Sorry I didn't get this out sooner! Let's just say "shit went down" in my little life, so this wasn't really my priority. ;w;
I'll be drawing for the TWO $10 commission vouchers that were unlocked!

AND THE WINNERS ARE....

#16 -  Ranek + #17  MikeArctic

CONGRATULATIONS GUYS! I hope to hear from you soon, but you're allowed to hang onto the vouchers if you so choose! ^^

And a big thanks to all of you who entered! Next round I'll be lowering the requirements, or maybe just switching to raffling off simply the art alone? Who knows! I'll figure it out when I get there. ;3

Happy New Years everyone! ^^

To ring in the new year, I've decided to do another watcher's raffle! I should've done it a while ago, but tbh I didn't actually expect my watcher count to go up so quickly! So, let's give away some free shit to bring in the new year, eh? ;3

▶ RULES ◀
- Raffle ends Sat Jan 7 (1 week from now!)
- You must be watching me to enter!
- Comment on this journal with something like "I'd like to join!" to get a ticket (entry number).
- People who signal boost this raffle in their own journals get an extra ticket! Link the journal for proof. The journal must still exist when the raffle is drawn for the second ticket to count!

▶ PRIZES ◀
- For every 50 entries, I'll randomly draw for a COMPLETELY FREE single-character Fullbody Colored Sketch! Can be SFW or NSFW if you like.
- For every 10 entries, a $10 commission voucher will be randomly drawn for, which can be used towards any art commission option I currently offer*: http://zielomizu.weebly.com/artwork.html You're also free to hang onto the voucher and use it with more vouchers from future raffles, which will happen whenever I hit around another 100 watchers!

*NOTE: The commission vouchers can NOT be used towards my 30% off Iron Artist. (Sorry!)

And that's it! Good luck to everyone who enters! ^^

TOTAL ENTRIES SO FAR: 20
$10 VOUCHERS UNLOCKED: 2

It's been a mess, hence why you haven't seen art these past few days - I haven't been awake at the optimum time to upload it!
But it's the weekend, and I slept most of yesterday, so maybe I'll be able to upload some stuff today. :'3

Yep, Christmas is coming! And for me, that means I'm putting all commissions ON HOLD for the month!
I haven't given out any Christmas presents to my family in the last couple years, and this year, that's changing.
I plan on doing some paintings for my family, so I'm going to clear up my month to get that done. I'll return to work as usual once December is over!

As far as reuploading to this account goes, I'll continue to post as usual; which is whenever I think about it / feel up to it. I've got one more bookmark upload, and then I'll be moving on to new things. ^^

Even though I celebrate Christmas, if you don't, I hope you have a good holiday season spending time with those who truly love you! :3

I want to draw some pokemon - but I don't really have any in mind!
So please, send me some pokemon to draw! Your favorite pokemon, weird pokemon... whatever!
SFW + NSFW drawing concepts welcome as well. ^^

PLEASE NOTE: I will NOT draw your pokemon OC for this, only canon pokemon. Sorry!

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/7909044/
Since the raffle didn't surpass 15 entries, everyone who entered the raffle is walking away with a $10 commission voucher!
In the future, I'm going to put a minimum entry requirement of some sort in place, to encourage the raffle to be spread around. It's really a shame only 11 people entered when I have 145 watchers. :c

Either way, congratulations to everyone who entered!

---

On that note, here I am telling you that my artwork commissions are OPEN, and have been for a while now!
However, I'm going to go actively advertise them now, because I'm in need of cash, even though I haven't finished uploading everything to this account yet! My paypal safety cushion has run out, it's time I start filling it back up.

Terms of Service: http://zielomizu.weebly.com/art-ter.....f-service.html
Prices + Examples: http://zielomizu.weebly.com/art-pri.....-examples.html

Please feel free to drop a comment if you have any questions, but please send a NOTE if you want to order something!

http://bright-ink.tumblr.com/post/1.....s-aurum-in-mlp
I'm looking for $60 for them, considering the artwork is recent + has multiple edits.
They're no longer a 'sona, and I honestly can't see myself using them, really. So, they're up for grabs!
When you buy them you get full ownership of the character, and the right to repost the artwork to your own accounts / use it for character reference (with credit + link back to myself, of course).
You must ask for permission before using my artwork in any other fashion - I retain all rights to my work, but the character is yours to do with as you please!

