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Difficulty Drawing
4 years ago
Oh, hello!
I can't figure out what I wanna draw >:v I used to draw so much. I used to draw all the time, in high school. It helped with my emotional expression and gave me something to do. My characters used to represent me somehow.
Now I rarely draw, and I don't draw my characters either. Not having a desk contributes to that. But I also don't get the feeling to do it, or the motivation. I'm also using a different pencil than I was before. It's a good pencil that erases well and allows me to add details I couldn't in the past, but I think the lead is a bit too small or something. The eraser is also running out, and using a separate one really slows me down to where I just stop drawing >u>;
Right now I'm medicated because I take some classes for fun. I'm out of school now (graduated in December) so I'm rarely medicated. It seems that when I'm not medicated I have no interest in drawing xux; But I wish I did, and I wish I was as into it as I used to be. I have time to do it now, so it would be nice to do. I just play games or watch videos all day :/
Sometimes I even feel like making another suit or costume or something, but I don't have the space. I also seem to be a bit claustrophobic, so I'm not even comfortable wearing the suit I did make (which takes up a bunch of space and involves a character I no longer identify with). I really want to do something creative and animal related, but I can't xux It's to the point where I have ideas and would rather have someone else draw them than draw them myself. I have lots of ideas, maybe too many. But no motivation to draw or make them at all.
I also wish I could improve a bit more. I'm tired of the pixels >u>; I want to be able to draw the way other people do and have smooth lines and do different things with coloring. The coloring would require gaining more knowledge, but for the art program all I have is a laptop. I don't have a fancy drawing tablet or whatever, and I would have to get one with a screen to do well with one. I feel like everything I draw kinda looks the same >u>; I'm limited by my physical skills and devices. There are other things that bother me about my art but once again they'd require gaining knowledge and practicing, and I don't think I have the patience for that >u>; I'd love to get better with expressions and poses. I think it comes to some people naturally, but I already have trouble with expressions because of autism I guess.
There are just so many things I can't do, it seems ^^; I wasn't very satisfied with the last few things I drew. It's like drawing needs to fulfill some kind of purpose for me, and it's just not doing it anymore. In general I feel like my capacity for passion has decreased, and nothing really captures my attention the way it used to. I did stop myself from getting too into things at one point, but I guess it's out of control now ;w; I don't know what I want to do with art anymore. I want it to communicate something or turn into something, but it can't or won't for so many reasons. I think my characters used to be alive, but now they just exist in a void and I really don't want to make a whole world for them to exist in :/ My mind goes "What's the point?", and that goes down every step of the way until I'm not sure I even want to make a character.
[Rambling On]
I used to see other people's characters and think they were so cool. I still do! It seems like their characters exist in a world. They aren't just name-only beings, it seems. Maybe because they commission people that put them in places where they're alive, or maybe because they can draw that well and do it themselves. Their characters seem to have pretty strong identities too.
I've never put much story to my characters. In general I create things that are supposed to make their own stories and their lives start when I've finished bringing them into the world. But they never come to life >u>; They don't really feel like characters, I guess. They're just shapes with names. They aren't alive, and they don't live. I can't draw them in lively ways, or put them in places, or have them interact with anyone. I don't even have the patience to make reference sheets for them, so I couldn't get them drawn by someone else even if I wanted to ^^; They're reoccurring background characters in a story/show that doesn't exist.
