I couldn't respond to everyone who replied to the last journal, because between this site and SoFurry, I had well over a dozen people offer their critting skills. But to those who I reached out to, I wanted to say that I appreciate the FUCK out of you for the time and effort you put into it. A good critique is invaluable for any writer. And I had a few excellent critters step up to the plate!

With this Whitewillow project, I set out with the goal of making the best smut story I have ever written ... and hopefully the best smut story you've ever read. I don't know how close I got to the latter, but I definitely stepped up on the former! The final version of the story is a massive upgrade from the version I had prior. I even re-wrote an entirely different opening scene from scratch! I couldn't have made the improvements I did without alllll the extra eyes picking out things that I missed, so here's one final thank you!

The story is live at: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/46728714/


 ilovecritique

My next big story project is coming along fast. And I need your help to make it the best story I've ever written!

I am looking for critique on the story's plot, pacing, and characterization. Critiquing is NOT the same as proofreading ... it's a difficult skill that requires good sense of story engineering, so I will prioritize responses from fellow writers. While I'm not offering compensation in return for your time, attention, and razor-sharp observations, you may have my undying love and affection for six consecutive seconds!

The story is about a feral dragoness who has arrived in an unfamiliar city of hostile humans. The story is heavy on adult themes with very NSFW sections. It's also entirely WAY too long because I have WAY too many ideas. I need your help to figure out where things drag on (heh) or where I lose focus of the plot. In addition, I'd like in feedback on the two main characters and how likable they are. Also, keep a look out for inconsistencies, errors, and general weak writing that can be improved!

I have a few rules:

~ I work in google docs. I prefer all the critting to be done using the comment feature.
~ The smut will be removed from the story. The fun parts don't need any crits!
~ You don't have to get through the entire story. If you get bored and stop, comment WHERE because I want to know where I lost you.
~ I'll have a few questions at the end. Please try to be detailed whenever possible.
~ Don't hold back on the crit. If you dislike something, let me know! I LOVE harsh opinions and will appreciate your honesty.

If you are interested or have questions, please leave a comment. Thank you!

Buckle up, 'cuz we're going to dragon therapy

You don't have to know me to figure out that I don't exactly love the furry fandom. Sure, I like to poke fun at all the sparkly OCs, the unfiltered cringe, and the murry purry roleplay ...

But a big reason why I hate the fandom is because I'm a part of it.

I'm a very private person when it comes to my interests in the exotic. Coming from a family of sheltered and conservative people, I've learned to be extremely judgemental of my interests from the moment I developed them. I've carried these judgements with me for my whole life, to the point where my shame, embarrassment and self-loathing felt like inescapable part of who I am.

But last week I visited some friends I've met through the furry fandom. This was a big step for me, and I wasn't sure if I'd regret it. I spent time with people who have dragon statues on their walls, pokemon on their desks, and shelves full of dinosaur figurines (and a few of the things were even *gasp* lewd). At first, I was uncomfortable being around some weirdos who are so open about their interests. For the first day or so, I felt like I didn't belong. However, as we hung out, I began to realize that these weirdos not only empathized in all of my self-judgement and shame, they had similar stories of their own and wanted to help me work through mine.

I have decades worth of bottled-up emotions under the surface, and I've never talked about any of it.

You can imagine how incredibly, overwhelmingly cathartic to get some of those emotions out in front of people who not only wouldn't judge, but empatheticly understood what I was going through. After enough coaxing (and alcoholic drinks), I said some things aloud that I'd never admitted to everyone ... and we're talking "minor" things, like admitting to being attracted to ferals (I know, such a scandalous shock to anyone who hasn't read my stories). Simply speaking those words to another human being was a huge, huge step for me.

A lot of the friends I hung out with were also artists and writers, and being around such fantastically creative people has jumpstarted my own creative drive. I can't even talk about my clean writing with friends and family, because they simply don't care. But now I was around people who were getting excited about my projects, which made me want to write for them.

You may be happy to hear that I have accepted a commission for a new story.

 narse is funding a story idea I have about an albino dragoness named Whitewillow. She is a priestess and holy courtesan who is devoted to a goddess of love and harmony. Whitewillow believes lovemaking is a beautiful act of worship, and to the surprise of absolutely no one reading this, she prefers demonstrating her religion to humans. I admit it's sorta cringy in concept, but I'm excited to make it work. I haven't felt this motivated to write in a long time.

Also, I might have art of Whitewillow to share at some point!

I'm incredibly thankful for everyone I've met and talked to during the past week. I've worked though a lot of mental bullshit thanks to you all, and while I'm not about to start hanging up feral art on my walls, I feel more comfortable in my own skin. And that's a gift that's many, many years overdue.

Oh, and Narse ... this STILL doesn't mean I'm ever going to put on a fursuit. You can quote me on that!

Do you like dragon dicks?

Asking for a friend.

A wild SALAZZLE appeared!

What will AUSFER do?

...

AUSFER used WRITE!

It's Super Effective!

The wild SALAZZLE used PHEROMONES!

AUSFER is confused!

The wild SALAZZLE used ATTRACT!

AUSFER is okay with this!

