THIS ACCOUNT WILL NO LONGER BE IN USE!!!

i'll be moving my activity to this one:  Eva-Embers

i'm going to move my activity to a new account, this is mostly due to my old male username bothering me more then i thought then it would, it litteraly makes me flinch and cringe whenever i see it or log in, so i'm gona make a more suitable account with a better username.

when this will happen, i'm not sure yet but it's gona happen soon.
whenever i'm gona move all my old art there or just use it for newer things, i'm not sure yet either
but we will see what the future brings.

been thinking about this allot lately.

allot of my friends keep asking me "wow, why don't you do commissions?"
so, i'm making this journal to see how much animo there'd be and who would be interested in buying my art.

i'm not entirely sure about my pricing but first, i'd like to see if people actually WANT to pay for my work.

the thing that's holding me back from doing so is mostly my self confidence and this weird idea in my head that no one would be interested any way, so why bother, tho i know by now that this voice is usually wrong.

so, commissions, who'd like to commission me for art? ^w^

since last journal entry, stuff has happened, for one, i am officially on the waiting list to start my transition.
only down side, they say the time is at the least 15 months, but if it means being closer to being "me" i'm determined to wait that long if i have to.

further more, since last time, i'm thinking of starting to take commissions but i'm still not sure about the prices,
i was thinking of 5 euro's for head shot sketches, 10 for full body sketches and about 25 for a finished full body marker piece, + 5 euros for every additional character added,
but i'm still not sure, but i will open up commissions one day, MARK MY WORDS! *shakes fist*

i keep thinking of starting art and fursuit commissions but every time i think of it, my mind starts to overthink it and everything that can go wrong
and my mood just takes a nosedive and i become a emotional mess.

i really want to give it a shot but a voice in my head keeps telling me i barely have a audience here on FA, that i'm probably too expensive and i'll ruin my name before i even made one and so, i keep thinking "why even bother?"

i'll be better eventually, i'm just a mess at the moment.

a little heads-up of some stuff that has happened since i seem to be continuing my habit of being shitty in updating my journals.....as usual.

had some ups and some downs, most downs being my own fault to be very honest but i'm trying to make up for those.
next, i managed to make a new full body fursuit, pictures are to be expected when i can find some time to take some.
and the last thing............i am the most confused about.......also very conflicted...........

it's something i've been asking myself for the last 3 and a half years now but always pushed away,
thinking it would get me in trouble, but lately it has resurfaced again,
and it's about time i tried to find answers.

i may have gender dysphoria..........i may be transgender.........and that's exactly what i've been trying to find out the last few months,
but until things are more clear, i have to talk to allot of people, do research and maybe even go to a gender therapist.

to some of you who know me, this may be a huge surprise, to some, it will explain allot of questions and confusions you may have had about me, while some may not be very surprised at all.
And before people are going to say "oh you're just trying to hide behind another character again", if i've been asking myself this question for 3 and a half years now, is it really a "character"?
in the past 2/3 months, i have done my research and i KNOW what's going on with me, i finally understand why i was never happy with myself.

For the people who know me in real life, don't worry, not much is going to change, i'll still draw the same stuff, i'll still be making suits, i still won't know when to shut up and most important of all, i'll still make the same stupid jokes,
but i do know that not every one will accept this, i may lose people because of this,
i am fully aware of that,
this road is not going to be easy, far from it, but if i'd keep following the easy path and just stayed the way people told me to be, i'd not be honest with myself and i'd continue feeling miserable about myself.

ok, not really a brand spanking "new" house since i moved in around august but still, got my own place now but never really talked about it in my journals, so, hereby,
GOT MY OWN PLACE NOW.........still no job tho.....but i'm working on it.

next new update, me and some people who are gonna help me are trying to see if i can get into a school for special effects make-up, what i've kinda always wanted to do and i got some one who's gonna help me turn my fursuit making skill into a source of income.

speaking of fursuits, I MADE MY 3TH FULLSUIT, and it's Scavy, my fox sona.
pictures are to be expected soon.

