I'm not dead.

I've been dealing with a lot of stuff at home. Gregg and I are trying to save to move out but we understand that we really can't do that until after vacation (which is less than 2 weeks away).

So as a temporary fix we're moving in with his dad to get away from it.

Plus I've been squeezing in every extra hour I can get at work, and packing, and throwing things out, and prepping for vacation.

So I've just been really busy, and dealing with a lot. I have not forgotten about anybody or anything, I just wanted to give a brief explanation of my absence so nobody thinks I just disappeared.

So see you guys in a week or two! I'll be drawing again, and I've been trying to, it's just -damn-. Like really, to explain everything that's just been going on lately, just damn.

Much love to all, thanks for the support and such! I'll see you guys all very soon!

Is aliens. Honestly. No, I love H.R. Giger's alien. But the thought of ACTUAL aliens? Like, flying around and abducting people? It terrifies me.

I'm not afraid of my tarantulas, snakes, the dark, bitey-things, bacteria, etc.

But aliens? That scares me. I can watch some ridiculous documentary about them, home alone, dark out, lights off, popcorn, blanket, and get all insane paranoid.

Ever since that dream I had where I was abducted and I woke up with a huge bruise on my left knee. It still hurts if I put too much weight on it right away or squat down too quickly. (This was years ago.) Probably just coincidence. But it scares me.

Silly I know. What are you afraid of?

Has the site gotten really congested over the past 2 or so years?

e_e Like I submit something and within 2 minutes it's 2 pages back on browse. It's like the only way I'm going to get noticed is if I draw lots of dicks and boobies and dicks touching boobies and boobies touching dicks.

BOOBIES. AND. DICKS. -Spaz-

ANYWAYS charity auction has less than 10 hours left, check it out! 8D:

http://www.thedealersden.com/auctio.....tion_id=109280

Winner is also receiving 2 sketches by moi!

JFKLDSJFLKDSJLFSDJLFJDSLJFD poop

Check it out! It's a ladder auction but that's where the current bid is. 8) It's a charity auction, meaning nobody is making money or profiting from this, all proceeds are going to Serpy to help her with the financial strain that came with her loss.

http://www.thedealersden.com/auctio.....tion_id=109280

2 Sketches by me included for the winner. (or 1 sketch of 2 characters.)

ON ANOTHER NOTE

So this weekend wasn't supposed to be busy, but it was. BUT IN A GOOD WAY. My fiance and I celebrated our anniversary by going to Denny's. I tell him he's lucky to have such a low-maintanence girl, but he doesn't believe me. ;) In all seriousness though, Denny's was the first place we ever ate together, even before we were officially a couple. Sitting in the booth reminded me of the day we were chilling AS FRIENDS and I kept trying to take pictures of him with my phone and he kept hiding from the camera and we threw straw paper at eachother and such.

Like a pair of middle-school kids in puppy-love. <3 I should've known then that we were meant to be. ;)

THEN we went to the art store and he bought me whateevveeerrrr I wanted. 8D I got an EXCELLENT set of sketch pencils (omg they make my sketches look like a DREAM. I'm NEVER using a mechanical pencil with #2 lead AGAIN). ALSO, a sketchbook. And now I have nice nib-pens for sketching/inking. SO OH LORD I WILL BE DRAWING LOTS MORE.

Then we went to gamestop and I got him Modern Warfare 3 for the ps3. I also got Dante's Inferno the other day. (I played the demo a while back, always wanted the game, saw it for $20 and HELLO Anniversary gift for Sage). So this weekend was full of busy-ness, shenanigans, and all around a good time.

With my vacation to Cancun drawing closer, I'm scrambling to get things taken care of and planned and finished. So I am aware I haven't been submitting, but I've just been SO much busier than I thought I would be!

Now I'm caffeinated and going to smoke a cigarette (omg I fail at quitting) and I will come back and DRAW. YES, DRAW. I just don't know how much I'll submit until I have the chance to fully finish something. Only because I'm tired of sketches consuming my gallery. Ref-sheets are still in the works, too.

How have you guys been doing? Anything new?

Edit:  krazinik is going to be adding me to the charity auction. Hopefully I can help a little! Will be pimping when the auction has begun.

---

First off to anyone who I have not responded to yet, I slept the day away (not feelin so great) so I'm not ignoring anyone. :) And it's annoying to respond to notes via my phone. (At work now)

I do not know anyone involved, but the story breaks my heart. I don't know what I'd do if I lost my mate like that.

