Hey guys, sorry it's been so long since I've checked in. Well, officially, I guess.
I've learned enough self-awareness that I'm not gonna make any grand promises about "coming back for good" or what-have-you, just know that I'll still be around. Quietly.
I've still been posting things I've received (with permission) and things I've made every so often, and I'll respond to comments regarding sales and such when they come up, but apart from that and the occasional favourite here and there, you probably won't see too much activity from me.
I'm sorry if any of you missed me or were worried about me. I care about you and I'm sorry for worrying you, but I'm kinda spent on life at the moment, so I apologize if I don't respond to you if you contact me just to chat. It's nothing personal against you, I promise.
I'm also done with posting "emergency this" and "emergency that" everywhere. I'm poor and I'm hungry. These are just constants of my life, and you guys don't need to be barraged with notifications over it. It's annoying and depressing for everyone involved. So I'll just put things up for sale when I can instead.

I've been working on a couple of large adopt.. projects? batches? over the last few months. I'm not sure when I'll be fully done with any of them in order to post them here, but I have been putting the designs up in my TH For Sale/Trade folder as soon as each one is done, so if you're wanting to keep up with that you can watch that space, I guess.
I've also been going through my general characters folders and putting some that I'm not connected with or using any more up for sale for how much I obtained them for, so those will also periodically show up in my sale folder over there as well, if that interests anyone.

And because I really enjoy them, my $3 Semi-Mystery Adopts are open indefinitely.

I think that's everything I wanted to say. Anyways, hope you guys are well and staying safe during our plague apocalypse.

Wassup homeslices I hope ya'll are doing okay
And I hope those of you in the path of Hurricane Dorian are keeping safe!

I've been badly neglecting my FA lmao but I am still checking in occasionally
Been sick as a dog and just got back from visiting family on the coast which was dusty and smoky as all hell thanks to the high bushfire alert so that hasn't helped
Still working on a few things behind-the-scenes but nothing finished so nothing to post
Also went digging through my old hard drives and rediscovered some stories I was working on
For some reason I've got the files for them but they're like old versions of them with half my work missing so trying to recover that work has been... fun
Oh and I remembered I have a FictionPress and Fanfiction.net accounts, too!

I don't have anything on my FP yet but my FF has two old ass stories on it (one being smut), so if you're interested in reading those feel free to check it out
FictionPress | Fanfiction.net

Considering starting up a profile on Wattpad, too, but the settings are being fucky for some reason

Got this leftover unfinished sketch that I didn't use for a trade so if anyone has a humanoid/"flat-faced anthro" character they want me to use it for then I can use the money to buy some dinner

The Sketch

$30 USD

Quality Examples:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/28778817/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/29412191/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/32175778/

The pose would suit a fighting stance with either weapon/s in hand or casting some magic, etc
Can have a floral border if you'd like, you gotta pick the flower
Will be portrait layout as shown (if you want it to be sized for a desktop background, like Rose Blush, just let me know)
Body can be changed to be fem
Ignore the ears on the sketch, I was drawing a Sphaerra character for the trade

This week has probably been the most interesting I've had in quite some time

One of my rats had a huge lump on her chest that turned out to just be breast milk
I've somehow got a job interview tomorrow afternoon
Our property/lease was suddenly taken over by another real estate agency
Literally all I did yesterday was read yaoi doujins
Twitter is having a meltdown

Everything is simultaneously hilarious and stressful and I'm starting to wonder if this is what it feels like to "crack"

When Devon started showing this growth on her chest I was hoping for it to just be an abscess that needed to be lanced and kept clean but trying to psych myself up for the worst possible outcome: that it was a malignant tumour and having to ask the vets what I could do to make her more comfortable because I couldn't afford surgery for her. And then the vet just comes back with two little syringes and tells me it's just plain ol' breast milk. Not even an infection or anything that they can find, and I just.. was not expecting that at all and it's like all my body weight just fell off my shoulders and all I could do was laugh for the rest of the day. It was the weirdest high I've ever felt.

$248 later I had to apologise to my housemate for having to wait a little longer for my portion of the power bill, but I was able to send her some money at least, cuz she was upset that I might not be able to send her anything. But then when she asked if I had any money left for food or meds and I said no, she just gave me this exasperated sigh and it's like.. I'm sorry I'm poor?? I'm doing the best I can with what little I have, here. So if I didn't send her money she's be mad and I'd be stressed, but I was able to send her money and she's still mad and I'm still stressed. I can't win.

