It turns out listening to really loud and shrill air brakes over a cheap radio is really, really hard if you're hearing sensative. I got in trouble because I screamed "fuck" and threw my headset the first time I heard it.

So, job's not for me. And after a day of sulking and feeling like ass I think I'm ready to get back on the grind.

It'll work out, I hope.

I got a job as a RGA (remote gate operator) where I'm expected to take around 100 calls a day. Between that, the feeling that I can't get away with quitting this time due to needing to pay for a lot of things, and the constant "big brother is watching" feeling of knowing I'll be penalized and get a lot of talks if I take a minute too long on break... uh it's been really stressful lol.

Working on comms a little slower than I'd like, obviously. Will try and get something done this weekend. Really want to work more on What Thrives but alas this comes first.

Just one of those times where you gotta stop every hour or two and tell yourself "you can do this" to get yourself to not panic lol

TL;DR, gonna write a lot more now. Will try to stream regularly if anyone is interested as well.

Whelp.

After my last job ended (it was a temp position) I got hired to work as customer support/tech support for Rheem. The training was a month long, and it was pure lectures, hardly any hands-on learning. I'm just sitting there staring at a laptop at 6 in the morning spacing out for hours and hours at a time.

My sleep was already messed up from working a job that started at 5 am for the last 3 months, I've put on a lot of weight (not the sexy kind), stopped going to the gym, lost a LOT of energy when I wasn't working and drinking energy drinks just to function. What kept me going was the fact that the last job was something I was GOOD at. I felt confident helping people because I knew what I was talking about, and the breaks between calls were long enough that I could actually write my silly little stories in between. It was a lot of fun.

Can't do that here. Just gotta sit and stare at a camera for 8 hours. My sleep is messed up, and because I have no energy to go to the gym after work I just take short naps instead that mess up my sleep even more. I'm getting an average of 2-3 hours of sleep a day if I'm lucky. My physical health was declining so rapidly and I wasn't sure I could really find a way to fix it that didn't involve taking really, really long breaks from work. Not to mention the fact that none of the lectures were really being "retained" in my head. I wasn't learning anything. I may as well have been paid to just sit in a white room and stare at a wall for 8 hours.

What did it in for me was, uh, during a recap Kahoot game, they asked a question and I didn't know the answer. We had to write out answer in and I wrote seven when the answer was two. One of the instructors loudly said. "Seven? Who wrote seven?!" and started laughing. So yeah that was the nail in the coffin and the excuse I needed to quit. My confidence was already at rock bottom and being publicly laughed at was... no, I'm not doing that.

So, back to job searching. I think I have an in at a couple other places so hopefully I won't be jobless for long, but until I get something, I'll try and start focusing on more commish work. I'm also open to streaming, if a commissioner wants to see their story writen out in real time for on the spot feedback and whatnot, or just to hang around and have a good time :)

Oop.

It's been a hell of a run, but I think it's time to shelf this series for now. It feels really awkward pouring so much creative energy into something whose only real target audience is, uh, me. It's been a big effort, but I'm not getting the pay off of creating, uh, meaningful content, if that makes sense. It's not the fatty stories I've been writing for a decade. Between that, not being able to fursuit lately, and a bunch of other small things, I feel like I've been having a bit of an identity crisis of not knowing where I fit in with the fat fur or furry community.

But I can't say it's been all bad. On the contrary, I don't regret a single page. I made something really fucking cool! I proved to myself that I'm not as creatively tapped as I thought I was, that I can still make content that surprises myself again and again. For so long I feel like I've been gaslighting myself into thinking I'm a better writer than I really am, that imposter syndrome, but now I have proof I actually can write something cool! Don't get me wrong, the entire series is EXTREMELY flawed, and I could list many of them right here if I wanted, but it's still far better than I could have expected from myself.

So, yeah, confidence in my abilities has been pretty high lately, and it's nice to feel empowered for once. I have two chapters left that I do want to write out while they're still fresh in my mind, but after that I think I'm ready to focus on commissions and other fatty nonsense again. Maybe I'll take another crack at it later.

Thank you everyone who's stuck with me throughout this journey <3

TL;DR Taking a break from the What Survives series to go back to writing fats.

Gonna give this another shot! $20 per 1000 words!

Work often gives me free time to write, and I've been getting a lil burnt out writing my silly dragon stories. I'd love to try and knock out a couple stories in my downtime as well <3

Please feel free to send a note for more info!

So as of the writing of this journal, I actually have the sequel book, "What Endures", finished, and right now I'm planning on writing the third book, "What Thrives." I've joined a discord full of dragon-themed writing and writers and I've been having a lot of fun talking with them and discussing ideas and whatnot, it's really exciting!

But, yeah, this might not be the best outlet for my series. I've built this account for over a decade on fat fur writings, so to suddenly start and push a non-kink narrative out doesn't feel right. I do have an outlet for uploading this series, but I don't think that outlet should be here.

If I do ever get around to writing the fatty epilogue, I will upload it here, of course. Forgot if I mentioned there's a fatty epilogue planned :p

I do enjoy writing my silly stories at work, and I'm grateful I get the opportunity to do so. To think a call center would end up being the perfect writing enviorment for me, so long as it's not too busy and I'm not interrupted every 2 minutes, hah. I wouldn't mind trying to open up speedwrite commissions while I'm at work; if I'm not in the mood to continue the novel, I write a short silly fatty story for someone instead.

"Enjoy your story of a tiger who snuck their way onto a food delivery van and ate until they popped the two back tires. I had a call about halfway through from an elderly woman who was upset her passport photo was returned with a picture of a random man instead of her face lel"

I've been uploading "Stay for a Spell," because the story is already finished and edited. It's just been sitting on my computer for over a year and I'm a big lazy bastard :p

My mind has been 100% focused on "What Survives" lately. I finished the first book already, and I've just finished chapter two of its sequel, "What Endures." It's become an obsession, but it's been a fun one because I actually feel productive. I have so many stories in my gallery that are unfinished, and here's something that I'm not only finishing in record time, but isn't just "haha they get fat."