If you're hosting a donation auction I want in on it. Pin that the winner will also get either a 2 character sketch or two separate 1 character sketches from me. It might bring the final bid up a few bux but it's better than nothing and I want to help in some way. Like most money's tight on my end so I can't donate straight up cash. Let me know if you'd want to add me to your donation auction!

I also commented here. If you want to donate yourself this is the place to go:
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3270968/

Now back to work. Have a good night all.

Hello everyone. -Wavewave- I've decided to practice more and more with my tablet. (Which has been behaving well OVERALL, and only seizured like 3-4 times while I was working with it today.)

Today's progress consisted of:
Completing the sketch of the badge for  Artic
And starting a revised ref sheet for myself. It's NOWHERE NEAR DONE. But you're more than welcome to see what I've accomplished so far here:
http://img826.imageshack.us/img826/...../refsheett.png

I'm going to trim down those lovehandles. This is gonna sound silly but I forgot I lost 15 lbs since the last time I've drawn a full-body pic from start-to-finish of myself. >.< At my heaviest I was 155lbs, now I'm like 127lbs and 5'6". So yeah...need to shave off some of the chub. >.>

I have some housework to get done, a shower to take, and I have to leave a little early for work because I have some things to do on the way, so I probably won't be accomplishing too much more today.

Anyhow I have a few questions! I see all these people doing raffles to get a little noteriety, ex. having people link to the journal and watch the person for a chance to win something.

I have mixed feelings about this. I feel like people just watch them for the possibility of 'free stuff'. Or am I mistaken on how it works? I just see a lot of it, and trust me my queue is so full right now I'm not considering taking anymore of a workload. But maybe, IN THE FUTURE, if someone can convince me it's a good idea, I could do some raffles for free art. :)

Anyways I'm tired of how gross and bland my gallery is looking, I have no completed works! Well, SOON I will! 8D

Take care everyone!

...Don't constantly post journals ASKING for said things and then just flat out ignore everybody who tries to help.

If you're going to wallow and be pessimistic about your life and whatever, that's your business. But that doesn't mean you should be wasting everybody else's time who is TRYING to assist you to be kind and for no other reason.

Seriously. You wasted 5 minutes of my life. If you don't want some positive light shed onto a situation you're advertising, don't beg for it and then only respond ti comments like 'yeah dude that sucks I hate my life too'.

I don't. Understand. People.

Ugh forgive my venting.

SO THIS WEEKEND.

I expected to be all lah-dee-dah draw draw draw. IT WAS NOT.

It was RUN RUN RUN GET IN THE CAR WTF IT'S THAT TIME ALREADY -flails- QUICK GET SOME ICED COFFEE I'M CRASHING HOLY SHIT WTF IS WRONG WITH YOUR CAR THE HELL IT'S ALREADY FUCKING 2AM? -Sleep- FUCK GET UP WE HAVE SHIT TO DO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GOOOO!

Long story short, I had MAYBE an hour tops to just sit there and catch my breath. There was so much going on and omg.

JUST OMG.

And then yesterday was fun too. I CRACKED AND WENT TO PUFF N SNUFF AND BOUGHT TOBACCO FOR MY CIGARETTE ROLLER. D; I'll try quitting again after vacation. (In April, going to Cancun with my mate and his mother and such. SHE INVITED US ALL EXPENSES PAID. ;-; I'm so grateful.) Anyhow, I say AFTER vacation only because EVERY SINGLE PERSON GOING is a smoker, and cigarettes are cheap, and there are swim-up bars and I will be drinking and when I drink I have to smoke and UGHHH I WISH I NEVER STARTED. D;

AND HOLY SHIT IT'S MY FIANCE'S AND MY ANNIVERSARY TODAY

And I BARELY STARTED the drawing I was going to do for him. ;-; I was going to finish it over the weekend with the other artworks I planned on BUT THIS DID NOT HAPPEN.

GUAHHHH JFKLJSDKLFJDLSKJFDLKJ.

THE OTHER GOOD NEWS IS...
This week and weekend won't be as busy (with the exception of anniversary celebrations). So I'm really hoping nothing else magically comes up to where I cannot find the time to draw.

-Crashes on the floor- (This translates to: I'm going to be picking up an iced coffee on the way to work today just so I don't hide in the trashcan and sleep.)

ANYWAYS, HOW HAVE YOU ALL BEEN DOING?