When I think about making a new character I've already lost half my motivation by the time I touch the sketchbook. I think "What's the point of naming a shape?". I also can't stick to singular representations of myself, so my sonas don't feel right. There are things I don't know how to draw either, so even if I imagine them I can't draw them. Gryphons and centaurs, anything with wings, fan characters with specific art styles, etc. No skill, very little patience. Drawing is kind of like putting together puzzles for me. I enjoy it, but if it takes too long I lose interest in it. I worked on puzzles for hours at a time when I had the space. Working on a drawing for more than a few days usually means it'll never be finished. Certain levels of detail and quality take time, and I don't have the patience to take that time or learn how to do it, so I guess I'm just kinda stuck xux;
Now I rarely draw, and I don't draw my characters either. Not having a desk contributes to that. But I also don't get the feeling to do it, or the motivation. I'm also using a different pencil than I was before. It's a good pencil that erases well and allows me to add details I couldn't in the past, but I think the lead is a bit too small or something. The eraser is also running out, and using a separate one really slows me down to where I just stop drawing >u>;
Right now I'm medicated because I take some classes for fun. I'm out of school now (graduated in December) so I'm rarely medicated. It seems that when I'm not medicated I have no interest in drawing xux; But I wish I did, and I wish I was as into it as I used to be. I have time to do it now, so it would be nice to do. I just play games or watch videos all day :/
Sometimes I even feel like making another suit or costume or something, but I don't have the space. I also seem to be a bit claustrophobic, so I'm not even comfortable wearing the suit I did make (which takes up a bunch of space and involves a character I no longer identify with). I really want to do something creative and animal related, but I can't xux It's to the point where I have ideas and would rather have someone else draw them than draw them myself. I have lots of ideas, maybe too many. But no motivation to draw or make them at all.
I also wish I could improve a bit more. I'm tired of the pixels >u>; I want to be able to draw the way other people do and have smooth lines and do different things with coloring. The coloring would require gaining more knowledge, but for the art program all I have is a laptop. I don't have a fancy drawing tablet or whatever, and I would have to get one with a screen to do well with one. I feel like everything I draw kinda looks the same >u>; I'm limited by my physical skills and devices. There are other things that bother me about my art but once again they'd require gaining knowledge and practicing, and I don't think I have the patience for that >u>; I'd love to get better with expressions and poses. I think it comes to some people naturally, but I already have trouble with expressions because of autism I guess.
There are just so many things I can't do, it seems ^^; I wasn't very satisfied with the last few things I drew. It's like drawing needs to fulfill some kind of purpose for me, and it's just not doing it anymore. In general I feel like my capacity for passion has decreased, and nothing really captures my attention the way it used to. I did stop myself from getting too into things at one point, but I guess it's out of control now ;w; I don't know what I want to do with art anymore. I want it to communicate something or turn into something, but it can't or won't for so many reasons. I think my characters used to be alive, but now they just exist in a void and I really don't want to make a whole world for them to exist in :/ My mind goes "What's the point?", and that goes down every step of the way until I'm not sure I even want to make a character.
[Rambling On]
I used to see other people's characters and think they were so cool. I still do! It seems like their characters exist in a world. They aren't just name-only beings, it seems. Maybe because they commission people that put them in places where they're alive, or maybe because they can draw that well and do it themselves. Their characters seem to have pretty strong identities too.
I've never put much story to my characters. In general I create things that are supposed to make their own stories and their lives start when I've finished bringing them into the world. But they never come to life >u>; They don't really feel like characters, I guess. They're just shapes with names. They aren't alive, and they don't live. I can't draw them in lively ways, or put them in places, or have them interact with anyone. I don't even have the patience to make reference sheets for them, so I couldn't get them drawn by someone else even if I wanted to ^^; They're reoccurring background characters in a story/show that doesn't exist.
When I think about making a new character I've already lost half my motivation by the time I touch the sketchbook. I think "What's the point of naming a shape?". I also can't stick to singular representations of myself, so my sonas don't feel right. There are things I don't know how to draw either, so even if I imagine them I can't draw them. Gryphons and centaurs, anything with wings, fan characters with specific art styles, etc. No skill, very little patience. Drawing is kind of like putting together puzzles for me. I enjoy it, but if it takes too long I lose interest in it. I worked on puzzles for hours at a time when I had the space. Working on a drawing for more than a few days usually means it'll never be finished. Certain levels of detail and quality take time, and I don't have the patience to take that time or learn how to do it, so I guess I'm just kinda stuck xux;