Don't get me wrong, I still love the fat bois. Hell, I've even thought of a fat spin off of What Survives, taking place when Denya is retired as a rider, somewhere in his late 30's or 40's. He teases Xem one day for becoming a bit barrel chested, and the dragon responds appropriately by making sure his rider matches. All in good fun, of course; they're past their prime and the world is at peace, so they may as well enjoy retirement together, as well as their growing bodies~

There's a lot to edit and upload. I've also been kinda busy irl; new job has crazy hours that just drain me when I get home, not to mention I'm trying to get back into fitness after, uh, getting crazy fat irl. I'll definitely have the next chapter to "Stay for a Spell" uploaded tomorrow, and maybe even a second chapter for it later that day too, since the second chapter is both NSFW and also not too integral to the plot :p

Love you all~

Yes, the dragon brainrot is still there, and yes, there's no sign of it leaving :v

I actually, genuinely don't think I've ever had this much fun writing anything, ever. And I never thought I'd say that about something that doesn't naturally include big bellies! For like the longest time, I thought if I was gonna write some intense action/drama/romance story, I'd have to include lots of tummies or else I'd get bored with it, but no, it's just been a really fun story series to write!

I am talking about the What Remains story I posted in scraps. I'm gonna stop being a coward and put the rest on my main gallery, because screw it, this is my account, I write and upload what I want. I mentioned my new years resolution was to be more selfish, and this is it. I'm breaking the mold and writing about something I'm super passionate and driven about, and I've never felt better!

But since the dragon brainrot is still so strong, I figured I should also start uploading a series I worked on with  corgsdale way way back. I'd been feeling insecure about posting it because some proof-reading friends said my character wasn't likable, but, whatever. I think I did a good job writing his arc, and I figured people would be more interested in the fattyness of it more than whether one of the characters is perfectly likeable or not :p

So yeah, will be uploading both series simutaneously for a while now <3

So, I got a job at a call center that doesn't really recieve a lot of traction. Don't average many calls a day, but because it is a high security job, we're not allowed to bring anything that can connect to the internet or write down information on the floor, like cell phones, video game consoles, etc. Something we CAN bring are books, so I recently finished Fourth Wing, working on Iron Flame.

Holy shit.

Not gonna give it a big book review (I'd say Fourth Wing is a 7/10), but the world is a really, really fun idea. It's that kind of thing where you can easily picture one of those personality quizzes based on the power system and dragons involved, but the main draw for me is that it's really, really easy to imagine yourself just... living in this world, involved in this war college of going through the most rigourous of trainings, all of which risk your very life, just to one day bond with a dragon and grow more powerful with it. Already well and cool, but being paired with an enormous, intimidating, grumpy dragon who has a secret softspot for you and is very overprotective, able to communicate mentally with you even from long distances, and sometimes chimes in just to tease you is, like, super 100% up my alley.

So yeah, dragon obsession is a go. I'm thinking about doing some longform writing again and see what comes of it.

One would be the idea I mentioned sometime back, about the son of a noble being forced to flee their hometown along with his family to the cold, bitter mountains, where dragons are a necessity for getting around since there are no roads in or out of town. The noble is a bit pouty, but one day is allowed to obtain a dragon of his own, with the stipulation that it becomes his companion to keep him company. Alas, he fails to realize this particular dragon was bred to be the laziest thing possible with a metabolism designed to put on as much weight as possible, and with his parents already strict about his own weight, the noble's son has quite a lot on his plate.

The other idea would basically be a fanfic of Fourth Wind, about joining a war college of sorts (or just a dragon riding school), and pairing with a dragon. Alas, it's always a bit hard to seperate your own emotions from your dragon, and this particular dragon has a ravenous appetite. While it may not necessarily be a fatty, having the appetite of a very hungry dragon is not so good on a small anthro's waistline.

I dunno I'ma be gushing about dragons n stuff for the next week or two as my autistic obsession until I eventually get burnt out, get really embarassed, then never talk about them again.

I'm still here! There are times when I wish I wasn't, but I'm definitely not leaving in the forseeable future! Still job searching, alas, and it sure is fun being ghosted after interviews or getting emails with the word "Unfortunately" in there somewhere.

But that's boring irl stuff. Regarding writing, I've taken quite a bit of a hiatus, as you can see. I have a hard time of trying to put in a lot of effort into something that I don't know is exactly worth it. I was running a DnD game for the first time, for example, and while it was a lot of fun putting in the effort, there were times where things didn't pay off, or players went in a complete different direction and I had to stop early because I had 0 plans, or players didn't react to something the way I expected them to, i.e. laughing and cracking jokes at something I tried to make fairly serious, and, uh, it feels kinda bad.

So I haven't really been writing for the purpose of uploading anything. I've been writing a fair bit, but it's just private silly stuff. I dunno if it's really worth going through the effort of trying to edit and make it presentable to be uploaded on FA or not. It's kinda cringy fanfic writing, basically Denya x Bowser/Smaug/Kurama/whatever character I'm crushing on atm with lots of fatty lovey stuff going on >///>

It was fine that way, but uh, recently I saw a piece of fat fur media that just rubbed me the wrong way. Like, I got seriously agitated reading it. I won't go into detail without spoiling what it is, but it basically depicted being 600+ as like, trauma-enducing body horror. Really, really mesesd up. Problem was, it was also written really well, and there were comments from people like "wow I'm not a fat fetishist but this was really scary to see!"

It just... it got me really upset. Like, already we can't have chubby cartoon characters anywhere without people going "omg it's a fetish, is this from deviantart lul" and whatnot, so knowing that people are being exposed to fat stuffs and seeing it depicted as horrifying body horror is just... It sucks. I'm not trying to kinkshame here, I understand many people like the helpless aspect of being made fatter against your will. Maybe I'm letting all those negative comments about my own fat fursuits start wearing me down, but I really would like it if themes of body positivity and empowerment were pushed out more. Maybe even take it a step further: being suddenly skinny is seen as body horror, like you're suddenly out in public naked, and the extra weight makes you feel more secure and confident lol.

So, I'm gonna try getting back into writing long term stories again. I even started taking a few fiction writing classes online, just something to work on at my own time. They're quite interesting, and I feel like I'm already learning alot. I even have a few story ideas in mind already. Let me know if there's any in particular you'd wanna see!

