As the title may suggest, I turned 42 today, and while it may have been a bumpy road... I'm truly grateful for having been part of it for so long. So until my next birthday, what I say is law! *Cackles!*

So, it's the final day of 2023 where I'm at, and looking back, a lot has happened, including something I was never expecting.

I managed to get a partial fursuit, with legs, arms, and paws that I took with me to Anthrocon along with my head and tail I got the year prior. Because of that, I got to participate in the fursuit parade, and it was indeed a fantastic moment! While I'm not quite used to fursuiting yet (it was almost unbearably hot with just the head on), I had my friend Chamelion to help me out, and I had taken steps to prevent myself from getting dehydrated, including getting a backpack that could hold one of those big water pouches you use for camping. VERY useful, and one fill kept me hydrated the entire day.

With the leftover money I had managed to keep from the convention, I also decided to finally take the leap into VR, getting myself a Meta Quest 2. I haven't done too much with it, even though I got Beat Saber. I've mainly been using it to play on VR Chat, having a couple of avatars that I've taken a liking to a lot.

Speaking of VR Chat, I've wound up coming across one of the best communities I could ever find thanks to it. A fateful search into one of my favorite game shows of all time led me to finding a group that's dedicated to recreating the sets of said shows and entertaining people who are just as into them as I am! They do so many classics, like Press Your Luck, 25K/100K Pyramid, Wheel of Fortune, Card Sharks, Jeopardy... and that's just to name a few. In fact, I even got the chance to host an episode of PYL after their Organizer group sprung an impromptu audition on me in late October, with the official show being done in early November. They were so impressed with my passion for the show, as well as my willingness to help out in general, that the night after my hosting debut, I was invited to join them! It's been such a blast since I've become a part of that community back in August, and while it hasn't been all fun and games being an Organizer, I love the fact that I have so many new friends because of it, many of who stream themselves!

But I think the best thing that has happened to me, by far, is the fact that I've found love again, and I have that same game show community to thank for that! We have a member there who goes by the name of Stormwolf, and he is an absolute demon at Wheel of Fortune, having earned the nickname "Quicksolver" due to how fast he can figure out puzzles. Not many people are capable of keeping up with him, but we found out that we pretty much have the same methodologies and strategies for playing the game, having both grown up watching the show when we were younger. One day, he came to me, asking me if we could find out just HOW compatible we were as partners by playing one of the video games. It turns out that, were we to ever be put together in a doubles match for the game, we'd be pretty much unstoppable. It even got me nominated to participate as a contestant in a special Masters Challenge episode of the show in the group... but technical difficulties caused numerous issues that rendered it almost impossible for him to play that night, so we're planning a rematch sometime in the future.

However, over the course of that, I seemed to have shown him I'm more than a capable player, and it came to a head in early December. After one of the game show nights was over and we were doing our closing, he asked if he could borrow me in a quieter place for a bit. I agreed, and it was there that he confessed that he had developed a crush on me, due to my compassion, as well as being a supportive, loving, and caring individual. To be honest? The feeling was mutual, and I told him such. I had to whisk him away so that we could talk about it more seriously. But by the end of that talk, we wound up agreeing that we were definitely more than just friends. As such, I now have two boyfriends!

BEFORE ANYONE ASKS, yes, Xabin, my boyfriend who I've lived with for most of my adult life, knows about this. I told him what happened for transparency's sake, and I told Storm that I would be talking to Xabin about what he told me out of that same transparency. Xabin is fine with the arrangement due to reasons I won't get into, as they're a bit personal. In fact, Storm was concerned that he would be driving a wedge between myself and Xabin with his confession, but I assured him it wouldn't, as Xabin would take priority with needs seeing how I live with him, but that I would do my absolute best to give Storm the love and support he also deserves.

I never thought this would happen to me, being in such a relationship. I'll admit, it still feels a bit surreal going into the new year, but I know the key thing I need to do is to communicate. As long as I can do that and make sure both of them are happy... I know I can make it work. That's my big goal going into 2024.

Here's hoping that 2024 is filled with more incredible moments! I genuinely can't wait to see what's beyond the horizon, because whatever happens... I have the love and hearts of two people to help me through.

I've had to make the difficult decision to remove my toxic parents from my life. They're no longer welcome in it. You're probably wondering "This is a pretty big move. Why are you doing this?" Let me explain.

For as long as I can remember, I always thought that I was living in a place of acceptance, tolerance, and love. My mom blamed herself for a head injury I suffered when I was 18 months of age that nearly killed me, and pretty much pampered me afterward as a result. She was the first one I could always turn to for issues involving school, people, and the like. I foolishly thought this version of her would be the one I'd see when I got older.

As for my father? Well, he was always too busy to do much with me, and some of the hobbies he was part of didn't really fascinate me. As a result, we were never close. About the only thing that I seemed to accomplish when I was younger in his eyes was when I decided to try and get an amateur radio license. Passed the exam with flying colors, and he said he couldn't be prouder of me for it. Looking back, I wish I had never done so, since I never use it. Other than that, we always got into arguments, and whenever I tried so much as to fight back against him, his first retort would be "You'd better pull in those horns, boy!" Even my mom refused to support me in those instances.

When I was pretty much forced to come out of the closet as gay and furry due to an incident, I made damn sure to say that I was proud of who I was, despite what they thought. They reluctantly accepted it. I say reluctantly, because they thought it was a phase. Once they realized it wasn't, they relented, for once.

THEN FAUX NOISE CAME INTO THEIR LIVES.

I don't remember when it was, but I believe it was shortly after Obama was elected. But my dad started watching NOTHING but Fox News afterward. I realized this after helping Xabin get out of a potentially dangerous situation back in 2009. From the moment my dad got home from work to the time he went to bed, it was Fox News every second on the TV. I didn't think of it at first, but now that I've seen so many stories about how that single channel has destroyed families, I'm inclined to agree that it did the same to mine. It didn't help that, even in my youth, he would listen to bigots like Rush Limbaugh and the like on AM radio.