If you're interested, drop a comment or a note.
I might accept a lower offer, but expect an immediate "no" to anything below half of what I'm asking.

Since I've been in the dumps, I kind of wasn't feeling up to doing a watcher raffle at 100 watchers. However, since I'm feeling a bit better, I've decided to do one right NOW!

▶ RULES ◀
- Raffle ends Tues Nov 15 (1 week from now!)
- You must be watching me to enter!
- Comment on this journal with something like "I'd like to join!" to get a ticket (entry number).
- People who signal boost this raffle in their own journals get an extra ticket! Link the journal for proof.
- The journal must still exist when the raffle is drawn for the second ticket to count!

▶ PRIZES ◀
- A total of 15 $10 commission vouchers will be randomly drawn for, which can be used towards any art commission option I currently offer: http://zielomizu.weebly.com/art-pri.....-examples.html
- There will be a total of 15 winners. You can only win one voucher this round, but you're free to hang onto the voucher and use it with more vouchers from future raffles, which will happen whenever I hit another 100 watchers.

And that's it! Good luck to everyone who enters! :)

ive been sick all weekend
real bad fever, was bedridden all saturday or sunday...
not feeling as horrible as i did but still pretty darn sick :c
obv didnt do anything for halloween lol, was too busy being passed the fuck out from exhaustion
my immune system has been working overtime lmao

So. I had a breakdown yesterday, which should have been expected with that journal. It's been a while since I had a breakdown, but I was tired and I'd been bottling up stuff for a while, so I finally broke. BUUUT, that breakdown lead to me getting help. Which is good.

I spent the rest of the day visiting with my family since I like, never see them anymore, and I couldn't have gone back home to stay alone without returning to feeling like crap. I also couldn't have stayed awake all day like I did, because I'd pulled an all-nighter. I got up around 4ish PM today, and will try to stay awake until a decent hour.

But I got a haircut, got my meds, and booked an appointment with my welfare caseworker to apply for disability, 'cause I'm a mess. I also found out the local college offers some preparation courses to get you either ready for other courses, or to get people with learning disabilities help getting ready for both independent life AND the other courses. I'm seriously considering taking those courses, but only if ODSP doesn't offer other, free courses that'd cover the same sort of stuff, because like I said - I'm a mess. I don't know how to take care of myself or handle "adult" things. And it sucks.

When I visited my parents we picked all the apples off their small tree. I learned I have a good throwing arm while tossing the bad ones towards the river, and then learned I'm pretty fast at peeling still. We filled a bigass container with apples (they're now mine lol), and still have a bigass bag full of them at my parent's house. We plan to turn them into various apple pastries over the weekend, which will be fun!

Also, you'll notice I'm not calling that brown monster "Ziel" anymore. That's because he's kind of evolved into his own thing, which is a big, nasty monster... and I don't think I could ever successfully tone him down to being more like the real me. Therefore, his name is now Grump (GrumpMonster!), and I'll be making a new Ziel. New Ziel will still be a monster, but a smaller monster. I'm not 100% on his looks yet but I'm working on it. It'll be a long while since he gets posted here, though, but you might see him on Second Life or my other accounts. Might. :P

So, that's all that's going on with me. Just wanted to let y'all know.

just wanted to post something to get that other journal off the front page
couldn't sleep; opting to try staying up all day if i can manage it
might go out for a walk like i did last time that helped me stay awake - idk really
i need to get my act together but i cant do it alone so im probably going to scour the internet looking for information on how to be a functioning adult - 'cause lord knows i can't do this stuff on my own, i need a fucking life guide or some shit
i hate that im in such a depressed state of mind again when i was so optimistic what, last month?
its frustrating

I've been thinking, you know... and I've come to a realization - I'm not... actually sure what I want to do with myself.
I... thought being a full-time artist would make me happy. And, while I'm not even CLOSE to being there yet, I can say that recently doing commissions for people, while I generally enjoy it.... hasn't really made me feel any significant fulfillment in my life. And that's kind of disheartening, you know? Like... if it's what I want to do, I should feel REALLY good about it.... but I just... don't.