Hello everyone! First off I'd like to thank you all for the well wishes on my recovery. ^^ I'm doing much better, and I had NO IDEA that having teeth removed could knock me out so easily! ^^; These past few days I've just felt awful I haven't been able to be more productive! It's like a part of me goes 'Damn Sage quit being so lazy' and the other part of me goes 'I can't help it my mouth hurts and I'm- ....z Z z Z z Z z'

I also made the random spontaneous decision to create an FA group:


THIS IS NOT AN ANTI-PORN GROUP, SIMPLY STATING THAT MEMBERS ARE SHOWING PRIDE THAT THERE IS MORE TO THE FANDOM THAN PORN.

Just wanted to get that out there before people accused me of hatin'. 8D It's under heavy construction, but will have an artist list to pimp out those who's galleries state 'for me, as an artist and a furry, it's not all about the porn'. So if your gallery is 75% clean, some free pimpage and props to you. <3 Go check it out, couldn't hurt, right? ALSO it needs an avatar, ideas?

UPDATES
Right now I'm getting ready for work. Tomorrow mom's having company so I have some housework to do and such. Basically I'll be busy making up for things from being bedridden tomorrow. But I will be back to drawing and will most likely have things to upload by friday. <3

IN OTHER NEWS:
I started watching Digimon Xros Wars. I HAVE MIXED FEELINGS RIGHT NOW. But some of the characters do deserve some giftart. So I'll probably draw some digimon too.

And probably a pokemon too. IDK GAHHH.

AND HOLY SHIT THERE WILL FINALLY BE SOME FINISHED PIECES IN MY GALLERY?!!?

FUCK YES. I'll be finishing things over the weekend and there will be MORE THAN JUST SKETCHES OMGAWD

I'm sick of seeing tons of sketches in there, there's not enough color. But I'll be catching up for it soon, I pinky swear!

Anyways take care everyone!

Just wanted to let you know I'm still alive! And schtuffs!... And I'd be drawing if it weren't for how tired these meds are making me. My entire weekend blurred together. And I can't really focus on anything. I'm hoping within the next day or two my mouth is healed enough to where I don't need to OD on advil and pop a pill every 4-6 hours.

So excuse the mini-absence! I'm just still recocering from my surgery.

Update, and surgery success!:
Yeah, a lot to say so sorry for the drawn out title. XD First off thank you all for the words of encouragement in regards to my wisdom tooth surgery. It went well, but right now I'm wide awake and I have swollen chipmunk cheeks. I know in a few days the swelling will be gone and within a few weeks my mouth will be back to normal, which I'm looking forward too. I've been dealing with mouthpain for weeks, so whay's a little more time? I can be patient, but if it takes longer than planned to finish owed work, I'm sorry. I've been trying to rest as much as possible. My mouf hurts. ;-;

Tablet talk and Walmart Credit Card?
So at first I thought of the bamboo as a cheap model of wacom tablet but then realized the bamboo create is the same drawing size as my horribly outdated graphire4 with higher pressure sensitivity! So I'm torn between going for the bamboo or waiting a few extra months to go and get my dream come true: an intuos5 (hell I'd love even a 3 or 4!) I say a few extra months because DAMN THEY EXPENSIVE. I have no idea how long it would take me to save for a medium or a large (-happygasm-) intuos4 or 5.

I was initially hoping for the bamboo and going for it soon (although the $250 oral surgery copay set me back, all money I've raised for the tablet so far is nestled delicately in the loving arms of my paypal account). I'm almost halfway to the rough $177-200 pricerange I've seen for the bamboo create. So I was CONSIDERING applying for a walmart credit card. The price for the bamboo create on their site is $200, but I'd be able to pay it off within a month or two so I wouldn't suffer interest rates too harshly.

I guess I'm just trying to make the decision of whether or not to go without a tablet once the graphire4 stops working (which I'm guessing would be within the next few weeks if not sooner,. It has good and bad days, just wish the cable weren't so destroyed), to save for a nicer one or just going for the bamboo create (which isn't as professional but is STILL an upgrade from graphire!)

Oh, and I already attempted to register for paypal's bill-me-later so I could purchase a tab through ebay and make small payments, but my application didn't want to go through. I don't have bad credit, but I don't have an impressive amount of good credit either. Being a young adult never having a credit card before is difficult sometines!