Gear Shift: Many Koraidons grow up to become mechanists or engineers, and Axel is no exception. The feathered gearhead can disassemble any vehicle and put it back together before lunch, and is regarded as one of the best in town. It shouldn't be a surprise when, on one fateful day, a mysterious stranger comes into his autoshop with a strange piece of machinery, something not even Axel can make heads or tails of. All he can surmise is that it's from an era of time completely erased from history, but for good reason? Before he can learn more, however, strange individuals come to confiscate the tech, and the Koraidon realizes there's far more to this strange machinery than he realizes. Soon, he finds himself entangled in a race across the continent to solve the clues behind this unusual technology and the civilization behind it.

Of course, being a Koraidon, Axel has the advantage in prolonged endurance runs. However, being a Koraidon, it comes at the expense of an insatiable hunger, and if he wants to maintain a lead against his pursuers, he'll need to ensure his fuel tank is topped off at all times.


The Weight of Stone: Clate was as fierce a Badgermole as any, with Earthbending feats rivaling that of any master, thanks to his rather... unique stance in how best to shape the Earth beneath his heavy, quivering body. However, a traumatic experience caused him to hang up the mantle and swear off battles, promising to use his Earthbending to help others, rather than to harm.

Years pass, and Clate has shed much of the weight that made him so recognizable in the past. He hardly needs it now, as even thin, he can easily carve out homes and tunnels for those in need, now working as a wondering stoneworker. While he still reminisces about his glory days, he believes this is a better use of his talents... that is, until an old threat rises from his buried past, forcing him back into the frey. With seemingly no other option, Clate must face his past demons and regain his fighting spirit (and shape) if he has any hope to protect the new life he's built himself.


Alister: A demon's summoning goes wrong! Alister is stranded in the mortal realm half complete; head now a skull missing the flesh and fur once covering it, not to mention many of his powers now severely deminished. Trapped in a world far removed from his own infernal plane of existance, the skull-faced demon attempts to find someone who knows how to finish his summoning. In other words, he's looking for someone to complete him.

(Not really a fat story in concept, but you know how much demons love their hedonism. Besides, he's a shadowmancer, and with his powers inhibited as they are, maybe he'd be more effective with a larger shadow :3)

... is to be more self-indulgent and greedy >:D

I feel like one of my worst personality traits is I'm way too self-conscious of what people think of me, and that I try way too hard to go out of my way to make sure everyone's happy, or make people like me. It gets to the point where I end up burnt out and start resenting people I shouldn't be, and making others uncomfortable. Many times I'll be like "omg hi I like you let me write for you" and it sorta snowballs into a mess lol.

Truthfully, that's why I haven't been updating a few CYOA's in a while. I like writing, and the people who've commissioned me have been nothing short of outstanding, patient, wonderful people, but I'm just feeling burnt out. I'm not happy with my quality of writing anymore, and it makes me sad to say it but I think I need to go on a hiatus for commissioned/owed work. I would like to return to it eventually, but for now I think I need a break.

Right now, I'm motivated to trying to establish my own sorta personal 'world.' I have a few characters and oc's I wanna try expanding on (teehee). I want to try setting up pairings and interactions, see how believable I can make my characters feel, and hopefully inspire others just like how I've been inspired to do the same from a few close friends.

Alas my financial situation isn't really the best atm so I dunno how well I'll be able to walk the walk. I'm sorta hedging all bets on this job opportunity I have coming up. Fingers crossed!

AKA the journal where I get real self indulgent and just ramble about what I think about myself as of late <3

The Good: I feel like I finally have my own unique style of writing and I'm quite proud of it. I write longer stories with lots of character interactions (my favorite thing to write tbh), with feel good endings that involve overcoming a challenge or obstacle, usually relating to enjoying the feeling of growing larger. I also don't care what anyone says, my humor is impeccable and I will not stop adding stupid jokes into my stories v.v

I'm hardly the only or even the first person to write this style of course. This story, for example involves a lot of what I just discribed earlier (overcoming a challenge, humor, character interactions, feel good ending). It's a really good Rocket fanfic, so I def reccomend giving it a read!

Uh, I guess bottom line is, while it's not the most unique 'style' of fat fur/wg stories, I like the style I've adopted recently. I'm down to branch out and try other styles too (my trade with Plokishmok3, for example, was me trying to emulate his writing style), but I wanna be known as the guy with the silly and entertaining fat fur stories. Not necessarily the uwu hottest, because writing fat fur stories to be super hawt is really hard for me, but- oops I'm rambling again lol.

The Bad: Good time to bring up that I also ramble in writing too. I'm sorta bad at the show, don't tell rule. I think I too often write exactly what the character is thinking instead of relying more on gestures and other subtle methods. Other times I feel like I end up over discribing something to the point where I'm mostly retreading old ground. I wouldn't be surprised if people skim a lot of my reading because of that, heh.

I'm also not the best at discribing fat. I get bored when writing eating scenes, to be honest, which is a shame cuz that's where a lot of the sexy happens. It's hard to write about big fatty bois in ways that make it unique, I guess. I should try focusing more on different body shapes and sizes, or maybe emphasizing other parts of the body. Then again yall know how much I love big round bellies v.v

Something that I also struggle with is, well, I guess what to do after a character sorta reaches their final size? It feels boring to just end the story right there, especially if the plot hasn't really concluded yet. There's more that needs to be said and done, but also it's a bit awkward incorporating someone who is, well, very very large, like say in the Dragon Goes Dieting story. Outside of a handful of discriptions, I wasn't really sure what to do with Letty. The whole ending felt awkward and I wish I could change it for the better, but I'm not really sure what else I could have done. Maybe make him a lil less insanely fat so he can waddle around? lol

The Ugly I struggle to write much unless it happens to be my current hyperfixation. That Dragon Goes Dieting story was my hyperfixation for the time, which is why I pretty much obsessed over it for like 2-3 days straight until it felt ready to upload. Right now, my hyperfixation is running my very first DnD game. Have a big fun world made up inspired by Xenoblade 2 and Castle in the Sky that I can't wait to try out <3

Not sure how to make myself focus on something other than what I have primarily in my head when I'm doing something that's *not* working on that hyperfixation. Ritalin? lol

It keeps happening. I apply for dozens of entry level IT jobs, hoping the B.S in IT would actually matter. Sometimes a recruiter will come along and offer a helpdesk job or something of the sort. Recently some dude in Teksystems offered offered me a position to try this boot camp training that's followed by a year in an engineering role. Woulda been perfect to jumpstart my career and finally feel like my life is heading somewhere.

