So, as you guys might have seen I was doing 15% off commissions for a bit. I have decided to extend that to today, and keep my commissions open for today, and just a little bit longer, too.

My kind of intense vent begins here.

I am in a huge,huge financial bind right now. And I basically have today and maybe tomorrow to make 450$ to make a car payment which will be overdue its limit tomorrow, insurance, phone service...

My brother lost his unemployment very recently and I have shouldered all of the bills now. My car payments, the rent, the gas, electricity, internet , insurance...

My depression and anxiety has gotten... Just pretty bad lately, and that just makes all of this so much worse.

I have very little will to draw I have to muster with all of my might abd energy some days, then I draw, and then i frustrate myself because I dont feel good enough. And I get stuck in this loop of self hatred and procrastination and isolation.

I am just in a really tough spot and am going to try and work really hard to get past it, and worth through it, for you guys. You all mean so much to me.. And I don't actually think I could do quite anything without you guys.

Everyone else in my life just judges and minimizes my feelings, good and bad. I get ran over all the time. I get ignored, I get pushed to the back, sometimes I am basically invisible. And I feel like I'm speaking another language. My excitement deflates immediately, as someone changes the subject quickly with no response. Or, in the midst of uncontrollable panic attack, instead of anyone helping, they compare their pain and refuse to let me finish a statement about my actual feelings.

I get that I have Bi Polar. And I get that it is a big thing that affects everyone within immediate contact of someone with it... But, dealing with it myself, it is so... So fucking hard to deal with.
It is a crippling weight, every single day. When you are down you are down, and you are out. i dont even understand it most of the time, most of the time I dont even know what to do or how to make it better. And I cant expect anyone in my life to know how to deal with it or what to do.
I just have to try my best to survive the long and aching periods that everything around me is jist sad and wrong.
I always have so much on my mind, and absolutely no one i feel like I need to burden with it.

I dont know. I just... regress. And I hide away.
I know that I need to start seeing a therapist, get on proper medication, maybe look into insurance...
But I am just struggling to get by and make all of the ends meet as it is... Idk.

End vent

I am going to try really hard and get sone Realms of Imba done so I can get that started and rocking and rolling! :,)

If you send me the keyword "summer" in a note you will get 15% off a commission :)

I also still have a raffle going till the tenth! Free art! Check it out in my journals :)

Thanks for reading guys, if you did. <3