Since certain recent events,
I have been thinking allot about how i want people to see me,
Especially since lately, there's some bad things said about me.......all of which are my own fault.

Now, this post is not a beg for sympathy or anything,
I'm not gona sugarcoat it.......i've been an asshole.....without even seeing it myself,
And i've unintentionally hurt allot of people this way, including friends.

However, i'm glad that instead of completely
Blocking me out of their lives, they came up to me and told me face first.
It wasn't fun to hear.......but i'm glad they did any way.....they held up a mirror........
.......and who i saw scared me........
I have been self reflecting allot for the last few days, i want people to go like: oh hey it's Scavy, he's awesome......
.....not like: oh god it "HIM" again.

I wish i could apologies to each and every person i've hurt but in this situation,
Deeds say more then words.
I'm going to do my up most best to change my self, to become my self again.
That is why i am posting this,
So that the people i hurt can see their words didn't fall on deaf ears......i have listened.

And i know it won't help much at this moment but i want to say to each and every one.........i'm sorry.....
.......i will improve......i will be better.....

i thought i had myself under control......i didn't.....

i didn't see........i was blind.....to everyone i've hurt.....i'm sorry......i'm so so so sorry......

why do i even still bother.

all i do is fucking up and hurting people......

no matter how good things go, my brain will always find a moment to go "oh you have no reason to be sad? let's make ya feel like utter shit for no fucking reason"

i'll get out of this mood eventually, it's just crap at the moment, besides, i got allot of fun things to look forward to in the future.
which includes the fact this fox may move out soon, FINALLY GOING ON MY OWN!!!!!

so, with going to receive help in finding a job, AND now the news i'll be getting my own place, that's some good steps forward,
just as i have several events to look forward to, such as some furwalks but mostly Dutch furdance and eurofurence getting ever closer.

plus the idea that i'm going to stick some real time into turning my fursuit making hobby into a actual business, i think i reached the
skill level i am pleased enough with to call commission worthy.

it's just......this stupid dark, negative cloud is in the way at the moment......but it will pass.....it always does.......it just takes time.

i actually had this for a little while now but maybe i should use it more often.

i'll be posting stuff i'm currently working on there(if i can get my lazy ass to do so).

little thing beforehand, it'll we a SFW(safe for work) page, so NO 18+ CONTENT THERE!!!
just a kinda build/progress/creativity blog.

also, got my hands on a set of promarkers and been using them for a little while now, might upload some pieces here(again, if my lazy ass will allow it......i should do something about that)

WARNING, RANT AHEAD!!!!<you have been warned>

also, i've had ALLOT of people bitching to me(irl, not here on FA) about one of my fursonas, Jazz having a tummy/being a bit fatter than "other girls",
i added that design aspect because it makes her cuter/more adorable in my opinion.

i've been getting allot op people telling me "oh you should make her skinnier/thinner, this looks horrible" or getting "triggered" over her design/body type.

if you don't like it, THEN DON'T FUCKING WATCH,but don't tell me what to and what not to draw.
it's fine that people don't agree, it's OK for one to have an opinion but DON'T FUCKING FORCE IT DOWN SOME ONE'S THROAT and tell them they can't draw something because YOU don't like it!!!

i'm sick and tired of people telling me what i can and can't do because it's not "up their ally"......I'LL SHOVE MY FIST UP THEIR ALLY, AND BELIEVE ME, THEY WON'T LIKE IT, i'll make sure of that!!!!!!<end of rant>

so yea.......also, will be going to eurofurence 23, AND IT'S GONA BE AWESOME!!!!!

so, i've been looking for ideas to continue my little series i once had, called: roommates be like.

i want to make these small comical one panel comics a thing again but it's getting really hard to kome up with stuff lately.

any one who has a idea, feel free to poke me.

so, have not made a journal entry for almost a year now so let's get some things straight.

