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5 years ago
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2020 sucks. We could all die at some point. Probably tomorrow. Probably today. Perhaps even now as I’m writing this. 
pokemonmanic3595 and I realized this, soooooooo we were all like:
“Hey, we’re probably gonna die soon, so let’s show each other our favorite movie franchises. I enjoy Star Wars. You enjoy Harry Potter. So let’s binge-watch ‘em all.”
“Mkay cool.”
Soooooooo I’ve seen all the Harry Potter films and I’m gonna talk about ‘em and shiz before I die horribly! :D
Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone: 10/10
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets: 10/10
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban: 9/10
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire: 10/10
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix: 10/10
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince: 9/10
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows -- Part 1: 10/10
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows -- Part 2: 10/Fuck You
The final movie came out almost a decade ago. The first movie came out over a decade ago. So I feel like it’s fine for me to spoil lots of shiz and things. But still.
SPOILS. DOILS BILLOWS. PILLOWS. SHILLOWS.
1. Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone: Lovely. Awesome. Kid-friendly in all the right ways. There’s so much color and happiness everywhere, and it be wonderful. :D This movie does a very good job of establishing its universe and lore early on without making it boring. Whenever certain spells or bits of lore are explained, they’re explained to Harry or other Hogwarts students who are being introduced so it doesn’t feel like someone is looking directly at the camera to the audience. The CGI is a little dated, but it came out in 2001, so it’s forgivable. And because there’s a chunky troll in it, so yay. The protagonists are all likable and relatable; the side characters actually work well to flesh out the world; the teachers all have their own quirks or perks to make themselves stand out; the creatures shown in the world don’t feel like cliché cardboard cutouts (namely the centaurs not just being half-human, half-horse), etc. The movie also does a very good job of foreshadowing what’ll happen later on in the series, what with everything surrounding Lord Voldemort and the small dark moments in the movies (namely a man who dies and crumbles into a pile of rubble). And by the end of it all, a relatively happy, sunny ending. That’s all gon’ change later. :D
2. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets:
DOBBEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHH!!! LOOKIT THE ADORABLE HOUSE-ELF AND HIS MASOCHISTIC TENDENCIES! :D
Anyways, this movie is noticeably darker than the last one—in all the good ways. It’s not like Jak & Daxter where the first game was all sunshine and rainbows, and then the sequel was a full-on gritty, dark shooter where the first thing Jak says is “I’M GONNA KILL PRAXUS!” It’s not as silly as Shadow the Hedgehog either. There’s multiple moments where Harry almost dies, and the movie is less of a happy, sunshiny movie introducing the world and more of a mystery/suspense/whodunit film where the students investigate secrets about the eponymous chamber, and certain characters being petrified by a beast. This movie felt like there were actual stakes involved and some of the side characters could possibly die at any time. This is also the movie that had a badass encounter with a basilisk and the revelation of the world’s most demonic wizard of all time: TOM RIDDLE. …Whoo?
3. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban: The weakest film, but by far not horrible. The first movie that doesn’t really feature Lord Voldemort in any capacity, but one that deals heavily with Harry’s history, and the history of some other characters. Plus it also introduces Remus Lupin and Sirius Black, two mentor-like figures for Harry I grew very fond of. Also Lupin is a werewolf, and he’s an adorable doggo that you just wanna pet. Even though he could tear your face off. :D There’s a lot of twists and turns and a lotta reveals in this film—all of which are necessary, but all of which kind of be a detriment to the film to an extent. Certain key details in the book aren’t in the film that needed to be in the film. Which is odd, because this movie is shorter than the last two when it shouldn’t have been. All issues aside, I do still really enjoy it. It’s the first mature movie in the series, even if it’s not the darkest. Plus there’s several more locations besides just Hogwarts and London, which was nice. Also, the title logo is getting darker. Do not like that. D:
4. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire: And here we’re back to basics! Just another standard film where Harry is involved with a series of intense wizarding sports all in favor of claiming the eponymous Goblet of Fire award! This is the first movie where you see the Harry, Ronald, Hermione trio at odds with each other—namely because of Ron’s pettiness. It’s not out of nowhere, but it is…annoying. Rightfully so, but I just don’t like it when close friends bicker amongst one another over picayune shit. The movie also expands upon some special wizard spells, such as breathing underwater with a bubble around your head and transforming part of your body into a shark (that was so cool :D). This is also the movie where we learn of the Three Unforgiveable Spells, further showing off the dark notions of the movies that will come in the future. But all in all, a thoroughly enjoyable film about four wizards competing against one another.
