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Post-Holiday.... Post?
5 years ago
It's been a hell of a year, and hardships are far from over. I'm writing this on my last day off before going back on the grind again.
It's been great to chillax for more than a day after such a heavy slog, and I'm sad the break's almost over already. Courier work is a bitch, with no signs of slowing down for at least another month, if not a few more. Boxing Day and January sales on the horizon, on top of further restrictions with new Covid strain. We've been dealing with volumes we'd normally expect during Christmas, all throughout the year since March. Then Christmas itself came along, and further lockdowns were introduced. Yeah. Rough.
Very thankful for my parents moving in and being nothing but supportive through it all. I dunno how it would've gone if they hadn't come when they did. Definitely worse. It's surreal to think how much changed when they first arrived. Many positive changes, though! It would also be the first time spending Christmas without having to travel to see someone or go it alone since ~2015? That's crazy. There are so many intense emotions that could arise from this, and I have been generally very happy through these few days off. I dunno, I've just been kinda numb throught it all..? Like, work has beaten me down so much that I've reached some sort of melancholy zen? I dunno. The break was still nice while it lasted, and I'm happy my parents are happy.
Would be nice if I didn't have to go round lugging parcels all the time, but, there really is nothing else that would offer as much of a living as my job does right now, and for the foreseeable. Commissions, as much as they've helped me out of a number of pinches, and I appreciate you all so much for the support, inspiration and motivation to draw comes and goes. Deliveries will always be a constant. It's a strange bag of mixed feelings, to not see an end to what I'm doing, but not being in any hurry to change scenery either. I could spend the rest of my life doing this, and not worry about making ends meet, and at the same time feel remiss about losing time and energy to do what I love. But even then, do I even love what I'm doing as much as I want to think I do? It's a massive cloud of uncertainly beyond the consistency of the job. For all I know, that porn ban may go through, and this side of my life may have to be purged forever, along with many of others' livelihoods and well-beings. Of course, I really hope that doesn't happen. Who knows what'll happen?
There have been flickers of hope, but I'm not sure I trust 'em. Brexit Deal happening? Vaccine? Hoping Georgia does the right thing in the run-off elections? Hoping maybe some time next year, I might be able to go and see somebody? Anybody? I dunno....
So, I don't know if/when commissions will open again. As long as work still takes up time and energy thanks to Covid, I will continue to draw whatever when I feel like it. And who knows, maybe I'll get too comfortable in that headspace and never want that extra stress again. There are still some awkward things to address, prices and approaches that need reworking. Cross that bridge when I come to it, I guess. Again, there's a chance that I may not be able to accept money for porn or post lewds ever again, so look up SISEA, and throw enough stuff at a wall in hopes that they'll decide not to destroy us.
It's very likely I will also continue to be an unreachable hermit, so apologies for that. I still read every message, I'm just not reliable at responding back. It's how I've always been, really. This year's just amplified everything wrong, so everyone's more worried about more things than ever before or some shit. I dunno.
TL;DR Work is a bitch. Emo shit. Don't know if/when comms will be a thing again. Hope next year's not as much of a shit. Sorry for being unreliable.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!?
It's been great to chillax for more than a day after such a heavy slog, and I'm sad the break's almost over already. Courier work is a bitch, with no signs of slowing down for at least another month, if not a few more. Boxing Day and January sales on the horizon, on top of further restrictions with new Covid strain. We've been dealing with volumes we'd normally expect during Christmas, all throughout the year since March. Then Christmas itself came along, and further lockdowns were introduced. Yeah. Rough.
Very thankful for my parents moving in and being nothing but supportive through it all. I dunno how it would've gone if they hadn't come when they did. Definitely worse. It's surreal to think how much changed when they first arrived. Many positive changes, though! It would also be the first time spending Christmas without having to travel to see someone or go it alone since ~2015? That's crazy. There are so many intense emotions that could arise from this, and I have been generally very happy through these few days off. I dunno, I've just been kinda numb throught it all..? Like, work has beaten me down so much that I've reached some sort of melancholy zen? I dunno. The break was still nice while it lasted, and I'm happy my parents are happy.
Would be nice if I didn't have to go round lugging parcels all the time, but, there really is nothing else that would offer as much of a living as my job does right now, and for the foreseeable. Commissions, as much as they've helped me out of a number of pinches, and I appreciate you all so much for the support, inspiration and motivation to draw comes and goes. Deliveries will always be a constant. It's a strange bag of mixed feelings, to not see an end to what I'm doing, but not being in any hurry to change scenery either. I could spend the rest of my life doing this, and not worry about making ends meet, and at the same time feel remiss about losing time and energy to do what I love. But even then, do I even love what I'm doing as much as I want to think I do? It's a massive cloud of uncertainly beyond the consistency of the job. For all I know, that porn ban may go through, and this side of my life may have to be purged forever, along with many of others' livelihoods and well-beings. Of course, I really hope that doesn't happen. Who knows what'll happen?
There have been flickers of hope, but I'm not sure I trust 'em. Brexit Deal happening? Vaccine? Hoping Georgia does the right thing in the run-off elections? Hoping maybe some time next year, I might be able to go and see somebody? Anybody? I dunno....
So, I don't know if/when commissions will open again. As long as work still takes up time and energy thanks to Covid, I will continue to draw whatever when I feel like it. And who knows, maybe I'll get too comfortable in that headspace and never want that extra stress again. There are still some awkward things to address, prices and approaches that need reworking. Cross that bridge when I come to it, I guess. Again, there's a chance that I may not be able to accept money for porn or post lewds ever again, so look up SISEA, and throw enough stuff at a wall in hopes that they'll decide not to destroy us.
It's very likely I will also continue to be an unreachable hermit, so apologies for that. I still read every message, I'm just not reliable at responding back. It's how I've always been, really. This year's just amplified everything wrong, so everyone's more worried about more things than ever before or some shit. I dunno.
TL;DR Work is a bitch. Emo shit. Don't know if/when comms will be a thing again. Hope next year's not as much of a shit. Sorry for being unreliable.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!?
Synch
~synch
You're not unreliable kitten <3
