I’m sad because……
...of the way things are in this world.
I don’t like it, not just because of the people in it… But because of the way they’ve made it.

Yes I understand that in order to live you have to pay for things, and in order to pay for things you have to work. But unfortunately that’s what my brain hates most. I love my job but… I feel like I’m losing my touch with my creativity. I used to always be imaginative, I have a bunch of nerf guns and I will literally run around the basement pretending to shoot zombies, or be in a firefight, etc. But…… I’m starting to lose that…

That’s what I loved about being younger, that’s what I loved before work, and that’s what I’m losing… And what’s worse is that I know it’s because I’m somehow making more friends, I’ve some how managed to make and keep friends… And thus I’m losing touch with my imagination and becoming more in-touch with reality… I love the friends that I have. I love the job that I have but… It’s making me lose the thing I loved most.

I can’t draw as much anymore because of work and constantly wanting to be with my friends, and at the end of the day. I see all this art that people have drawn and get jealous… Not just because I can’t draw like them… But because I know in order for me to draw like them… I have to keep drawing… Majority of my art is just looking off of a reference… Never fully drawn on my own from scratch.

And what makes this all more frustrating is the constant, feeling like I have a multiple personality disorder but knowing I do not. It’s like these mood phases…
For a month I’ll be myself but feminine, Ikian
For a month I’ll be myself but masculine, Foxx (Will be uploading drawings of him soon).
For a month I’ll be not in the mood for bulls**t and wouldn’t mind fighting over something, Cocidius.
For a month I’ll be very sexual and always in the mood, wanting to do it with anyone I who would let me, Donna (Will be uploading drawings of her soon).

I’ll know exactly what I’m doing and everything that is going on but… It’s like I’m a completely different person. It doesn’t make sense to me. I’m very creative and open minded, heck I even want some of the supernatural to be true and believe the ghosts are real, yet… I still always look for the logic… And it’s when I can not find the logic behind it is what frustrates me. Why do I have these phases? And why do I have to lose my creativity and imagination?