At the time, my mom was taking care of my ailing grandmother after she had pretty much given up on life after two car accidents at the same intersection. She developed Alzheimer's, eventually dying while barely remembering anything about us... save for me. For some reason, she never had trouble with me. I wish I knew what made me so special....

But I digress. After my grandmother died and my dad eventually retired, both of my parents started living at my grandmother's house as they worked on getting the final details taken care of. Needless to say, my dad's penchant for watching nothing but Fox News came along with, and before long, I could see the change. I remember one Thanksgiving that Xabin and I were celebrating at their house, and I had brought along Pandemic (the board game) to teach. We were having a pretty good time, until my dad made a racist comment after a card showing a middle eastern country had an outbreak, calling them all "towel heads."

I wanted to leave right then and there. I almost packed up the game and told Xabin we were leaving. Looking back, I wish I had done that.

Fast forward to 2016. Both of them PROUDLY voted for Trump, with my mom giving the reason that there was no way she was voting for "Killary." I nearly blew up at them.

Fast forward again to 2021. Covid was in full swing, but slightly on the decline. My parents had bought into the notion that it was nothing more than a hoax, no more bothersome than the flu. They would condemn me for wearing my mask, and my mom chastised me for getting the vaccine, saying I had bought into the CDC's lies. They wound up catching it; it nearly killed them. After that, my dad took it a bit more seriously, wondering if he should get the vaccine. My mom, on the other hand? She STILL thought it was a hoax.

Fast forward now to the present, and the straw that finally broke the camel's back. I've been recently having car trouble. Been getting rattling noises and my brakes have been alternating between going soft and hard. To be fair, my brakes have always been soft for some reason, and it's never affected it. So I took it to a mechanic that's literally next door to my apartment to have it looked at. When I called later, he said that the only place he hadn't checked was the rear brake cylinders, and from what he had seen, that could be the most likely problem. There was also the possibility that the brake lines could be going out, but he didn't have the equipment to take care of that. If what he said was true, and it's confirmed, the cost would most likely be around 500 dollars.

My boyfriend's mom is willing to foot up to 350, since that's what she can afford.

As for my parents?

They outright told me to tell him to only do the BARE MINIMUM, with my dad adopting his usual Donald Trump complex, thinking he knew everything about everything and my mom calling it highway robbery.

I broke down after the call. I was in tears. I still am, even as I'm writing this.

The hypocrisy is that I never get a call from them unless they need me to drop everything and do something for them. Yet whenever I need help nowadays, especially financially, they hem and haw and try to find a way to keep from doing so. This is their latest stunt. Being a disabled adult child to them, I don't have the means to earn money except through my dad's Social Security. Believe me, I've tried for NUMEROUS years to get a job, but they all fell through, no matter how well I prepared and how often I contacted them after the interviews. It's not that I'm lazy or don't want to find work, it's that no one wanted to take me in. But it all became so exhausting and I... eventually gave up.

But this... this was the final nail in the coffin. It makes me wonder if I'm nothing more than a slave to them anymore, expected to do whatever they ask of me without giving anything in return. Hell, the only reason I'm in this world is because, according to them, the condom broke. TMI, maybe, but it's something that's always stuck in my head. It makes me feel like I'm a mistake.

Combine this with the fact that my dad consistently tries to tell me and Xabin to "hide our money better" when it comes to income with Section 8 housing assistance (which is FRAUD, by the way) and the fact that my mom has also fallen for the ploy that me being gay is "my choice," and I'm forced to remove them from my life. They've turned into such bigoted, hateful people who can't be bothered with helping their kids. It's that damned "We worked hard for our shit, work hard for yours!" mentality. This isn't the 1940s and 50s anymore. It's 2023. The world has changed. They've refused to change with it... and as a result, I refuse to let them be a part of my life anymore.

No more birthday wishes. No more Happy Mother's Day or Father's Day calls. No more anniversaries or holidays. I'm done. I've blocked their numbers... which hurts because they have a landline which, when they're not home, is the only way I can hear my grandmother's voice anymore. I can't help but wonder if she and my grandfather are rolling in their graves, knowing that their daughter has become such an entitled Karen.

The only person in my entire family I can trust nowadays is my older sister, and that's mainly because she had to raise a son who has a more severe form of autism than I do, which means she's able to empathize with me. Other than her, I have no one. I feel so alone now....

Well, Anthrocon 2023 has come and gone, and I have to say that, like last year, it was amazing! To be able to attend it again was nothing short of a miracle, one that I'm glad I was able to pull off. The best part is that I got to do something very special.

Yours truly NOW HAS A PARTIAL FURSUIT!!!

Yep, you read right. After last year's convention, where I only had a tail, I decided to go for it. Using what money I had left from last year, I was able to get myself a head, leggings, arm sleeves, hand paws, and foot paws! I managed to get it all before this year's convention, but not without some snags. I won't get into those, but let's just say I wasn't able to use all of it for the con's fursuit parade, which I got to take part in!

Though I have to ask: How do you full fursuiters do it? Even with what I was wearing, and with all the precautions I took in order to make sure I didn't pass out in it, it was still sweltering and difficult. If it wasn't for my friend Chamelion, who once again was responsible for helping me get there in the first place, I don't think I would've lasted. Is it something that I'll eventually get used to? Should I invest in some other stuff to help out? Because I got myself a backpack that can hold one of those hiking water reservoirs with the bite straw and used that to stay hydrated, and he helped me get a better-fitting balaclava to wear over my face under the suit, as well as one of those fans that you can stick in a head's mouth (provided it has a mouth that's open and has a hole in the back of it to let the air in.) I know there are cooling vests, but since I don't have a torso part, I don't think I'd be able to take advantage of it. Is there any type of special clothing that could help? I've noticed some places mention Under Armour, but that stuff is expensive.

