For all the tears I have ever shed for a single person... I have never shed as many tears as I have over this Christmas break through this past week. My Dad, who had lung disease, came down with Covid after my family tried so hard to avoid it for so long. It was a domino effect, with one day going to the hospital, the next the ICU, the next diagnosed with Bilateral Pneumonia, and tumbling on and on. He was taking from his home state of AR due to not a single hospital having what he needed and was air flighted to Mississippi.

I got one phone call with him before he flew.

He was there for about a week before he just couldn't fight anymore and we had to call and say goodbye over the phone. He couldn't talk back and all I could hear was the sound of vents keeping him going for the time being filling the empty silence. I was told by the nurses he made them laugh, gave them a smile with his goofy stories and upbeat attitude.

I hadn't seen him physically in over a year. Given him a hug in over a year. We live 4 hours apart. This, above missing him, not getting to hear his voice again, having him make me laugh over the stupidest of things... that will haunt me for a long time.

He was only 62. He concurred the disease that took him down from work and managed to keep working at home. My solace in this is that he is no longer in any more pain.

I am no preacher... I am not political in these times to preach at others but I stand in my beliefs but I have one thing to leave with you if you read this.

Please do the right things. He got sick because one -single- nurse didn't do the right thing. Didn't follow what was asked of her in her field during these times. She got an entire nursing home facility sick, along with my Mother who works there and my Brother. She not only lost her own life, but my Dad and many other residents and many workers there because she decided to go and do traveling and other unsafe procedures.

This isn't a government thing... this is for the safety of people like my Dad, like the worker in the laundry facility who is also leaving behind a wife and children... for the various families loosing loved ones they can't see before they go... and can't see to rest them peacefully to sleep.

Just please to the right thing, even if you don't believe in it. Just for those moments that you are being asked to do so.

I dunno.. I couldn't think of a title.

So as my last pic post stated... I have gone through the giant pile of shit and back again... and I hated it.

For a more detailed writing you can go to http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10371845/ and read that there if you wish. This is the summed up version.

I have felt like crap and beat myself up over every little thing for the past year or so and I am making a huge effort to do better. So maybe... I will actually post more. No guarantee as I am not going to tie myself down to a rock and toss it in a lake and hope I can keep myself up. This is going to be a very paced effort.

Thanks for all the love and support that most of you have given me. I have never really had anyone hateful or mean here on FA and I hope to keep it that way!

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

<3 <3 <3

Well, today we lost the first betta fish that Kaz and I got when we moved in together. Azerath (Az) was one tough fishy and we have gotten into the habit of naming our betas after dragons, seeing as they seem pretty proud fishes. We still have Shima, our oldest now and one we got not too long after Az so he may not last much longer. I still have my other two young-ins, Valom and Nym (who is a bit gimpy due to a fin disease that ate most of his back tail fin, but he is still really active and cured at the moment) and now our newest fish, Tatsu.

I am a bit weird about my fish, but when you go to college and are not allowed to have pets except fish, you find yourself attached haha. Even now out of college I really love my fishies.

My two cats, Blair and Bj are quite interested in the fishes.... for their water. >_> Fish flavored? Dunno.

Anyways, random journal, more for my sisters to know about the loss of Az :<

Owner of Carnival Grotesque:

" Not sure if I've promoted this already or not but I've made a Facebook page for Carnival Grotesque!
If you're interested in receiving more consistent updates from me concerning my art and other things, feel free to give me a like :B

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Carn.....2248194?ref=hl "

Go check it out and her work here on FA. Got some cool work :D

I think anyways. So there is a fennec fox fire starter and the two legionaries are sexy. I WANT THE DEER!

http://www.technobuffalo.com/2013/0.....-nintendo-3ds/

Have fun poke'fans.

A good friend of mine had their cat fall very ill and needs a bit of help for the payments. Go here to see the pretty kitty and find more information.

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/943...../#cid:63619882

and Journal

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4111591/


Please if you can do anything, lend a hand. Many of us love our animals as our babies and would do anything not to loose them.

So many of you may know who Arin "Egoraptor" Hanson is, and if you dont you much become antiquated. He is a great animator and funny individual as it seems that he is in need... or more like his mother is in need. As quoted on his ebay page:

A tropical storm recently ravaged South Florida where I'm from. My parents still live there, and my mother runs a non-profit organization called Healing Horse Therapy Center which aims to help PTSD veterans and victims of sexual trauma via equine-assisted therapeutic and psychotherapeutic methods. The barn where she conducts her sessions has been completely flooded and she's had to evacuate. Unfortunately, being a non-profit, the organization has very little funds to make the necessary repairs and also find a temporary home for the horses. That's where I hope to come in.