Had to jump through a bunch of hoops too. Had to take a Python and networking test online that was really strict about cheating, and barely passed. Recruiter insisted on calling me every morning to practice for the interview, where they ended up not even asking the questions the recruiter had me practice on anyways. And after that... nothing. It's been over 2 days since they said they'd get back to me, so it's safe to say I'm not considered anymore. Recruiter is literally hanging up my calls whenever I try to get an update on the situation.

It's just... I'm constantly having amazing job opportunities like that dangle in front of me, and then yanked away after I go through all the effort to grab them. I'm never told what I'm doing wrong, I don't know what there is I can improve on. The job market sucks, yes, but they told me this would be a big class with a bunch of roles that need hiring. This is an ENTRY level job, and I have a college degree, I passed their stupid exam...

And this all happened right after recovering from an amazing job opportunity that involved moving to Corpus Christi, too...

I literally feel despair. This has been going on for years and each time I feel a piece of my soul just leave my body. My health is deteriorating, and I keep telling myself "well when I get a job and can afford stuff I can get a therapist, I can start going to a gym again, I can go to more meets and not feel like I spent every penny." On top of feeling like I just wasted hundreds of hours and thousands of my parents' dollars from going through college. I can't even get an internship anymore.

I'm tired of being told "that's just the job market, man. Deal with it" and I'm also tired of following people's advice and still not getting anywhere. I'm at the point where the only options I can see are to go back to school and try to grab an internship that way, or just beg random people for a reccomendation for a job somewhere. Shit, furries are supposed to rule the IT world.

Thank you everyone who commented on the last journal! It was a lot of fun to write, and it makes me glad you liked my lil spur of the moment sillyness <3

A few quick things before I continue
-I noticed a few people haven't played Kingdom Hearts before reading these. I'll make sure to add spoiler tags to anything I believe are spoilers.
-I'll try to keep each game's review consistent in length, but sometimes I'll have a lot more I want to say about one game than the other. Sorry <3
-These are all my thoughts and opinions, but I do like to exaggerate for the sake of being a silly billy. If you want more clarification on a point I brought up, please don't be afraid to ask and I'll go into more detail without the sarcasm, heh.

KINGDOM HEARTS II

AKA the one where shit gets real.
-I feel so bad for people who went straight from one to two. The first hour of this game must have made absolutely zero sense to them.
-I know some people don't like how slow KH2 is to start, but I actually don't mind. I like Roxas and enjoy seeing him actually live a normal happy life for a little while, plus the very concept of someone stealing a word, as well as the line "that was undeniable proof that we totally owned you lamers" made it hilariously entertaining.
-Still don't know why Roxas has a completely seperate body than Sora. I thought nobodies were literally the bodies left behind when the heart left. Shouldn't Roxas have appeared right after Sora became a heartless for a bit in 1?
-"Looks like my Summer vacation's over." *sobbing*
-Dude, form changes are so freaking COOL! They change your moveset, animations, how you engage enemies, all in really cool unique ways, AND they can be leveled up! They're probably the best, like, anime transformation powerup I've seen pulled off in a videogame, and that's coming from someone who plays a lot of DBZ/Naruto games.
-Pirates? Tron? LION KING?!? Wait what do you mean that last one isn't required to beat the game?
-It's kinda crazy how the summons from KH1 recognize Sora in KH2, like Mushu, but I thought the people Sora summoned in KH1 were, like, the last survivors from their destroyed world. If they remember Sora, do they also remember a reality where their world was destroyed?
-If someone could mod KH2 to where you only play as Lion Sora, that'd be great.
-I love Maleficent. No complex goal or motive, just evil and loves flaunting it. Pete is such a simp lmao.
-Sora kills a LOT of people in KH2. Not just the nobodies (which you can argue whether or not that's killing, I guess), but the pirates in the Pirates of the Caribbean world too.
- So, the villains want Sora to kill heartless to make/summon (idk?) Kingdom Hearts, because heartless killed by the keyblade gather in Kingdom Hearts, leaving Sora in a weird position... can't he just, like, use a different weapon? Sora and Donald and all of your other friends defeat heartless without an issue with their weapons. Hell, Sora only had a wooden sword for a bit at the end of KH1 and he still had magic that could beat them. Does that count?
-Wait, if Namine is Kairi's nobody, how... is she existing... right next to her... what? Does Kairi have two bodies???
-Yall, the first two KH games make you think Sora is more worried about Kairi, but when they finally reunite, Sora just, like, awkwardly returns a hug that she gives him. Then Sora finds Riku and literally collapses to his knees sobbing. These two kids are so gay for each other lmao.
-Oh wow, Riku is now stuck with the appearance of a villain who traumatizes him in exchange for the ability to help his friends. That's a pretty big sacrifice to undergo. I guess he's really redeemed himself- oh no, he's back to normal. Nevermind, I still hate him.
-Literally the coolest final boss, even if all I'm doing is mashing triangle. I love how Ansem/Xemnas are just like "fuck, these kids are powerful, better turn into a boat dragon."
-Riku and Sora believe they're stuck forever, and they're just chilling on a beach talking about how much they care about each other. Me and who?
-I was told several times how ass I was at playing this game, so maybe I'll give it another try sometime. Maybe the story will make more sense then lmao
-Overall 8/10

