I've never talked about this, but many years ago I was at one of my lowest points in my life as the thought of hell got stuck in my head and I began suffering under the weight of the magnitude of such an impossibly horrific thing happening to others, some in my family or even myself. It was so emotionally devastating it felt like a hell in itself, I did not know how to come to grips with God inflicting a punishment so impossibly cruel and I couldn't cope with the thought of anyone, even the devil himself going through it.

At the time I was trying to make certain that I was saved, because what if I got something wrong and this was my fate? I'll admit that too this day I'm concerned about it, but thats kind of always been my nature, to be unsure and need confirmation.

Well what happened during that time was that while I was looking into it and saw many "bible answers" pages telling me, YES! In fact its even worse than that! You will burn in agony for all eternity and in a trillion years of writhing in incomprehensible pain, you will have only just begun your punishment". They'd even go so far as to claim that us in heaven would revel in delight at the sight of this, joyous, cheerful celebration that our friends and family are trapped in an oven for infinite time. I'm sure to you and those who are not Christians have even realized how totally out of left field this seems, it just doesn't add up with the option of free will or the nature of God's lessons on just punishments befitting a crime. After all, when your only choices are live forever in heaven or be roasted forever, are you really making a choice here? Is that love or fear? How could God love us if he knowingly created us with full knowledge that he'd intentionally create this torture chamber to put most of us? Would any parent do this to their own child? I wouldn't do it to any human being thats ever lived, not even would I do it to the Devil for 24 hours. Its a punishment so inexplicably horrendously cruel and unthinkable that nothing could possibly be more evil. An infinite punishment is not justified for a temporary life of sin.

That's when I found some writings by Edward Fudge, he was researching the Bible on this very issue to find out what the Bible had to say about it. He had held the belief that this is what the Bible teaches, but when going through the Bible both Old and New Testament, he found that there was little to actually back up this claim, wherein fact the Bible was much more clear that hell, while very real, was not infinite. When you bring this up to some people, they immediately think, HERESEY! Hes questioning the teachings of God! Hes liberalizing the Bible, hes softening it to be more palatable! But its not true, whats written in the Bible has to be accepted by believers, but there is little to back up the traditional view that hell is Gods sadistic torture chamber, but for a few symbolic verses that we infer must be suggesting this as its what was always taught.

The traditional view wrongly holds the belief that man's soul is inherently immortal therefore, you'll live forever in heaven or in hell. But nowhere is this suggested, this was a view brought into Christianity by converted Greek philosophers and taught as orthodoxy since then. Immortality is conditional upon accepting God's sacrifice on the cross, you accept him and live or reject him and cease to live. People are afraid to question it, its so engrained in the Christian church that to even begin thinking it must be wrong (even when we all feel so deeply disgusted at the thought of it and wish more than anything it werent true), means we are committing an act of heresy against God. But wouldn't it be more gravely offensive to go around the world telling people that God is the kind of being that would set your grandmother on fire for not one minute, not 1 hour, not 1 day, not 1 week, 1 month, 1 year, 1 decade, 1 century, not even a trillion, trillion, trillion, trillion, trillion, trillion, trillion, trillion, trillion, trillion, trillion, trillion years would be enough screaming agony to pay for her sin of "not believing in Jesus".

I now no longer hold this belief and not because I'm choosing a false belief that makes me feel better, but because I believe the traditional teachings of hell are the false beliefs and it is unacceptable that it is being taught to our children and told to those estranged from God that this is who they must worship. Its a lie about Gods character and is doing more damage to bringing people to salvation than anything else. I'm not going to try to prove it to you, but if you're interested in researching it I suggest you watch lectures by Edward Fudge on Youtube or you can read about it here;

https://www.hellhadesafterlife.com/.....al-immortality

I think this gives a good quick rundown on the many arguments in favor of this view, edward fudge does a great job showing both sides. It is a scriptural look through of the Bible, the passages that reference the fate of the unsaved and the exegesis of the meaning of words used. Its interesting if not only just to dispel this silly idea people have about hell, whether its the place satan runs with his pitchfork or the medieval pits of fire that was used to terrify people into the church.