life has had it's ups and downs for me......especially ALLOT of downs.

it's been a rough year for me, with the most problematic thing, the depression i have been fighting.
still need to put some nasty things of the past behind me, but i'm working on it.

so, still recovering and stuff, this is why i haven't uploaded as much as i once did.

things just haven't been easy.

i'll be okay in the end, old wounds just need some time to heal.

just glad that through this, i have my awesome friend  BaxterFox right behind me.

really, my friends deserve a reward for the stuff they have to put up with daily...........i'll make it up to them one day.

as i once said quite a while ago, my scanner just.......he just thought: u know what? Screw you, and just stoped working.

I didn't really pay much attention to it but lately it started to really bother me.

i have drawn so much in the meantime, but i can't upload it......well....i can take pictures of it but that won't look as good.

But the problem is a problem that allot of fellow artists and furries have to deal with..........my budget is next to nothing,
which means i got to save up for a new scanner.

for the rest, things go as they go, not much to add.

events planned:

furry weekend texel

mid winter fair (if i can afford)

so, as the title says, this foxie is back from eurofurence for a week now and it was a blast, just awesome!!

also, i got my hands on a Friday ticket to abunai and have been there with my lovely new girlfriend  6liza6

yes, this fox is no longer single and it feels good.
she just makes me feel good and i feel like she really understands me.

further more, allot of stuff is on my "to do" list such as making a body suit for Jazz instead of just the padding,
getting some more work done on Screachur, thinking of more props to make etc.

other events planned for this year:

elf fantasy fair arcen (if i can afford)

furry weekend texel

mid winter fair (if i can afford)

Jeez, I didn't make a journal for a while.

so, stuff has been happening, first of all, my mini depression is gone ^w^
Second of all, I got the creative juices flowing prop wise (made a new one too, will upload pictures soon)

And a bit less good, my scanner died.
now i got to buy a new one -_-

But overall, things are going as they should.

Also, i've (FINALLY) seen maleficent and instantly fell in love with it, i loved the movie.

Events I will attend:

EF20 CSI Berlin

Elf fantasy fair Arcen (if I still got cash)

Furry weekend Texel

Mid winter fair (if my wallet is not such a bitch)

i am also planning on giving Screachur(the hyena/bat hybrid) a full body suit.
this will be kinda tricky due to the fact that i never made one before(excluding Jazz MCgrace cuz she's mostly foam)

But first I'll have to wait till the biggest....

.... Fluffiest....

.... Party....

.....EVEEEEER!!

OMG i am soooooo looking forward to eurofurence, i can hardly wait....but i have to.....NOOOOOOOO.

but any way......back to props.

i'm looking for ideas for props to make, and if i finish it, and find it good enough, i'll sell it.
SO IT COULD BE YOURS!!

so, CHALLENGE ME TO RECREATE A PROP AND I'LL GIVE IT A SHOT!!
commend what prop ya would like to see me recreate and if your sugestion is chosen, i'll upload progress on my facebook every time progress is made!!!!!

been feeling a bit down lately but i'm not giving up,
just have to get through it and i'll be fine

planned events:

EF20(CSI berlin)

elf fantasy fair arcen 2014(if i still have money left^_^')

furry weekend texel

midwinter fair 2014(if i have the cash)

so, in my last journal, i talked about second life....well.....still playing it, and it's fun.
my usual hang out there is "the furry den" so come and poke me if ya find me^^

and other news, after building on my fursuit project.....it kinda became a character on it,s own...so i scrapped the old idea and gona make a new character out of it.

so because i'm not doing to old idea any more, i'll say what i wanted to make: beetlejuice furry.

but now, it will be, Screachur....a hyeba/bat hybrid.(credit to  BaxterFox for helping me with finding the name)

pictures may be uploaded soon.

been feeling a bit down lately but i'm not giving up,
just have to get through it and i'll be fine

planned events:

EF20(CSI berlin)

elf fantasy fair arcen 2014(if i still have money left^_^')

furry weekend texel

midwinter fair 2014(if i have the cash)

so, in my last journal, i talked about second life....well.....still playing it, and it's fun.
my usual hang out there is "the furry den" so come and poke me if ya find me^^

also, i'm planning on making a new partial suit....based on a movie character.

see if ya can guess who.
here are the hints:

hint 1: tim burton

hint 2: black and white stripes

hint 3: ghostly haunting i turn loose........

let the guessing begin!!!!!!

current events planned are:

elf fantasy fair haarzuilen 2014

a small furwalk

EF20(CSI berlin)

elf fantasy fair arcen 2014(if i still have money left^_^')

furry weekend texel

midwinter fair 2014(if i have the cash)

furthermore, as the title says, i made an account on second life, just to give it a shot and within a few minutes i found myself in the nearest furry lounge
with some nice fellow flufs who gave me some free stuff to make my avatar more fluffy.
still quite clumsy with it but that's just because i'm new on SL.

i did it because i heard some other people talk about it and after a while wanted to try it out.
it's quite funny so far.

so, stuff is going as it is here.

current events planned are:

elf fantasy fair haarzuilen 2014

a small furwalk

EF20(CSI berlin)

elf fantasy fair arcen 2014(if i still have money left^_^')

furry weekend texel

midwinter fair 2014(if i have the cash)

for the rest, i finally got myself to order one of those super pose-able collectors item figures i was drooling over for almost a year.
still, i want more of those things.

so, i finally have it!!the figure i wanted for soooo long.
wich is the D-arts mewtwo figure.

it's super pose able and just looks awesome straight from the box.

but from there...it eh....kinda.....escalated.
after that, i couldn't stop and i pre ordered 2 more figures and buy'd another one.

so, i now own a HS figuarts krillin figure(which is awesome by the way) and i pre ordered his girlfriend(android 18) so he doesn't get lonely on my shelf.
further more, i also pre ordered a super pose able lucario figure which was from the same type of quality as my mewtwo.

so krillin will be hanging out with android 18 on my shelf and mewtwo and lucario are gonna turn my shelf into a scene of battle.

meme's this made me think of:

SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!!!

BUY ALL THE FIGURES!!

and last but not least

boy that escalated quickly.

so, stuff is going as it is here.

current events planned are:

elf fantasy fair haarzuilen 2014

a small furwalk

EF20(CSI berlin)

elf fantasy fair arcen 2014(if i still have money left^_^')

furry weekend texel

midwinter fair 2014(if i have the cash)

for the rest, i finally got myself to order one of those super pose-able collectors item figures i was drooling over for almost a year.
still, i want ore of those things.

the figure i ordered is from the D-arts line, mewtwo.
ever since mewtwo has always kinda been my personal favorite(and not that piece of shit they call a "mega-evolution")
so finding a super detailed pose-able figure really was awesome.

however, this is not my first attempt on getting it.

i once purchased one from some one on e-bay and they basically scammed me,
so, after some time i decided i still wanted it.

this is a problem i'm dealing with for a long time.

i want to finish one of my partials, it's almost done except for "one" feetpaw, but no matter where i order,
they always give me the wrong color fake fur.

this time i was extra careful. before i ordered anything big i ordered a sample to make sure it was the right color.

it matched the rest of the partial, so i ordered, but when finally received and opened my package, the fur that was in it didn't even
match the sample i was given.

does any one know a "decent" fabrics site that sells luxury shag in a wild variety of colors and that actually delivers WHAT YOU ASKED FOR?!!!!!!!!

please, help.

so me and  Victoria-The-Wingless-Dragon have registered for EF20.
now we just have to wait till our payment is received:D

i'm sooooo looking forward to it:)

alright guys, let's do this....LEEROOOOOOOOY YEEEEEEEENKIIIINS!!!!!

so, EF 20 registration is coming up and i'm definitely going again.
for the rest, nothing very exciting happened.