The wild SALAZZLE used LICK!

AUSFER is paralyzed!

The wild SALAZZLE used SWALLOW!

AUSFER fainted!

Day 392, weather is fair. I know for whom the doorbell tolls. FTD has my parents' address on a sticky note. Their front door has been blocked by an avalanche of delightful floral eulogies. My mother was all like "why is this bouquet shaped like a dragon's butt" and I had to make up a story about how I know a guy who works with dragon butt for a living and he didn't know any better.

Wait, that's not a lie ... I actually know people who work with dragon butt for a living.

Shit.

How the hell did I end up like this?

Oh yeah ... the dragon smut. The loads and loads of dragon smut.

By the way, I'm still not published yet. I put my fantasy novel on hold, been working on short stories to get my foot in the door. My friends and family say they're great, but the rejection letters are piling up! I could use some honest, hard feedback, but I'm afraid to let anyone on this site see something that could potentially have my real name on it. Maybe there's a way to guarantee anonymity? If you have any ideas, let me know.

Oh, and if you want to see more dragon smut, also let me know. I'm not sure if I want to go back to that, but maybe I could take a commission or something. I haven't thought it out yet.

BECAUSE YOU'RE GONNA GET A MOTHERFUCKING STORY

WITH MOTHERFUCKING DRAGONS

AND MOTHERFUCKING DRAMA

AND LOTS AND LOTS OF MOTHERFUCKING FEELS

BUT NO ACTUAL MOTHER FUCKING

BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE KINDA WEIRD

... i mean Jacob's mother isn't even a major character in the story soooo ....

ANYWAY

DRAGONS

AND STUFF

YEAH

YOU'RE GONNA GET IT

AND IT'S GONNA BE THE BEST MOTHERFUCKING STORY YOU EVER READ

OR YOU GET YOUR MOTHERFUCKING MONEY BACK

... seriously tho its the conclusion of jacob and penelope's story and it's actually some of the best writing i've ever put on this site sooooo ...

PREPARE YOUR MOTHERFUCKING ANUS

AND BY ANUS I MEAN EYES

BECAUSE YOU DON'T READ WITH YOUR ANUS

AT LEAST I HOPE SO

I HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT IS A REASONABLE ASSUMPTION

... but really it's coming soon, so get ready and stuff ...

AUSFER, OUT

Yup, I'm releasing some stories. The first in many months.

I am in no way insinuating anything by encouraging you to read my stories on this particular day, out of all other days of the year. It is nothing but sheer coincidence.

Trust me, I'm a professional. Would I lie to you?

Don't answer that.

Not dead, just working on my novel. It's on its 2nd draft and really close to being complete. I've super stoked for it and can't wait for it to be finished. Truthfully, it would have been finished long ago if I had simply been better prepared. As I said before, I knew there would be growing pains, and I was right! But I've gotten through many of them and I'm still in one piece. And I'm sure more pains are yet to come! You see, I don't want to stand for a novel that's simply "good". I need it to be a great novel, a fantastic novel--the best I can possibly offer to the world. And I can't provide the best without hours and hours of hard work.

I have so many ideas and concepts, and I keep having to cut content for the sake of keeping a decent word count. I've actually written enough for two books already--that's how much content I've cut!

I've worked hundreds of hours on it, probably over a thousand, and its crazy how much I've learned about fiction writing through the process! I've had to adjust my writing style and change how I write in general ... I can't even go back to my old stories on this site and read them without wincing at my old prose.

I've started a blog in preparation for the marketing and promoting phase of publishing--that's something I am dreading but it's a necessary step if I want the book to get read. I'd like to reiterate that I won't be self-publishing unless as a last resort. I also want my real name to be on the cover, which is why I can't share any specific details on an account that's linked to copious amounts of furry porn.

I really wish I could get feedback, but it's something I cannot afford to do on this site. But please, wish me luck and success as I finalize my novel and attempt to get it published--that'll be a job almost as taxing as the writing its self! The fiction market is as saturated as ever, and it's incredibly hard to stand out among the crowd.


PS: I found time to write another chapter of The Persistent Dragon. Its already posted, so read it if you like.

I haven't been very forthcoming with the details of yet, but yes ... I am working on a novel. I'm already around 45,000 words into it, actually. This novel will be an epic fantasy tale, which is a genera I never thought I'd write. But I'm doing fantasy my way, and I'm really excited about it.

Human culture throughout history is quite rich in mythological tales and creatures, and one amazing aspect of these tales is that many of them share close similarities despite coming from different cultures and different times. My novel poses the question of "What if all those myths and legends had some common origin?". To this end I've been constructing a sort of "super-mythos" that pulls mythology from ancient Egypt, Greece, Rome, Scandinavia, Mesopotamia, Judea, East Asia, and other cultures, and tells a singular story full of incredible creatures, persons, and events that eventually spawn all the myths and legends that we on Earth are familiar with. So in my novel, The Garden of Eden is real. The Greek titans are real. The nine worlds of Norse mythology are real. And they're all part of a single story. This "super-mythos" forms the basis of lore upon which the setting of my novel takes place.

