I feel sorry for you. I wish i could help somehow. I wouldnt say people like your art our of pity myself honestly. But with time i believe you can improve. I dont really talk much on telegram or remind so you can talk with me in FA notes if you want

you really don't have to be, it's more of a... I don't know how to describe it, but it's more of a "i hate existing because i can't change a part of me" thing.

"when life kicks you in the heart"
I cannot say what exactly happened in your life and I don't expect you to share your private stories but what I can say is whenever something negative happens to myself, I try to remember that there is always someone who listens to me, that I can always try once more whenever I stumble and that no matter the hardships I can return and simply take my time figuring out solutions. Some things might not be solved in a quick way. Life is that difficult at times. Though no matter what, you can always use the experiences that you gather for each new attempt. There will always be options with the people we meet.

"the people I talk to don't know how to help"
You sadly can only really listen over the internet. It's good to have the option that at least somebody listens, but the one who needs to give the initial push has always to be you yourself, Kevin.
Think of it like this: If you say that you don't know anymore, what do you have to lose by simply trying the most obvious thing. take the oppurtunity given to you and just try your luck. Evaluate of how much positivity you already should posess through your accomplishes and use that to give yourself that boost in confidence. You may fall at points but it's always possible to climb back up.

"I just don't think I really.. belong"
That's silly. Are you giving yourself the false idea that to be part of a community you need to fulfil expectations and try to stand out? It's not like that.
Take the things that bring you joy and share them with people. It doesn't have by what you call productive means, but simply by adding yourself to the equasion you already enrich each group.
There exist countless ways to enjoy and make for a good sport and company. You aren't restricted to just one thing and even if you feel like most might not bring you joy, let your inspirations speak through yourself. Encourage otehr people, share a smile and simply treat everybody the way it would bring happiness to yourself. It's nothing more that you, no, everybody can do, really.