BIRTH BY SLEEP

AKA my personal favorite
-A story that actually makes sense?! Sign me up.
-Ventus is llike Sora but with a backstory. Terra is like Riku but better in every way; more sympathetic, believable, etc. Aqua is like... no one! A unique character, and probably my favorite in the whole franchise now.
-Going to all the different worlds as three different characters is so rad. Seeing the different stories from different points of view and from different points in time, hearing about how the other characters are doing, etc. Reminds me of Sonic Adventure and I love it.
-I wasn't a fan of going from "level 1" three times in a row, but I love how you end up with three completely different builds at the end anyways. They all start fairly similar and end up feeling totally different with unique skills, movesets, link summons, etc.
-Big fan of the ability roulette thingy you have. Instead of having to navigate a menu to use the spell/skill/summon like in the older games, you press up/down on the D-pad and then Triangle to use an ability. Feels much better to use, especially in an action-y game like this.
-They even brought back the anime transformations! There's, like, a bunch more now! It's a different mechanic, sure; some you need to use different finishers and abilities to activate after a combo, others have a meter you fill to pick your tranformation, now requiring RNG to level them up, but aaaaaah it's still so cool <3
-Terra gets to throw hands with Peter Pan. This grown man is beating up a floaty child with a sharp stick. That will never be funny.
-*Aqua hears two women being mean* "There's darkness in this house" *Summons keyblade with murderous intent* 10/10 game, 10/10 character.
-Pete was being a naughty lil guy, and they BANISHED HIM TO A DIFFERENT DIMMENSION as a form of time out. Shit dude and I thought my parents were strict.
-Pretty grindy game. I know it's a port of a handheld game, and handheld RPGs tend to be grindy in general, but it's kinda abrupt how I go from decimating armies to suddenly struggling a lot in the very next world.
-The bosses in this game are HARD. Like, deceptively hard. Again, I can press Triangle once or twice and an entire group of powerful enemies are dead, but the bosses don't give you any breathing room. It's like Dark Souls. I clench up everytime I use Curaga.
-[url=https://x.com/Therounddraolf/status.....59650326967]Oh look, that asshole Xehanort is summoning Kingdom Hearts again. [url]
-I like the plot because I can follow along with it, but seeing the climax three times made me realize how much I'm sick of "Darkness" and "Light." Like... what are they? Good and evil? Good and bad emotions? Those are concepts, yet they're also, like, real tangible objects. Are they a source of power, like the Force?
-Wait, I just remembered, Ventus had his darkness like, surgically removed from him. How?!
-Why does Venitas look like evil Sora? The two aren't connected, right?!
-And why does Ventus look IDENTICAL to Roxas? Like, they're practically clones of one another! One just wears edgier clothes.
-AAAAAAAAH MY POOR BRAIN
-9/10

Re:Coded

AKA the skippable one
-Yeah I stopped watching about an hour in and just listened to a recap. All it explained is how Maleficent and Pete escaped. Otherwise, it's just a weird retelling of KH1 right?
-Namine is such a fun name to say :3
-"It's Riku! They put bugs in him!" I liked that line a lot more when I didn't have context.
-It's really messed up how this magic computer of theirs can, like, basically create life. They made a conscious, sentient, intelligent person (digital Sora), used him to perform a task, and then just shut him off forever. That's really messed up and makes me uncomfortable just thinking about it.
-Movie/10

Part 3?

It is, uh, something lol.

Backstory is a friend of mine was doing a yearly Kingdom Hearts playthrough and convinced me to give it a try. I'd never played the games before, but I remember really wanting to as a kid because I love Disney movies (at least the ones back then lmao). I found a bundle that had, like, every Kingdom Hearts game for about $30 so I decided why not, and began streaming it with friends occasionally. It's... out there, for sure.

This is 100% a franchise I would have absolutely been obsessed with had I played it when I was a kid, for sure. The mysticism, the sense of adventure and urgency, the power fantasy... just being a self-insert in all these classic Disney movies where I get to be the heroes' best friend while helping to fight the big bad. I genuinely believed the entire game really was just some kids' imagination, until the later plots started making things really convoluted lmao.

So, uh, since this is just a furry journal and not like a video essay, I'm just gonna post a game and then give a few thoughts about it. Pls keep in mind these are my opinions and mine alone. I say that because I've learned from my friend group there are people with really strong feelings about this franchise. If I'm misremembering something or just not understanding it properly, definitely let me know. This is just my first impressions I wanted to ramble about. This is a fun series and I am enjoying my time with it, but it's also really easy to laugh at how rediculous it can be. We're all friends here let's play nice <3

KINGDOM HEARTS aka back when the plot made sense.
-Sora is the perfect whimsical, carefree, adventurous protagonist a series like this needs. Kairi feels like a plot point more than a character. I want Riku to die in a house fire.
-It is so jarring seeing Final Fantasy characters just randomly spread out throughout this series lol
-For a first game in this style, I'm surprised how well it works. Combat feels fluid, the progression feels satisfying, and it only gets more refined as the game continues.
-I really like the enviormental puzzles, like needing fire to light candles, gravity to lower floating chests, etc. I wish those made a return.
-"99 puppies were lost amidst the chaos of their world's distruction" well never not get a laugh out of me.
-Some of the bosses are mildly annoying, but that's about it. Ansem sucks hard. You get to beat up children in Halloween town.
-I mentioned it earlier but I can actually follow along with this story's plot and genuinely enjoyed it. I also find it really funny all these adults having beef with this 12 year old with a plastic toy lmao.
-Overall 7/10. Bit of jank here and there, and some of the worlds seem really small and not really fleshed out (Wonderland, Olympus, etc) but still great fundamentals.

RE:CHAIN OF MEMORIES aka the one without great fundamentals.
-Feels so clunky to play, especially after that last one. I know it's a remake of a GBA game but still.
-Building your own dungeon is pretty cool. Kinda complicated and weird, but cool.
-Legit just gave up partway through and watched cutscenes instead. Sorry.
-I wish I hadn't. Entire game is just Sora getting gaslit by these smug adults. It's genuinely frustrating watching him deal with their bullshit. Poor kid.
-I feel bad for Namine. Not just her situation, but she's yet another character who's power and abilities overshadow her personality. I don't know what she likes, dislikes, etc, other than just doing the 'right' thing I guess. Maybe if I played the game instead of watching cutscenes it woulda given me more insight into her.
-"Now instead of a Nobody, you'll just be a Nothing." Damn Axel no wonder everyone likes you.
-Riku gets an arc but after watching Sora get gaslit for hours on end I just straight up mentally checked out. Ok he's not afraid of darkness anymore cool. I'm sure nothing bad happens to Riku that's darkness related anymore.
-Overall 3/10. Gameplay had some neat ideas, but otherwise felt like an oversimplified, yet somehow still overcomplicated form of the first game. Not to mention the story which is just frustrating to deal with.

