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Holiday Woes
5 years ago
This is another one I was debating writing or just chucking under the bus for about a month and a half. A lots happened behind the scenes and there's a bit too much to get out in one journal. There are a few important things I want to bring up though, and boy is one of them a wall, so strap in...
For starters, its not all doom and gloom despite the journal name. A lot of you probably already noticed but I gave a pretty extensive clean-up to my gallery over that last month. I was getting a lot of pms or messages on discord about the state of it, so I went through with everything short of a death scythe. Everything that's up should be up in good quality, some stuffs been reuploaded like I should've just done YEARS back, and all the imgur/dead links have been fixed. At least on fa; DA is still a mess because DA is still a fucking mess. -_- And there's a chance I missed one or two things if anyone spots them, but otherwise I think we can call that one fixed. I knew that was a multi day job I'd have to just tank through, and it was good to get that weight lifted. ^^
Now to segue into no#2... you may have also have noticed I made one more folder to categorize all my stuff into. A "non canon" folder. And let me tell you the night I first did, there was a LOT more stuff that was going to go in there then currently is. >~<
Bottom line, there are some things that over the last year or so I just don't want to work on/ be associated with anymore. Like.. PONIES! Yeah, I actually expect this to get more negativity then the next thing I bring up, but sorry the boat has sailed on that one. Over the last few years, several things have happened or come up that have really made me want to disassociate myself with that show, the fandom and my art related to it. And no it wasn’t that the show was ending, this has been a long time coming, long before the series finale. (Although the show teen titans go-ing itself certainly didn't help... ^^') I've put off bringing this up because it isn't like this is a dead fandom now the shows gone. Its still prevalent, and there are people out there who still love it and have tried to get me to come around on it again, and you can’t... I just don't like it now, nothing;s gonna change that.
The other thing, and this one I expect less of a reaction to but is way harder in my books... The buried alive stuff. Although it isn't just limited to that... This ones a bit harder to pinpoint the exact reason why I've gone off it after its been such a prevalent kink of mine for so long, but one of the reasons is definitely my association with it as a "snuff artist." I'm not. That has never been my intention while doing those kind of pictures. I'm a peril guy yes, I love almost everything related to that, but even at my darkest I've always sorta approached it with a tongue in cheek mentality that its cartoonish, they'll all be fine, they can come back next week and do it all again. And its selfish but it bugs me to find out people don't take them that way. When I've heard stories about my work being removed from discord or telegram groups because its perceived as snuff, when I've got people coming to me actively wanting to commission it from me for that purpose, when every time I see a "welp he ded" comment on one of them... I'm just... I'm put off. I'm scared to do or get peril art in future of any nature for fear it'll be perceived this way.
I had plans to try and make this halloween a potential sendoff to the above. Work through those problems and get some stuff up related to both. And I nearly had a second mental breakdown trying it. Aside from not wanting to, I don’t think I CAN physically draw these kind of things anymore. Maybe that will change in the future, lord knows I swing so much, but right now if you were thinking of commissioning anything along those lines from me... Please find someone else. I might just do that myself for some of these otherwise dead ideas.
To loop this all back around, what does that mean for the canon/non canon stuff? Well depite the above feelings I've tried to meet it in the middle recently. Anything you see that's labelled "Canon?" with a question mark? That means I'm indifferent. A lot of them are commissions with friends and if they have this stuff in them, I don't want to discourage the makers or people in them. So if you want to take them as "happened" I wont be bothered. Anything labelled non canon or in the non canon folder though? Yeah that is definitively out. It might be great! But I don't want it taken at face value or associated with it right now. >~<
*sigh*
I know this is gonna sound funny but after yet another giant wall of negativity, I actually want to end this journal on a positive note. How? Well despite not making anything for halloween this year and all that above, I've actually been really good mentally lately. How good? Good enough to be considering commissions. >~< Yeah, my OCD has been in overdrive and my FA page isn't the only thing I've been putting it to work on. I'm making something of a gameplan for when I come back, and I might be able to implement before the years out.
I know there's probably equal people ready to tell me that's great, and ready to strangle me and call me a madman for coming back this soon... that's why I'm not going to go into it too much in this journal. More likely the next which will hopefully be a far more positive note again. Until then the situation is "We'll see."
As always thanks for reading if you got this far. See you all at the next one.