AND THEN CEDRIC DIGGORY DIES! :D
This is my favorite movie (besides the Deathly Hallows duology) in the franchise, because it’s a firm reminder of how life works. Sometimes people close to you die. Sometimes all these extravagant plans you’ve set up for the year go horribly wrong. Sometimes bad shit happens and there’s nothing you can do about it. Sometimes you get older and you just realize life is not as perfect as it seems and some of the meaningless shit that you endure is just that: meaningless. But it’s just a lesson people have to learn sooner or later, and this is the perfect time in the franchise to invoke this lesson. Harry and his friends realize this as well, because by the end of the film, they finally set aside their grievances and become close friends again.
5. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix: THAT PINK BITCH AND HER PINK ASS AND HER PINK CUNTINGNESS AND HER FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING PINK!
So this movie introduces the most hateable character in the whole franchise: Dolores Umbridge. Lord Voldemort is cruel and sadistic, but Dolores is just sickeningly depraved and everything wrong with authoritative figures who abuse their power. At least Lord Voldemort isn’t a condescending twat who hides his true colors by pretending to be nice. But enough about all that. Really love this movie too because it shows you that sometimes adults are dumbasses. Sometimes adults don’t do the right thing. Sometimes they don’t care about protecting children and teenagers; they only care about what the public thinks about them. Which is why Harry and many of his followers end up forming their own “resistance” group to study magic on their own to face off against Lord Voldemort and his followers. This is a bit more plot-driven than character-driven, but there are still plenty of moments that stand out quite a bit, namely Harry’s discussion with Sirius Black about good and evil—and Sirius blatantly explaining that there are no pure good or evil people. Everything is gray. Which makes it all the more upsetting when a complex character such as this is murdered at the end by Bellatrix Lestrange. X__X It’s okay though, because there’s a very heartwarming / heartbreaking scene later on that had tears running down my face. Also, Luna Lovegood. She is a character everyone loves. And that is all you need to know. :D
6. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince: SNAPE KILLS DUMBLEDORE. THERE I SAID IT.
Much to my everlasting shame, there are a few bits and pieces of the film that are slipping my mind—and it’s possibly because I saw the film when I was tired as fuck. X__X Nevertheless, this movie’s not entirely as dark as the previous two. Similar to Prisoner of Azkaban, there’s lots of reveals and new twists and turns that I enjoyed. This is the first movie that finally gave Draco Malfoy some character development and improved Harry’s relationship with Dumbledore. I really enjoyed all the personal moments we got involving Severus Snape and the stuff between Dumbledore and Harry. I liked the investigation as the two of them tried to look for one of Lord Voldemort’s horcruxes so they could find a way to put a stop to him. And obviously there was the brilliant scene at the end where Dumbledore is cornered on the tower before being killed by Snape. Magnificent acting from both Tom Felton as well as Alan Rickman especially. Also, Lavender Brown. Fuck that bitch and her bow and trying to steal Ron from Hermione. >__>
7. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows -- Part 1:
DOBBEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHH!!! :D
…Ohhhhh, he’s all clean now. Ehhhh, he’s not all filthy and grimy like in the second movie. Damn it. >__>
This was really less of a Harry Potter film and more of a road trip film between Ron, Harry, and Hermione as they try to find all the horcruxes to finally stop Lord Voldemort. Hogwarts was barely involved at all—I really liked that! This was also the first movie where J.K. Rowling started killing off anyone at random. Which is made blatantly clear in the first ten minutes when Hedwig is killed at complete random. They did not have to kill Harry’s owl for fuck’s sake. >__> There’s not a whole lot of twists and turns in this movie, and in a sense, it’s actually slower than some of the previous ones. But in this movie, it’s warranted and needed. The heroes know they could die at any moment; they have to cherish all the good they can before they suddenly drop dead. You could take out small scenes like Harry and Hermione dancing with each other in a tent with no dialogue, but we seriously need scenes like that, just bits where the protagonists can settle down. Ron finally deals with his inner demons while destroying another horcrux, we finally get to see Draco’s father, Lucius, for the little cowardly shit he is, and we get to see how needlessly sadistic and assholeish Lord Voldemort is. But it’s all okay, because in the end, Harry and his friends end up saving a kidnapped Luna, Dobby does some badass shit, and the heroes finally subdue that Rat Twat Peter Pettigrew. So naturally they have to torture me by having Bellatrix kill off Dobby at literally the last moment. Which genuinely had me crying when the credits started to roll.
They fucking killed my goddamn house-elf.
8. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows -- Part 2: There’s a lot to say, and there’s also a whole lot not to say. There’s a big-ass battle between the bad guys and good guys. Good guys win. Lord Voldemort loses and dies. The end. Basically what I just said is how I would describe two-thirds of the superhero movies that have come out the past decade, but the way this movie executes it all is so damn unique and groundbreaking. Once again, anyone can die at any moment. Several side characters, like Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks and Fred Weasley (WHY ) get offed. And also Lavender Brown (I am sorry for hating you before >__<). The action sequences are spectacular and nearly reminiscent of something you’d see in Dark Souls. The acting is phenomenal. The wand fights and spells used are much more fierce and intense, choreographed in a way to make it seem like deadly sword fights. Neville is now a badass and no longer the butt monkey—to the point where he decapitates a big-ass deadly snake. And of course, there’s the sequences of revelations we discover about Snape towards the end.
A series of revelations that resulted in pokemonmanic and I sobbing hysterically over Alan Rickman’s acting and the full conclusion that is Severus Snape’s wonderfully complex arc. Regardless of how you feel about Snape, you can’t deny that Rickman put on a performance that left a permanent mark on his career—this and his role as Hans Gruber. …Shame he’s no longer with us…but that’s how it is I suppose. If you hate Snape, well, you can be happy that he dies. If you love Snape, then you can be happy with the fact that his character arc is capable of making you shed tears. As least it was for me. After everything is over, it’s revealed everyone got married and had children. All of whom go to Hogwarts. Yay. You could argue that it’s kind of cheesy and cliché, but after all the bullshit the heroes went through?
I’d say it’s well-earned.
So there we go, those are my thoughts on the Harry Potter films. Obviously I didn’t talk about everything, but eh. Journal’s getting long enough. You can always leave comments or message me on Telegram if you wanna chat about more shiz. No, I’m not gonna talk about the Fantastic Beasts movies—I haven’t seen them yet. No, I’m not gonna discuss some of the other controversies going on with J.K. Rowling or some of the other possible controversies regarding the franchise as a whole. All I know is that over the past month, I saw eight magnificent, emotional films and it somewhat rectified how shitty this year has been. And I don’t expect 2021 to be better in the slightest. And I don’t expect movie theaters to reopen within the next few weeks. Maybe even months.
But at least, in terms of movies, I can end this year saying the last movie I saw in theaters was Sonic the Hedgehog (…I never did review that, did I?) and the last movie franchise I saw was Harry Potter.
Suppose that’s something.
pokemonmanic3595 and I realized this, soooooooo we were all like:“Hey, we’re probably gonna die soon, so let’s show each other our favorite movie franchises. I enjoy Star Wars. You enjoy Harry Potter. So let’s binge-watch ‘em all.”
“Mkay cool.”
Soooooooo I’ve seen all the Harry Potter films and I’m gonna talk about ‘em and shiz before I die horribly! :D
Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone: 10/10
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets: 10/10
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban: 9/10
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire: 10/10
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix: 10/10
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince: 9/10
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows -- Part 1: 10/10
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows -- Part 2: 10/Fuck You
The final movie came out almost a decade ago. The first movie came out over a decade ago. So I feel like it’s fine for me to spoil lots of shiz and things. But still.
SPOILS. DOILS BILLOWS. PILLOWS. SHILLOWS.
1. Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone: Lovely. Awesome. Kid-friendly in all the right ways. There’s so much color and happiness everywhere, and it be wonderful. :D This movie does a very good job of establishing its universe and lore early on without making it boring. Whenever certain spells or bits of lore are explained, they’re explained to Harry or other Hogwarts students who are being introduced so it doesn’t feel like someone is looking directly at the camera to the audience. The CGI is a little dated, but it came out in 2001, so it’s forgivable. And because there’s a chunky troll in it, so yay. The protagonists are all likable and relatable; the side characters actually work well to flesh out the world; the teachers all have their own quirks or perks to make themselves stand out; the creatures shown in the world don’t feel like cliché cardboard cutouts (namely the centaurs not just being half-human, half-horse), etc. The movie also does a very good job of foreshadowing what’ll happen later on in the series, what with everything surrounding Lord Voldemort and the small dark moments in the movies (namely a man who dies and crumbles into a pile of rubble). And by the end of it all, a relatively happy, sunny ending. That’s all gon’ change later. :D
2. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets:
DOBBEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHH!!! LOOKIT THE ADORABLE HOUSE-ELF AND HIS MASOCHISTIC TENDENCIES! :D
Anyways, this movie is noticeably darker than the last one—in all the good ways. It’s not like Jak & Daxter where the first game was all sunshine and rainbows, and then the sequel was a full-on gritty, dark shooter where the first thing Jak says is “I’M GONNA KILL PRAXUS!” It’s not as silly as Shadow the Hedgehog either. There’s multiple moments where Harry almost dies, and the movie is less of a happy, sunshiny movie introducing the world and more of a mystery/suspense/whodunit film where the students investigate secrets about the eponymous chamber, and certain characters being petrified by a beast. This movie felt like there were actual stakes involved and some of the side characters could possibly die at any time. This is also the movie that had a badass encounter with a basilisk and the revelation of the world’s most demonic wizard of all time: TOM RIDDLE. …Whoo?
3. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban: The weakest film, but by far not horrible. The first movie that doesn’t really feature Lord Voldemort in any capacity, but one that deals heavily with Harry’s history, and the history of some other characters. Plus it also introduces Remus Lupin and Sirius Black, two mentor-like figures for Harry I grew very fond of. Also Lupin is a werewolf, and he’s an adorable doggo that you just wanna pet. Even though he could tear your face off. :D There’s a lot of twists and turns and a lotta reveals in this film—all of which are necessary, but all of which kind of be a detriment to the film to an extent. Certain key details in the book aren’t in the film that needed to be in the film. Which is odd, because this movie is shorter than the last two when it shouldn’t have been. All issues aside, I do still really enjoy it. It’s the first mature movie in the series, even if it’s not the darkest. Plus there’s several more locations besides just Hogwarts and London, which was nice. Also, the title logo is getting darker. Do not like that. D:
4. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire: And here we’re back to basics! Just another standard film where Harry is involved with a series of intense wizarding sports all in favor of claiming the eponymous Goblet of Fire award! This is the first movie where you see the Harry, Ronald, Hermione trio at odds with each other—namely because of Ron’s pettiness. It’s not out of nowhere, but it is…annoying. Rightfully so, but I just don’t like it when close friends bicker amongst one another over picayune shit. The movie also expands upon some special wizard spells, such as breathing underwater with a bubble around your head and transforming part of your body into a shark (that was so cool :D). This is also the movie where we learn of the Three Unforgiveable Spells, further showing off the dark notions of the movies that will come in the future. But all in all, a thoroughly enjoyable film about four wizards competing against one another.
AND THEN CEDRIC DIGGORY DIES! :D
This is my favorite movie (besides the Deathly Hallows duology) in the franchise, because it’s a firm reminder of how life works. Sometimes people close to you die. Sometimes all these extravagant plans you’ve set up for the year go horribly wrong. Sometimes bad shit happens and there’s nothing you can do about it. Sometimes you get older and you just realize life is not as perfect as it seems and some of the meaningless shit that you endure is just that: meaningless. But it’s just a lesson people have to learn sooner or later, and this is the perfect time in the franchise to invoke this lesson. Harry and his friends realize this as well, because by the end of the film, they finally set aside their grievances and become close friends again.
5. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix: THAT PINK BITCH AND HER PINK ASS AND HER PINK CUNTINGNESS AND HER FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING PINK!
So this movie introduces the most hateable character in the whole franchise: Dolores Umbridge. Lord Voldemort is cruel and sadistic, but Dolores is just sickeningly depraved and everything wrong with authoritative figures who abuse their power. At least Lord Voldemort isn’t a condescending twat who hides his true colors by pretending to be nice. But enough about all that. Really love this movie too because it shows you that sometimes adults are dumbasses. Sometimes adults don’t do the right thing. Sometimes they don’t care about protecting children and teenagers; they only care about what the public thinks about them. Which is why Harry and many of his followers end up forming their own “resistance” group to study magic on their own to face off against Lord Voldemort and his followers. This is a bit more plot-driven than character-driven, but there are still plenty of moments that stand out quite a bit, namely Harry’s discussion with Sirius Black about good and evil—and Sirius blatantly explaining that there are no pure good or evil people. Everything is gray. Which makes it all the more upsetting when a complex character such as this is murdered at the end by Bellatrix Lestrange. X__X It’s okay though, because there’s a very heartwarming / heartbreaking scene later on that had tears running down my face. Also, Luna Lovegood. She is a character everyone loves. And that is all you need to know. :D
6. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince: SNAPE KILLS DUMBLEDORE. THERE I SAID IT.