But such events are in the past, and my novel tells a more modern tale. A tale of present-day Earth and it's fantasy-themed sister planet linked through space-time. The concept is basically a mashup between The Chronicles of Narnia and Conker's Bad Fur Day. (or if you haven't played that gem of a N64 game, think Rocket Raccoon from Guardians of the Galaxy). The end result is a fantasy world full of elves, magic, and talking animals, but this is juxtaposed with crude, crass, and colorful characters, many of which are talking animals who make Earth culture references. Yes, this is a novel where cute and cuddly critters can say "Fuck you!" and they certainly do to the main character many times.

My novel is set on another planet far far away that is linked to present-day Earth. Travel is possible via magical technology that open wormholes. Earth is unaware of this other planet, with the knowledge being lost after the fall of Rome and the plunging of Europe into the Dark Ages, but creatures from this other planet are still aware of Earth and some even live on Earth in secret. Some are aware of our culture, our internet, and our media, and make references to such things throughout the novel. Now, this concept might seem odd to be mixed with a fantasy setting, but consider this: if there's one thing the fantasy genre is known for, it's creating fantastic worlds and events that take place in a purely fictional setting that you can never visit. I don't want to do that. The premise of my novel is that MY fantasy world is real, and you CAN go visit it ... if you knew how.

My novel is not a cheery, kid-friendly fairy tale. It will be gritty and at times dark and violent. There's murder, torture, and senseless killing. Characters die. And this applies to all races, even the animals. So yes, this is a world where a squirrel might slit a man's throat for his coin purse, and the man's friends retaliate by skinning the squirrel alive. I will be making every effort to shatter the commonly-held conception that talking animals is a genre for kids. Works like Redwall and Wind in the Willows can take a seat ... the adults have come out to play.

Also ... one thing that's always irked me about fantasy is all the hand-waving that goes on concerning magic. Humans like to use the word "magic" as anything that can't normally be explained. Just look at Harry Potter: nobody in the books tells you how saying "wingardium leviosa" makes things float, for instance. I'm not going down that route. My magic has an explainable system. I've even gone as far as to explain how magic works on the biological and molecular level, something which I can do with great detail due to my very rich background in biology and physics. This magic system has been designed to be as plausible as possible, so that magic is less of "unexplainable bullshit" and more of "cool powers that could work in real life".

All of this construction I've done has taken months of work. And I haven't even told you about the plot yet! I won't get into details, suffice to say it will involve fantasy standbys such as epic quests that involve a lot of travel. There will be a couple plot twists along the way, along with heartbreak, hopelessness, perseverance, bravery, and eventual triumph. And it will set the stage for many more novels, should the first become successful.

This novel is my magnus opus. It is my baby, my pride and joy, my pipe dream. I am taking every precaution to make it as best as I can humanly make it.

However, I will not be sharing it directly with the furry fandom, because I want my real name to go on it, and I don't want to associate my real-life self with the "ausfer" profile on this site. You see, this novel is not something I am going to self-publish and be content with a small audience ... no, I am looking for something much greater than that. I want it to be successful. I want mainstream appeal. I will be finding a publicist, spending money on promoting the novel, and working my way to become a successful mainstream author. It would be my dream to see my novel in stores, to get on the New York Times best seller's list, and become the next big thing on the fantasy market. I'll take a movie deal, while I'm at it. :P I know these are lofty goals, and I probably won't be able to make them ... but when you dream, you should dream big, am I right?

This novel is already hundreds of hours of work in the making, and it will take hundreds more. Writing a novel is an incredibly difficult, challenging, and arduous task. I sometimes become intimidated or frustrated at the writing process. It may turn out to be one of the most challenging things I've done. However, I feel that I have the skills and experience to succeed. I've been using my various posted stories as experiments, such as world-building and creating fictitious languages. I've done my research and my homework. I've been reading other novels for guidance and ideas. I already have the bulk of my world-building done, and the entire narrative framework has been laid out thus far.

I am ready.

If you have any questions about my novel feel free to ask. Otherwise, any support, encouragement, and best wishes are appreciated.

I'll try and keep this short and sweet.

Firstly, I am out of a job. Again. >_< Being broke and unemployed sucks.

Secondly, I apologize for not being very active or communicating very well. I've been in private contact with some of the people who have contributed money for stories, but it's my fault for not being more public about my progress. I did get a few more people donations, and it was enough to fund around 2.5 chapters.

Throughout the process I've been hearing some wishes from some of my readers who have contributed ... "More plot and character interaction!"

Now, I've been afraid to do this FOR YEARS, as I know this will turn away my casual readerbase ... but, you know what? Fuck it, we're doing it anyway! Lord knows I could use a break from writing endless porn scenes. They get progressively more boring and difficult to write, as I can find no more interest or enjoyment in writing them. At this point I NEED to write something else. Otherwise I will just get burnt out (again) and end up hating writing (again).

So, I apologize for the lack of porn in the next 2 chapters or so! Maybe I have an old fapfic lying around somewhere I can publish as a form of compensation ...

