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It's been a while
5 years ago
General
I've not really touched my FA account much over the past few years, nor bothered updating my profile. But figured some people might be curious how things have progressed since my last journal 4 years ago, so I thought I'd just try to summarise the major events of my recent life. The list below is not exhaustive, but covers most of the major developments.
Previous Years
2004 - I meet a fur*, who becomes the closest friend I have and a companion throughout my life. Only mentioned for context later (* = name excluded to avoid drama).
December 2014 - First identified as transgender, told family/friends, started seeking medical assistance.
2015
Early 2015 - Gradually started transition, presenting as female full time outside of work by end of the year. At this time I think I am sexually attracted to women. Acknowledge that my and my closest friend couldn't be 'full partners' since he is exclusively gay and I am turning out to be lesbian, but we stay close.
Mid 2015 - Buy a 1997 Mazda MX5 (aka Miata), called , with aim of servicing/upgrading her myself.
November 2015 - Start regular laser hair removal for my facial hair and chest hair.
2016
February 2016 - Start Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT), through private clinic (Dr Webberley).
July 2016 - Formally transitioned to present as female full time, including name change via Deed Poll.
Late 2016 - Decided that my kinks did not sit well with my trans status, and so bottle them up.
2017
March 2017 - Moved to NHS funded HRT, having met their criteria for treatment.
Late 2017 - Kinky urges start to resurface, I find various outlets online. Also come to realisation I am asexual, now that urges to be close to females subsides with HRT progress.
2018
March 2018 - Discovered the non-fetish aspects of ageplay through the comic Shine, wanted to learn more.
May 2018 - Went to my first ageplay event, a room party at Confuzzled, which was a huge eye opener.
June 2018 - Start of issues between myself and my closest friend* regarding my ageplay interest.
August 2018 - Seek out asexual ageplayers going to MFF on Howlr, to go to room parties with.
October 2018 - Started looking into veganism, and have gotten more into it as the years go by.
November 2018 - Met malicaifox at MFF. We become very close, and stay in regular contact.
2019
Early 2019 - Growing gap between me and my closest friend* as gaming interests diverge.
January 2019 - Requested a team lead role at work, to push myself further.
March 2019 - Get team lead role at work, but for completely unfamiliar subjects.
April 2019 - Had Genital Reconstructive Surgery (GRS), or more specifically a labioplasty.
June 2019 - My closest friend* decides he no longer wants to speak to me, or be any part of my life. So malicaifox becomes even more important part of my life.
July 2019 - Finish recovery from surgery, visit malicaifox in Vancouver to celebrate.
August 2019 - Start fitting supercharger to my Mazda MX5 Kittenbus.
September 2019 - Went to Center Parcs with mad bunch of awesome furs (too many to name).
November 2019 - Went to Scotiacon, and entered my first ever dance contest (I'm not great :P).
December 2019 - Decide to spend Christmas with malicaifox in Vancouver, since family are all busy.
2020
January 2020 - Following merge of teams, my lead role at work now covers two unfamiliar areas.
February 2020 - Visit malicaifox in Vancouver again, and go on road trip into the mountains.
March 2020 - At work, last team member I actually liked/respected leaves my team.
April 2020 - Surreal experience of watching funeral for my last two grandparents via webcam.
June 2020 - Receive an email from my old closest friend*, explaining how I ruined his life.
June 2020 - Decide that the stress from lead role at work is too much, ask to step down to engineer role.
July 2020 - Conclude that I am probably more non-binary than a full trans woman.
September 2020 - Write this silly journal.
Bit of an odd list, and sure I've missed some important stuff on there. Over just the past two years I have lost quite a few things from my life, some as a result of my own choices, but I feel that I have gained far more in return. I would never want to undo the choices I made and then lose the connections I have made, especially my connection with malicaifox. I am also very grateful for both tryst and wolfpaw for being the stable rocks in my life throughout all these years, especially more recently when COVID has so limited the capacity to travel and visit people. I used to spend almost every weekend visiting friends somewhere, and not being able to do so has really taken it's toll. I'm just grateful that I still have a stable job, supportive friends, and am at least able to visit people in some limited capacity.
Looking forwards, I am starting to more seriously consider trying to move to Vancouver, but that appears to be even more difficult that I first imagined. I'll keep trying to get stuff in place, but it's going to take a while.
Previous Years
2004 - I meet a fur*, who becomes the closest friend I have and a companion throughout my life. Only mentioned for context later (* = name excluded to avoid drama).
