Ok, so, twice in the last 2 days, I have lost 2 friends. I realize that it was because I suck as a friend. For those who know me and what I am about, you know that I am difficult and sometimes completely drop the ball on friends. I misunderstand when things are not clear, I am depressed and anxious as many people are, and I am just overall suspicious of everyone and always expect people to leave since it has happened before. I will not say who the people who left are because 1. They dont deserve to have their issues made public and 2. Because they are they had valid points for leaving.

I’m not a good friend. Times are not making it easy on anyone and I am not making it easy on the people who called me “friend.” Mostly because I am used to leaving once I fuck up because I dont want to continuously ruin someone else’s life. Call it selfish or misguided or even false heroics but as much as I hate people leaving, I hate feeling like I am staying somewhere I am not wanted or needed. Especially if me staying means I am just causing more trauma and damage to that person. No one deserves that.

So guys, if you want to stop and leave after reading this, completely up to you. I dont have the funds to get new art anytime soon, and I dont have a lot of strength to fight, and I am a crap friend right now. But I ask that if you give me some time, I dont know how long honestly, but just bare with me. I am a decent friend and am good at helping people with their problems.


Hope you all stay safe and please spread love and kindness. We have a new start and a new year, lets try and make the most of it.