As for The Perisistent Dragon, what I have written instead of porn, is ... some very compelling material that explores the world Jacob and Penelope live in. I introduce a new main character. I explore new places. I've shown it to a few people who have said the writing is fantastic. And I am excited to say that these chapters are merely stepping stones for larger projects. After all, now that I am stuck without a job, that means more free time to work on a novel or two ...

The stories will be up soon. If not today then tomorrow.

You read that right, it's going to be my birthday on the 31st!

I'm probably going to be receiving some cash (among other things (by things I mean non-bad-dragon things (which is a good thing (stop sending me dildos, varka)))), so I figured I should ask around if there's a good game on Steam that I should throw money at.

I like most genres of videogames, except racing, fighting, and sim games.

I don't have many Steam games, so if there's an old game that's been out for years that you loved, I might not have it! So suggest away!

The two chapters I uploaded today (3/20) were already commissioned previously, before I made the announcement that I was accepting commission/donation money for more chapters of The Persistent Dragon. (http://www.furaffinity.net/view/15997376/)

I didn't get much of a response as I was hoping... In fact, I only had a few people contribute money. But it's enough for one more chapter! If I get a few more people contributing money I will make it two chapters! Being able to make some money off of these things are really important considering how many hours I spend working on these things ... it can be upwards of 50 hours on a chapter depending on the complexity of the writing.

If you wish to contribute money towards the production of more stories please send me a private message/note.

Writing a story is like having a baby.

At the beginning it's like sex, where it is super fun and you get a huge rush from getting your creative juices flowing. After that is early pregnancy: the first trimester. This is where you actually start getting into the planning stages and you realize you have a lot of work to do. It is the "wake-up call" of the story writing process. The second trimester is where things get intimidating. You're putting long hours in and eating weird foods and staying up late to write more. Just like how you can tell a pregnant woman by her "baby bump", passerbys on the street will immediately notice you are a prospective author by the unkempt hair, unshaven face, and the distinctive smell of coffee beans.

By the third trimester you are really stressed out and want to get this thing done and over with. You start writing more sloppily because you're eager to get this out of the way. You're moody and cranky and always complaining. And after all that, there is the final stage of writing: the birth. At this point, writing is no longer fun. It is a lot of hard work that you really don't want to do, and the only option is to just push, push, and push through it until you reach the breaching point. Once you get past that, everything finally starts to flow until your last parts of the story fall into place. You look at your finished product and admire its beauty ... nevermind the fact that it's got tons of flaws that you wont discover until later (much like how babies start out cute and end up as crying poop machines of terror). By the end of it all you feel incredible and at the same time you swear to never do it again.

... But a long, long time after your first story, after everything is said and done, you start to get stupid ideas to begin a second one and you begin telling yourself that it'll be tons of fun.

Random musings:

~Before I say anything else, I will say this: I am a diehard smash fan. I love everything oldschool nintendo, and Smash is to many, a nintendo fanboy's wet dream. Characters from all the popular franchises all in one place. Great music complied from dozens of different games. And the series manages to flawlessly balance the edge between wacky humor and serious, hardcore competition with a level of technical skill that's on par with other fighting games, while staying ever far away from the formula and design that Mortal Kombat first popularized long ago.

~Smash 3DS is a great game. The roster is great: awesome newcomers, and the veterans have been tweaked and adjusted. I am missing Lucas and Snake, though. Everything feels much more balanced than in Brawl. All stages have flat versions for competitive play. And thank goodness they got rid of tripping. I am disappointed there is no extended story mode like in Brawl, but I assume they are saving that for the WiiU version. Its replacement, Smash Run, is shallow but enjoyable enough.

~The Duck Hunt dog is by far my favorite newcomer. And what an unexpected one! Their animations are hilarious and its hard not to smile or laugh with them on the stage. The inquisitive-looking duck always perched on his back is a cute little bugger. I am also digging Bowser Jr and his Koopa Clown Car. His alternate colors are the 7 Koopalings from Super Mario World. That's. Friggen. AWESOME! I prefer the badass in shades, Roy.

~I used to be good in Melee. Like, really good. I was not quite on the professional level, but I hung out with those who were. I am starting to get back to that level with the new characters I am practicing. I am ditching my old mains of Marth and Falco, and am currently practicing Zero Suit Samus, Lucario, and Bowser the most. ZSS has rocket boots now and she's incredibly strong. Bowser is much faster now and an absolute beast. And Lucario's aura is stupidly powerful. He seems to be one of the strongest characters in this game. I am really digging him. When I am comfortable with him and ZSS, I will probably learn Duck Hunt or Bowser Jr (Roy) next.

~I discovered that there are few things as hilariously awkward as a 4 charizard fight in super smash bros. Charizard is ... not the best character. Actually, he's probably one of the worst characters in the game. He's really slow, clumsy, and awkward, with laggy air attacks and a terrible vertical recovery for a flying pokemon. So watching 4 of them fight at once is like watching an old godzilla movie with 4 slow, ungainly lizards beating the crap out of each other. What makes it even funnier is that charizard does not change expressions. His face is permanently locked in a cheery, optimistic grin. Even when he's getting the stuffing knocked out of him. Also, charizard has only like ... 3 or so distinct sounds. And after a few minutes of listening to the grunting and groaning and roaring of four pissed-off-but-really-happy-looking fire lizards, I found myself spontaneously breaking out in laughter. It reminded me of Banjo Kazooie, where, during any dialogue, characters would speak with an onslaught of silly gibberish sounds.

