FA+
Shop
Stuck on bad feelings...
4 years ago
General
This actually relates to my last journal, but what are you suppose to do about unresolved pain? I don't know how to make these feelings go away. I keep thinking about people from my past, wondering why some treated me like they did, and why others simply won't talk to me anymore. I've tried reaching out a few times to them over the last few years, and just got nothing. I know some of them are still active... There were a couple I fought with, because they made me feel like I wasn't good enough to be their friend, but it's more so the ones I never fought with that leave me puzzled the most. I still think about them, but the memories I cherished about them start to hurt when I know they are there and just won't talk to me anymore. I'm filled with self doubt because I feel like I did something wrong by them, or wasn't good enough for them either, but rather than talk to me and let me go, they just went silent. At least some of those people who really chose not to like me had the good sense to say it. It's those that don't say anything actually hurt more, because I can't stop thinking about them and wondering what happened, hoping it was just some mistake we could of worked out. I feel abandoned and I don't know what to do about it. Even after 10 years I missing their friendship, I still find myself wondering about them and hurting for it. I've tried to surround myself with new friends, to help get me through it, and there are some older friends I still talk with, that I know will still be there if I need to chat, and know I would be there for them too if they wanted to as well, but there's still a couple folks out there that I'm desperate to hear from, because they really did mean a lot to me, and I'm sorry if I bored them or angered them or let them down in some way, and wish they would at the very least tell me if this is the case.
If you keep thinking about it and it doesn't feel good, then all I can advise you do is to just accept it. Take a few moments, maybe even half an hour, to REALLY think about it. Like, lay in bed, stare at the ceiling, and just really left yourself think about these people. Did you really do anything wrong? Did they complain? Did it seem hurtful? If somebody did it to you, how would you react?
And then, if you feel you did something wrong after all, do not regret it. Allow yourself to accept it, and resolve to never do it again. That will help you become a better friend, and in turn, you will become a better person for it. More self-confident.
People change. It's nature's way. Make those changes count.
I definitely can relate, and it's really a big reason why I have trouble reaching out to other sometimes or keeping in touch with friends. Sometimes, it really is difficult to tell who's a friend or mutual. I'm usually filled with self-doubt on whether I could be a good friend or if I'm interesting enough to be a friend.