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On being nb or not being nb
4 years ago
General
Flickie says I might not be nb. Idk. I feel like I am but he says that I could just have social dysphoria. Which isn't the same as regular dysphoria. Soc dysphoria is having a lot of hangups about your gender (if your afab) because of society, because of abuse and other external complications. It sucks being a girl. It just does. Society puts a lot of pressure on being one and it's hard. You have to be thin and pretty and a home maker, and you can't complain when people wanna fuck you and you have to feel complimented by rape... It's all a complicated cluster-fuck of fuckery.
And tbh? It made sense. I mean, I'm still wondering if I am nb, but Flickie made some really reasonable points. So now I'm in question about the whole thing. And I'd feel terrible if I discover I'm not... I know nb people really struggle with their identity. So I'm sorry if it turns out that I'm just a plain ol girl. I have some soul searching to do...
Masc Catt is still an exploration of my nb side, and will continue to exist as nb regardless of my identity. I still have feelings of the nb identity, and that wouldn't change even if I'm not, so I see no reason to kill him.
And tbh? It made sense. I mean, I'm still wondering if I am nb, but Flickie made some really reasonable points. So now I'm in question about the whole thing. And I'd feel terrible if I discover I'm not... I know nb people really struggle with their identity. So I'm sorry if it turns out that I'm just a plain ol girl. I have some soul searching to do...
Masc Catt is still an exploration of my nb side, and will continue to exist as nb regardless of my identity. I still have feelings of the nb identity, and that wouldn't change even if I'm not, so I see no reason to kill him.
Just be gentle with yourself.
But I sincerely appreciate your words.
I think the labels are there to help people present more accurately. People like organization and the categories provide that function. The more accurately you can present yourself, the better people understand who you are. And... I always struggled with my identity as a whole, so it's no surprise that this is a part of it. I know my identity in relation to something:
I'm a wife.
I'm an artist.
etc.
But I don't know who I am beyond that. I'm not sure if a label would cure it completely, but it's a direction.
In the meantime, do let me know if there's anything I can do to help. I'm always here for you and I will do my best to learn and understand.
Its entirely possible that my "identity" is a trauma response.