December 2014 - First identified as transgender, told family/friends, started seeking medical assistance.
2015
Early 2015 - Gradually started transition, presenting as female full time outside of work by end of the year. At this time I think I am sexually attracted to women. Acknowledge that my and my closest friend couldn't be 'full partners' since he is exclusively gay and I am turning out to be lesbian, but we stay close.
Mid 2015 - Buy a 1997 Mazda MX5 (aka Miata), called , with aim of servicing/upgrading her myself.
November 2015 - Start regular laser hair removal for my facial hair and chest hair.
2016
February 2016 - Start Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT), through private clinic (Dr Webberley).
July 2016 - Formally transitioned to present as female full time, including name change via Deed Poll.
Late 2016 - Decided that my kinks did not sit well with my trans status, and so bottle them up.
2017
March 2017 - Moved to NHS funded HRT, having met their criteria for treatment.
Late 2017 - Kinky urges start to resurface, I find various outlets online. Also come to realisation I am asexual, now that urges to be close to females subsides with HRT progress.
2018
March 2018 - Discovered the non-fetish aspects of ageplay through the comic Shine, wanted to learn more.
May 2018 - Went to my first ageplay event, a room party at Confuzzled, which was a huge eye opener.
June 2018 - Start of issues between myself and my closest friend* regarding my ageplay interest.
August 2018 - Seek out asexual ageplayers going to MFF on Howlr, to go to room parties with.
October 2018 - Started looking into veganism, and have gotten more into it as the years go by.
November 2018 - Met malicaifox at MFF. We become very close, and stay in regular contact.
2019
Early 2019 - Growing gap between me and my closest friend* as gaming interests diverge.
January 2019 - Requested a team lead role at work, to push myself further.
March 2019 - Get team lead role at work, but for completely unfamiliar subjects.
April 2019 - Had Genital Reconstructive Surgery (GRS), or more specifically a labioplasty.
June 2019 - My closest friend* decides he no longer wants to speak to me, or be any part of my life. So malicaifox becomes even more important part of my life.
July 2019 - Finish recovery from surgery, visit malicaifox in Vancouver to celebrate.
August 2019 - Start fitting supercharger to my Mazda MX5 Kittenbus.
September 2019 - Went to Center Parcs with mad bunch of awesome furs (too many to name).
November 2019 - Went to Scotiacon, and entered my first ever dance contest (I'm not great :P).
December 2019 - Decide to spend Christmas with malicaifox in Vancouver, since family are all busy.
2020
January 2020 - Following merge of teams, my lead role at work now covers two unfamiliar areas.
February 2020 - Visit malicaifox in Vancouver again, and go on road trip into the mountains.
March 2020 - At work, last team member I actually liked/respected leaves my team.
April 2020 - Surreal experience of watching funeral for my last two grandparents via webcam.
June 2020 - Receive an email from my old closest friend*, explaining how I ruined his life.
June 2020 - Decide that the stress from lead role at work is too much, ask to step down to engineer role.
July 2020 - Conclude that I am probably more non-binary than a full trans woman.
September 2020 - Write this silly journal.
Bit of an odd list, and sure I've missed some important stuff on there. Over just the past two years I have lost quite a few things from my life, some as a result of my own choices, but I feel that I have gained far more in return. I would never want to undo the choices I made and then lose the connections I have made, especially my connection with malicaifox. I am also very grateful for both tryst and wolfpaw for being the stable rocks in my life throughout all these years, especially more recently when COVID has so limited the capacity to travel and visit people. I used to spend almost every weekend visiting friends somewhere, and not being able to do so has really taken it's toll. I'm just grateful that I still have a stable job, supportive friends, and am at least able to visit people in some limited capacity.
Looking forwards, I am starting to more seriously consider trying to move to Vancouver, but that appears to be even more difficult that I first imagined. I'll keep trying to get stuff in place, but it's going to take a while.
Tryst
~tryst
In the 15+ years that I've known you, you've changed so much. You've gone from a really awkward, uncomfortable young man to confident woman. Losing a close friend along the way has hurt, but at the same time, being true to yourself has enabled you to be so much more comfortable, confident, and above all, happy. You will make new friends along the way in the years to come, some of whom will be really close, like Malicai. Me... I am just glad to know you and call you my friend. You've been a source of adventure, achievement, and a realisation that I don't have to fit into anyone else's pigeonhole either.
