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5 years ago
Oh, hello!
I've wanted to make things for so long. I have so many projects in my mind. So much I could do. It reminds me of a line in a book I'm reading for class...
I hate school so much. It's consuming me. I'm supposed to graduate before Christmas, but I fear I'm going to fail. I'm so overwhelmed. I don't even know how my brain got this far to begin with. Executive dysfunction. I wish my body was a machine that could work without a consciousness. I'd love to just go to sleep and wake up to all of my work done. I'm so tired of this. I don't have time to do anything I like anymore. I don't even feel like doing the thing I like. Nothing makes me as happy as it used to. I never get to draw or create, I'm dissatisfied with every game I manage to play and playing some is a chore. At this point I'd just have to pay other people to do all my drawing for me. I want to see my characters alive, but I can't draw them anymore.
Right now my soul is being destroyed by a research paper. I have never been able to complete a research paper on time or on my own before. I had to retake a class because of a research paper once. I have one due tomorrow at midnight, 7 days after it was originally due. I don't even have half of the required pages. I have no idea what I'm doing. I just was not made to write research papers... I've been here for so long, and I'm still here. I feel like I'm being held hostage. I just need the stupid degree. I've worked so much, I've paid them, I've helped them. Would they get in trouble if they just gave it to me? Maybe the accreditation makes them have to follow certain rules or something. I wish they would just give it to me.
I've been here too long. It feels like some kind of cruel game, making me worry and stress and work so hard for nothing. I got this far, but everything is too much. Everyone tells me I can do it. I've gotten this far, but the longer I stayed the more I struggled. Maybe it'll be one of those situations where the runner in first place collapses inches from the finish line. I'll be frozen in that moment forever xwx
I hate school so much. It's consuming me. I'm supposed to graduate before Christmas, but I fear I'm going to fail. I'm so overwhelmed. I don't even know how my brain got this far to begin with. Executive dysfunction. I wish my body was a machine that could work without a consciousness. I'd love to just go to sleep and wake up to all of my work done. I'm so tired of this. I don't have time to do anything I like anymore. I don't even feel like doing the thing I like. Nothing makes me as happy as it used to. I never get to draw or create, I'm dissatisfied with every game I manage to play and playing some is a chore. At this point I'd just have to pay other people to do all my drawing for me. I want to see my characters alive, but I can't draw them anymore.
Right now my soul is being destroyed by a research paper. I have never been able to complete a research paper on time or on my own before. I had to retake a class because of a research paper once. I have one due tomorrow at midnight, 7 days after it was originally due. I don't even have half of the required pages. I have no idea what I'm doing. I just was not made to write research papers... I've been here for so long, and I'm still here. I feel like I'm being held hostage. I just need the stupid degree. I've worked so much, I've paid them, I've helped them. Would they get in trouble if they just gave it to me? Maybe the accreditation makes them have to follow certain rules or something. I wish they would just give it to me.
I've been here too long. It feels like some kind of cruel game, making me worry and stress and work so hard for nothing. I got this far, but everything is too much. Everyone tells me I can do it. I've gotten this far, but the longer I stayed the more I struggled. Maybe it'll be one of those situations where the runner in first place collapses inches from the finish line. I'll be frozen in that moment forever xwx