358/2 DAYS AKA the one that really makes you crave popsicles.
-Oh joy this one is 'just' cutscenes too. I've started playing a bit of it on my phone with a DS emulator tho, but I'm not far enough to judge the gameplay aspect of it enough. I'm still really surprised how well a DS Kingdom Hearts game works though.
-I can't be the only one who's confused how Heartless are hearts without bodies, and Nobodies are bodies without hearts, right?
-I love how Axel's voice actor sounds so cocky and almost sinister, and I'm 100% expecting him to turn on everyone and be a villain, but he's legit just some chill guy lol.
-Poor Roxas. Only 5 days old and already caught up in a gang. The streets are rough, man.
-Same with Xion. Again, literally a character who's just used for a power she has. These writers do not like female characters.
-After watching the Chain of Memories cutscenes, I'll admit I kinda mentally checked out for this one too. ADHD makes things hard, man. Organization XIII needs Roxas to kill Heartless with a keyblade so they can summon Kingdom Hearts (whatever that is lol) but then they make Xion who's like, an artificial person who's also meant to do it all too? And in the meantime there's Riku and some other dudes trying to awaken Sora because for 'some' reason, Namine can change someone's memories over the course of a couple hours, but needs an entire YEAR to undo that effect? And apparently, Roxas and Xion are unintentionally getting in the way of it all. And it's weird.
-How can Roxas exist outside of Sora? Isn't Roxas supposed to be Sora's body without a heart? How can Nobodies experience emotions when they don't have hearts? HOW CAN A LOVING GOD CREATE SUCH AGONY?
-In all seriousness, I think the reason I wasn't mentally there was because the game (or movie I guess) establishes rules, then quickly breaks them, and we don't really get any explination for that until much, MUCH later in the franchise, not even this game. It makes it hard for me, who's struggling to try and learn what I can, to focus on what's even important and get frustrated when I'm seeing clear contradictions like that. I could be misremembering or not understanding, but I dunno if I really wanna go back and watch it all over again.
-Overall Movie/10

Part 2?

Sorry for the quiet time <3

New job has been extremely draining. Standing for 8 hours a day with a few 15 minute breaks here and there, talking to customers who are usually angry and in a rush because flight is leaving and "why did I enter the CLEAR lane the other lane has no line" like I dunno mate why did you? Clearly to start a fight lmao.

Not allowed to check your phone at all either, there's litearlly nothing to do during downtime except walk around or chat up the coworkers, and I don't really have a lot in common with them either </3

Um, vent asside, yeah work has been really hard. The first day after a work week I just flop and slowly recover, wait for my feet and legs (and feelings </3) to stop hurting so much. I want to write, but... I dunno, the headspace isn't there. The brainfog definitely is. I know I should be focusing more on writing a bit more when I do have free time, but outside of, like, recovering from work there's also a bunch of chores I have to do too. I'm used to just doing them whenever, now I have to schedule them because oh yeah I have a job and I normally don't want to do anything after work lmao oops.

One day I'll get an IT job and life will be all ok <3

Until then, I am planning on working more on writing a bit more every day. Still working on (CYOA) Expanded Horizons (with a bit of (CYOA) The Fat of the Land sprinkled in), as well as a gift for a friend. Also doing an insanely detailed RP thingy featuring Revali with an insanely talented writer that may or may not be uploaded, we'll have to see (I should probably ask them first lmao).

Also made a new bug fursona! A potential roommate to Denya (from the Lucky Fox continuity). His name is Threadrick, but prefers to be called Ted or Rick. He was incubated by an evil bug sorceress to become a general to lead her hivemind army to victory, but she was defeated before he was hatched, which means he retains his intelligence and freewill. Problem is, it's hard to fit into a modern fantasy society as a strange spider/scorpian creature. Hybrids like Denya (dragon/kitsune) are already side-eyed a lot since they're still so new they're practically rare magical creatures themselves, so Rick is... yeah, he likes to stay indoors. Laze on the couch, watch tv, eat snacks, crochet (his spinner produces a lot of thread). He and Denya end up butting heads a bit, as Rick HATES authority of any kind, a bit of a byproduct of literally being born JUST to take orders. Might be a bit before I start writing about him, though. RN all I have is a lil sketch from Tzin (he's so nice <3)

I dunno it'd be a bit of a fun personal story, because I love writing character-focused stuff. I like writing characters like Threadrick who come off as huge jerks and slowly picking apart what makes them act the way they do. Also I think a fat bug is adorable. Spiders are cool <3

Um, I dunno. I think that's everything? Follow on Twitter for Denya/Grief fursuit pics because I don't really think this account is the right place to post them (and I don't want to manage a second FA account just for posting fursuit stuff lol).

<3

First of, big big big BIG thank you to everyone who's supported this silly little idea. The amount of positive feedback has honestly been amazing and it's really helped out my self confidence <3 if there's any one here who's interested in starting their own CYOA commissions, I highly reccomend it. The experience has definitely been more positive than not.

Unfortunately, like the title suggests, it might be time to slow down on them for the forseeable future.

The thing is, with these stories, I'm more or less focused mainly on getting words pumped out as quickly as possible, on top of trying to quickly figure out scenarios and ideas. A lot of the time, my commissioners end up picking the option I least expect or plan out for. There's nothing wrong with that, in fact it's fun trying to change gears and delve into a new possability, perhaps even shelving the one I had planned for a future choice. But it does trip me up, and I feel bad when I have to pause abruptly to plan out how to continue.

My biggest fear by far is that my writing is getting stale. Some of these sentences, I feel like I'm just an A.I spewing out generated crap, not really a writer weaving a tapestry of the imagination. I'm afraid I'm gonna end up developing bad habits that will make my writing worse, like I'll end up getting careless.