I know I have to take care of this suit as well. It's an expensive investment. I remember someone suggesting Bac End, an anti-bacteria spray. I managed to find that and gave the inside parts of my suit a spray with it after the convention. How often should I do this? Because I don't know how easy it is to get cans of the stuff. I also know what NOT to do in terms of the suit. Drying it with any sort of heat, for example, could melt the faux fur. Grooming the suit should gently be done with one of those pet brushes... preferably the ones that have the little rubber nubs at the tip so I don't rip off too much at a time. That's all I know so far, so I could really appreciate some additional advice if possible.

Of course, I did get swag. I got a LOT of it. Some of it even has to show up through the mail! Expect pics of everything I got in the coming days. Sadly, I forgot to get cards for each place I got merchandise from, but some were repeats of last year, so I can use that. Anything that I can't remember the place I got it from, I'm hoping you folks can help if you're familiar with said artist or store!

All in all, AC2023 was pretty awesome. Not as magical as 2022, as that was my first ever convention, but still a very memorable experience! I really want to go back next year! Here's to hoping!

Today, I celebrate a milestone in my life; something that I will never be able to do again. Today, I have officially turned 40 years old. Not gonna lie, it feels surreal. It seems like only yesterday that I was turning 30, and now, it's ten years after that. I've become a graymuzzle to you kids in the fandom.

Does anyone have any advice on what to do now that I've reached this point in my life? Because I sure as hell don't!

TL:DR VERSION: I got to go to Anthrocon this past weekend, and had a fantastic experience full of excitement and wonder. I definitely want to try and go back next year; we'll see how that goes, all things considered.

LONG VERSION

So, this cat is no longer a stranger to conventions. Thanks to the generosity of some of my best friends and the luck of getting a windfall of cash earlier this year, I was finally able to attend Anthrocon this past weekend, and I had an absolute BLAST! My word, where to begin?

Opening Ceremonies: This was a great way to start the convention, as it hadn't been running for two years thanks to Covid. It showed all sorts of people from the area welcoming the con back. I know how much the convention means to the city of Pittsburgh, but just knowing that there was so much genuine love and excitement of its return immediately let me know that I was going to have a magical time.

Fursuiters: And what a time I did indeed have! Being able to walk around at such a convention where all these fantastic fursuiters were, pointing out ones that caught my eye, and even being a handler for one was an experience in and of itself. Yes, you read right, I got to be a handler for one! Specifically, my friend Chamelion was dressed up as a rogue, complete with tunic and leather pouches on both sides of his belt! I even got to be in the parade with him after they took the picture of everyone in suits.

Dealers Den and Artists Alley: Hoo boy. It's a good thing I got that windfall of cash, because it's extremely easy to just want to buy everything that you find awesome at these places, and buy stuff I DID! I wound up getting all sorts of stuff for myself and my boyfriend that I couldn't possibly list it all. Maybe some photos are in order of the stuff I got. Time to clean off that dining room table.

Photos: I didn't take a gargantuan amount of photos since I was still new and I didn't want to stop EVERYONE who I met, but there were a fair few people who had some unique fursuits that I just had to get pictures of. I think one of my favorite ones was of a dragon suiter who had a Tetris motif, including the fact that he used the S and Z tetrominos for his wings! I do wish I had asked for his permission to post it up here. I also got photos of some of the items I wound up buying, highlights of my experience, and even a furry celebrity or two! I'll probably be posting the ones of the people I got permission for sometime down the line, once I get stuff prepared for the inevitable onslaught of pics that I need to take of all my merchandise.

Food and Drink: Oh my god. The area around the DLCC has so many awesome restaurants that serve such delicious food. There's hardly a fast food joint in sight unless you actively look for them, and that pays off in dividends! I had so much good stuff that I couldn't begin to describe it. Of course, I checked out what used to be Furnando's, which is now called Furryland but still has the atmosphere. I had to partake in their Dog Bowl Special. Got myself two slices of "pup-peroni" pizza, drink, chips, and said bowl for only 25 dollars. The pizza was FANTASTIC. I truly loved it! In fact, Cham and I even went there the day after the convention was over to take advantage of their free breakfast pizza, since we had our badges. Even that was amazing. I can genuinely see where the hype is surrounding that place, and learning about the history of that place just made it that much more epic.

Then there was a stall in the Dealer's Den for Wild Bill's Craft Beverages, where you could purchase mugs and get free refills for the entire day. If you wanted refills after that, all you had to do was bring the mug back, pay a small fee, and it would pay for that day as well. I pounced on the opportunity, getting myself a mug bundle that included a lid, straw, and carabiner clip. I wound up using it all three days. I would've gotten one for my boyfriend, but there was a bit of a hitch: The bundle is EXPENSIVE. Sixty-five dollars for all that! I mean, for what you get, and what you can do with it during the entire con was awesome, but man, that was a bit steep. Good diet root beer, though! Nice and frothy, with a thick head to suck on. (Get your mind out of the gutters, you pervs!)

Events and Venues: It's impossible to do everything at Anthrocon. You HAVE to set an itinerary of what you want to see and what you have to skip out on in order to make that work. Thankfully, Cham thought of this and suggested ideas on what to go for that he thought would actually be fun for both of us. I partook in a panel of how to be a proper fursuiter handler. I already knew the basics, like making sure they don't get overheated and getting them hydration frequently, but I didn't know that another aspect was making sure their integrity in suit was kept intact by doing things like diffusing potentially awkward situations, being careful about what's around them in terms of food and drink so the suits don't get ruined, and communicating through predetermined silent gestures to let them know important stuff. It helped me out a lot!

