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Well..that was a year. (Please read: Updates and news)
5 years ago
2020 was...something. That's for sure. For me personally it actually started out fairly nice. My mom had won a trip to aruba and took me. I got to gallop a horse through the desert. (Dessert? Which ones a place which ones food?)
But like a month later everything went bad. Some of it's obvious, yall were here through 2020 too. Lost the jobs I was doing besides art. They were temo things so doesnt even count as unemployment but that's not what matters anyway.
[i]If you cant handle dark stuff I understand. Skip the next 2 maybe 3 paragraphs[/i]
This is: Somewhere must have been march, just before lockdown my dad ended up in the hospital. What for? Honestly not entirely sure. It was likely covid because he later tested positive for antibodies (long before testing positive for covid in the early summer). We think it was because of his symptoms. Noone tested him then though. When he got out of the hospital it was straight into lockdown (he was at a physical rehab). Then he got covid (again?) In the early summer. He was negative a few weeks later and from then on but it had taken its toll. On December 7th he passed. They new from around midday that day it was likely his last so thankfully they called us and we got to go say goodbye. He wasnt talking and it was hard to tell if he was conscious but he was there. I could barely manage to talk to him I mainly spent the time begging the people there to find a way to help him.
I miss him so much. It still feels like we are waiting for the next visitation day it doesnt feel real. In fact as I type this know a part of me thinks I'm lying and is wondering why I would say such a horrible lie, but it is the truth. He should have been in group 1a to get the vaccine. But he died just days before it started going out. He wasnt even all that old he was 66. (Semi political in parenthesis: I keep thinking if they hadnt made that stupid rule in my state putting recovering covid patients into rehabs and nursing homes I might still have my dad. He was living there because of a stroke years ago. They were required to take in nonresidents with covid, while at the same time being locked down to family visits because might bring covid) Ranting wont change anything though. I've been sharing memories of him with my twin and my mom.
One of my favorites of these memories might be a bit of a shock to some who dont already know this about me. So to those who didnt already know I'm a lesbian. (Panromantic ace heavily leaning lesbian but close enough) I realized this must be like 4 years ago now? Maybe five? I've lost track. I've openly identified as ace since long before but when I realized I was gay as well I had decided to go to pride. Obviously way prepandemic. I told my parents I was going as an ace. Which was part true. My mom joined me to some of the local pride events and I ended up telling her the truth that first night after attending a pride shabbat service with her (Putting this to explain she knew already and how I eased her into the news, oh my twin knew from way earlier) I was terrified about telling my dad. Honestly I'm not sure why. I just was. I continued to attend pride as an ace as far as he knew and in this time gap he had moved into the rehab. Surrounded by older friends at all times. Couldnt tell him now, I felt, what would they think. Would it ruin his friendships there? Clearly I was worried for nothing. On fathers day, the final fathers day before the covid lockdown. Ya fathers day. Me and mom were visiting dad. He was sat in the dining room at his usual spot friends nearby all watching tv. We had brought him food. Maybe chicken? Now that I think about it probably cannoli we brought that for special occasions. One of his favorites. Being june there was something about pride on the news. He motions to it and said something like you go to that right? I gave a quiet yes. I saw nervous how his friends would react. They didnt. I believe he waited until my mom was throwing out the napkins from his food before he asked me if I liked girls. I truthfully and very embarrassedly (it's a word if I make it one) told him that yes I like girls I like boys on occasion too. But usually girls. Though I explained I didnt have a girlfriend and never had. I was so scared how hed react. I dont know why. He watched shows with gay characters, pretty sure he liked ellen degeneres, he never seen to be anti anyone for being who they were, basically I had no reason to think he would have a problem with it. I just had that fear. But his response. I wish I could remember the exact words but basically told me he fully accepted me and didnt care who I was with as long as we were happy. And he hugged me. It was one of the happiest moments of my life and I'm so glad he asked because if he hadnt I dont think I'd ever have been able to tell him. My other favorite memories with my dad mostly all involve water. He taught me to ride the waves by holding me in them, showed me how to walk sideways to fight the waves to get out to the deeper areas easier, spent time with me at waterparks, even once when I was turning 18 (19? I think 18) and asked it be treated as my fifth birthday like the dorky little I was, we went to a water park and I noticed he stayed close alot more and offered to help with something involving getting the food no teenager would have needed that help. Made me feel proper little and I really loved that he did that even though the exacts are lost to time. I really love and miss him. I've told these stories many times this month but I feel like they should be shared so his memory continues on.