Another problem is that at the moment, I'm just getting burnt out. I accepted several stories to do at once, and I'll end up bouncing around them one after the other, trying to accomplish as much as I can. I used to upload a story every month, maybe every two months, but now I'm writing thousands of words a day, spread out. That's not to mention the 25k word CYOA I wrote that the commissioner and I agreed to not upload to FA. I don't have a clue how artists make art full time. I'm struggling so hard to what I'm writing actually fresh and not go insane at staring at a white screen (well, I have an extension that makes the google docs paper black) for hours and hours at a time.

Lastly, today's the day I end up back on my antidepressants after being off of them for about 3 months. It doesn't sound relevant, but, uh, well, antidepressants lower libido by quite a bit. Might be hard to properly get in the right mood, I suppose. Might play a factor, right?


Again, thank you everyone for being super awesome and patient and generous and all around amazing supportive friends. I genuinely do enjoy this style of commission a lot. Many of you know I'm an avid RPer, and this feels like myself doing a RP with myself, in a sense, and getting paid for it! Once I'm fully caught up and finish these CYOA's, I might open them up one at a time to have a single person to focus on, instead of trying to do multiple peoples' at once.

Thank you again for being understand <3 you guys

Like, I take a day to stream a story I'm making up as I go, and the audience gets to decide what happens next when I put in the decision trees. Maybe I'll auction or just sell out the story to anyone watching as a YCH deal

Probably a fun way to spend next weekend high before I start my new job lol

Would anyone be interested?

So, I love Enter the Gungeon and Binding of Isaac (well, 'loved' Isaac. Still obsessed with ETG tho!) I'll play em for hours and hours, even if there's nothing new to unlock, just because I love seeing the new and crazy synergies I can find all on my own. I'm honestly tempted to make my own youtube channel just so I can do nothing but upload hour-long challenge runs of ETG for anyone who wants to watch.

SO yeah, I wanna make a similar game, but, uh, fat themed.

The motivation is there. The temptation is there. When I made the idle game, I love just sitting there and slowly working on the game bit by bit, feeling the progress slowly come together. It was fun finding new tricks I never thought of before, and I know with Unity I'll be learning and finding new things for years and years to come lol.

So, the downsides.

The reason I never really published the fat fur idler is because I'm really not happy with how it looks? Chiin did a fantastic job with the sprite work and he deserves so much praise for it, but I never found someone for the background, food items, etc. It's all stock images and whatever I can legally put in the game for free, and it clashes so hard. It's also a huge mess programming wise. Fix one bug, three more pop out. If I ever decide to go back on it, I'll definitely need to make it from the ground up. I was still learning Unity back then and there's a lot of spaghetti code. I'm a lot better now I think, but... yeah.

Who knows if I can even make this one good either? It'll be a learning experience, sure, but if it ends up like that last game... then what? Who am I begging for art assets from this time? How do I repay them? More importantly, is it even a good idea to make it a fat fur game? I love our weirdass lil community and love seeing when big art projects get everyone talking about them, and I've always wanted to include myself in that in some way, but if I'm doing this for money then I doubt I'll make enough to pay the artists that way. The funnier option is if I made my own art (actual own art, not A.I art) but, pffft, good luck getting people to enjoy looking at that crap.

Another thing: a ETG roguelike would take a lot longer than an idle clicker, and the clicker took me months to make. Am I really making the best use of my time and effort that I could be using for things like getting a better job? It's uncomfortable to think about, and I don't want to be invested months into this project and suddenly think I should be doing something else.

So that's where I'm at right now. Overthinking, overanxious... yeah :/

Also, sorry the CYOA have been coming slowly. They're a lot of fun, but I bit off more than I can chew. I need to work on them one at a time I think, because it's hard being clever and spontaneous after working and being tired lol.

Howdy!

I'm about to upload a part of a commission I just did with a client. I have to say, first impressions, this has been a ton of fun! I've never felt more relaxed to just type away like this before. Like, thousands upon thousands of words for hours at end kind of energy here! It feels incredible to just dump off all these words and to get feedback on this; even more so it's just fun thinking up of wild scenarios on the spot and having to quickly think of something else when a different branch is picked! I'm hoping to keep these open for a while yet, because I've genuinely been enjoying myself <3

Now, time for a quick lil Q n A section for anyone on the fence still.

Q:How much will it cost?
A: I'm gonna stick to my usual $12 per 1k words for now, but I might adjust down the line based on feedback and what I think is fair.

Q: What quality can I expect?
A: These will be similar to the Speedwrite (SW) stories I've uploaded in terms of quality, pacing, consistency, etc. I'm not planning out each story and revising it again and again, after all, I'm making up the plot as I go and only combing for grammar issues and the like.

Q: Can I return to an earlier point in the story and pick a different decision?
A: Absolutely! My only request is that when you do so, we wrap up this particular branch in the story with a satisfying conclusion. Bouncing around constantly may get a bit confusing for me, heh.

Q: Are you gonna try railroading the story to satisfy your personal kinks?
A: I mean, maybe? I'll do my best to avoid it, although some decisions that pop up may be based on what I like in particular. To make things easier, feel free to list your own personal big turn ons and I'll make sure there are several paths that explore those particular kinks in one form or another. Remember: it doesn't matter if the path you pick is obviously a fat-themed one or not. By the end, I WILL get you fat ;3

Q: Do you have a word limit?
A: Not at all! We may end up with tens of thousands of words on our hands, haha.

I think that's everything so far. Feel free to ask any more questions below and I'll gladly get to them <3

Heyo

So, writing is hard. My biggest fear when writing is that I don't know if the commissioner will like it or not, especially if I don't know them too well. Asking them to watch while I stream seems too much, and I don't want to write at a glacial pace and constantly ask for feedback, like "is this ok? is this good?" And yeah, admittedly I've been preferring RPs due to the constant, easily accessable feedback, and the confidence in knowing I'm producing something someone else likes.

Soooooo why not make that a commission?

No no, I'm not asking to be paid for a RP... kinda. Do you know about those really old RPG games for the computer back in the 80's? The kind without an interface or anything, there's just text discribing what you see and what you're doing, and you respond with what you want your character to do next? Yeah, it's basically that!

