Now that my vacation is over and i am started again, i feel worse! My vacation was ruined by people who wanted help with some things! When i tried to help them, it was not good enough and i was pretty much useless. I was to a birthday party and i was pretty much being treated as always when i'm around people. Even my parents ruined the only thing i needed. Some good relaxing and i was pretty much upset about it. But it hurts that they really don't care about how i feel!

I started to listen to Billie Eilish cause her songs are dark and when i started i couldn't stop myself! I went too far with some of her songs and now i have so many dark thoughts in my head! Now i just listen to them over and over to hurt myself even more! I even told my teacher, one that i can really trust about my dark thoughts and she was so worried about me. She defintley got scared when i said that i wanted to end me! My first day was horrible and i can't find a way to relax! I'm in so much pain and these dark thoughts just won't stop. All i tried was to just do good things, but how i'm being treated back by everyone is litterally there where i just want to do nothing anymore.

''I Wanna End Me'' Bury a friend - Billie Eilish