I, Arin "Egoraptor" Hanson am auctioning one traditional commission for the highest bidder, signed by me. What it is a drawing of is completely up to you. I will draw WHATEVER YOU WANT and mail it to you in a nice envelope and give it a little spritz of cologne even. That sounds nice huh? 100% of the auction winnings will go directly to Healing Horse Therapy Center to aid in the relief from this damage.

My mother is a ridiculous hardworker and it pains me to see her in this position. She cares so much about what she does it's probably why I even care about anything, really. Even through all this terribleness she's stayed strong and keeps her head held high. I've done what I already can to help her out, but now I'm going to try to push a little harder for her.

Thanks for viewing and happy bidding.

This is the link to the bid: http://www.ebay.com/itm/Custom-Draw.....-/180965840479

Though, seeing as the bid is skyrocketing up, I would much rather provide you with the following link: http://healinghorse.org/give-back/

That link will allow anyone who is able to donate a bit of money to the relief efforts. I am sure many of you are horse lovers and its a place of safe refuge for these animals. Please, if you can help, send a bit of money. Every little bit counts. If not, please share this!

Yaaaaaaaaaaay! After many months I finally have a job interview. Though this would be the first interview of many I would have to go through, I must say that it has me out of my rut. I will be going around 2 dressed my best and hope to impress. Please wish me luck. To those of you who are waiting on sketches and such, I promise they will come soon! :D Loves and Hope that I don't put my foot in my mouth :O.

I have had a crappy crappy crappy day and I cant seem to feel any better. People who I know I cant seem to get a hold of for help with moving some furniture, the utilities at the new place were turned off and its over 100 outside and 90 degrees in the apartment as I try to move heavy boxes up stairs, I couldn't get a change of address form and told to go online... that failed, ended up stuck in traffic, and was carrying a box greater than 40 pounds out of the apartment, literally dragging it while people just watched. No "hey you need some help?" or anything.

I am just depressed and want some hugs. I guess that may seem a bit emo and beggy... but I am really feeling that down. I am starting to learn who my true friends are one at a time and it hurts.... lots. To those of you far away, I know you care (those that I consider family and friends) and I know you cant be here. It only makes me miss you more cause you are the one's I know would help me out in a heart beat.

I guess I am allowed one emo depressive journal right? Its the only way I know how to get all the pent up anger out. I want to tell those I thought would help me to bite it the next time they ask for help... but a good part of me wont let it happen. So many times I have just felt forgotten or left behind by the people closer by... it sucks. What are you suppose to do? I am not the person to tell others "screw you"... I think I am more afraid to lose friends that way.

Anyways... I will stop this rant for now..... maybe things will look up soon.

I decided I needed to post some sort of journal. Not sure if anyone wants to know but me and  kazer are moving at the end of the month to get situated in a much better part of town. Looking for a job and keeping my hopes high that things start smoothing out soon.

On another note, has anyone else actually checked out the Wii U's set of games coming out with its release? Things actually look amazing and great. This is the first time I have been excited about the new console since its introduction. Now games like Assassins Creed III and Mass Effect 3 will be available to nintendo gamers and the new remote seems actually helpful. To be able to have a map or your weapons up at all time on another screen right at your hands makes the game play interrupted... which I would like for something like the Assassins Creed series. Big map=Good.

Just my random put in for today. Go check out some of the videos if you seem interested by this. I know I am XD. They look pretty too! Yay!!! Pretty!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LG79bpPFeLc

Alright... if you loved how to train your dragon... YOU WILL LOVE THIS! Once this comes to the US, I am planning on going. I also really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really want one!!!!!!!

I played Sonic Generations for a bit, and I was overly impressed. I really felt that Sonic died back with Hero's, leaving the poor hedgehog only to slow down in speed in his rankings with the fans. Horrible after horrible game came out and I really felt sad. Sonic was one of my icons growing up. He was way past cool and super fast but with a fun laid back attitude. It had finally made a come back.

I did watch a bit of Sonic Colors, and from what I can tell its a good game too. I had my doubts, BELIEVE ME! I mean, comon? Title "Sonic Colors" sounded like crap to me. I didnt even want to watch the train wreck, but they pulled back really close to the meaning of what Sonic games were meant to be, and they brought back the essence of the characters. Sonic Generations has many corny spots, but you know what, its nostalgic and well done. Its not over bearing.