I also got to see a performance from a couple of the Guests of Honor: Sokyokukokoh & Hashita Kaoru, Yin and Yang drumming foxes and a bamboo flute-playing tiger. I loved it. During the first part, the one in the white suit wound up losing one of their sticks after a particularly hard beat, but was able to keep the beat and rhythm of the performance going perfectly until their partner in black got them a replacement... and I do mean PERFECTLY. Then when the tiger started playing, I felt like I was being transported to some epic event happening in Japan, almost like I was experiencing something grand. Then they teamed up.

I will never be able to listen to Eye of the Tiger in the same way ever again. HO-LEE SHIT. They nailed it! I actually found myself mouthing the lyrics as it was being played. It actually sent chills down my spine. I walked out of that concert amazed and shuddering in delight.

One of my biggest highlights, however, was being able to actually partake in a mock game of Wheel of Fortune! I attended that venue with Cham, and the host was someone who actually won BIG on the show many, many years ago. It worked like this: There were qualification rounds, in which the person who guessed a toss-up like puzzle moved on to the next round. Those people would go against each other, until only three were left, who would then go on to the main event.

I was one of those three left, and to be honest? I shouldn't have even been able to qualify. Due to how many people there were, they had to limit how many qualifiers were there. It was supposed to be nine, but before they realized what was going on, I had managed to sneak in as a 10th qualifier. So they had a 3, 3, and then 2, 2, 2 style event. In total, I had to solve three puzzles to get in compared to everyone else getting in two. I did it, though, and got to the show!

Despite some early bad luck on the wheel (my first spin was a Bankrupt, and I got two Lose A Turns in a row in another round), I managed to pull ahead and was in five-digit territory going into the Final Spin. Then I had a classic Wheel of Fortune blank-out moment that cost me the win. If I had managed to do that, I would've had a free ride to Anthrocon 2023! But eh, can't win them all, and maybe if I can get back there next year and they have that event again, I can try again. The guy that did win was a tough competitor, and I surprisingly wasn't upset by that fact. He even got his registration upgraded to a sponsorship after getting the bonus puzzle! Second prize wasn't too bad, though. I could choose between a voucher for one item at the Convention Shop or a stuffed hare. I chose the voucher, and got the 2019 AC shirt with it. Would've gone for the messenger bag, but they were sold out. Sad cat! Though the gal was ecstatic that she got to have the hare.

The Jeopardy part wasn't too shabby, either, since I stayed to watch that as well. I even got a few answers right that stumped the three who were on stage. All in all, a fantastic night for me.

Closing Ceremonies: The rest of the con was a bit of a blur to me, and before I realized it, it was time for it to end. 9,702 attendees, 2,562 suiters in the parade, $33,092.70 raised for charity, and the dates for next year's convention, which I really want to attend now.

All in all, Anthrocon was an emotional ride for me, and on the way home, the post-con depression kicked in hard. I was on the verge of bawling and exhausted from three days of nonstop adventure, but I was also satisfied and grateful that friends managed to pull together to get me to this to begin with. It was a pretty long drive home, even though I was riding with someone, and it got a bit dicey due to events that I'm not going to get into. Overall, I would love to go back to Pittsburgh and experience it all over again, given the chance. Satisfied cat is satisfied.

I just managed to talk to my mom for the first time since this whole Covid deal with them started. I'm now on the verge of tears because of it.

After letting her know how I felt about the way they both downplayed the virus, my mom actually apologized to me for it. That in itself is hard to get. She realized that her stubbornness and fear of what was going on caused her to act the way she did, and how it affected me as a result. She even said that this had been going on for a couple of months, and her refusal to go to the hospital nearly got her and my dad killed. As for my dad, he's still in the hospital for the time being. He was supposed to be released today, but blood sugars spiked again, so they're having to keep an eye on him for a little longer. However, he did ask my older sister about the possibility of getting the vaccine. So that's also a positive light.

I think the biggest part of all this is that she actually asked for forgiveness for being so scared and treating me the way she did, because I told her that I felt abandoned because of how they had been acting in regards to the whole scenario.

...I ultimately wound up forgiving her, because I could hear the sincerity in her voice when she admitted that what she did was wrong. I'm actually glad that she was able to see the light.

As for my oldest sister? No. I'm still cutting her from my life. She has been nothing but toxic to me, and especially to my boyfriend. I will not tolerate that, and actually called her out on her bullshit when she started to try and guilt trip me, saying I "didn't know who she really was." Well, I know. She practically bragged about watching OAN at my oldest niece's wedding last year. That's all I needed to hear. Even told her I never felt welcome in her home, and claimed that the reason she and her husband are becoming estranged is because she's allowed the bullshit conspiracy theories to fully take over her hateful mind, and drove him away as a result.

My older sister, though? Yeah, she's still cool. In fact, she was about my only pillar of support in the family throughout this whole Covid ordeal we're still going through, and she understands my viewpoints and at least tries to explain things in ways I can understand.

I just hope this all works out in the end.

So, as you may know, my parents recently got Covid. Neither had to be admitted to the ER at the time, but my older sister (who's an RN at a nearby hospital) now has to take care of them during days off from her work.

She sent me more bad news last night: My dad had to go back into the ER. He had to stay overnight this time. His blood sugars are getting worse, his potassium is high as a result, the Covid fog is making him unable to do things he normally does with any sort of comprehension, and they have to give him a cocktail of drugs while keeping an eye on his heart.

I'm not gonna lie: I'm worried this might be it for him, but at the same time, I can't help but be ANGRY about the situation, because of how he acted during this entire thing thanks to his poisoned mind. I honestly can't show compassion, empathy, or especially sympathy toward him due to it. Part of me wants him to survive just so I can bitch him out for being a selfish asshole who played into the con that it was a hoax and didn't take it as seriously as he should, especially given his age. The problem is, whenever I've tried to stand up to him in the past, his go-to line? "Better pull in those horns, boy!" Without fail.

Should I even bother at this point? Should I just give up trying to convince them that they could've died because they bought into the lies of it being a hoax? I mean, my mom DID shame me for getting the vaccine, saying I "bought into the CDC's lies." Maybe a little bit of payback is in order? Like "Who's got Covid and who DOESN'T?!"

