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So, me...
5 years ago
Before I start I will clarify that I am not suicidal, I'm too much of a coward to do that, I'm deep in the "I don't care if I wake up" stage, have been for about two years now, though I would be lying if I said the whole Covid-19 situation didn't make it worse.
I have a college degree, two actually, I direly wish to advance so I can get a job I want, but to do that it's a full time 3-5 year course load so I cannot work at the same time. I'm not married or have a partner, and don't desire one, and I don't have nearly enough money to quit my job so I can do that, talking about $100,000, so it seems I am doomed to a job I hate which pays little with no chance of advancement, where I have no impact on anything, and a life where the possibility of 60, or perhaps more, years of living is a thought worse than hell, because at least in hell you know things can't get worse or better, here there's always that 0.00000000000000000000000001% chance you win the lottery or have some unknown rich relative leave you money, but that never seems to happen to people like me, it always seems to happen to people who want to blow it all on a big house and a Ferrari.
I'm so tired of it, tired of crying myself to sleep, tired of praying I wake up with a fever, tired of wanting a better life, tired of not being like everyone else and able to find something to enjoy in life. I can't think of a single happy memory in the last 20 years of my life, and I can't see the day when I will be able to say I am. Some tell me to take a long vacation to clear my head, but that won't do any good, it's just a temporary escape that only would serve to leave me in a worse position than I was in before.
I'm not depressed, depression has a cause and a cure, unless you're one of those spoiled rich people who say they're depressed because they're so rich. I'm a realist, and no amount of therapy or medication will change my situation.
Don't be like me, find something that makes you happy, something that makes you not see a heart attack or ruptured aneurysm as a preferable alternative to living.
Oh, in case you were wondering, the degree I want to advance is my psychology degree. Ironic, isn't it?
I have a college degree, two actually, I direly wish to advance so I can get a job I want, but to do that it's a full time 3-5 year course load so I cannot work at the same time. I'm not married or have a partner, and don't desire one, and I don't have nearly enough money to quit my job so I can do that, talking about $100,000, so it seems I am doomed to a job I hate which pays little with no chance of advancement, where I have no impact on anything, and a life where the possibility of 60, or perhaps more, years of living is a thought worse than hell, because at least in hell you know things can't get worse or better, here there's always that 0.00000000000000000000000001% chance you win the lottery or have some unknown rich relative leave you money, but that never seems to happen to people like me, it always seems to happen to people who want to blow it all on a big house and a Ferrari.
I'm so tired of it, tired of crying myself to sleep, tired of praying I wake up with a fever, tired of wanting a better life, tired of not being like everyone else and able to find something to enjoy in life. I can't think of a single happy memory in the last 20 years of my life, and I can't see the day when I will be able to say I am. Some tell me to take a long vacation to clear my head, but that won't do any good, it's just a temporary escape that only would serve to leave me in a worse position than I was in before.
I'm not depressed, depression has a cause and a cure, unless you're one of those spoiled rich people who say they're depressed because they're so rich. I'm a realist, and no amount of therapy or medication will change my situation.
Don't be like me, find something that makes you happy, something that makes you not see a heart attack or ruptured aneurysm as a preferable alternative to living.
Oh, in case you were wondering, the degree I want to advance is my psychology degree. Ironic, isn't it?
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