The next day I get a call from my case worker for my employment agency I'm with asking if she could put me forward for a storeperson position, and then like 10mins later she calls again asking if I can do an interview for said job on Friday and I was just dumbfounded and it wasn't until the call ended that my brain really started working. I haven't had any job interviews for literally years. I've put on a lot of weight and outgrown almost all my clothes, especially my nice ones, what the fuck do I wear? I'm just freaking out constantly in the back of my mind, trying to psych myself up for it and not make a fool of myself.

Like an hour later I get a call from a real estate agent telling me they've taken over our property/lease and wanted to confirm all our contact details and all that. It didn't seem to be anything more than just a change of agents, but it was so sudden and I still have no idea what the fuck happened to our old agents. Did the company get absorbed by this other one? Did they sell the property? The fuck?

Ever since then it almost feels like I've crashed hard from my relieved high after taking Devon to the vets. I'm just.. really depressed all the time for what seems like no reason, and I've had enough "training" in mindfulness to be cool with just accepting it and riding it out, but usually I'm able to figure out what may have been my trigger for being in this emotional state, so it just feels very alien to be this sad because of that.

To make myself feel better / distract myself I've just been reading yaoi/BL doujinshi. It doesn't exactly calm one down, but it's a much better kind of excited emotional state to be in, haha. I recently finished watching most of Kuroko no Basuke (finally) so I've mostly been reading AoKaga and KuroKaga, because yes. And occasionally sustaining myself with a few slices of bread because I have no food thanks to Devon's singular over-excited tiddy, lmao.

And like an hour or two ago when I started checking my messages here, I noticed twitter was acting a bit strange. I thought I had just used mobile links from people's journals but changing the url wasn't doing anything, and it turns out that twitter just overhauled their whole site in favour of an outdated mobile version. It's really gross but the #newtwitter tag is filled with so many great posts and reaction gifs and videos so that's been very entertaining, to say the least.

So.. yep that's me. Everything is funny but also really stressful and I'm hoping to offer something to help me to afford some food and meds wheee

As someone who lives below the national poverty line I understand how sucky money (or the lack thereof) can be,
and I know how much just a little boosting can help and is appreciated in general, so this is sort of my way of giving back? Idk

If you or someone you know or follow are ever in a situation where money is needed quickly,
whether for rent, food, medications, vet bills, or such, please feel free to message me to ask for a boost.
I'd prefer if you were a watcher of mine and not just noting me out of the blue, but I'm always happy to help with what little reach I have.
(And of course there's always the ever-helpful FALendAHand!)

So here's some people who need some help~

Ikazu are currently struggling to give their sick cat the vet care it needs, as well as having just rescued a baby pigeon from drowning.
More Info: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/32169524/

Dracononite's partner has ended up in a dire situation with nowhere to live, so they're raising money to fly her over to live with them.
More Info: https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/9197350/

manlychan's rent is due today and they are still short by $130.
More Info: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/32164488/

ScionOfStorm currently has several sick furbabies needing more vet care and medications, and it's going to cost them a good $100 for just one of them.
More Info: https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/9195939/

ShanRattie, their partner and their two pups are in danger of being made homeless.
More Info: https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/9197418/

sinnamon-bun needs money for fuel to travel to a funeral for their partner's brother this weekend.
More Info: https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/9197879/

If anyone also boosts these people I'm sure they will really appreciate it! <3

Cheddar was improving on the respiratory infection front, but started showing signs of possible neurological issues or perhaps even seizures.
Earlier tonight as I was handing her to my housemate for cuddles after their playtime and she jumped and fell. Not very far but she seemed to be in shock and something bad had obviously happened.
She passed away while we were on the way to the 24hr/emergency vet after about 10-20 minutes of trying to help her at home.
I'm still kind of in shock and denial over the whole thing.
So instead of using my paycheck to take her to the vet tomorrow I'll be paying to get her cremated instead.
So, uh, yeah. If you, for some reason, buy anything or donate anything, it'll go towards buying myself food for the fortnight as I'll have nothing left after these expenses.
mmh

Guess who just lost access to their Google Drive which had all their monthly stashes of art files on it?? B')
This is all because Griffith decided they wanted to use Microsoft's Outlook servers for their emails rather than sticking with Google's GMail like decent people UGH FML
Luckily I still have all the files on my HDD but still.. like 1.5yrs of month-by-month online archiving just fucking gone.
This is fucking bullshit

