Had a night of fitful sleep but I did rest a little bit.
Thank you to those who messaged me to try and make me feel better, you mean the world to me and I am thankful for our friendship. Thank you for the memes and sticking around when things get hard.
I learned a lot about myself over the past month. I'm working on trying to get another therapist but having no money to get one sucks. Long story.
It would be nice to have someone I could talk to though, count your blessings if you do and hope you're never in my situation where you're expected to bottle it all up. It's not good for your soul.
I'll get back to posting here and there when I can find wifi because I have a lot to upload. Was going to do it last night but shit happens I guess.
I've been through some stuff so I'll try to recap. Take this as a diary entry I guess?

I have also learned over the past six months that if you have to chase people, it's not worth it. I stopped making effort and I heard nothing from people. If that's the biggest piece of advice I can give you. If you have to question where you stand in a relationship, it's not worth fighting for.
I have put so much effort into keeping in contact with people and when I stop I don't hear from them. Friendship is a two way street and you do not need to do all the work. I am just starting to learn this and have lost several friends over the past six months due to this.
Good riddance. I am always putting the effort In and getting nothing back and that's going to stop. If people truly want to be my friend, they'll work for it too. Please take this advice. Their silence shouts volumes.
You're worth more than that.
I will also be choosy with who I open up to and probably only irl. It's rare that I do. Ever. If you get me to open up to you, you must have done something special. This will not happen anymore. I was working on this with my therapist and it was doing well and it just came crashing down and I cannot mentally handle the feelings that are brought on by it.
I am no longer looking for friendship on here, no offense to anyone but I mentally cannot take it anymore when people remove themselves from my life after we become close. I cannot handle that type of hurt any longer. I seem to be a magnet for this. My mental health comes first over any person and I will preserve myself before anyone else.

Now. This is a vent. I do not have a single soul I can talk to about this. If you're going to get mad that this is my only means of venting? Check your privilege.
We're not all blessed.

Anyway?
I'm going to go eat lunch and get to work and try to build myself back up again.
When I fall, I fall hard.
Just gotta dust off my knees and keep going.
I am trying. Believe me. but the experiences of the last six months have made me extremely cynical. I mean, I've always been cynical, but when something is reinforced it's hard to get out of that mentality. So I'll work on it but I'll be extremely choosy who I make friends with.
The world is definitely not a nice place for an empath but I'll try to work on that too. It can be a curse but it can also be a gift.

But anyway, I hope ya'll are well and I'll try to catch up on everything I intended to catch up on last night.
Just bumps in the road.