning down the hole of self-depreciation and thoughts that circle about my self worth, how much I mean to others, how me being anti-social whilst in this state creates a bigger void between me and those I care about.

It's just getting harder to contain all the abomination of grief and despondence and I had to let it out somewhere. I'm not happy. Not yet. I had a taste of what I could do and it's left me in a worse state than before I left. Almost like post con depression but this feeling makes it hard to get out of bed. Hard to give any sort of effort toward anything and half the time I just lose interest and sleep all day.

I hope, if you have worries or worried about me, that this gives you a little insight to what I've been dealing with. It seems I'm still not recovered from the previous year and I still need time to figure my life out.