I felt like putting some more of my trans journey down. Its all pretty rough until this year but you've gotta get there somehow.

I've known for over ten years that I'm trans. But in 2012 the psychologist I was seeing for depression asked if it was something I was considering because my gender dysphoria came up. I said I'd thought about it but no. I spent the next six years gradually accepting it more fully but also trying to push it down. In the mean time Sharlan got more feminine and ended up with a female version. Eventually that hit a wall because I didn't want to make my avatar trans if I wasn't doing it IRL. It just didn't feel right.

I'm 2018 I got up the courage to see a psychiatrist to start transitioning. I only saw him the first appointment. It wasn't great and I don't really open up to psychiatrists easily so I gave up. Told myself I couldn't do it and even commissioned art to mourn the dream.

By the end of 2020 I was back to being sick of hating myself. Of looking into the mirror and seeing someone I loathed. Of knowing the reason I'm so unhappy is entirely my own fear. So I decided I'd see a doctor about gender affirming hormone therapy. I managed to find someone local who does the informed consent model and made an appointment. One bloodtest and one week later I had my prescription and took my first dose of hormones that night.

Its been just over six months now slowly ramping up the dosage. I've felt good about myself for the last two, I look in the mirror and see someone I like. I feel happy without something in the last hour being obviously responsible. I haven't been happy like this since 2001.