~I was so excited to try SSB online. It was one of the first things I did. But the experience of trying it for the first time was like opening a birthday gift and getting socks made of sadness and children's tears. So much lag, so much disappointment. Most games are unplayable due to the stuttering and constant pauses. The options for play are very limited. There's no ladder, no leaderboard, no ability to message friends online and invite them to a match. You cant share replays or screencaps. Nintendo seems to be permanently 10 years behind the curve when it comes to online functionality.

~I am tempted to get a WiiU just for Smash. But I'll hold off for now. I don't really have the money to go out and splurge on a videogame console.

~ I've had a handful of awesome online experiences, on the rare occasions I can play without lag. And I am getting better with Lucario, learning his timings and whatnot. It feels so good to punish a player trying to recover off-stage: https://www.dropbox.com/s/u4qg8in5c.....0_509.mp4?dl=0 Yes, I went on to win the match, too. With his attack-boosting aura, lucario is the king of comeback victories. I wish I had a twitter following so I could start trending the hashtag #lucariowned

~ I screecapped a bunch of stills from the Smash character release trailers and used them as desktop wallpapers. Check them out: http://puu.sh/clgfw/98426fc18d.jpg Want to have these as your desktop too? Download this zip of all the screencaps here: https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B0.....ew?usp=sharing There's quite a lot, so pick and choose which ones you want to keep!

Guys ... guys .... it's late at night.

I've been drinking with friends ... I'm hella drunk right now

I've been people encouraging me to do this for months now ...

I'm gonna post adult art. I'm gonna do it.

Oh god somebody stop me I have no self control.

Yup, you read the title right: I am writing again.

It's been a while, hasn't it? More specifically, it's been about eight months since my last published story.

I stopped writing last year for three reasons: first, I was deeply struggling to find enjoyment in writing, so I was no longer writing personal stuff that was just for fun. Second, I stopped getting commisison offers, which led to no short stories being published. Finally, the third reason is... well, it's personal, but basically, I was losing interest in the fandom... specifically, the adult-rated side of it.

Eight months is a long time, however, and the long break from writing has smoothed over reason one a bit. I wish I could say that I've sparked my passion for writing once again, but that would be a bit of a superlative. I am, however, able to sit down in front of a keyboard and belt out a few paragraphs without much trouble, which is progress. Reason number two has been solved since Sprout has commissioned me for a story about Nixi. Reason three hasn't been fixed yet, and I don't think it's possible to fix. Best I can do is simply work through it.

Now, let's go back to this story... as I said, a new story is in the works. It is part two to A Dragon In Suburbia, which is the sequel to Dragon Ranch. I have enough concepts and ideas written down to make a part three as well.

With that being said, if you would be interested in seeing a part three, you are welcome to commission me for it. Alternatively, several people can donate to cover the cost of a commission.

I keep my paypal email private, so if you would like to contribute to the "make Ausfer write sexy dragon stories" fund, leave a comment or send me a private message.

Thank you.

I am doing a little plug for a friend of mine,  animatic . He is currently accepting commissions for 2D animations, and he's quite good at it, too! He's the guy who animated these paintings of nixi:

(Warning: NSFW) http://www.furaffinity.net/view/11086973/
(Warning: NSFW) http://www.furaffinity.net/view/11474836/

If you have art that you'd like to have as a flash animation, check him out:

http://www.furaffinity.net/user/animatic

I'm just gonna leave this here for posterity:

http://oi61.tinypic.com/2mniwi1.jpg

A gravely terrible thing has happened on this day. It was something I hoped that no one would ever do, but deep in my heart, I knew that it would come sooner or later.

(actually its a thing that everybody else will enjoy but I will hate >_<)

This day.... this day of days is a day that will live in infamy. A day I hoped would never come to pass.

Yes, today, somebody decided that I needed a fursona. And drew it without telling me first. And I think most of you know how I feel about having a fursona....

Guys.... Help.

Help me.

I dun wanna be a dragon. ;~;

_____________________________
I KNOW THIS IS A REALLY LONG JOURNAL BUT ITS HILARIOUS, YOU SHOULD READ IT
_____________________________

Well guys I am back from Further Confusion 2014 and somehow I managed to escape with my life and (most of) my sanity. FC was my first furry convention and my first real encounter with furries in person. Not only was I attending my first convention, but I also had to present at this year's Adult Dragon Panel, where I basically had to get up on stage and talk about dragon porn in front of hundreds of people.

Yeah. I actually did that.

Now, I come from a very conservative upbringing and I am incredibly uncomfortable admitting my involvement in the furry fandom, let alone going into any details. I like to treat it as something best swept under the rug, so to go from that to being thrust in an environment where I was surrounded by furries in their element was quite the culture shock for me.

People kept asking me during the con how I was faring, and I would always give them the same response:

There were some good parts, some bad parts, and some ugly parts.