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

College?!
My initial plans were to go back to community college for an associates in nutrition then to transfer out to get into personal training and fitness. Okay, I love working out, I love motivating people, but I feel like if I were to persue these alternate goals I would be denying the dreams I've had since I were a wee tot: to just be an artist.

I would like to give mad cred to my fiance and my friends who have encouraged me to just say 'fuck it' and take a risk and just go for it. I'm being smart about it too though! recommended checking out the University of Advancing Technology (and was also awesome enough to answer every question I had about the school), and backed up the institution as legit and reasonable. So I poked around and fell in love with their Game Art and Animation program. I shit you not pretty much EVERY CLASS in the progran interests me!

I also talked to a rep and am even more certain this is the right move for me.

So I talked to mom and she'll be able to cosign a student loan for me in june once their things are caught up on and the credit slate is squeaky clean. I'll be using my loan to also purchase a new computer to meet the University's standards. This investment in my future will hinder my ability to move out of home as quickly as I'd like, but I feel in the end it will all be worth it.
Plus I have by my side and he makes me feel like I can do anything.

I will most likely be filling out my application this weekend. (-Crosses fingies I get accepted!-)

So before fall (if things go as planned), I will be an art student. I will absorb information with an open mind, I WANT to improve. And having a reason such as a high gpa pushing me, I want my portfolio to shine and I want to take pride in my work. I will become the best artist I can possibly be. I'm ready to push now more than ever. I'm ready to make an impact in the field once I start my career. Expect improvement, it's what I'm aiming for.

P.S - I'd also like to thank for some helpful drawing/animation resources. And for noticing improvement in my art which made me feel SOOO much better. I think I can I think I can… <3

Again, thanks so much everybody for the support.

;_; I'm leaving the house in like 10 minutes. Ugghhhh so freaked. Wish me luck!

I would kill to be in your shoes. I wish so badly I could go to art school, as it is my life's passion. But I can't. Be grateful for what you have. Don't ever stop pushing yourself, don't be lazy on your projects. Now is your time to shine and flatout dominate in your skill.

Maybe someday later in my adult life I can go to art school.

But for now all of you should be reaping the benifits to make up for my absense. ;) You go art students!

It's a love/hate relationship sorta thing.

Ah well, might be uploading a personal piece if I'm feeling inspired enough today. Working nonstop on commissions can be rough, I need some doodletime to keep the creative flow going. :)

-Insert little dance here-

WELL HELLO EVERYBODY.

I know I'm an escape artist, I never tried to be. 8D For those who have worried or even thought about me while I was gone, thank you. It's nice to know I was in someone's thoughts. When I logged back on and saw some 'I miss you's I almost cried. (But I didn't, I'm too masculine for tears. >:I -Strikes muscle pose-)

In all seriousness though, I know I've missed a lot. You guys have too. To make a long story short, I had a lot of 'life' going on. A lot of things happened, around me, to me, and in my head. But I'm a much better person now. And I'm going to share my story in hopes that it will help others going through similar circumstances. If you don't want to read a few paragraphs, just know I'm working on art I owe and I'm not disappearing again. I'm just not. Furry is too much a part of me to turn my back on anymore, and now that I've 'found myself' again I'm not going to deny myself the things that make me happy.

For those who battle depression, low self esteem, who want to just make everybody happy and forget about themselves, and for those who are always fighting for the approval of others, I recommend you read on. I understand what you're going through. Be warned this tale is a big negative, and rough, but everything works out okay in the end, I promise.

Although some of these things are hurtful to talk about, thinking I might be able to guide ONE person in the right direction makes taking the time to do this worth it.

Anywho, I've always come off as an easygoing, friendly, happy-go-lucky person. I was and am still always happy to meet someone new. However there's another side to me that most people don't see. I was terrified all the time. ALL THE TIME. Why? I hated myself. I hated the way I looked, and I tried to be a good person but I just never felt good enough for anybody or anything. I basically judged myself 24/7 and having a closely knit group of friends is what kept me going. Being support for them gave me the feeling that I had purpose. And being able to make somebody laugh meant I was worth something.

And that worked okay for a little while. I would distract myself from the problems deep down, because confronting it always resulted in a week if not month-long battle that I would usually lose. I was afraid to face myself, and I always thought my bad qualities outweighed the good. This is where I made my first mistake, as you should love yourself, but we're getting to that. This low self esteem has always been there, as far back as I could remember. I think it all started when my mom was single with 2 kids and I was the 'poor kid' in elementary school. People ridiculed and poked fun at me because I was different. And I've been different all my life. A vicious cycle, I know.