2021 cannot be fully better for me because my dad will not be joining us but I really hope it can be a good year otherwise. I know it's just a changing of number but with the vaccine coming its hope.
I really hope everyone will get the vaccine. I understand the hesitation, but I don't want to lose anyone else. I care alot about you all. Especially furfamily and close friends. I love you all so so much.
Of course I mean getting the vaccine when it's your turn. I do not advocate line skipping.
Other news my tablet cord broke again. I've been hoarding art so alot will still be posted but after that I really need a new cord or I wont be able to draw more. As currently that's both my only job and one of my major stress relief I definately need to get a tablet cord fast. (The list of current stress reliefs is roleplay, binging: I'm almost out of shows, drawing, food: about to start a diet, walking: to cold,..so ya I need that cord soon)
As for new years resolutions two years ago I had these: https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8996489/ (last year I was in an anxiety spiral and too scared to post journals)
Let's see
1: nope I'm about the same weight (171.6 I think it was)
2: hang out with friends...this was 2020..no
Imma stop listing numbers..the only one I did was travel.
Let's make new resolutions and make them easy
1: get vaccinated
2: be kind to others
3: get a new tablet cord
4: lose weight (hardest one but this year I'll count it as a win if next new years im even half a pound lighter)
I dont have last year to compare but have art I'm currently proud of list
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37869396/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37141666/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/39927849/
So...ya hope everyone is staying home staying safe and having a fun and happy new year
Tell me your safe plans and resolutions.
But like a month later everything went bad. Some of it's obvious, yall were here through 2020 too. Lost the jobs I was doing besides art. They were temo things so doesnt even count as unemployment but that's not what matters anyway.
[i]If you cant handle dark stuff I understand. Skip the next 2 maybe 3 paragraphs[/i]
This is: Somewhere must have been march, just before lockdown my dad ended up in the hospital. What for? Honestly not entirely sure. It was likely covid because he later tested positive for antibodies (long before testing positive for covid in the early summer). We think it was because of his symptoms. Noone tested him then though. When he got out of the hospital it was straight into lockdown (he was at a physical rehab). Then he got covid (again?) In the early summer. He was negative a few weeks later and from then on but it had taken its toll. On December 7th he passed. They new from around midday that day it was likely his last so thankfully they called us and we got to go say goodbye. He wasnt talking and it was hard to tell if he was conscious but he was there. I could barely manage to talk to him I mainly spent the time begging the people there to find a way to help him.
I miss him so much. It still feels like we are waiting for the next visitation day it doesnt feel real. In fact as I type this know a part of me thinks I'm lying and is wondering why I would say such a horrible lie, but it is the truth. He should have been in group 1a to get the vaccine. But he died just days before it started going out. He wasnt even all that old he was 66. (Semi political in parenthesis: I keep thinking if they hadnt made that stupid rule in my state putting recovering covid patients into rehabs and nursing homes I might still have my dad. He was living there because of a stroke years ago. They were required to take in nonresidents with covid, while at the same time being locked down to family visits because might bring covid) Ranting wont change anything though. I've been sharing memories of him with my twin and my mom.