Don't get me wrong. I know I could still catch it, despite the vaccine. I'm not stupid enough to believe I'm immune. I still go out, wearing masks, making sure to keep my distance, and overall not associating with people unless I have to. But there have been so many proven studies that show that most people who have the vaccine experience milder symptoms than those that don't, and the vast majority of new cases are among those who aren't vaccinated. I can say that with unfortunate confidence due to my sister working as an RN.

I'm legit at a loss. How can I possibly tell them how I feel without them trying to interrupt or deflecting by saying "I survived. This proves it's nothing more than the flu!" and make them see the light? Should I threaten to remove them from my life if they do so, because of how toxic their mind has become? Do I dare get physical and slap them in the face while yelling at them about how selfish they were, and how many times they shamed me for wearing a mask to gatherings and how it made me feel like I was just a scapegoat to them? Do I go the full nine yards and tell them that, if they refuse to budge on their position, that I would've wished they DID end up on ventilators, because they were beyond salvation at that point thanks to them being poisoned by right-wing propaganda?

I know that last one is going too far, but dammit, this is genuinely how I'm feeling right now. I'm having so much trouble controlling my anger toward them, and it scares me.

UPDATE: Just got a call from my sister. My dad's gonna be in the hospital for 5 days while he's on that anti-viral medication. I think it was called Regeneron? But yeah, he's doing a bit better. She was going to give me the number for the nurse, but quite honestly, I don't want to call, because I know I'll be ranting and raving at him first thing.

I got an update. They didn't need to be admitted, but they're now having to be quarantined. Dad's blood sugars are still whack, and mom's lost her taste and has a headache. Maybe now they'll take it seriously, but I honestly doubt it. Even better, my oldest sister decided to bitch me out because I wanted to state my opinion, and now I'm officially removing her from my life, as she's batshit insane.

So, for those of you who celebrated it, happy belated Thanksgiving. I didn't, and it's probably a good thing, too.

I got a phone call from my older sister today. She's a nurse at a hospital near me, and she informed me that she had to get both parents to the ER. Turns out my mom was feeling weak, sick, and wasn't acting right overall, while my dad's blood sugar was skyrocketing, leaving him weak, dizzy, and blurry eyed. Unfortunately, my mom tried to cop her usual attitude about being taken to the ER, of which my sister was having none of it, because they had been like this for several days, leaving them dehydrated. I told her to keep me informed.

A phone call and a text message later, and my worst fears came to life: both parents have COVID.

This is terrifying me, because they're both in their 70s, and their medical histories aren't that great. I'm trying to hope for the best, but possibly preparing for the worst.

The problem is this: I don't know what to do about this. I'm currently torn between two emotions. I'm in despair at the thought about losing them to this pandemic, but at the same time, I want to smack them so hard across their faces. See, my parents have unfortunately been poisoned by Faux Noise and right-wing propaganda shows, to the point where they fully bought into the lie that Covid was a hoax. They refused to mask up until my older sister forced them too, but they never wore them at any family gatherings, with my dad saying that he would "continue playing the Democrats' little game for now." They've shamed me numerous times for wearing my own mask, wondering why I'm "so afraid of something that's like the flu." Hell, my mom shamed me for getting the vaccine earlier this year, saying that I "bought into the CDC's lies." This infuriates me so much because, by saying and doing all this, they've pretty much spit on the efforts of doctors and nurses, including my sister, who are trying to control and contain this thing. It got so bad that on the 18th of this month, I went to their house so I could get the insurance cards for my car, and I didn't wear my mask because I was so worried about them bitching again. I wasn't even in there for very long because I had to take my boyfriend to his follow-up appointment for his eye surgery that he had in early October. They weren't showing any symptoms, then. So now, because of their selfishness, I have to get an appointment for both myself and Xabin in order to get a screening for Covid.

I honestly don't know what to do. I don't see them surviving this, because of their age and medical history. But at the same time, I want them to live so I can yell and curse them out for being selfish assholes who put the family on the brink of disaster because they refused to follow the science, and that if this didn't change their views on the subjects, that I would refuse to be a part of their lives any longer, because they'd be beyond salvation.

I'm so lost right now....

UPDATE: I've gotten myself and Xabin appointments for a test this coming Sunday at a nearby pharmacy. I hope it reveals we're negative.

So I turned 39 today. I'm only one year away from hitting the big 40. It honestly seems like yesterday I became a member of the furry fandom, and now I'm on the verge of becoming a graymuzzle. It feels strange.

Truthfully? I wouldn't trade any of it for anything. The ups, the downs, the all arounds... all of it has made me who I am today, and reflecting on it, I couldn't be happier right now. I've made so many friends, parted with others, longed to get back with some I've particularly missed, and discovered new things about myself. I've had some major changes happen to me that have altered my life in ways I'd never imagine, such as my diagnosis of type 2 diabetes in 2017, to managing to reignite my relationship with Xabin somewhat thanks to someone who shall remain anonymous for his sake. (He knows who he is.) I've even gotten to meet a dear friend of mine that I've known for well over a decade and a half, if not two, and we had some wonderful times together in the short time he visited.

I'm not going to lie: it hasn't been without its issues. The fandom has indeed changed from when I was entering it, and I sometimes wonder how it became the way it is. But looking back on the people that I've known over the many years I've been a furry, I can safely say that at least for the time being, the good outweigh the bad. I just hope that, when I turn 40 next year, it'll only be the beginning of a new chapter in my life.

To everyone who has influenced me in any sort of positive way, thank you. You've made this cat's life worth living, even during times where I thought I should just give it all up. Part of me truly believes that I wouldn't be where I am today without you.