Then developed the horrible trend of dating terrible people. They'd come off as really charming and sweet at first, then act as if they had a problem I can help with. (Because you know, I always wanted a purpose, and predators such as these could see that.) Instantly I was hooked onto this person, and no matter how much they'd leech, abuse, or tear me apart, I would hang on for months and months and months until I just wanted to curl up into a ball and die.

Let me just say this. If someone says they love you and they prey on your insecurities, hit you, intentionally make you cry for no reason, or use you, they don't LOVE you, they WANT you. There's a difference! When somebody LOVES you, they actually CARE about you. When somebody WANTS you they don't care about your feelings, your hopes, your dreams, they just want you all to themselves and as long as they get what they want nothing else matters.

I'm not going to use names, as it's pointless. I've said all I wanted to say, and they've said all they wanted to say. These people are in my past, and that's where they'll stay.

The first one and I were pretty happy, until his more manipulative side came out. It would just be small things, snapping here and there over small disagreements. It didn't make sense, as the person I fell for wasn't like this at all. I kind of brushed it off and thought we'd get through it. Then things got worse, I'd be flipped on for the tiniest thing they didn't like. Soon I was afraid to be myself. Walking on eggshells all the time, wanting to do just what they wanted me to and nothing else. "Why do you insist on making me miserable?" was among one of the many things that would make me feel worse and worse about myself.

Then it would turn into, "You're fat, and your breasts look funny. I could do way better than you." I'd cry and ask "Why?" And then as a response I'd be compared to an ex, because he knew his ex was a size 0, and I wore a size 7 juniors. I loathed myself even more. And worst of all, I believed him. I know now that I was NOT fat, and after months of looking in the mirror to make myself feel better later down the road, my breasts are perfectly fine. THIS WAS A CONTROL TACTIC. DO NOT FALL FOR THESE THINGS.

If somebody is going to treat you like they can do better, It's YOU who can do better. When somebody says 'I love you' it can be the sweetest thing, but people can lie about ANYTHING, even that!

This is when I took my first step back from the fandom. I confided in a good friend of mine what was happening, and he was so very supportive. I then find out he tried to warn another girl about the same person, and he went around telling everybody I was insane to cover his ass. He is fake, FAKE FAKE FAKE, but he has lots of friends, and this group of people hate me for things I have never done.

Then I was cheated on someone I felt so strongly for I was nervous and shy every time I was around him. 8D Then he came back that weekend with a hicky on his neck and was like 'lol my bad I'm sorry let's go out.' This entire situation was fucked up, and I don't let it bother me anymore. But at the time, knowing he cheated on me with a dude, made me hate myself anymore.

Which brings me to my next point. Some people are just flirtacious, some people just want it all. This doesn't mean you aren't 'good enough' or you did something horribly wrong. This means SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST PLAIN SELFISH, GREEDY, and WILL TAKE ALL THEY CAN!

When these things happened, I realized how little support my 'friends' actually were. Don't get me wrong, some people were there for me. But most just watched from a distance as I fell apart. Here's another point for you: If you were there through as many tears as you could be, if you were always that go-to person for when someone needed you, and in the end when you were completely alone everybody was too busy for you?... Well if they only care about you when you're happy, what kind of friend is that?

I learned the hard way that people are selfish creatures. Your heart is a very special thing, and so is your loyalty. If you are a giver, as I am, please please PLEASE do not let people prey on you! There will be bad people in your life, there will be friends to stab you in the back. What matters from that point onward is whether or not you will learn from your experiences and better your life in the future because of them!

At this point drawing was difficult for me. I could still do it a little, but it really didn't make me happy anymore but once in a blue moon. Thinking back on it now, I believe this to be caused by how little I really knew myself. I've failed in building a strong self, and let so many others run my life and make my decisions for me. I let people destroy me. So with no idea who I was anymore, it was hard to draw. As art is expression, but I had no idea what to express.

The last person I dated who just completely destroyed me, pressured me to let him move in which I promptly did because I was just trying to be a good person. It wasn't long before I wasn't allowed to draw, keep friends, log online, be social, or do ANYTHING. My responsibilities were to go to work and pay the bills while he sat on his ass and played XBOX all day.

I worked and tried and changed anything people didn't like. I tried harder and harder and pushed myself even more. But nothing was ever good enough. I would cry with pencil in hand because at this point I just couldn't draw anymore. Any energy I had has been completely drained from me. I didn't feel like my life was worth living. I had settled into the cycle. I was dying on the inside.