The levels are beautiful. SO MUCH DETAIL! If I dont get to play this on an HD TV at some point I will probably cry cause this is what this game needs. They paid attention to every thing that they could. The music was just mind blowing. Some of the old music from the first few games had beautiful remakes, and now fun things happen when you go fast through the levels mmmmm music changes.

The classic and modern stages are really fun, and the bosses are just as fun. Some old foes from back in the day coming back in a way I could never imagine. I think I had too much fun playing to be honest.

There were a few annoying parts. Some characters didnt need to be in the game, but were there for hits and such for different levels. For some, this is about all they are good for. Others lead into more interesting things, which I dont want to ruin. Some of the voicing was annoying too, but for the main involved characters it was handled very very well. Even Omochao doesnt suck as bad as he used too! And that is hard to believe. Just, in one section, they talk too damn much while you are trying to play. If you have played, you know what section I am talking about.

I really do suggest that if you have the time and money to look into the game. I really had a lot of fun.

oh and.......... FUCKING EVIL TRUCK RUUUNNNNN!!!!!!!! (they made him scarier)
o___________________________O

Why is everyone throwing such a BIG fit about the damn banner. Its MLP. Its a tv show. People think it is cute. There is NO PORN on the damn banner. So why get so ticky? All the other fads have gotten their banner glory moment...

Please please explain. If you dont know, find me someone who is pissed off about it and have them tell me why.

I ask this cause I viewed the Fender page and saw a bunch of nagging. I want clarity.

Back in Memphis and about to start my last year at the college. WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Still no working computer and waiting on when I can actually fix the stupid thing. >_______<

And .....

Thats it I think.

So apparently after just 2 years the LCD screen on my computer is acting up.

This thing is my career and my school... and now that its messing up I dont even have it for use during my senior year. I cant be on it for more than a few moments before things start messing up.

I really really need to order one soon but monies.

Anyone if you have traditional types of commissions or anything that I can do for money please let me know. I cant do digitals right now and its really depressing. >_______<

 xkashent i do have a sketch of something i had started earlier for you.

Thought I would help out and send out a journal Birlioz  bir

This is for a dog adoption event.

SHEWANA SHEPHERDS

1st Annual Adoption Event!

Sunday, August 28th, 2011 (Rain date September 11, 2011)

11:00 to 3:00 PM.

Location: Shewana Shepherds at Windy Hill Farm

20420 Windy Hill Road *** Harvard, Illinois 60033

Phone: 815 451 DOGS or 815 943 2020

If you have always wanted to own a High Quality, pure bred German Shepherd Dog with Fantastic Temperment, great Health and Beauty, then this is your chance to meet & adopt a:

-Handsome, Mature, adult male
-Loving, Retired breeding female
-Young adult
-An older pup priced "Just Right"

Refreshments will be served & you will have a great time!

Please leave your personal dogs at home.

For directions and advanced information about us and available dogs & pups, please visit our websites.

www.shewana.com
www.shewanaadoptions.com
www.myspace.com/shewana42

If you are in that area you should go check it out. German Shepards are such pretty and loving dogs and very protective of their families.

 fae-of-fa is hosting contests now. Our first contest is for the new icon. Please go check it out and if you have any questions please note the group, me, or  rowynn.

Here is the journal for it.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2557702/

Sorry I didnt really mention that I would be out for a week visiting family :3 but I am back. Had fun, in the process of getting my car fixed (a 2,000+ dollar thing), Kaz got a new car settled, and I chopped my hair off. I now have above shoulder hair that I must say I am actually fond of but I now realize how much of my mother's hair I have in my head. My mother's hair is actually completely white and went that way around the age of 20-30 and started around 16. My hair is now developing the same color, now making my a dusty brown with shiny shiny silver all over my head in the sun light. I really really would love to have my mother's hair color so I am actually really excited. She hates her natural white hair but it is beautiful. And i MEAN white... not grey or light blond... White. XDDDD

In other news I am also now an admin of the group  Fae-of-FA and am really excited to be helping out. We are looking forward to getting more members and holding events and contests that will keep everyone's interests in mind. If you have any questions for the group you can message the group or note me or  rowyyn and we would love to get all the input we can get.

Still up for commissions though the move is still in process.

Hey guys, me and  kazer are going to be in the process of moving apartments again. This time isnt such a huge move thank goodness. We are just going downstairs. But that means a lot of stuff to haul. We will be doing this over the course of this month. We have been living with 2 leaks in our roof since April 25th so we are kindly being moved to a 2 bed 2 bath for the same price we pay now cause of the ordeal. So no more water feature in the living room. I am still taking commissions but things are just going to be a bit slower than usual. I am also still trying to raise some money to help Kaz with car payments and to fix my computer..... found out my laptop may have a logic board problem. >___< But please I love Commissions o.o

 Xkashent I have a sketch done of something for you along what you mentioned. I will be trying to get the line work and colors done soon.

