So, I am in a better place now. I think. Y'all been wonderful to me, and I cannot thank you enough.

I'm getting along better with Flickie too, I think. I have a long road ahead of me but... I have some stable footing now. I feel like I have peace of mind. I still feel guilty, and I should feel guilty, but I won't wallow in it. Obsess over it. That was my problem to begin with- -feeding into my obsessions. It'll be hard not to, but he's forgiven me, so... I guess I'll just have to move forward.

We feel like our romance story is that of a miracle... a fairytale. And I'm not up for boring you with the details today. I will someday. But, despite feeling like we're soulmates, I understand that we have to fight and work for the relationship. We have to make the choice every day to be there for each other. Of course we matter to ourselves too, but we have to trust and help each other too.

I struggle with showing empathy. Always have. I know now to be quieter, listen, not offer unsolicited advice, and definitely not try to use mockery humor when it's not appreciated. I should have known over a decade ago when he FIRST started telling me how he wants to be treated, but... that's then and this is now. I'm sorry, I'm guilty, but I can't obsess if he forgives.

Combing over it is also kinda pointless he says since well, we're in a good place again. Just don't fuck up. And I'm still scared because here I am, writing this thing.

But

I'm ok.