So, I've now shown off not only a group shot of the Rainbow Seven Squad, but also individual pics of each member, and I have to say WOW. I wasn't expecting it to be somewhat well-received! The fact that I got at least one favorite on every pic is making me think that there's some interest in the group. So I have some questions.

1. Which pic was your favorite? Which one stood out the most to you and why?

2. Did any of the bios accompanying the pics strike you as particularly interesting? If so, whose was it, and why?

3. Would anyone be interested in seeing more? Like interactions between the different team members, for example? I already have some in mind, but I want to make sure the interest is there before I fully commit. This was a project that I wound up getting so inspired for that it's brought me out of my normal lurking mode and wanting to actually contribute. If anyone wants more, please let me know!

4. I'm toying with the idea of possibly getting these characters into an alternate style, specifically that of KabalMystic, who does some incredible bodies. The only hurdle I'm seeing is that it may be difficult getting the clothes looking right on that version unless I had some serious help. If it could be pulled off, however, especially if said clothes were removable, it could open up the potential to show more... personal interactions. What do you guys think; should I at least attempt it?

If you guys could give me some feedback in any way, I'd really appreciate it!

So, it's been a little over two weeks, and after a whole bunch of stress that sent me to one of my lowest points ever, I'm proud to say that the project I'm working on with Xabin is back in business. I have all the pics necessary to show off everyone, thanks to him, and I really hope you appreciate the effort that went into it. I'm not sure if the project will really go anywhere, but I can share some details right now.

The project involves a game that I consider to be a guilty pleasure for me: Sonic Forces. Like so many people, I considered the Avatar making to be one of the best parts of the game, and using it, I've created a 100% save file, with everything unlocked. Naturally, that means I have one of every species in that game, and these seven will be what you will see.

Starting this Sunday, I will be posting two parts per piece. One will be a photo with a complete bio in the description, and the other will be said bio for that specific character in the scraps section for those of you who want to read it separately. The bios were written by me, and I know I'm rusty, but I want to ask you to at least give them a look, and give me constructive feedback if possible.

I hope you guys are looking forward to seeing what I have to offer!

As I announced, I have a project in the works with my boyfriend Xabin. However, events of the day (caused by a callous quip by my so-called father, who is a Trump supporter... need I say fucking more?) have caused us both to spiral down into a bad mental state. I'm in a full-on rage, while he's now in such a depressive funk that it's taking everything in my power to not just go out and... take care of the source of the problem, to say the least.

As a result, we're both taking a week off from the project to try and recover and see where we're at. I'd like to debut this project at the beginning of October, if possible, but if it's not, then I don't know when it'll happen.

More details will be made known after this week passes.

So, despite everything that's been happening in the world, with the pandemic and the overall hell that is 2020, I've managed to make it another year around the sun in this big ball of mass we call Earth. I'm now 38, which means it won't be longer until I go over that proverbial hill. Fun times indeed.

That being said, there's more to this journal than me turning 38. I actually have an announcement. I'm working on a collaboration project with my boyfriend Xabin! It's been in the works for nearly a month now, and it's almost ready to be released. All I need are two more profile pics from him, and I'll be set. I'm really hoping you guys will like what you see, even if the content isn't normally what you're used to viewing on my page. Then again, I do need to fill this gallery out with more stuff, so it'll be a good way to test the waters. As for details beyond that? Well, let's just say I'd like to keep that a surprise, as it does involve a bit of a guilty pleasure of mine.

So here's hoping for another, albeit MUCH better, year on this planet!

So, after somehow managing to qualify for that stimulus that recently passed, I'm now in possession of a new computer! The specs are pretty awesome for it, so I'll be able to actually play more stuff than I could on my laptop, and without needing to worry about battery life, since that became an issue a year or so ago.

OS: Windows 10 Home 64-bit
CPU: Intel Core i7 9700K at 3.6 GHz
RAM: 16 GB
Video Card: NVIDIA GeForce RTX 2060 Super
Disk Drives: 500 GB SSD + 1 TB Hard Drive

These are just the specs that matter the most, especially the video card. That was what was holding me back on my laptop, but at least with a desktop, I can always upgrade after saving money, right?

Needless to say, I'm pretty excited to have this, especially since it wouldn't have been possible under normal circumstances.

Before anyone asks, though, I did have all my bills for this month paid off before I got the check, so I thought it would make for a nice gift for myself. Still need to get a few things, and I'll be all set.

So, anyone who knows me well enough is aware that I'm a Pokémon fan. I have been since the very first generation. It actually got me through high school and some of my toughest moments in life. But a couple of things I was never able to do, or really cared for, was getting a Pokemon up to max level the hard way, or completing the Pokédex. The closest I got was in Generation 4, due to the Pokémon Ranch on the Wii so that I could obtain a Mew.

That changed with Generation 8. The games have so many quality of life choices that make it so easy that I found myself actually wanting to do both, and as of now, I've officially accomplished it! I have an Arcanine named Hephaestus that is officially at Level 100, through hard work and a bit of camping, and thanks to wonder trades early on, my friend Chamelion, as well as the group Galar Furs on Telegram, which DariusLeogator sent me to, I now have a completed Pokédex!

I know this may not be interesting to those who aren't into Pokémon, but being someone into the series since the beginning, I feel like this is a huge achievement for me. I feel so excited that I was able to do this that I can't help but write about it. So don't mind me, I'm just a bit hyper at the moment.

Why does this keep happening?

I recently found out that a friend of mine passed on... someone who, based on my experiences, wanted to make people smile with his antics, and succeeded spectacularly. Someone who never let stuff get him down, no matter what happened as a result. He would always bounce back from even the hardest of hardships, always with a grin on his face.

Now he's gone... and while I know what happened to cause his passing, I refuse to say due to the sensitive nature of the situation.

What I want to know is... why?

Why do we always seem to lose the people who want to make this world a better place so soon, and yet the ones thoroughly committed to bringing nothing but misery, fear, hate, and destruction seem to be allowed to live for so long that it feels like they made a deal with Satan himself to do so?

