FA+
Shop
Emotional Snapshot 2
5 years ago
Well, here I am again. Some time has passed since my last one of these and I feel like a new one is in order. Things certainly have changed greatly.
Anyone who knows me well will know that the past few months haven't been easy for me. At first it was all about picking up the pieces, but lately it's been about a lot more than that. Once the pieces were up, I knew I had to do something to build myself up again. I needed an identity that wasn't tied to anyone else. I knew the only path forward was to make a version of me that I could love and love him unconditionally.
Just realizing that was a very hard thing. I've been so focused on making others happy and losing my identity that I didnt even know that being my own person was POSSIBLE. At first it seemed like it wasn't. However, over time, I made little changes that grew my confidence. It all comes back to introspection in the end. I had to look at myself and find the source of problems that would pop up in my life. I would notice how something made me feel and I would question why it made me feel that way. Once I did that I would dig even deeper -- working to get to the source of the problem, often dealing with events in my past.
Once the problem was identified, it was all about coming up with a solution to it. That, like everything else, required personal reflection to accomplish. Yes I vented to friends and their input helped me immensely. In fact, their words helped me see things from a different perspective that I hadn't considered. For all their help, I'm eternally grateful.
But in the end, the leg work had to be done by me and me alone. No matter how much they helped, my friends could not change the pathways of my brain which carried thoughts to negative conclusions. No other human being has the power to do that. Only the owner of that mind could accomplish such a feat.
It's a hard thing to do, to be sure. But time and again I accomplished it somehow. And the only person I could attribute that victory to was me. That built up such pride and self worth in me. It made it easier to go on and do it again and again with yet more problems that arose.
Eventually, I had found that I started to admire myself. Over still more time, that admiration turned to love.
I've got to admit, its a crazy thing. I felt so fulfilled when I was pleasing others, but that doesn't hold a candle to how I feel now. Its so satisfying to be able to love yourself without needing others to validate that feeling for you. It used to be that having others praise and love me was like oxygen to me -- I felt like I NEEDED it to live, and without it I'd drown. But self love is like having your own little scuba pack that you can breathe from for as long a time as you need, all on your own.
This means that the relationships I forge with people are more pure than ever. I am with these people because I WANT to be, not because I NEED them. When you have a need, you will settle for anything -- or anyone -- to satisfy that need. Wanting something means you choose it over all other options in the world.
I want friends whom I choose, not who I crave.
On that note, of friends, my personal growth has illicited a lot of changes in me. Growth means that you may grow out of things you might once have liked. Everyone is entitled to change their mind about anything -- and change my mind I did.
It was scary at first. I was afraid my friends wouldn't like some of the changes I went through. Sometimes they ran counter to who they were as people. Sometimes it would challenge them in ways they didn't like. I started to realize a hard truth though -- people who can't handle your growth and change aren't really your friends at all.
You have a right to be yourself. Learn who you want to be and grow that person from the ground up. And be proud of that person to the whole world. Some people may run away from that person you are, or even despise it.
But your TRUE friends -- the people who will REALLY enrich your life for as long as they are in it -- will come to YOU. If you are proud and happy with the person you have built, the good people you will get along with most will seek you out and find you. It is only a matter of time.
I still have a long and hard road ahead. I might not ever be done -- but thats ok. Improving day by day is the important part. If I can do that, I'll be happy every time I overcome that new challenge. In the end, maybe that's the secret to happiness; being better every day and being proud of the work you've done to make it happen.
Anyone who knows me well will know that the past few months haven't been easy for me. At first it was all about picking up the pieces, but lately it's been about a lot more than that. Once the pieces were up, I knew I had to do something to build myself up again. I needed an identity that wasn't tied to anyone else. I knew the only path forward was to make a version of me that I could love and love him unconditionally.
Just realizing that was a very hard thing. I've been so focused on making others happy and losing my identity that I didnt even know that being my own person was POSSIBLE. At first it seemed like it wasn't. However, over time, I made little changes that grew my confidence. It all comes back to introspection in the end. I had to look at myself and find the source of problems that would pop up in my life. I would notice how something made me feel and I would question why it made me feel that way. Once I did that I would dig even deeper -- working to get to the source of the problem, often dealing with events in my past.
Once the problem was identified, it was all about coming up with a solution to it. That, like everything else, required personal reflection to accomplish. Yes I vented to friends and their input helped me immensely. In fact, their words helped me see things from a different perspective that I hadn't considered. For all their help, I'm eternally grateful.
But in the end, the leg work had to be done by me and me alone. No matter how much they helped, my friends could not change the pathways of my brain which carried thoughts to negative conclusions. No other human being has the power to do that. Only the owner of that mind could accomplish such a feat.
It's a hard thing to do, to be sure. But time and again I accomplished it somehow. And the only person I could attribute that victory to was me. That built up such pride and self worth in me. It made it easier to go on and do it again and again with yet more problems that arose.
Eventually, I had found that I started to admire myself. Over still more time, that admiration turned to love.
I've got to admit, its a crazy thing. I felt so fulfilled when I was pleasing others, but that doesn't hold a candle to how I feel now. Its so satisfying to be able to love yourself without needing others to validate that feeling for you. It used to be that having others praise and love me was like oxygen to me -- I felt like I NEEDED it to live, and without it I'd drown. But self love is like having your own little scuba pack that you can breathe from for as long a time as you need, all on your own.
This means that the relationships I forge with people are more pure than ever. I am with these people because I WANT to be, not because I NEED them. When you have a need, you will settle for anything -- or anyone -- to satisfy that need. Wanting something means you choose it over all other options in the world.
I want friends whom I choose, not who I crave.
On that note, of friends, my personal growth has illicited a lot of changes in me. Growth means that you may grow out of things you might once have liked. Everyone is entitled to change their mind about anything -- and change my mind I did.
It was scary at first. I was afraid my friends wouldn't like some of the changes I went through. Sometimes they ran counter to who they were as people. Sometimes it would challenge them in ways they didn't like. I started to realize a hard truth though -- people who can't handle your growth and change aren't really your friends at all.
You have a right to be yourself. Learn who you want to be and grow that person from the ground up. And be proud of that person to the whole world. Some people may run away from that person you are, or even despise it.
But your TRUE friends -- the people who will REALLY enrich your life for as long as they are in it -- will come to YOU. If you are proud and happy with the person you have built, the good people you will get along with most will seek you out and find you. It is only a matter of time.
I still have a long and hard road ahead. I might not ever be done -- but thats ok. Improving day by day is the important part. If I can do that, I'll be happy every time I overcome that new challenge. In the end, maybe that's the secret to happiness; being better every day and being proud of the work you've done to make it happen.