One of my pet rats, Cheddar, has a respiratory infection.
Been giving her itty bitty amounts of paracetamol every 4hrs, regardless of time of day, to help her not get worse until I could take her to the vet to get all the proper medications.
(The vet said the amount I gave her was okay and not harmful, but isn't advised so if you're a ratty owner maybe not do that in case you dehydrate your furbaby)
I haven't had a full night's sleep in roughly a week, and paired with it being the middle of Winter here currently, I now have a bad cold, myself.
Vets cost me $220 (AUD) for the consult and meds, leaving me with negative money and honestly not much food left for myself, either.
On top of this, I need to take her back in a week for a re-check, and I simply do not have the money.
So I'm here, feeling like shit having to beg on the internet for money again and trying to think of things I can offer for money that a) people want, and b) will be quick enough for me to make while also needing to sleep this ick off for a few days.
Ideally I'm looking to raise $250 (AUD) before next Wednesday (Tuesday for those of you in the US), which will pay for the consultation and any additional medication costs, with any excess funds going towards getting more food for my babies and myself.
I don't expect this will yield much, if any, fruit, but I figure I may as well put it out there anyways.
And if anyone wants proof of the costs I can provide a photo of the receipt.

OPEN ADOPTS: https://toyhou.se/suchtrashley/char...../folder:144801
- Kitty/Puppy Gatcha https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8903034/
- Egg Adopts https://www.furaffinity.net/view/29257501/

SEMI-MYSTERY ADOPTS: https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8652182/

CUSTOMS/REFERENCES: [Examples]

OPEN YCHS: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/22207586/

KO-FI SKETCHES: https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/9024533/

CROCHET COMMISSIONS: https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8984245/ (ignore the Christmas part)

KO-FI: https://ko-fi.com/A243E1Y

PAYPAL: http://paypal.me/ashleycousins/usd

Honestly if there's anything that you're interested in, even if it's not listed here or whatever, please feel free to message me to ask about it because specialist vets are god damned expensive.

Wow, uh..
I really didn't expect to just vanish from FA completely for so long

For those that might be worried: I'm okay

Easter weekend was spent on the coast with my family as planned
Unfortunately, (with a bit to drink, too) my brother finally asked why I don't talk to my dad anymore and just..
*inhale*
boii..

Honestly spent the rest of the month just recovering from opening that giant wound all over again
And it just kinda got to the point where I honestly just forgot to check my FA because it wasn't part of my routine anymore
And now I have over 7k journals and other messages to sift through /sobs
So if you get a comment from me on a month-old or so journal that's why XD
I'm catching up XD

Been trying to slowly ease back into arting again, too
Nothing major, actually a little bit of personal base work, which has been pretty low stress which is nice
Been collecting some ideas for possibly revamping my Patreon and other little projects as well so we'll see what happens

Anyways
I hope everyone has had a good few months and continues to take care of themselves as best they can
If anyone needs to contact me relatively quickly you can message me on TH or DA where I've been checking in more frequently lately
Love you guys <3

I haven't been posting here very much/at all lately
I want to be more active, but I just don't have the motivation to create
I'm working on a crochet commission cuz it's relatively mindless work but that's it
I've just been so stressed out and depressed lately, moreso than usual
My welfare/disability pension payments have been helping pay the bills less and less
Last week I had to ask a friend to help me buy food and I couldn't afford my meds so I washed out again
This pay I prioritised getting my meds, some credit for my phone, and groceries, thinking I'd have enough left to pay my best friend back for my share of the power bill but turns out PayPal and my bank had another fight with funds I thought already came out two weeks ago and ended up losing roughly $100 (plus the $50-60 I'm now in the red with PayPal)
Cue my fucking anxiety and wanting to try and fix it or at least get the money elsewhere so I put off telling her for a few days (also out of fear of that disappointed conversation that makes them see you as unreliable) but then she (understandably so) was more upset when she found out that I didn't tell her right away, so the conversation filled with disappointment was even worse
Then she sits down with me and tells me that if I can't start finding other sources of income so I can pay my share of the bills (aside from rent) on time rather than over time, then she can't afford to keep living with me after our current lease is up
I fully understand where she's coming from but that doesn't make it hurt any less
My best friend telling me we can't keep living together because I'm poor and unemployed
Something I've been trying not to be since 2012
I can't afford to live alone anywhere or to even go through the costs of moving so this squarely fucks me
Plus I have pets to take care of and it'll be winter soon
I just broke down and just about had a panic attack while looking up quotes for storage units in case it came to me possibly needing to live in one
Our lease doesn't let up until at least August but I still feel like I'm being thrown out on my ass
And, regardless of how justified the situation is, it still really hurts to hear this from your best friend who normally feels like the one lifeline still keeping you afloat - not even financially, just having someone not give a damn about or be affected by your shitty situation and being there regardless of the hardships you go through and then suddenly it does affect them and your shitty situation becomes who you are because your "worth" as a person being more than just your achievements and income just becomes less and less true and you feel like you've just worn them down and pushed them away and further proves how fucking w o r t h l e s s you are
Not to mention I'm gonna be spending Easter with my mum who's also been having a hard time of things lately so I don't want to do or say anything to make her feel sorry for me because I don't want her to put herself in a bad spot just to help me even though right now I need the emotional support.. /sigh