I've lived on this planet for 37 years, and yet I still can't wrap my head around it. Where is the justice in this? There is none. There's no justice in allowing evil to thrive so much while the ones who want to make a positive difference are called back so early. There's no justice in wanting to destroy the world and being allowed to live so long to actually pull it off. There's no justice in heroes having to sacrifice themselves, only for evil to triumph in the long run. There's no justice in trying to make the world a better place, only to be ravaged by all-consuming hate. There's no justice when those who deserve everything either get nothing or lose it all, but those who don't deserve anything end up getting everything they dreamed of.

I know that life is never fair, but this is something that I just can't comprehend. Why does it have to be unfair like this?

Part of me wants to make it just stop. Part of me wants to give up. Part of me wants to just quit and be done with it.

But I won't. Doing that would dishonor his memory and legacy, and I refuse to let that happen. All I can do now is say this:

Rest in peace, my friend. I may not have known you for long, but the time I did is time I'll cherish. May you continue to inspire and make people laugh up in heaven.

So, earlier today, I managed to finally beat Final Fantasy 6, meaning that I have finally beaten all of the numbered games in the series that I've played so far. It was quite the adventure, and now that I've been able to do so, I think I can finally give my thoughts about it.

I remember saying that I felt like I was missing something that people who love this as their favorite Final Fantasy game saw, due to me not being able to finish it myself. After finally finishing it, I think I can understand where they're coming from, but I thought I'd share my insight as to why this game has jumped to just below Final Fantasy 10 as my favorite one in the series.

For me, it has to be the message that I get from the story. It's structured very similarly to 10 (or rather, 10 feels structured similarly to 6 if you want to be nit-picky about it.) You're introduced to a threat almost immediately, and when you learn more about that threat, you feel compelled to want to help out, despite not knowing what's in store. As you get deeper into the story, the characters become much more fleshed out, with their own reasons for tagging along slowly being revealed over time. Then, when you discover deeper truths to what's going on, it makes you realize just how much of an impact can be made by this threat, ultimately culminating in the major plot twist that, while it may seem obvious nowadays, more than likely devastated players going through the game for the first time before we had internet. That happened to me, despite me knowing from previous attempts to play through the game what to expect. The world, its inhabitants, the characters, even me as the player, felt defeated, hopeless, and lost, not knowing how things were going to get better from there.

Then we get to the second half of the game, where you're trying to recover from that devastation. One single, solitary moment helps a character steel his or her resolve, and from there, it snowballs into a series of events that can eventually bring everyone together in an attempt to bring down the much bigger threat. Numerous hardships are overcome, endless battles are fought, both external and internal, and progress is made to the point where they know that they're the only things standing in the way between hope and utter despair. When you get into that final area, filled with the toughest monsters, boss encounters, and finally the big bad, you feel like you've helped these characters be the best that they can be, and once that final hit is made and the ending starts to play, you can sit back, relax, and say "Yeah. I did that. I helped these people save their world. I brought back peace and hope for the future." It brings a sense of finality that can only be felt at that specific moment.

Overall, the message that I get is very similar to that I get from FFX: No matter what happens, despite the odds being stacked against you to the point where all you can do is despair, all it takes is one person to harden their resolve in order to make a difference. It's a classic underdog story, and those really resonate with me.

While nothing will ever be able to take FFX's place as my favorite numbered game in the series, I can safely say that Final Fantasy 6, after finally seeing the words "THE END" after the credits, is a solid second place, and there's nothing wrong with that.

I don't normally make any of these things, since I know events that are out of my control are more than likely going to make them impossible to keep. So instead of a resolution, I'm going to make a goal for myself.

That goal is to play and finally beat Final Fantasy 6. Out of all the numbered games I've played, which include up to 12 but not counting 11, 6 is the only one that I have yet to beat. The furthest I've ever gotten in that game, ironically, is the final dungeon. But I've just never been bothered to finish it. I don't know why. I know many say it's one of the best Final Fantasy games out there, especially for the 16-bit era, but me not finishing it must mean that I'm not seeing something that other people are. I need to find out what that is. Fortunately, I did manage to snag myself an SNES Classic in October, so I can easily do it. After finishing Earthbound on the thing (easily the most bizarre game I have ever played in my life), it's time to work on that.

Happy New Year, folks. See you all in 2018.

I know I don't go around and individually thank people for putting something I submit into their favorites. Part of me feels that it's just too tedious to do so, and another part of me feels like I shouldn't be getting favorites for things that someone else has done. It's part of the reason that I always try to link to the original artist whenever possible, so that you can see more of their work, and, in some cases, put a favorite there.

But I also get the fact that, sometimes people are so productive that it's easy to get lost in the myriad of pics that they've done trying to find the original art. Since I'm not one of those people, I know that it's far easier to just add it to your favorites from my gallery. All I ask in return is that you guys at least check out the artist in question. They're the ones who managed to make these pieces come to life from my imagination.

Regardless, I do appreciate it when I see that someone has put a pic or story I've submitted into their favorites. It means a lot to me, knowing that the meager gallery I have has interested you. So, thank you. Thank you to all of the faves I've gotten over these 10-plus years from you guys, even the old stuff that I've done myself.

After 71 years since their last pennant win, and 108 since their last World Series win, the Chicago Cubs, my team of choice, has won the 2016 World Series! I cannot tell you how excited and thrilled I am to have gotten to witness history! The MLB's longest drought between wins was broken tonight! No more curse; no more billy goats; no more nonsense. This is the Year of the Cubs, and I couldn't be happier! I even got to lead a rallying cry late in the game at the local sports bar; that's how excited I was!

Fly that W proudly, Cubs fans! We've certainly earned it!

As for the Indians, you guys gave us a run for our money, but in the end, it wasn't enough. Maybe next year.