I will start out by saying that never in my entire life have I felt so uncomfortable, and so awkward. And I will go on by saying that at other times I was having an absolute blast. There were occasions when I felt so out-of-place that I needed to get away from everyone, and other times where I was laughing and joking and having tons of fun.

The con started off as a disaster. I arrived around noon on the first day, but everyone I was supposed to meet up with didn't get there until several hours later. I couldn't even check into my hotel until my roomie  Mandarax arrived because I didn't have the money to do so, so for a long time I was stuck in the middle of downtown San Jose, by myself, surrounded by furries, and with nothing to do. I walked around, noticed that on the streetposts there were posters advertising the con and I was suprised that the city of San Jose actually started endorsing this stuff. I go into the registration room and I kept getting approached by awkward people and too-friendly fursuiters. I got poked in the butt by someone - I don't know who. So, I tried to go invisible by pulling up my hoodie over my head, putting on my headphones, and started playing around on my phone, which is about as blatant of a "do not approach me" signal I can get without hanging a sign around my neck.

Eventually my other roomie,  Evalion, arrives, and I meet up with him. I've known him for a while and we've talked a lot on skype so things went smoothly. He calls himself a dragon but damn, that boy is a stick insect if I ever saw one. I was afraid someone would walk by a little too quickly and the wind would knock him over. I know you're reading this, Eva - hi! :P

While we were chatting we got approached by this asian guy who asked us a few questions about the con since it was his first time. We chatted for like a minute, whereupon he abruptly turned and left mid-conversation without even saying goodbye. Awkward. After that I met  Kiteless, who runs the Adult Dragon Panel. I go to shake his hand whereupon he says "Sorry, but I'm a hugger" and wraps me in a big hug instead. I hang around for a bit and subsequently volunteer to help him move his stuff to his room since I didn't want to be left alone at the con any longer than was necessary. Naturally, of all the things in his car, I was asked to carry his fursuit up to his hotel room (and let me reiterate that, just for the record, fursuits creep me out).

Man, this con is off to a great start so far.

Fast forward to the afternoon. I get my con nametag. I start noticing everyone has a drawn badge and start feeling left out, only to remind myself I don't have a fursona so having a badge would be pointless. Finally the rest of my friends arrive:  Syrinoth,  StarDragon102, and  Subito_Kurai. StarDragon had to make a big deal about giving me a really gay hug in public, but I refused to give him the satisfaction of being awkward about it.

We go out to eat and come back to Syri's hotel room where I meet  Skadjer,  Chiz-ance,  BGYoshi and a few other people whose names escape me. The vodka gets passed around as does Cards Against Humanity and we have a kickass first night. I spent at least a good hour talking to Skadjer and we got into some deep stuff (perhaps too deep for us both being drunk :P); I felt like we were able to connect on an intellectual level and that was awesome. Everybody loved playing Cards Against Humanity and its a shame we never got a second chance to play on another night.

The second day arrives, and I spent most of the time freaking out because that's the day they run the Adult Dragon Panel. I had no idea what to say, and no idea how I was going to compose myself having to discuss dragon porn in front of hundreds. I go to turn in my art (two unreleased pieces, one by  Narse and one by Syrinoth), and meet Kiteless a second time. He doesn't remember me despite me introducing myself to him yesterday, and also despite us talking quite a bit via email prior to the con, so things felt a bit awkward for me at first. Also, his shirt, depicting rainbow-.colored dragons making out, catches me rather off-guard. He asks me about my art, and I have to remind him for the second time that I don't draw, I write. Then he says I can't do the ADP because I can't present art that's not mine, and I start to feel things aren't turning out so well.

Kiteless is actually a nice guy, pretty affable and friendly; he just seemed like he had so much going on and couldn't quite keep track of everything, which I understand. Eventually I was able to get on level with him ("Oh, so you're the guy who wrote Dragon Ranch! Now I know who you are!") and things go a bit more smooth from there. He tells me he's making me an exception, that I'll be the first author in the history of the Adult Dragon Panel, and I'll have two slides with which to present art of my stories. We talk about my work which was awkward for me to do and I show him some more of my fan art that's private and I can't post on FA/SF. He talks about wanting to screw dragons and vore, and I try my best to be a good sport about it. He gives me a gatorade. I give him a few unpublished stories to read (spoilers: they're about dragon porn). Despite the topics being awkward for me to discuss I enjoy talking to him. Eventually I leave to go get food.

I take the elevator down from the 19th floor to the lobby and have to ride the entire way down with a fursuiter who silently stared at me the entire time. Goddammit.

I get invited to a Thai food place with a bunch of dragon-loving furries. Everybody seems to know each other and I'm feeling rather out-of-place at the moment so I don't talk much. I get good food but I have to say I experienced some of the worst service I've ever seen. We were stuck there for like an hour after eating and we still hadn't gotten our checks, and poor Evalion and Skadjer didn't even get their food until everyone else had ate!