And it's not that I don't enjoy it, I DO enjoy it, I just... don't enjoy it as much as I think I should be if I want to make that it into my end goal. Working day-in, day-out, drawing commissions, isn't... actually as appealing a goal as I once thought it was. Thinking more heavily about myself and what I want to do with my life... I want to make a difference in others. I've ALWAYS wanted to make a difference in others. That's why I do still LIKE taking commissions - because I'm making someone else happy. But I'm not sure if becoming a popular (furry porn) artist is the significant difference I want to be making.

I can't do one-on-one stuff like becoming a therapist or anything, because if it isn't obvious already, I'm not very good with people. I'm pretty introverted, I can't keep up with the friends I DO have, even though I do like to hang out every now and then - and I really do appreciate them, don't get me wrong. I just... I can't keep up with more than a few people at a time, and small-talk KILLS me. But I also suck at picking up on social cues, and I've been stuck in a small-ass town for most of my life and that certainly doesn't help.

I guess this is all really leading up to....
I'm considering making tutorials. I have been for a while. Video tutorials, written tutorials, what-have-you. Since I'm kind of a "jack-of-all-trades" in that I can learn different artsy-fartsy things quickly, but I don't see myself becoming an EXPERT in any of them in particular, I was thinking about doing tutorials for other people on how to get started themselves. And I'm sure there's a tutorial for just about ANYTHING out there; but there's also something I've learned - "Even if it's already been done before, no one can do it YOUR way." So I don't see why I can't do something my way to have the chance of helping someone else out. And maybe it'll be appreciated.

I've also considered just giving advice or talking about my feelings regarding certain things; but that becomes a far more sticky situation that I'm not sure if I'm prepared to deal with.

Either way, no matter what, it won't be easy, and money becomes an issue. I'm on financial support right now, but I can't keep living off of that alone. My boyfriend's been supporting the both of us, and even if I get additional support from the government, it won't be enough to do more than just scrape by. And I don't want to have to worry about whether or not we'll have food money anymore. It is EXTREMELY stressful. I know we're not the only ones in this situation, but that doesn't mean I can't hope that I can do SOMETHING, provide SOME service to others that'll get me out of this hole I'm currently stuck in.

There is no TL;DR - I don't have any specific revelation here. This is just me spilling my feelings out in text form because I'm frustrated and emotional and I don't know what else to do. I don't know where I want to go. And that's just eating me up inside.

Because of a medical emergency scare (my friend, not me), I spent all of Saturday night in a hospital until like, 10 in the morning. So now I'm nocturnal again, slept until 6PM today. It's REALLY fucking with my upload plans. >:C
I didn't take any Ritalin today, so I'm still pretty tired, and will be going to sleep fairly soon. Maybe around 1 or 2.

I don't regret going with them - considering what happened, I'm really glad I did. They're doing better now. Still not great, but they're not nearly as bad as they were. That's as much detail as I'm going to get into, because it's their decision whether or not to talk about it publicly. Please be respectful and don't pry; your concern is appreciated.

I just wanted to let y'all know why I haven't been as active with the re-upload. I've been exhausted ever since that happened.
Before that I was doing some housecleaning, and setting up a traditional art / costume workspace in the basement, which I plan to be using more often. I just tend to get into "hyperfocus" when I go down there to work on costumes, which results in me forgetting to post until it's like, 10-11pm or later, lol.

I'll get back into a good routine again, I promise.

If any of my watchers have been wondering why reuploading has been sketchy these last week or so, it's because I ended up not being able to sleep when I was suppose to due to my medication, so I've been kind of nocturnal for the last little while. I'm just making this post now before I go pass out to let you all know that's what's been happening, and I hope to have it rectified by the weekend and going into next week.