I think if you take the time to carefully go through the issue, you'll come to find that a lot more things make sense and align with the nature of our existence, our relationship with God and free will. Is it not more just that God gave us life out of nothing and said, you have failed, but because I lived and died in your place, you can either go back to the nothing you were or by my grace you can live forever? That makes a lot more sense than, I created you to ultimately torture you for all eternity, so love me and I'll spare you." It doesn't just logically make more sense, its scriptural and in keeping with the character of God. We are all given the sense of God's fair justice, whether we are Christian or not, we are not totally without the presence of God and in us he instilled these senses about moral virtue. If every human being on the planet knows that eternal torture is not just and God teaches fair punishment for severity of the crime, then its fair to say there is something off about the traditional teachings of hell. Even pastors know it, they'll never own up to what hell really is and try to gloss over it. They'll say eternal separation from God or just call it hell, but they won't say "infinite conscious torture", because they're ashamed of it, but too afraid to question if its even true.

Knowing this has helped me to feel closer to God, I'm failing him terribly, I'm failing at my own life terribly, but I think that being saved causes a constant strife within you to not feel comfortable in your life the way you are and look for the things in it to better and be more in line with God. I think if I struggle with this at all, then I must be hearing God speaking to me.

Jesus says that you are changed when you accept him, you become new and through his grace alone, not works, not good deeds, nothing YOU do, saves you from death. To be saved, you confess that Jesus took your sins upon him and died in your place and that you accept his given gift of salvation through him. You confess that you are a sinner and ask him to forgive. Believe that he is the Lord, even though you might doubt or question or fear, have faith in him and accept him into your heart. Its by grace alone you are saved, meaning you do not deserve it at all and you can't impress God by doing good, kind or charitable things, your life is only saved eternally through Jesus's sacrifice. Its a gift given that you accept and in doing so, being changed, you feel the constant nagging conflict to fight against your sin even if you don't do a great job of it.

I guess thats what I wanted to get out, I've really never done a good job spreading the word like I should because I'm not a social person, I can't speak very well, I've been too caught up in my own troubles and I just don't know enough. But on this issue, I really wanted to share, because I have no doubt others are troubled by it and I shouldn't keep it to myself assuming everyone else already knows or will find it on their own. I hope this helps and I truly hope I could lead at least one person to being saved. I think people get it into their mind that becoming a Christian means becoming a boring church mom who wags her finger at "naughty words" and has no fun in life, everything is a sin. I do not believe so, I think Christians often invent sins to abstain from in order to look more pure and pious.

Whats most important is to ask God for forgiveness and salvation because that is the seed that grows inside you. I would often take the approach of proving God must exist scientifically and logically and I think thats a good idea, but in doing that I always argued for a generic "creator of all things" but did not proclaim Jesus. I figured if I could argue for the existence of a God first, then I could then speak of the Bible, but I don't seem to get to step 2 because its rather difficult convincing people of something like that.

Anyways not to keep going on. Please take a look at the link or look up seminars by Edward Fudge, its interesting nonetheless and should even change your opinion from an atheist point of view about hell and Christianity.

If you're wondering about my art, my vision has been getting a lot worse, I'm trying to work through it mentally and emotionally and I want to keep painting. The past 3 months I've actually been renovating my attic and I've built a whole bedroom up above mine. So now I have two rooms, one stacked on top of the one you've seen before in my scraps. It was just rafters up there, I built in a floor, walls, slatboard ceiling, a loft within a loft, its got electrical, fully insulated. All I need to do now is put in a door at the attic exit, drywall some more, add carpet and hardwood flooring then drop kick a hole through the floor right into my 1st floor bedroom ceiling, build a ladder and its good. I intend to do art (hopefully) up in that room.