We leave with the thick smell of curry still clinging to the inside of my nostrils. Time comes for the Adult Dragon Panel and I still have no idea what to say. I'm starting to freak out. StarDragon and Syrinoth and Subito_Kurai are all being really good about it, trying to reassure me. I spend a long time writing up notes I know I'll never use because I'll forget them on-stage. I take ample amounts of alcohol with me: it's my coping device, and I know I'll need it. At the panel, before it starts, I meet a lot of people. I see  Sprout and say hi, and thanks for his awesome art of Penelope. Wish I could have talked with him more.

The panel begins and I sit in my seat feeling like a man on death row waiting for his name to be called. Eventually, my turn comes to present at the panel. By this time I am fortunately drunk: there's no way I can do this sober. I take my phone with me (it's got my notes on it) and immediately forget to use them. I begin talking, introducing myself, and tell a joke. I introduce my first piece and start talking about Dragon Ranch. I say the word "Vagina" on stage. I get the audience to laugh and they start clapping at something funny I say. I go on to talk about The Persistent Dragon. I completely forget to talk about any of the more intricate and thoughtful stuff that goes into my writing (you know, the parts of my writing that I am actually proud about) in lieu of talking about dragons that want to diddle humans (to be fair, I'm sure that's what people would have rather me talk about). I ask for questions and two people raise their hands. One of the questions are "Will Penelope ever do anal?" which I find difficult to answer.

After the panel ends people congratulate me on doing really well, I get told that I "rocked the panel", so I think that means I did pretty well.... I was too drunk and too nervous to remember most of what I said. I meet  Dreamous and we talk for a bit. I was disappointed to find he hasn't read any of my stories. I meet other folks whose names I can't remember. We get shooed out of the stage room by an employee who wants to clean and shut down the place, and continue talking.

There's all sorts of fursuiters going about their business outside in the hallway. I spot one suiter wearing boxers (a sure sign that it's one of those suits with a zipper in the front), and has a bandanna around the head that says "Murrsuit".

Stay classy, San Jose.

Anyway I'm hanging around :Syrinoth and company, and I'm keeping a wary eye on some of these suiters, when all of the sudden a pair of fur-covered arms wrap around me from behind and I'm suddenly I'm all like OHGODGETITOFFME. I turn to see its the murrsuiter. Everybody starts laughing, I feel dirty and violated. Frantically, I try to rub off the murriness from my clothes, but the taint acts like foul blood that won't wash out. I yell that I need an adult. Somebody points out that the murrsuiter IS an adult. I begin to whimper. He starts to stalk me down the hallway, giving chase when I run away. An altercation happens which I will refrain from going into detail, suffice to say it had everybody laughing.

(All in all, I was actually being good sport about it. Didn't get angry or anything. But still, fuck that noise: I'm not getting hugged again. :P)

Next day comes. Mandarax invites me to join some other people out for late breakfast/early lunch. I come and find that there's like fourteen people there and they're all fans of dragons. Some of them actually identify themselves as a dragon, but thankfully they weren't really awkward about it like others I've talked to in the past. We go to a pub/restaurant called Gordon Biersch which has really good food. I start talking to some of the people at the table, introducing myself. Some of the people I talked to I unfortunately can't remember their names (If you're reading this and you remember talking to me, give me a shout-out in the comments!). I try taking constant glances at everyone's con badges so I could remember people's names but eventually they all start to blend together. I start going into some of my favorite stories about my most creepiest fans and most awkward encounters, and have everybody around me laughing. The general consensus was that I inexplicably have the creepiest fans out of everybody at the table. I had a really good time despite being in a big group of people and not knowing a single person there. Next morning we end up going to Gordon Biersch's again with the same group (which I did not complain about; like I said, its good food), and this time I get to talk to  Necrodrone13 a bit. I have to say she is the most sweet, nice, and affable person I met at the con and I'm glad I met her.

People keep asking me why I don't have a badge and what my fursona is, and I keep telling them I don't have a fursona, and then everyone's all like "Oh, you should get one" and I'm all like "No". Eventually I just start telling everyone who asks that my fursona is a feral human, and that I'm always wearing my murrsuit (Yes, it's a murrsuit because my jeans have a zipper in the front).

The next days of the con all blend together a bit. Somewhere along the line I meet  Skywize and we chat for a bit. I ended up following Necro's group to the Dealer's Den where I felt incredibly out-of-place. There's all this furry merchandise out: all these wearable tales, gay furry pride pins, erotic comics for sale, and I want nothing to do with any of it. I meet up with Syrinoth and StarDragon102 there and sit around with nothing to do while they drool over dragon posters for like twenty minutes (Star ended up buying three of them). I spy Dreamous over at his Dragon's Hoard booth and ponder going over and saying hi, but he then suddenly starts kissing his boyfriend and I quickly decide it's not a good time.

I hang around them just because I had nothing else to do but eventually I just decide to leave because I really was bored out of my mind and was just feeling like I didn't belong. Somewhere along the line I sit down at the art tables with some of the people I met at Gordon Biersch's and start chatting with this guy that goes by the name of  Truce. He's doing this awesome cartoony-styled drawing and we just start talking about art and writing for what seemed like a half hour or so. Really nice guy, glad I met him. I also spy  Byzil and say hi, but he's as skittish as a bird so we don't actually talk.