But that one day everything changed.. My shit-tastic boyfriend and I at the time got into an argument. It was something so stupid I don't even remember. Before I know it, he shoved me. Something in my head snapped. And I went rabid with rage. Please note hitting somebody is wrong, I do not condone violence. I know this doesn't excuse my actions but I was not in a healthy frame of mind when all of this happened. And I've been told by many that they would've stood up for themselves sooner.

I said something in my defense and threatened him not to touch me. And when he laughed and shoved me again, I just went ballistic. I slapped him as hard as I could, and I saw the fear in his eyes. But it wasn't just that, it was the same look in my eyes. Every time I would look in the mirror I would see the sadness, the emptiness, the fear. Seeing that on someone else made me understand how I have been feeling. This is what he and the others were doing to me.

I lost it. I honestly don't remember any of it. I know that when I snapped out of it he was cowering in the corner on the kitchen floor. At that moment all of these emotions hit me. I was afraid, ashamed of my actions, but at the same time seeing him there like that left me with a feeling of justice. I knew that if I were going to turn this into a statement, I had to stand tall and act proud. I didn't want to be weak anymore, I didn't want to live this life anymore. "If you touch me ever again, I will break both of your wrists so you can never strike a woman again," and I went upstairs and called my mom and planned to pack my things.

This vicious cycle I got caught up in, the things I would let people say and do to me. I didn't deserve that, and neither do you. Love yourself, as there is only one of you. Through all of the difficult things I've experienced, and all of the hardships I went through, the one person who would never leave my side was me. The one person who will be with you from the day you are born til the day you die is yourself. If you are unhappy about yourself, improve yourself!

Don't let depression keep you where you are. If you are unhappy with your life, only you have the power to change it! We all pray for that knight in shining armor to come take us away from this place, but look in the mirror, YOU Have the power within yourself to change things. YOU have the power to become the greatest person you will ever know.

I moved home, where I was completely alone while everyone was at work. I had no friends in the area, nobody to talk to. It was very hard to go from being constantly surrounded by people and the city to move back into the middle of nowhere country. I finally confronted my demons. I finally took the steps I needed. And when I was ready, I started unpacking the boxes of my high-school belongings to make space in my room. This brought back painful memories of the things I have experienced in my younger days, but it had to be done.

I found a terrible drawing of a duck, with a name at the bottom of it. It just so happened this was one of my friends from art class, and if I hadn't found this drawing I would have never found him. I had no idea what his last name was! So I found him on facebook, he was gonna come get me to hang out. Things were starting to get better, my self esteem was coming up little by little, and getting dressed up all cute and styling my mohawk for the day seemed like a good idea. After all I haven't had a friend to hang out with in months, I needed to look nice to make a good first-er, second(?) impression.

Getting in his car I could tell he was nervous. It was instant love. INSTANT love. I was so scared of it though, I was so afraid I was just going to be hurt again. But he was different. I would ask how he felt about this or that. And he would say "I love you just the way you are." I've never heard that before. I cried tears of joy. But I still wasn't happy with myself. And therein lies the true problem, my low self-image, my self-loathing.

I started making changes in my life, I started making myself better and improving the things I was insecure about. Gregg supported me through everything. He wasn't a furry, but he encouraged me to draw our 'characters' together just to see me draw again. He never thought I was fat, but when I started eating right and working out, he told me I needed to do it to make myself happy and that he was there to back me up. When I wanted to quit cigarettes, it might have taken a few months but he quit with me, and he's been smoking since he was 13.

I might not 'love' myself as much as I should, but it has gotten so much better. My quality of life has tripled and it's not just because of my love for this boy, it's because I look in the mirror and I like what I see 1,000x more than I did a year ago. I'm now engaged and since I've found myself my creativity has soared and I have more respect.

If you have a friend or a loved one who is always there for you, don't take them for granted. There is so much more bad than good in the world, and cherish the support you get because not everybody gets it at all. I know what it's like to be completely alone, and I know what it's like to feel love.

Don't let people use you, you're worth too much to be someone's emotional punching bag. Do your best, be a good person, be considerate and understanding, strive for greatness and you will achieve your goals. All of the answers are within yourself. Don't live in regret, everything happens for a reason, you are only as strong as you perceive yourself to be.

Much love everybody.