For starters, its not all doom and gloom despite the journal name. A lot of you probably already noticed but I gave a pretty extensive clean-up to my gallery over that last month. I was getting a lot of pms or messages on discord about the state of it, so I went through with everything short of a death scythe. Everything that's up should be up in good quality, some stuffs been reuploaded like I should've just done YEARS back, and all the imgur/dead links have been fixed. At least on fa; DA is still a mess because DA is still a fucking mess. -_- And there's a chance I missed one or two things if anyone spots them, but otherwise I think we can call that one fixed. I knew that was a multi day job I'd have to just tank through, and it was good to get that weight lifted. ^^
Now to segue into no#2... you may have also have noticed I made one more folder to categorize all my stuff into. A "non canon" folder. And let me tell you the night I first did, there was a LOT more stuff that was going to go in there then currently is. >~<
Bottom line, there are some things that over the last year or so I just don't want to work on/ be associated with anymore. Like.. PONIES! Yeah, I actually expect this to get more negativity then the next thing I bring up, but sorry the boat has sailed on that one. Over the last few years, several things have happened or come up that have really made me want to disassociate myself with that show, the fandom and my art related to it. And no it wasn’t that the show was ending, this has been a long time coming, long before the series finale. (Although the show teen titans go-ing itself certainly didn't help... ^^') I've put off bringing this up because it isn't like this is a dead fandom now the shows gone. Its still prevalent, and there are people out there who still love it and have tried to get me to come around on it again, and you can’t... I just don't like it now, nothing;s gonna change that.
The other thing, and this one I expect less of a reaction to but is way harder in my books... The buried alive stuff. Although it isn't just limited to that... This ones a bit harder to pinpoint the exact reason why I've gone off it after its been such a prevalent kink of mine for so long, but one of the reasons is definitely my association with it as a "snuff artist." I'm not. That has never been my intention while doing those kind of pictures. I'm a peril guy yes, I love almost everything related to that, but even at my darkest I've always sorta approached it with a tongue in cheek mentality that its cartoonish, they'll all be fine, they can come back next week and do it all again. And its selfish but it bugs me to find out people don't take them that way. When I've heard stories about my work being removed from discord or telegram groups because its perceived as snuff, when I've got people coming to me actively wanting to commission it from me for that purpose, when every time I see a "welp he ded" comment on one of them... I'm just... I'm put off. I'm scared to do or get peril art in future of any nature for fear it'll be perceived this way.
I had plans to try and make this halloween a potential sendoff to the above. Work through those problems and get some stuff up related to both. And I nearly had a second mental breakdown trying it. Aside from not wanting to, I don’t think I CAN physically draw these kind of things anymore. Maybe that will change in the future, lord knows I swing so much, but right now if you were thinking of commissioning anything along those lines from me... Please find someone else. I might just do that myself for some of these otherwise dead ideas.
To loop this all back around, what does that mean for the canon/non canon stuff? Well depite the above feelings I've tried to meet it in the middle recently. Anything you see that's labelled "Canon?" with a question mark? That means I'm indifferent. A lot of them are commissions with friends and if they have this stuff in them, I don't want to discourage the makers or people in them. So if you want to take them as "happened" I wont be bothered. Anything labelled non canon or in the non canon folder though? Yeah that is definitively out. It might be great! But I don't want it taken at face value or associated with it right now. >~<
*sigh*
I know this is gonna sound funny but after yet another giant wall of negativity, I actually want to end this journal on a positive note. How? Well despite not making anything for halloween this year and all that above, I've actually been really good mentally lately. How good? Good enough to be considering commissions. >~< Yeah, my OCD has been in overdrive and my FA page isn't the only thing I've been putting it to work on. I'm making something of a gameplan for when I come back, and I might be able to implement before the years out.
I know there's probably equal people ready to tell me that's great, and ready to strangle me and call me a madman for coming back this soon... that's why I'm not going to go into it too much in this journal. More likely the next which will hopefully be a far more positive note again. Until then the situation is "We'll see."
As always thanks for reading if you got this far. See you all at the next one.
Ultimately tying your ego to what you've done previously will always leave you dissatisfied as a creator. Instead just evaluate it as a progression, and then from there, make what you want to make next.
Knowing what you like though I doubt I'll stop doing that kinda stuff. ^^