My last journal was written out of fear. Things that I'm afraid of. And to be honest I still am.
But now that my mind is a little clearer, I'd like to make a few things clear..

First off, Thank you so much for the wonderful support you've given me. Seriously, it's made me tear up. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart. Thank you.
I know I didn't really respond to anyone on there, and for that I am sorry. My headspace hasn't been good for a long long very long time. [well before the pandemic] It's just this past almost 2 years, i've been hit with quite a bit.

So, some things to clear up.

I lost my job Right before the pandemic. Well..not really Lost my job per se...more like they just don't have me on the schedule, but I am still in the system. And could be called in if at all possible. Which....I think I'm ok with.

However, the downside to this is the fact that we are down to one income. And the occasional freelance that I do.
Currently, I take 9 different pills ranging from sleep aid, to antidepressants, to heart meds, to diabetic meds. All of which has been doing a horrid number on me.

Through all of the physical health issues...racing heart, weakness, loss of hair, loss of appetite, not being able to stand for more than 2 minutes without feeling like i'm going to faint. In short there's a lot of things going on.
I'm trying very hard not to get down about it.

However, it's been tough. I've had several breakdowns, I feel like I'm not pulling my own weight..I feel like Jayni has to do it all. And well..currently she is. And that makes me feel really bad.

But god I'm trying. I really am. I'm trying the very best I can. Although I feel like ti's not enough.

Now as for getting a Dr. I did find a specialist for diabites, and she wants updated lab tests done. Which would be fine, except for one small problem. I cannot walk the road to where the car is [about a mile away on a horrible jank ass road] and the car cannot come down the road at all.

Also, the cost to see the specilist is 20.00 which is great, except that I don't have that. I Could take a cab or something, but that right there is a shit ton of money.

Add to the fact that the "drs" are holding my meds hostage not refilling them if I don't get the labs done is downright stressfull. they gave me enough for two weeks. I have about a week left of meds. yeeeah stressing out there. But I'll figure something out.
Once i can get the labs done, I'll be able to see the new dr.

In the meantime though, I want to be able to at least help pay for some things, at least my meds, if not some food that i'm able to eat.
i mentioned that things are so tough that a proper meal is a luxery. By a proper meal, I mean something like chicken and a bit of veggies. I cannot eat proccessed foods, such as frozen chickens and such. or canned things...certainly not hot dogs and other things like that.
It's tough though, because those are the least expensive things. oi.

So, I'm open for commissions.

Not jewlery though. As I have no way to be able to ship any out.

Art. But simple art. Head/bust shots mostly. Ball Fusonas as well

Ranging from 10 - 20 dollars depending on if there's background and such.

If anyone is interested, please let me know.

I have a hard time asking for money, as I'd much rather give something in return.

But, if you do wish to donate a little, my paypal is

artbyangel.martin[@]gmail.com

I'll make you a little something.

Thank you so much.

I'd say more...but currently i'm really fuzzy headed. And I think i will head to bed.

*hugs* Thank you for putting up with me.