One of my favorites of these memories might be a bit of a shock to some who dont already know this about me. So to those who didnt already know I'm a lesbian. (Panromantic ace heavily leaning lesbian but close enough) I realized this must be like 4 years ago now? Maybe five? I've lost track. I've openly identified as ace since long before but when I realized I was gay as well I had decided to go to pride. Obviously way prepandemic. I told my parents I was going as an ace. Which was part true. My mom joined me to some of the local pride events and I ended up telling her the truth that first night after attending a pride shabbat service with her (Putting this to explain she knew already and how I eased her into the news, oh my twin knew from way earlier) I was terrified about telling my dad. Honestly I'm not sure why. I just was. I continued to attend pride as an ace as far as he knew and in this time gap he had moved into the rehab. Surrounded by older friends at all times. Couldnt tell him now, I felt, what would they think. Would it ruin his friendships there? Clearly I was worried for nothing. On fathers day, the final fathers day before the covid lockdown. Ya fathers day. Me and mom were visiting dad. He was sat in the dining room at his usual spot friends nearby all watching tv. We had brought him food. Maybe chicken? Now that I think about it probably cannoli we brought that for special occasions. One of his favorites. Being june there was something about pride on the news. He motions to it and said something like you go to that right? I gave a quiet yes. I saw nervous how his friends would react. They didnt. I believe he waited until my mom was throwing out the napkins from his food before he asked me if I liked girls. I truthfully and very embarrassedly (it's a word if I make it one) told him that yes I like girls I like boys on occasion too. But usually girls. Though I explained I didnt have a girlfriend and never had. I was so scared how hed react. I dont know why. He watched shows with gay characters, pretty sure he liked ellen degeneres, he never seen to be anti anyone for being who they were, basically I had no reason to think he would have a problem with it. I just had that fear. But his response. I wish I could remember the exact words but basically told me he fully accepted me and didnt care who I was with as long as we were happy. And he hugged me. It was one of the happiest moments of my life and I'm so glad he asked because if he hadnt I dont think I'd ever have been able to tell him. My other favorite memories with my dad mostly all involve water. He taught me to ride the waves by holding me in them, showed me how to walk sideways to fight the waves to get out to the deeper areas easier, spent time with me at waterparks, even once when I was turning 18 (19? I think 18) and asked it be treated as my fifth birthday like the dorky little I was, we went to a water park and I noticed he stayed close alot more and offered to help with something involving getting the food no teenager would have needed that help. Made me feel proper little and I really loved that he did that even though the exacts are lost to time. I really love and miss him. I've told these stories many times this month but I feel like they should be shared so his memory continues on.
2021 cannot be fully better for me because my dad will not be joining us but I really hope it can be a good year otherwise. I know it's just a changing of number but with the vaccine coming its hope.
I really hope everyone will get the vaccine. I understand the hesitation, but I don't want to lose anyone else. I care alot about you all. Especially furfamily and close friends. I love you all so so much.
Of course I mean getting the vaccine when it's your turn. I do not advocate line skipping.
Other news my tablet cord broke again. I've been hoarding art so alot will still be posted but after that I really need a new cord or I wont be able to draw more. As currently that's both my only job and one of my major stress relief I definately need to get a tablet cord fast. (The list of current stress reliefs is roleplay, binging: I'm almost out of shows, drawing, food: about to start a diet, walking: to cold,..so ya I need that cord soon)
As for new years resolutions two years ago I had these: https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8996489/ (last year I was in an anxiety spiral and too scared to post journals)
Let's see
1: nope I'm about the same weight (171.6 I think it was)
2: hang out with friends...this was 2020..no
Imma stop listing numbers..the only one I did was travel.
Let's make new resolutions and make them easy
1: get vaccinated
2: be kind to others
3: get a new tablet cord
4: lose weight (hardest one but this year I'll count it as a win if next new years im even half a pound lighter)
I dont have last year to compare but have art I'm currently proud of list
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37869396/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37141666/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/39927849/
So...ya hope everyone is staying home staying safe and having a fun and happy new year
Tell me your safe plans and resolutions.
I do enjoy trades, however as mentioned above I currently need a replacement charger before I can take trades or commisions
I do have an extra tablet. I have no use for it. Can I send it over as a gift?
I'm not sure if you've even seen my art setup but I use a Microsoft surface pro 4 so my tablet is my laptop. I wouldnt have anything to hook a tabler up to plus I dont think I'm skilled enough to draw on the kind of tablet that isnt it's own screen anymore (I used to but I'd be super out of practice.
I'm sure theres another artist that could help alot more but that you so so much for the offer