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Sequel to yesterdays journal
5 years ago
Yeah I'm writing another one, that was quick wasn't it? :/ This journal was gonna be one of the humongous ones initially. I cut all of it at the last minute and rewrote this because the longer I look at it, I don't see the point in going into the reasons why it's been on my mind. Whatever comes, you're probably going to see them first hand next year anyway.
I want to clarify some things from yesterday though. For starters, what's going to come of this no matter what I do next: a huge chunk of my work is going in the scrap pile, and most if not all of my folder structure's going away. My page is already a mess and a jumble of dubious canon anyway, and I want to do something different in the coming months. I may keep commissions up depending on what's in them. Bunch it under OCD or my mental health or whatever you want, I just know I'd feel better knowing most of my personal stuff is out of sight and out of mind. Mine, at least.
I feel like there was some confusion about this yesterday, so to be clear, at present no I'm NOT planning to delete anything. I'd be lying if I said there hasn't been a few pictures I've been tempted to take down though. And if I kept using this account, I might not be able to resist.
So that brings us back to yesterday, and my A B and C. And now Option D. Something that I didn't think about yesterday until after I wrote the journal: If I'm going to scrap everything anyway, I could just scrap-pile it all, start fresh on THIS account and wait for a name change function! Furaffinity have been asked and they've said it will be coming soon! And as we all know, when FA says it's coming soon they mean they'll get on it in about 12 years minimum. >~<
Alternatively, DA is now CHARGING YOU MONEY FOR CHANGING YOUR NAME! FUCK THOSE PEOPLE IN THEIR SOUL HOLE! >:( (Fuck the people who came up with it not the people using... You know what I mean still too angry about this to think!)
*siiigh* How flippant I am to the above aside, that's what I was considering yesterday while gone. Just scrap everything, treat it as the past and keep using this account. It would mean having to deal and just get over the name.
So to answer some people who were asking, does the name really bother me that much? Yes. Yes it does.
For the people wondering if this could happen again with the dragon, well it could... I cant rule it out completely. But I don't think it ever will. Me being a dragon has kinda become close to my heart because people have been joking about it from day 1 of arriving on here, and I could list off a dozen or more reasons why it just works, why it feels right, why it's me. My gut has been telling me for years I should've just come up with a dragon sona long before now and that should've been my start on here. ^^
Nick spawned off of Noel, my even older sona. Laughing at how he was a pallete swap was the first joke I made on this account. It felt right for a while, but try as I might I cannot help but see the two as one and the same. And both of them feel like masks now. I know a lot of people loved those characters but I just can't help it. It doesn't mean I'm in any rush to sell the character or kill them off or anything rash like that... In fact the last couple of months I have been trying really REALLY hard to see if there is someway or something I'd want to bring him back for. I've ultimately decided it's just not worth it. Certainly not worth it enough to keep him as the headlining act.
Like I keep saying cause I cant think of another way to describe it, I just don't want to associate with it. And I feel like as long as my username says CATnick, there's no escaping that.
Yesterday when I wrote that journal I had my mind set on a solution. As I got some of those comments, I'll admit I started to second guess myself about that. And now today, I'm back to thinking its the best solution. I'm all over the place.
I probably won't be able to humour it cause my mind is still telling me change that name. But I am really curious what people think of D now that I've laid it out a bit clearer. I'm sorry once again to dump this on everyone so quickly.
I want to clarify some things from yesterday though. For starters, what's going to come of this no matter what I do next: a huge chunk of my work is going in the scrap pile, and most if not all of my folder structure's going away. My page is already a mess and a jumble of dubious canon anyway, and I want to do something different in the coming months. I may keep commissions up depending on what's in them. Bunch it under OCD or my mental health or whatever you want, I just know I'd feel better knowing most of my personal stuff is out of sight and out of mind. Mine, at least.
I feel like there was some confusion about this yesterday, so to be clear, at present no I'm NOT planning to delete anything. I'd be lying if I said there hasn't been a few pictures I've been tempted to take down though. And if I kept using this account, I might not be able to resist.
So that brings us back to yesterday, and my A B and C. And now Option D. Something that I didn't think about yesterday until after I wrote the journal: If I'm going to scrap everything anyway, I could just scrap-pile it all, start fresh on THIS account and wait for a name change function! Furaffinity have been asked and they've said it will be coming soon! And as we all know, when FA says it's coming soon they mean they'll get on it in about 12 years minimum. >~<
Alternatively, DA is now CHARGING YOU MONEY FOR CHANGING YOUR NAME! FUCK THOSE PEOPLE IN THEIR SOUL HOLE! >:( (Fuck the people who came up with it not the people using... You know what I mean still too angry about this to think!)
*siiigh* How flippant I am to the above aside, that's what I was considering yesterday while gone. Just scrap everything, treat it as the past and keep using this account. It would mean having to deal and just get over the name.
So to answer some people who were asking, does the name really bother me that much? Yes. Yes it does.
For the people wondering if this could happen again with the dragon, well it could... I cant rule it out completely. But I don't think it ever will. Me being a dragon has kinda become close to my heart because people have been joking about it from day 1 of arriving on here, and I could list off a dozen or more reasons why it just works, why it feels right, why it's me. My gut has been telling me for years I should've just come up with a dragon sona long before now and that should've been my start on here. ^^
Nick spawned off of Noel, my even older sona. Laughing at how he was a pallete swap was the first joke I made on this account. It felt right for a while, but try as I might I cannot help but see the two as one and the same. And both of them feel like masks now. I know a lot of people loved those characters but I just can't help it. It doesn't mean I'm in any rush to sell the character or kill them off or anything rash like that... In fact the last couple of months I have been trying really REALLY hard to see if there is someway or something I'd want to bring him back for. I've ultimately decided it's just not worth it. Certainly not worth it enough to keep him as the headlining act.
Like I keep saying cause I cant think of another way to describe it, I just don't want to associate with it. And I feel like as long as my username says CATnick, there's no escaping that.
Yesterday when I wrote that journal I had my mind set on a solution. As I got some of those comments, I'll admit I started to second guess myself about that. And now today, I'm back to thinking its the best solution. I'm all over the place.
I probably won't be able to humour it cause my mind is still telling me change that name. But I am really curious what people think of D now that I've laid it out a bit clearer. I'm sorry once again to dump this on everyone so quickly.
(I know several people who can't make up their own mind on years distance)
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/9692065/
Besides, yes, you're a dragon. ;3 Gwer!