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Flooding the dark track
4 years ago
General
Hey hey hey, I had a small thought. I was thinking, how can I get the "dark track" of my executive dysfunction to lighten up? How can I possibly take those things and make them seem real and possible again? Maybe I've been going about it the wrong way. What if... what if, in order to make more mundane things seem real and possible, I have to veer a little harder into making ridiculous and fantastical things seem real and possible...?
Like. "I'm going to ride a unicorn today." That's on the dark track with things like "I'll make a phone call today" and "I'll do the laundry today," but mentally, I know it's fantastical, so it's not *quite* in the same place.
What if I... what if I told myself for real, that I was going to ride a unicorn...? I don't think I'd actually believe it, at its depths, but... if I took the definitely ridiculously fantastical things, and lowered them mentally to a place of "well maybe this is something I could do someday," then... would it forcibly displace those things on the dark track that seem less ridiculously fantastical, but still unreal? If I flood the dark track with the ludicrous, will the less ludicrous be forced into the light again? I wonder.
If I can tell myself with a straight face that I'm gonna ride a unicorn today, it should be even easier for me to tell myself that I'll do the laundry, I think.
Maybe this sort of mental resettling is exactly what I need. Kind of like... adding a heavier layer of something on top of a lighter layer, to make the lighter things settle into place. The dark track... is definitely rooted in some ways in anxiety from trauma. I feel like this reframing might ease that anxiety, might make me feel more strong, more capable, less helpless. Helplessness... yeah. I guess that's what I feel in terms of trauma and executive dysfunction, where the two things combine. Feelings of helplessness make things go onto the dark track.
Like. "I'm going to ride a unicorn today." That's on the dark track with things like "I'll make a phone call today" and "I'll do the laundry today," but mentally, I know it's fantastical, so it's not *quite* in the same place.
What if I... what if I told myself for real, that I was going to ride a unicorn...? I don't think I'd actually believe it, at its depths, but... if I took the definitely ridiculously fantastical things, and lowered them mentally to a place of "well maybe this is something I could do someday," then... would it forcibly displace those things on the dark track that seem less ridiculously fantastical, but still unreal? If I flood the dark track with the ludicrous, will the less ludicrous be forced into the light again? I wonder.
If I can tell myself with a straight face that I'm gonna ride a unicorn today, it should be even easier for me to tell myself that I'll do the laundry, I think.
Maybe this sort of mental resettling is exactly what I need. Kind of like... adding a heavier layer of something on top of a lighter layer, to make the lighter things settle into place. The dark track... is definitely rooted in some ways in anxiety from trauma. I feel like this reframing might ease that anxiety, might make me feel more strong, more capable, less helpless. Helplessness... yeah. I guess that's what I feel in terms of trauma and executive dysfunction, where the two things combine. Feelings of helplessness make things go onto the dark track.
