Hmmm. Sounds rough. :/ I wish I had some better advice or support for you, but I'm not sure I've got life figured out any better than you do. I kind of lucked out that I've got close friends I can turn to when I'm down, even if they're just online. c_c

I've been working two part-time jobs for a while, and I lost one at the beginning of the summer. I had enough money to cover my expenses until I found a new job, but it really made me feel like crap. What really helped for me was going to the YMCA and walking on the treadmill every day. Just having a reason to get out of the house and tune everything out for a while really seemed to help my head.

I can't tell you what you should do to improve your circumstances, because I really have no idea. But that's what helped me. And I really wish you luck. c_c I know we haven't had much meaningful contact, but you strike me as a decent person. I want you to be happy.

Thanks, man.

Honestly, I've been surprised as what manages to be meaningful contact for me these days - I seem to find personal connections with a lot of unexpected people lately, in my real life. On the other hand a lot of the folks I feel very close to online seem to have all wandered off somewhere for the most part, mostly my fault as well, alas.

Hopefully what I am doing - the meds, anticipated job change - and what I have done - the move to a smaller, cheaper place - will improve my circumstances. It's interesting that both you and Wapsie suggest exercise though, as it's something I hadn't really considered, at least for the 'feeling better' aspect.

I used to be more active, and thus in better shape, when my job was more physical. Since my 'promotion' (haha) I don't do as much physically, and when I do, I tend to struggle with it, as I'm much less in shape.

And now I've apparently injured myself doing something at work, which may make exercise both more necessary and much less enjoyable. Bleh.

Anyway, I *do* appreciate your kindness, and it does help. Perhaps we can connect a bit better sometime, perhaps during Nanowrimo, if you're doing it again this year? I figure I'll try to utilize their forums/messaging a bit better this year to actually keep in touch with folks I know who are doing it as well. Make it more fun/interesting, which might mean I'll actually succeed again.

Be well.

Honestly, I've been surprised as what manages to be meaningful contact for me these days - I seem to find personal connections with a lot of unexpected people lately, in my real life.

Seems to be the way things go, doesn't it? You never know who you're going to connect with until it happens.

Hopefully what I am doing - the meds, anticipated job change - and what I have done - the move to a smaller, cheaper place - will improve my circumstances. It's interesting that both you and Wapsie suggest exercise though, as it's something I hadn't really considered, at least for the 'feeling better' aspect.

There really is something to it, I think. I mean, I've read things about endorphin release and all that, and it really seems to work. It doesn't necessarily need to be specifically for weight loss or strength training or anything like that -- you just feel better when you're moving around doing stuff.

I used to be more active, and thus in better shape, when my job was more physical. Since my 'promotion' (haha) I don't do as much physically, and when I do, I tend to struggle with it, as I'm much less in shape.

And now I've apparently injured myself doing something at work, which may make exercise both more necessary and much less enjoyable. Bleh.

Well, if that's what you start doing, take it easy at first. If you do too much, you'll hate it, and if you hate it, you won't go back to it.

Anyway, I *do* appreciate your kindness, and it does help. Perhaps we can connect a bit better sometime, perhaps during Nanowrimo, if you're doing it again this year? I figure I'll try to utilize their forums/messaging a bit better this year to actually keep in touch with folks I know who are doing it as well. Make it more fun/interesting, which might mean I'll actually succeed again.

I don't know if I'm doing NaNoWriMo again this year. ._. It seems like every year it becomes less and less fun. I'm mostly just not sure if I have an idea in me this year. Nothing really seems interesting enough. And I've got other creative projects to occupy my time with -- I've been spending the summer writing a MUCK role-playing game, and it's really come along.

I'm kind of shy generally, but I'm on AIM whenever I can manage it. Send me a note if you'd like my screen name. :) Besides that, I come to FA pretty regularly. You can send me notes here.

Be well.

You too.

Dang! You break silence for the first time in ages and I'm too damn busy to catch it. Haven't visited furryland in days. Big project to finish, big presentation, big nerves. I become an angsty self-loathing ass who asks my woman: Does my work suck? Do I suck? I know she loves me, because she actually puts up with this. Every time.

Anyway, I'm spinning my wheels, tired from this project, and wander off, and here's this soul-baring thing from you.

I was on happy pills for a while ten years ago. Well, more like cut out the lows at the cost of the highs (so orgasms didn't feel any more satisfying than sneezes; I didn't like that at all). The summer I turned 30, and had to move back in with my parents. Nothing was right in my life. The details are unimportant. Being in the USA, and for all practical purposes uninsured, I had to shell out for the Zoloft myself. It sounds like you're on something a good deal more serious than that; fortunately you live in a half-sane nation that will pay for it. I stopped taking them eventually after starting to exercise a lot. Living with my parents gave me that luxury. I moved out, I moved on. I crawled out of the whole over the next few years.

I do recommend exercise, if you can fit it between work and other necessary things.

I believe you will come out of this. From what I can see of you, you're quite strong. Survived this long, right?

I think I know what you mean about the sadness. My life is good, I have a cat and woman who love me, but still I feel it sometimes. A lonely world. There are very few adults I know that that I could even imagine being really close to.

I lived for years in the center of the US, in Iowa, and winters were just hell. I imagine they're similar way up where you are. Long and viciously cold - they made the New England winters I grew up with look wimpy. And darker, even, at your latitude. The Danes light candles to deal with high-latitude darkness. That's the only thing I can I think of to recommend. God, I'm tired. Time to leave this stinking office and go home.

I wish you all the best.
'

Heya cat-man! :)

No worries about missing anything from me, and I definitely appreciate hearing from you regardless of when or why - I think I've mentioned it before, but really, your posts and responses online here are always a treat for me.

I'm sorry I've failed to respond to so many of your journals/comments in the past, though they've all been read, though too often only weeks/months after you've posted them. I've been pretty bad at the whole social contact thing on the web the past few years, which I guess is obvious.

I guess the reasons are pretty obvious too, in retrospect - not an excuse, just an explanation.

The meds I'm on are pretty much the newest of the new (at least in Canada), and I'm hoping a lot of that 'numbing of the highs' you had with the Zoloft won't be happening on this stuff, but I'm not sure yet (as it's only been four days). I had similar experiences on the ones I was on before, and I really didn't like it either. Hopefully the greater risk of serious side effects has some sort of pay-out, though I doubt I'll experience any of them - I just find the fact that 'possibly fatal' side effects for an anti-depressant are even acknowledged to be both funny and scary.

On the other hand, at this point I feel I don't have much of a choice - Even if it numbs me out completely and makes sex seem like a board meeting, I'd keep taking them at least for the next while. Even that would be better then how I've been the past three months.

The Farmers Almanac says it'll be a fairly warm winter here, but even that, with everything else, seems to be a terrifying prospect. Gods, I hate winter so very much, even when things are going well, which they really haven't been.

I'm going to try the candle idea, as M and I were just talking about getting some earlier tonight. Great minds think alike, perhaps?

Anyway, I think I'd better stop rambling, and get some food, and some sleep. The world waits for no man, and all that.

And thanks, Wapsie, for everything.