I also have a personal piece I am going to work on. Will post that one as things move along.

Luvs guys.

 kazer, my fiancee, has had his car go co-put after us pouring 700 dollars into it alone this month, not to count the nearly 2k in total this past year. The place didnt check it like they should, put the new part in, then checked everything only to say that it was crapped and still charged full price. Now he needs a new vehicle to get to work and we have little money.

I dont know what else to say other than I am taking commissions. We really need the help. Being able to buy groceries would really be nice. I will still be as flexible with prices as I can, we just need something.

Please help if you can.

I am done with my junior year in college now, and have a few summer classes but NOW I can actually do stuff.

First on my list is to clean a bit and get Rowynn's  rowynn commission done BUT I NEED MORE!!!

I am willing to offer more spots for the 5 dollar speed paints but I would LOVE more things to do. I will charge depending on what is asked for and I am thinking about doing some painting and chalk/pastel work this summer.

Sketches can run from around 5 bucks to 10, only depending on size and background.
Digitals will run 10 to 20 also depending on complexity and backgrounds.
Paintings.... I am not a professional painter so XD. >_> i will see on those.
Pastel work will also be a come and see depending on the surface.... I love fake velvet as a surface for those... its sooooooo smoooooooth!

But yeah... shoot ideas... and commissions are nice cause they help me get food XD. And pass some boredom. I now feel that I can breathe again and I want to explore that art that I enjoy... not assignments that take away from me my life and blood XDDDD. heeee.

Thats the story... senior year, I am looking at you.......................... But first my damn summer ^_^

((will be posting more work so that my gallery isnt so empty as well >_>))

To get myself out of my art loss during all the time the college takes from me... I was thinking of offering 5 of the quick speed paints I have been doing for 5 bucks each. >_> I was originally thinking 10 but i wont do that this time.

I am also thinking of offering up Okami styled images done on scrolls much like the scrolls that pop up when an enemy pops up in the game. This would include your fursona/character posing with a weapon of choice. DOES NOT HAVE TO BE OKAMI WEAPONS! I guess everyone can get a better idea later on about these when I do the first one. I just want to know thoughts...


But yeah... 5 openings for 5 bucks.. Any takers?

O-o
OH! And my speed paint examples are

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5469834
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5474373
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5476173

YAY Fill in box XD

1. LaurenRivers  LaurenRivers Finished

2. Rowynn  Rowynn

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Well I am 21 finally...... Whoo?

All that lies in my future is homework, homework, and more homework.

Thank you to all my sisters, family, and my dearest for wishing me the best this day.
I was wondering if I would be sane enough to enjoy it XDDDDD.


Loves Guys

2011 has been biting me in the ass.

Money. Everything costs money but when you are in a college that demands so much of you that you bend over backwards just to complete everything... how do you get money?

I tried working last year, and let me tell you I went crazy. Literally. And I probably drove the ones around me crazy to the point of wanting to shoot this poor canine and put her out of her misery. But now I am stuck in a hole..

Round about for supplies 400. Yeah thats great and everyone wants us to have EVERYTHING by next week... while the school in its patient little manner will only hand out the checks they owe us next week as well. How the hell does that work? Not to mention i hate making my mate cover as much as he is.... so i have a small request.

I will do commissions. Anything you want. Even a rino humping the hell out of a power ranger. But please help.

Sketches, sculptures, digital work, watercolor, pen and ink, anything and I will work on the price even to make it more affordable for you. If you cant, can you throw someone my way even?

I WILL MAKE YOU A BOB AWESOME ANYTHING! (reference to Rugrats there... )

And sorry if this is annoying or desperate, or just another spam in the mail box. I just ran out of ideas.... and the idea of a pic of a rino humping a power ranger to death makes me giggle...........

Ok I saw my sis Markoh  markoh do this and I thought it was cool.

The first 9 people to respond to this email will have themselves along with 3 pieces of your own personal work shown on this. I really like this cause its a great way for others to notice you and I am all about great work being found! So come on! ^_^

1:  markoh Markoh
~ http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5068901
~ http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4981241
~ http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4934507

2.  rowynn Rowynn
~ http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4715721
~ http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4628566
~ http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4759502

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Okies and Hope you see you guys answering!