I go back to Syri's room to pick up my stuff and everybody is tired so we all take a nap. I start telling Syri and Star about the infamous "wall of heterosexuality" (It's an in-joke) and certain shenanigans occur which have us all cracking up and laughing instead of sleeping.

That night I go to a small room party: I know absolutely no one there, but there's alcohol, so I'm able to loosen up enough to have a good time. I have another hour-long conversation with :Skadjer. This one girl (I forget her name) was drawing people's fursonas and when she got to me I told her I didn't have one. So then she just thought for a moment and said "Hmmm... I'll just draw your beard." So now I got a sketch of my face next to a dragon doodle to keep. :P She was really nice also made some very tasty drinks... wish I could remember her name!

Now I won't go into detail about some of the incredibly uncomfortably dressed furries and freakish fursuiters to avoid singling anyone out, but I will share a few horror stories: Somewhere along the lines I ran into a couple of people "scritching" (just like that CSI episode... yeah, you know what I'm talking about), and they were making all sorts of weird animal noises and were doing it IN AN ELEVATOR of all places. I also ran into a couple of furries doing who knows what - crawling all over eachother and making more animal noises IN THE MIDDLE OF A FRIGGEN HALLWAY.

I about NOPEd my way right out of the con after that.

During the last night of the con everybody I hang around breaks out the draw pads and pencils. I join in (Syri and Star have been encouraging me to learn how to draw) and I quickly get frustrated because nothing I am doing is turning out right. I talk to this guy with Raptor in his name... forget his full name, unfortunately. He was cool to talk with, I start telling him about my stories, he recommends a few good books to read.

I go to the kareoke room, and sing Enter Sandman by Metallica, despite the fact that I don't even like metal that much. I nearly blow out my voice doing so. As I sung there was this guy in a fursuit "playing" an inflatable guitar toy next to me. I wasn't drunk enough for that moment....

I rejoin others at the drawing table after I sing. A fursuiter comes over and starts to harass me, trying to get close to me and touch/hug me. He says he met me first when he was out of suit but I had no idea who he was. I know the teasing is all in good fun and I don't get upset over it, I just go with it and humor him. Eventually he starts to chase me and I NOPE my way out of there and decide to head back to the hotel because I'm getting tired.

Last day of the con arrives and I feel like I am ready to get the hell out. I meet up at a Pita Pit with Syrinoth, StarDragon:, Subito_Kurai, Skadjer, and Evalion, who all come to see me off. These were the core group of friends I hung out with the most at the con, and its who I had the most fun with. I was sad to say goodbye to everybody, except Star... he can go choke on a dick (Just kidding! :P). After that I hopped on the light rail back to the airport, feeling both sad and relieved to leave.

I had a ton of awkward encounters (many of which I don't want to tell in case anyone might recognize themselves), but a lot of good moments as well. Further Confusion definitely was an... interesting experience for me. I had so many envelopes pushed and so many buttons pressed and so many barriers broken down that its hard to not walk away a little shell shocked from the whole thing. But, would I go again? The answer is... maybe. I would be interested if it didn't cost so much money. I definitely had a ton of fun hanging out with all the awesome people I met and even if I don't return, I would like to say it's been a blast hanging out with you all.

Now, excuse me while I go sit under a cold shower and try to forget being hugged by a murrsuiter.

I don't know what to say. I never, ever expected I would be going to a fur con. I honestly still can't believe I am going. If you told me I'd be going to a fur con 6 months ago I would have laughed at you. And yet here I am, making this journal.

I've never wanted to go to a fur con for many reasons... one of them being that I don't like to be open about this whole furry business. I like to keep it secret and private and making a trip to be around hundreds of furries has never been high on my wish list. I'm thinking I might just hide in my hotel room. XD

However, I've been... strongly encouraged to go by many friends. People keep telling me how awesome FC is, what a great experience it is, and ect. I also have a certain obligation to go as well. You see, what's even crazier is that I will also be presenting at the Adult Dragon Panel. This just kind of blows my mind... Me, a writer at the ADP! It's meant for artists, usually... and, well, I do have a couple of unposted pieces of fan art to present, but I am not sure how I will muster the courage to talk about dragon porn in front of a crowd. Heck, I don't even know what to talk about. I will be figuring out what to present in the next few days... wish me luck.

I don't know what to truly expect at Further Confusion. All I can tell is that I'll be way out of my element.

For anyone who has gone to FC before, what has your experience been like?

IN THE BOX THERE WAS A NOTE THAT SAID "MERRY CHRISTMASS ASSFUR" AND INSIDE WAS THIS:

http://oi44.tinypic.com/2qjymc0.jpg

IT CAME WITH MORE LUBE I NOW HAVE 4 BOTTLES WTF

THIS IS THE SECOND TIME NOW STOP SENDING ME THESE THINGS

​Aaaaaaaaaaaaand go!

(PS: The Persistent Dragon still needs donations for more chapters! Go here for more info: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5036414/)

The rice worked. Keyboard works. Sometimes the spacebar doesn't, but I can live with it.



New story coming soon. It's in the proofreading stages. Also, new art will be coming some time in the future.