The idea is that I "DM" a bunch of setting and lore and junk. Make a big world for you to get invested in, the characters you encounter, etc. A normal story, essentially, except how your character reacts to any certain circumstance is completely up to you. You choose how you want to respond to someone, how you want to react to certain events, and that will determine how I continue with the story!

For example, say we're in a fantasy-like setting, and your character is a travelor who just arrived at a village that someone claims is being attacked by a pack of werewolves. I may end the post with "It was a long day, and you could use the rest. However, what Denya said about the werewolf sightings nearby made you morbidly curious, enough to at least consider sneaking out for a peak yourself." It'd be up to you then if you want to take the plunge into dangerous, sexy, possibly fattening werewolf situation, or if you want to take things slower.

Or, let's fast forward a bit; you've been captured by these werewolves, and they're having fun stuffing you to make you into a very filling snack. "The alpha cackles as he crams another pastry into your muzzle, another item stolen from the town's bakery. With each bite you're forced to eat, you feel your bonds tighten significantly around your middle; a round, bulbous middle which has the attentions of every other werewolf you see, their glowing yellow eyes staring hungerly at it, waiting for you to burst through the restraints. Alas, you're not as keen as they are, for the moment the ropes come flying off your body, you'll know it's dinner time."

If you respond shyly and meakly, they could laugh at how adorable you're being. Or hell, maybe if you stop resisting and start eagerly eating what they feed, they'll become curious as to just how much it'll take to stuff you full and keep the feeding going a little longer? (Yes I have hot werewolves on the mind a lot shut it >.>)

I'm not sure how the pricing will work, perhaps I'll start with $5 per 800-ish word post of mine. The first one or two "commissions" will be cheaper, although as I'm writing this, I just realized another fun aspect is that there's no definite 'end' to these stories. The commissioner could just keep the same story going further and further, heh.

Let me know what you think, and if you have any questions <3

Maybe not right away, cuz I've been feeling pretty sick lately. Don't do yardwork in 100 degree weather folks!

But yeah, I've been giving the writing thing more thought. I've come to the conclusion that I like writing the really long stories with character development and the like. I like taking the time to think about how characters would react to different situations (with those situations being tubbified, ofcourse) and finding solutions on how to cope with being large, whether they hate it at first but come to enjoy the benefits of being plus sized, or those who absolutely love it but wonder if they deserve all the nice things that happen to him.

Problem is, those stories require a lot of time and effort to write, and I'm always anxious about whether or not it'll be received well. I understand most people tune in to the fat stories for the, well, fat, and adding too much character nonsense kinda detracts from it.

I do like writing the short stories too! The ones without a convoluted plot and what not, just silly shenanigans involving tons of weight gain. I'm always down to write them, but they don't feel like a *me* story, I guess. Maybe I'm too paranoid on feeling unique.

Either way, that Revali story was fun! It was a very quickly written story, since I wanted to be on time for one of those fat fur flavor of the months for once, but I don't think it turned out too bad. Alas, I haven't really given much thought on how I want the story to progress; I have an idea for an end (involving Kass :3) but how I get there will be a mystery. Shall he use the Shiekah Slate to teleport around Hyrule right away, or should we get some scenes of him slowly regretting the motion of even attempting to walk in the first place. Maybe he visits a stable and makes an attempt at horse riding, being unable to lift a fat leg around a horse. What if Gut Check Rock from Death Mountain meant something completely different when he arrives there? Someone mentioned an idea of a chubby Sidon, and I feel like that'd be incredibly fitting as he would obviously be super enthusiastic at just about anything, including eating contests.

I also wanna work on Weight Staff sometime. I know it's been sometime, but it's still a story series I'm super passionate about. I'm just nervous to work on it for the reasons stated above. Maybe sometime in the future, when I'm more confident in myself as both a writer and as a person I'll give the next chapter another go.

:3

It was overly long and dramatic and tbh I'm really embarassed about it so I deleted it :x

The long and short of it is I edited some stories to not include minors, and if anyone knows of any other stories I've written involving minors in fetish situations to please let me know so I can edit them out.

Please and thank you <3

TL;DR: Opening Coms. I'm not a fan of the "X dollars for Y amount of words" idea, because sometimes I get "inspired" and I tend to write way more than what was commissioned, and other times I'm struggling to meet the word count. I want to try something different where the commissioner hits me with an idea, then tells me whether they want a longer story, a shorter one, or no preference, then after I outline the story in my head I give them a quote.

At the moment though, I'd rather focus on shorter stories that I can write in a day, for like $20-ish dollars. That last one was a doozey, and while I'm really proud of it, I kinda need a break from long prose xp HOWEVER, I'm always down to talk ideas for long stories, and I may or may not give it a try.

Another idea I had: tips for sequels to stories! I know I have a lot of series I've never really continued, and I've always been, like, on the verge of continuing them or not. This would give me the incentive and push I need to actually continue, and possibly finish them, haha.

So, feel free to donate any amount of $ with a note saying which story you'd like continued. Once I hit a threshold, such as if someone pays 60% of the goal and someone else 40%, I'll continue it, or write a sequel. If you pay for 100% of the goal, I'll find a way to include your character in it as well~

$50 for another chapter in a series, as long as it doesn't star an OC (R.U.N, etc)

$100 for a sequel to a stand alone story, as long as it wasn't commissioned.

For tips, I accept FA shinies, ko-fi and uh that's it for now!

Let me know what you think <3

It's fun to laugh at a situation you have no control of lmao.

Really I don't get why they just don't add a feature to blacklist certain words from searches and the like. I know there used to be a chrome extension that did that but I don't think it works anymore. It can't be that hard to implement, right?

What sucks most about this is I just got new ref sheets of Denya in kitsune and dragon form. Problem is kitsune form is barely 4 feet tall, so... and their "clarifications" don't exactly clarify on what adult proportions should look like lmao.

The rules are so stupid. "No sexual depictions of minors," that's all you need to say. None of this crap about not allowing drawings of certain species, while also allowing freaking teen pregnancy, like what?! Are they justifying their own kinks?

See, it's funny lmao.

I'm not going anywhere cuz, like, there's not many other platforms to put my writing on. I kinda built up a following here and I don't want to just suddenly abandon it :/

I am working on a big fun story though. No minors or short characters though don't worry lmao