I'm a huge failure of a human being
I'm 25, unemployed, unqualified, and feel like shit every time I prioritise meds or food over bills
I live well below our national poverty line and I honestly don't know how the fuck to get my life back

Thanks to some generous donations I was able to refill all of my prescriptions and have taken my dosage for the day as of 5-10 minutes ago.

I'm still a human-shaped mess, and will be for the next few days while my meds kick in again, but I can't tell you just how much your help means to me.
I was in a shitty situation with no way out and you reached out and helped me, and I can't tell you how humbling that is, to know people out there care.
I cannot thank you guys enough for your help. Especially when I know you're not all in fantastic situations, yourselves. You're all amazing people.

Thankyou, from the bottom of my heart.

I'm gonna go back to being a puddle now.

It's been almost a week since I last took my meds and, aside from all the horrible physical side effects that come from being washed out, my fucked brain chemistry is a serious risk to my safety, and I can feel my rational thought slipping away, even without any triggers.

I hate doing this but I'm begging you guys; please help me. Please spread this around if you can. I can't survive until my next payday, which is another whole week away. It's gonna be another week of anguish as I get back on my meds as it is..

https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/9072463/

Hey all
I feel so shitty posting this bc I feel like it's annoying and all that but I can't really afford to be proud about it right now

I was cucked by some automatic payment I wasn't expecting coming out of my account so after paying rent and buying food I discovered I have literally no money left, and therefore am unable to purchase my next month's worth of medications, including my next testosterone injection, which I am now due for.

For transparency's sake, yes, I recently purchased a new character design, however this was before I found out about the automatic payment coming out, and therefore was something I was able to afford without eating into money for rent, food, meds, etc. at the time.

My antidepressants have a 2-day washout, which I reached yesterday (so my head's a bit of a ticking time bomb right now), and my testosterone injections are once every three months, so a small delay is fine, but I'd rather not leave it too long and fuck myself for about a month with hormonal imbalances, as they can be super debilitating, to say the least. The iron supplement is not a necessity, though I do get rather sick when I don't take it as my body isn't very good at absorbing iron on its own.

Luckily, with generic brands, my disability pensioner discount, and the PBS subsidy, these items are all relatively inexpensive, I just do not currently possess any funds, and therefore cannot obtain them.

60mg duloxetine $6.50
30mg duloxetine $6.50
10mg amitriptyline $9.99
Ferro-Gradument C $19.99
1000mg/4mL testosterone undecanoate $6-7 (approx.)

Total: $43.98 AUD (approx. $30.85 USD)

On top of that I've just run out of phone credit ($30), my ratties are in need of more food ($20), and our household of three is down to its last two rolls of toilet paper.. //sigh

Anyways, here's the help options:

ADOPTS ($3-$45)
https://toyhou.se/suchtrashley/char...../folder:144801

SEMI-MYSTERY DESIGNS ($3)
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8652182/

KO-FI SKETCHES ($3+)
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/9024533/

CUSTOMS/REFERENCES ($30)
Examples: https://www.furaffinity.net/gallery.....oms-References

DONATIONS
https://ko-fi.com/A243E1Y
http://paypal.me/ashleycousins/usd

If you're not able to help financially, I would really appreciate some signal boosting.
Love you guys <3

Welp, even though I got paid yesterday, I still need money to adequately pay my share of the bills after spending my money on rent and food, so I figured I'd start offering sketches in exchange for Ko-Fi donations!

1x Ko-Fi = 1x headshot
2x Ko-Fi = 1x halfbody OR 2x headshots
3x Ko-Fi = 1x fullbody OR 1x halfbody + 1x headshot OR 3x headshots
&tc.

My Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/A243E1Y
Include your reference and what size you want in your Ko-Fi message!

Note: These are going to be sketches. Uncoloured, unrefined, and totally wing-it. Some may even be derpy! :D


EXAMPLES
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/30229671/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/30615075/

Hey all!