Much to my everlasting shame, there are a few bits and pieces of the film that are slipping my mind—and it’s possibly because I saw the film when I was tired as fuck. X__X Nevertheless, this movie’s not entirely as dark as the previous two. Similar to Prisoner of Azkaban, there’s lots of reveals and new twists and turns that I enjoyed. This is the first movie that finally gave Draco Malfoy some character development and improved Harry’s relationship with Dumbledore. I really enjoyed all the personal moments we got involving Severus Snape and the stuff between Dumbledore and Harry. I liked the investigation as the two of them tried to look for one of Lord Voldemort’s horcruxes so they could find a way to put a stop to him. And obviously there was the brilliant scene at the end where Dumbledore is cornered on the tower before being killed by Snape. Magnificent acting from both Tom Felton as well as Alan Rickman especially. Also, Lavender Brown. Fuck that bitch and her bow and trying to steal Ron from Hermione. >__>
7. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows -- Part 1:
DOBBEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHH!!! :D
…Ohhhhh, he’s all clean now. Ehhhh, he’s not all filthy and grimy like in the second movie. Damn it. >__>
This was really less of a Harry Potter film and more of a road trip film between Ron, Harry, and Hermione as they try to find all the horcruxes to finally stop Lord Voldemort. Hogwarts was barely involved at all—I really liked that! This was also the first movie where J.K. Rowling started killing off anyone at random. Which is made blatantly clear in the first ten minutes when Hedwig is killed at complete random. They did not have to kill Harry’s owl for fuck’s sake. >__> There’s not a whole lot of twists and turns in this movie, and in a sense, it’s actually slower than some of the previous ones. But in this movie, it’s warranted and needed. The heroes know they could die at any moment; they have to cherish all the good they can before they suddenly drop dead. You could take out small scenes like Harry and Hermione dancing with each other in a tent with no dialogue, but we seriously need scenes like that, just bits where the protagonists can settle down. Ron finally deals with his inner demons while destroying another horcrux, we finally get to see Draco’s father, Lucius, for the little cowardly shit he is, and we get to see how needlessly sadistic and assholeish Lord Voldemort is. But it’s all okay, because in the end, Harry and his friends end up saving a kidnapped Luna, Dobby does some badass shit, and the heroes finally subdue that Rat Twat Peter Pettigrew. So naturally they have to torture me by having Bellatrix kill off Dobby at literally the last moment. Which genuinely had me crying when the credits started to roll.
They fucking killed my goddamn house-elf.
8. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows -- Part 2: There’s a lot to say, and there’s also a whole lot not to say. There’s a big-ass battle between the bad guys and good guys. Good guys win. Lord Voldemort loses and dies. The end. Basically what I just said is how I would describe two-thirds of the superhero movies that have come out the past decade, but the way this movie executes it all is so damn unique and groundbreaking. Once again, anyone can die at any moment. Several side characters, like Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks and Fred Weasley (WHY ) get offed. And also Lavender Brown (I am sorry for hating you before >__<). The action sequences are spectacular and nearly reminiscent of something you’d see in Dark Souls. The acting is phenomenal. The wand fights and spells used are much more fierce and intense, choreographed in a way to make it seem like deadly sword fights. Neville is now a badass and no longer the butt monkey—to the point where he decapitates a big-ass deadly snake. And of course, there’s the sequences of revelations we discover about Snape towards the end.
A series of revelations that resulted in pokemonmanic and I sobbing hysterically over Alan Rickman’s acting and the full conclusion that is Severus Snape’s wonderfully complex arc. Regardless of how you feel about Snape, you can’t deny that Rickman put on a performance that left a permanent mark on his career—this and his role as Hans Gruber. …Shame he’s no longer with us…but that’s how it is I suppose. If you hate Snape, well, you can be happy that he dies. If you love Snape, then you can be happy with the fact that his character arc is capable of making you shed tears. As least it was for me. After everything is over, it’s revealed everyone got married and had children. All of whom go to Hogwarts. Yay. You could argue that it’s kind of cheesy and cliché, but after all the bullshit the heroes went through?
I’d say it’s well-earned.
So there we go, those are my thoughts on the Harry Potter films. Obviously I didn’t talk about everything, but eh. Journal’s getting long enough. You can always leave comments or message me on Telegram if you wanna chat about more shiz. No, I’m not gonna talk about the Fantastic Beasts movies—I haven’t seen them yet. No, I’m not gonna discuss some of the other controversies going on with J.K. Rowling or some of the other possible controversies regarding the franchise as a whole. All I know is that over the past month, I saw eight magnificent, emotional films and it somewhat rectified how shitty this year has been. And I don’t expect 2021 to be better in the slightest. And I don’t expect movie theaters to reopen within the next few weeks. Maybe even months.
But at least, in terms of movies, I can end this year saying the last movie I saw in theaters was Sonic the Hedgehog (…I never did review that, did I?) and the last movie franchise I saw was Harry Potter.
Suppose that’s something.
*claps in respect*