I know it's only been like, two days since my last upload, but I was originally planning on uploading multiple times every day, so I'm behind schedule. But it's nothing new, I've been struggling with insomnia for some time now, it's just been aggravated because my medication "wakes me up" during the day and usually extends into the night. There's pros and cons of it all, and it's something I'm going to speak to my doctor about once I can stop sleeping during the day.

That's all that's going on - keep your fingers crossed for those new posts tomorrow.

Just wanted to recap my weekend, 'cause I haven't had any time to sit down and DO anything for the last two days.

So, Saturday night, I went to Howl in Toronto. I'd been nocturnal for the last few days so I slept in until 5:20pm, rushed to shower and go down to my friend swampdoneky's place, ate a burger, then hopped on the bus to Toronto. It was a good night - I wore a new shirt I just got stating 100% true facts about myself ("Friendly When Drunk"), proceeded to immediately down two drinks (had a third later, I'm a lightweight, leave me alone), and then spend the rest of the night catching up with everyone I haven't seen since the last time I was in Toronto (when Howl moved to the new venue, I believe?). And I ALSO talked to a bunch of new folks! Which is saying a lot, for me.

Then just tonight I went to my boyfriend's grandparents house and had dinner with them and his mum - the goal was to just go pick out a new laptop from his grandfather (who's in the refurbishing / general computer biz) but we made it a dinner. And wow, we talked about a LOT! But I was SO happy to. I really like his grandparents, and they like me - especially since I've been getting my shit together and coming out of my shell. Seriously, I've been doing WAY better with... everything. Therapy helped with my optimism and coping with anxiety/depression, the ritalin is helping keep my energy levels up/keep the depression at bay longer, lei-lani is helping me get organized with my online/freelance stuff (NO I WILL NOT STOP PLUGGING YOU), and just... things are looking up.

The new laptop is nice. It's around the same screen dimensions as my old one, but WAY lighter and with a far smaller power supply, which means it'll be easier to take with me places (meets, cons, friend's houses), and it's got a better processor and a decent amount of RAM so I can render 3D graphics (gaming/modeling!). The only qualms I have with it is the text looks.... oddly sharp and weird, and the screen itself isn't as color accurate as my old one. It was too bright/washed out before I fiddled with the settings - it's still not perfect, but it's pretty darn close, and with the other benefits, I'm willing to sacrifice 100% color accuracy. My art will NOT suffer, there will just be a bigger difference when printed that I'll have to test out at some point. One big problem; now I'm pretty fucking broke again LMAO.

I'm just... I want to talk, but it's 12 AM, so typing is the next best thing. I wanted to get all of my thoughts out SOMEWHERE while I'm enjoying them. Plus, I wanted to express how optimistic I am about everything. I'm moving forward, and that is SUCH a relief.

I'd just like to take the time to welcome back my old watchers who've made the move with me - seriously, you guys are the reason I'm working towards organizing myself properly.
As well, I'd like to take the time to welcome any new watchers that happen to stumble upon my work in the month to come. ^^
You're all about to see a couple years worth of progress in a little over a month, as well as ALL of my work coming together under one roof - lucky you!

Of course, none of this would be possible without the wonderful lei-lani, who (while she discouraged me from making the move itself) helped me get a head on my shoulders, since I'm a complete mess when it comes to this whole "online presence" thing, lol. She's helped me a lot in this past few days, and I hope she can help me figure out all of this social-business-stuff I just simply can't comprehend moving forward.

So; who am I? What do I do? Well, I'm just some nerd who's into all things artsy-fartsy, from digital artwork, to fursuit making, to animation and 3D modeling! Mind, the majority of what I post will be digital artwork, but you'll get the other stuff I've stuck my nose into sprinkled here and there. (Ofc, I've totally got a kinky side, too. You'll find that out soon enough if you have mature/adult artwork enabled!)

SO - if you'd like, feel free to say hello! Strike up a conversation, ask me about my interests, etc. I can't promise I'll keep in contact 24/7, but I do my best to reply to (significant) comments on my profiles. ^^ I've just... got ADD pretty bad, so I lose focus easily. It's no one's fault! So, if you want to get to know me, but I seem to have forgotten about ya, just give me a poke every now and then - I'd love to get to know you!

- Ziel