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I can't get a break
5 years ago
Well, Happy October everyone.
Haven't been online really since early July and I apologize for that
things have been hell to be honest
I had taken in a friend for a bit that became homeless after her father passed
and the place she moved too was incredibly toxic and abusive.
This wasn't a problem really per say
and it was only until another friend of hers could fly out here and pick her and her stuff up.
Well, me and my boyfriend live in a camper.
And our cat is violent to other cats, and she had 2.
We had to barricade the only door in the house to keep them separated
it as probably the most stressful thing I've ever had to deal with.
Due to us needing to remove said barricade to get into our own bathroom,
my cat managed to get through at some point and attacked her cats.
This resulted in me pulling him off of them and me getting bit pretty badly.
This bite was on my left (dominant) hand, and he got me right on my thumb
hit all the knuckles, and I'm pretty sure he probably pierced my tendon in some way.
The pain was excruciating, and even with adrenaline coursing through me
the pain wanted to make me throw up
I went through all the precautions,
the first thing I did was run to the sink to wash it and stop the bleeding
I tried to be a man and deal with the pain but after a couple hours I caved and went to the ER
The doctor took off my wrappings and checked it out, giving me antibiotics and sending me on my way
He said to come back if it started to show signs of infection
I wake up the next morning with my hand draining pus, and go back to the ER
only to be scolded by the nurses and a new doctor telling me to give the antibiotics time to work,
to poke the wounds and drain them if they get pus in them myself
and to come back if the infection shows signs of spreading through my hand or to my arm
luckily that never happened.
I had to drain the ~8-10 punctures every couple hours because they kept refilling
the swelling was becoming hell from it and they didn't give me any pain meds.
My depression was only getting worse because not only could I not draw,
I couldn't fucking do anything. all my hobbies involve keeping my hands busy
only after a week could I really move my thumb and deem it safe enough to not keep wrapped anymore
Flash forward to now,
my cat has worms from the fleas her cats had
My hand while healed, has lots of scar tissue from how deep the bite was.
Like, a lot. You run your finger over my scars and you can feel the bumps left over
the bumps hurt. And my tendon is still healing I think
I can use my hands now for daily tasks
but my pen sits right on a puncture scar thats right on my tendon
and it hurts to hold it longer then 20 minutes at a time
so I haven't been able to draw really effectively.
I believe I talked briefly last journal about my bf losing his job
well he got a new one that he loves working at
but he was promised full time hours and he hasn't been getting them.
It was more or less an hour a day lost, so it wasn't terrible
but now on top of that he just lost 5 hours a week due to 'slow season'
No place here is hiring due to covid and the ones that are want you to be either licensed or 21
I can't drive legally and I'm only 20, so I can't sell alcohol like they want.
On top of that I shouldn't even be out working with the pandemic as i'm immunocompromised
I want to draw and get commissions to help pay rent but I can't even do that as quickly as I would need too
What would take me a couple hours to do normally (because I already take lots of breaks)
takes me all day to let my hand rest up and I don't want to upset customers
It's always as soon as life slows down and things are okay that it all just blows up in my face
straight up not having a good time
not enjoying this timeline
hating life
You'll definitely be in my thoughts. The art takes whatever time it takes. I know some folks like it fast, but they'll just have to lean into their own patience a little more. You are doing what you can.