Seeing as FA was down for errors and a little maintenance for most of yesterday,
I figured it would be a good time to re-post a list of everywhere else you can find/contact me
in case FA ever goes down again and you need/want to reach me.

(Please note that I tend to be a lot better with email/PM/notes than with IMs;
anxiety, woo)

Tried my best to list them from most active to least active.

FurAffinity: here lol
DeviantART: http://www.deviantart.com/suchtrashley
Toyhou.se: http://www.toyhou.se/suchtrashley
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/suchtrashley
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/suchtrashley
Email: ashley.cousins[at]griffithuni.edu.au (please mention your FA username if you ever contact me this way so I know who I'm talking to)
Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/suchtrashley
Art Fight: http://artfight.net/~suchtrashley
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/fangdluvr
Tumblr: http://suchtrashley.tumblr.com
Ravelry: http://www.ravelry.com/people/RedSkinnies
Discord: suchtrashley#9297 (again, I prefer websites with note/PM systems over IMing, so this is more for if you really need to reach me or if it's about commission/s)

I hope you're all having a wonderful day/night~

Ugh so I hate to ask this but would someone be able to loan (yes, loan) me $50 AUD (roughly $35 USD) so I can get my meds?
My Mum already sent me some money for them but there's been some financial fuckery going on and now I don't have enough again, and I'm already 3 days off them and they have a 2 day washout and I really can't survive long without them.
My next payment comes in on the 8th so I'll be able to pay you back then, I promise.
http://paypal.me/ashleycousins/50aud

//bashes head against desk repeatedly

Hey all!
I hope you've all had a lovely holiday season and new years celebrations, if any~!
Mine were good, surrounded by friends, family, and lots of food!

And now that it's all over, I've resurfaced online once more~
It's like the only time of the year I really go "dark", haha.

I've already been spending a couple of days just working through all my built up notifications and such across all my different social medias. There's a lot.
So if there's anyone that I've been messaging via notes lately that haven't heard back from me for a week or so, I'll be responding to you all soon, I promise!

After I've caught up with what I've missed in the last fortnight, I'll start getting back into all my owed work.
Priority will be given to RisqueRawr's commission set, Taytocat's fursona reference sheet, and a Secret Santa gift I wasn't able to complete in time.
After that, I'll be just trying to chip away at various projects I've listed in my new to-do list, which I've created on Trello, and am currently in the process of migrating from my queue journal here on FA, to this new list on Trello, which will be publicly available once it is appropriately up-to-date.
If you're ever wondering about the status of something I owe you, please don't hesitate to PM me! I will always do my best to be as up-front and honest about the situation as possible~

On that note, my new years' resolution is to pay back all of my outstanding debt, owed artwork and designs included.
This will take some time, especially for the monetary side of what I owe, and I will be creating a post somewhere soon to publicly list and track the monetary debt I owe.
For the art side of things, I also want to do what I can to produce more work, even after I've cleared my queue. I know I have been pretty slack in 2018 compared to 2017, and I want to change that, even if only for the sake of wanting to create more.

Once owed work is out of the way, I will also be slowly updating my Commissions tab with proper TOS and prices and all that sweet jazz, so that will be something to look forward to, I guess?

But for now I'm honestly just thinking about what I can do to quickly pull the funds I need together to get my antidepressants script refilled because I got so caught up with Christmas and New Years that I completely forgot and I've run out a couple days ago. Also maybe some money to get some dinner, idk.

Holiday season is creeping up fast and I really need some money for presents otherwise I'm gonna be showing up empty-handed again and I absolutely loathe being in that position.

SO I'M OFFERING SOME COOL SHIT FOR COOL PRICES

Scaled Gloves
Price: $50 AUD (approx. $35 USD) + shipping
Examples: [1] [2]

Scaled Hoods
Regular Price: $110 AUD (approx. $80 USD) + shipping
Discounted Price: $70 AUD (approx. $50 USD) + shipping
Examples: [1] [2] [3]

Recommended Yarn: Cleckheaton California 8 Ply
Available Colourways: [x]
Mixing colourways not recommended unless combining variegated/solid or solid/solid.
No more than 2 colourways per pair of gloves.
Multiple colourways for hoods will incur additional material costs.

PLEASE NOTE:
These will be worked on after Christmas.
This is due to time required for ordering/shipping of materials, alongside my visiting family for the holidays.


pls gib me munz so i can gib my loved ones presentz

Like an idiot I forgot about needing to see my GP to get new scripts for my meds until my last dose
Which just so happened to be two days before any doctors are available to see me
And my meds have a two day wash-out

*clap* *clap*