Starting to feel better after years of being lost in a fog can really make a person feel like a hedonist, can't it? And I don't just mean that in terms of sexuality. I mean, I just ate some hard boiled eggs and it was an *experience.* I wasn't just tasting them and feeling them, I was *tasting* them and *feeling* them. It was like I could taste death and life and all sorts of things in them. I felt... unnamed, wordless things. It was weird. It was powerful. After eating the first one and realizing how strongly I reacted to the mix of flavors and textures, I took a nibble off the second one, and then squeezed my fingers into it, harder and harder, until they pushed into it and split the top off. It felt so visceral! I licked the yolk off the white from the inside. I felt like an animal!

Going out on my walks I've been feeling more, too. The other day I sat in the grass. The grass smelled so big. I was drowning in it. All the scents in it. There was even some dried dog crap nearby and I could smell it, like it was part of the soil, and though it added a little bit of bad smell overall, just being able to smell so much at once was like ecstasy. I stared in a daze at the sky. The blue was so intense. The clouds moving was spectacular. And all of it ensconced in this smell of grass and dirt and life. How has this been around for so long? Why couldn't I feel it for so long? I was missing out on so much!

I won't miss out anymore. I will revel in this animal body and crave all the sights and sounds I can pull into my greedy senses.