So I had my birthday yesterday, and I have to say that it was, without a doubt, the best one I've had yet.

You see, there's this arcade in the Chicago area that, when I heard about it sometime last year, I knew I had to go to. It's called the Galloping Ghost Arcade, and it currently features over 500 arcade titles that, once you pay a 15-dollar fee at the door to enter, you can play as much as you want, since all the machines are set to Free Play. So after having lunch at a nearby restaurant (which I didn't have to pay for much out of pocket, due to a gift card I had from a previous date), my boyfriend  Xabin and I finally got to do so yesterday for my 34th birthday, and we had an absolute BLAST! The sheer amount of variety the place has is mind-boggling. Almost every genre is represented there in some form or another, and it's all easy to find, since they're actually sorted by said genre, for the most part. They even had a room almost entirely dedicated to shoot-em-ups. It was so much to take in that it was clear that I was acting like a kid in a candy store... though I did manage to control myself.

The big thing for me, however, was the fact that they have a game there that, until yesterday, I never thought I'd be able to play: F-Zero AX. (Yes, I know that the entire game's data is available on its GX counterpart, but that requires hacking, and I prefer not to risk that.) It was incredible! Being able to strap into the driver's seat of the Blue Falcon and take on the tracks sent such a rush through me every time I played it. The best part was that it was one of the deluxe cabinets, which moves and twists according to what's happening on the screen, adding that extra sense of immersion that's hard to capture. I played that three times, and every time, I came out of there winded, but excited. The only bad part was that, it was a Japanese machine, and therefore, couldn't read my American GX card. I was hoping to be able to unlock the rest of the AX racers through it. Ah well.

That wasn't the only game that I played, though. I played Darius Burst Chronicles EX, which had a huge SIT-DOWN cabinet for up to four players, played on two wide screens. That was insane. I also played Castlevania the Arcade with Xabin, though we didn't get very far. I also played the original Metal Slug, Mortal Kombat 4, Gradius II, Dragon's Lair, Sonic Championship (AKA Sonic the Fighters), Alien Syndrome, Ghosts 'N' Goblins, Ghouls 'N' Ghosts, Zero Wing (yes, origin of the infamous "All your base are belong to us" meme), Silent Hill the Arcade, Magic Sword - Heroic Fantasy, and the one game both Xabin and I played to completion: Ninja Baseball Batman.

Yes. THAT Ninja Baseball Batman. Fans of the Angry Video Game Nerd, who have seen all of his videos, will know exactly what I'm talking about. It is every bit as quirky and fun as the Nerd says it is, and it was easily the highlight of the day, since I got to play it all the way. Xabin couldn't even come up with words to describe it, due to how insane it was, but he agreed that it was awesome.

Once we were both gamed out, we hit a nearby mall to relax and calm down. We wound up getting some ice cream at the food court, and once we were done with that, we both decided it was time to head home. That was when Mother Nature decided to rain on our parade, quite literally. The last 60 or so miles of our trip were met with a torrential downpour with thunderstorms that went so far as to make the road almost impossible to see at times. Fortunately, we did manage to make it home safely, so that's what counts.

All in all, a perfect day for both of us. Heck, I even managed to get Xabin to try a steakhouse restaurant, and he liked it enough to want to eat there again. Bonus points!

http://awdplace.tumblr.com/post/145719898930

That is all.

MAJOR EDIT: It has come to my attention that someone here on FA is using this particular journal entry to try to discredit me as someone who is completely psychotic in nature. If you come across this journal because of said person, do not believe a word he says about me. He knows who he is, and he's just envious that I'm willing to bare my soul like this while he's too much of a coward to do so.

There's something I need to confess, and I'm requesting some advice.

As we all know, last May, Splatoon came out for the Wii U. It instantly became one of my absolute favorite games of 2015. I loved how the game was constantly updating, offering new maps, weapons, and game play styles to keep the game fresh. Experimenting with different weapons and equipment to find the play style that suited me best was an absolute blast.

Notice that all of that was in past tense. There's a reason for that.

A few months ago, a persona of mine started coming up whenever things weren't going right for me in the game, especially when I saw other people doing things that I could swear weren't possible for me. Examples included enemies seeming to hide in a mere pixel of their own ink, enemies blatantly swimming in my team's ink like it was theirs for long periods of time, sniping me even though I was behind a wall or two, enemies able to instantly charge their weapons to obliterate me, and so on.

This persona is not pretty.

I think part of it is because it's the first game I've played that's primarily online, but you know all those kids in Halo that use racial and homophobic slurs when they get their butts whooped by veterans? ...That was me, on a far worse scale. It got to the point where a friend of mine actually complained about it to my boyfriend, who then yelled at me, threatening to take the game out of the console and break it in front of me.

That legitimately scared me. My boyfriend said I needed to talk to the doctor about this, and in October, I did just that. His suggestion and experiment was to have me get to the max level in the game in an attempt to confront my demons, and he gave me a deadline for it: the end of this month.

I just now got to Level 50, the max level.

I can safely say that this experiment was a complete and utter FAILURE. I could not keep my demons under control. Believe me, I tried so hard to, but they kept popping up and would not go away. I tried to distance myself from others, I tried to keep others out of it, especially one in particular (he knows who he is) when he kept trying to join me during a particularly bad night. I didn't want anyone else to have to carry this burden that was supposed to be placed on MY shoulders... and in the end, nothing helped.

I feel like a failure. I don't know what I'm doing wrong or what I'm missing. If anyone, and I do mean ANYONE, has some suggestions on what I can do to try to make this go away, I'd really appreciate it. Even my boyfriend is relieved that this is finally over... he shouldn't be going through that kind of stress because of me.

I'm not going to be playing the game for at least a few months. It's dominated the Wii U for far too long. It's time something else was put in it. I just hope that, with time, I can mend these bridges that I nearly burned down. I almost lost everything because of a game... and it's not something I'm proud of at all.