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ABDL Diary-account | Registered: Jan 8, 2023 04:50
Ooof... ok... so... eem....
I always found diaries stupid and never thought to have one. I'm just too showing everything kind of person, if I do anything, SOMEONE MUST SEE IT!
So this is compromise I think... I can show my writings, yet not uncover myself. So I think I'll start writing journals here and just... uhh... do... that. Look, I just need thoughts out of my system and can't trust people at all, yet need to show if I create anything to someone.
I'm... not giving my unic nickname... so you can call me by my real one, but that's strange... ahhh, let's start over again!
Hi, I'm Simon, 23 y.o. university student from Russia, Tambov. I work full-time as a junior programmer, and keep up on lectures I miss at night time and on tests and quizzes when I can beg out for myself a non-payment day off for university.
I recently became a furry, just because my closest friend asked me. But got into it rather quickly! Yet always kept quiet, no accounts, no furry groups on my social media.
The reason I created this one is because I wanted so badly to say my big thanks to BabyStar for her Shine. I told her much about my life and how shity it is and how tired I am, in that message... and felt so so relieved! But you can't expect someone as busy as her to be my kinda friend or even personal therapist, she's already such a grate person, she responded in a heart beat! She wasted her personal time on my wall of text! She's doing charity, her prices are so low compare to some other artists. She just such a grate person!
So that's why I've decided to write this and start sharing thoughts, because I feel relived by knowing, someone read it.
And yeh, less then a week ago thanks to Shine, thanks to BabyStar, I uncovered the baby side of myself. I was looking at AB theamed pictures at times, cringed, thinking that it's sick and blamed myself for looking. But then just started and couldn't stop reading because of how much I relate to Star, how we are alike in uncountable amount of things. Like... it's easier to tell the difference... gender, dayjob, and I don't like beer and coffee AT ALL. But it's not even about the character, and in character I'm just clone of her! Never felt that connected to any character in my life and I read a lot!
After I finished with Shine, I was just laying all night rethink life, digging out all my childhood memories. And understood a lot of things... and this here is my first very carefull step into AB community.
Type me anything if you feel like doing so.
And feel free to muck me for my grammar mistakes, English is still very foreign language for me. So... sorry if I'm using words wrong or can't understand some idioms or type nonsense at times. If you correct me, I'll not be angry, I'd be thankful, especially if you explain to me how and why do I write correctly. Baby teasing is fine too...
I always found diaries stupid and never thought to have one. I'm just too showing everything kind of person, if I do anything, SOMEONE MUST SEE IT!
So this is compromise I think... I can show my writings, yet not uncover myself. So I think I'll start writing journals here and just... uhh... do... that. Look, I just need thoughts out of my system and can't trust people at all, yet need to show if I create anything to someone.
I'm... not giving my unic nickname... so you can call me by my real one, but that's strange... ahhh, let's start over again!
Hi, I'm Simon, 23 y.o. university student from Russia, Tambov. I work full-time as a junior programmer, and keep up on lectures I miss at night time and on tests and quizzes when I can beg out for myself a non-payment day off for university.
I recently became a furry, just because my closest friend asked me. But got into it rather quickly! Yet always kept quiet, no accounts, no furry groups on my social media.
The reason I created this one is because I wanted so badly to say my big thanks to BabyStar for her Shine. I told her much about my life and how shity it is and how tired I am, in that message... and felt so so relieved! But you can't expect someone as busy as her to be my kinda friend or even personal therapist, she's already such a grate person, she responded in a heart beat! She wasted her personal time on my wall of text! She's doing charity, her prices are so low compare to some other artists. She just such a grate person!
So that's why I've decided to write this and start sharing thoughts, because I feel relived by knowing, someone read it.
And yeh, less then a week ago thanks to Shine, thanks to BabyStar, I uncovered the baby side of myself. I was looking at AB theamed pictures at times, cringed, thinking that it's sick and blamed myself for looking. But then just started and couldn't stop reading because of how much I relate to Star, how we are alike in uncountable amount of things. Like... it's easier to tell the difference... gender, dayjob, and I don't like beer and coffee AT ALL. But it's not even about the character, and in character I'm just clone of her! Never felt that connected to any character in my life and I read a lot!
After I finished with Shine, I was just laying all night rethink life, digging out all my childhood memories. And understood a lot of things... and this here is my first very carefull step into AB community.
Type me anything if you feel like doing so.
And feel free to muck me for my grammar mistakes, English is still very foreign language for me. So... sorry if I'm using words wrong or can't understand some idioms or type nonsense at times. If you correct me, I'll not be angry, I'd be thankful, especially if you explain to me how and why do I write correctly. Baby teasing is fine too...
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Comments Made: 19
Journals: 21
Recent Journal
What is going on here
a year ago
If someone lives out of Russia, I'd like to just give a picture of how it is here at least from my perspective.
Putin came to power in 2000s, in democracy you can only be president for only 8 years then step out. But my country is occuped by a gang of mobsters, Putin is not a president, he is just a mafia boss, they hold as all hostage, all TV is non stop propiganda. People got used to old TV, where all info was tripple checked before being told. But not TV translates endless lies and gets into the internet. I am currently using VPN to be able to access Furaffinity. Goverment bans EVERYTHING they do not have controll over. Now they are banning youtube, video plays for 15-20 seconds then you get endless loading. They inprison everyone who dears to unite people, if they are still reaching out even from prison or just have too much influence, they kill. May be you've heard about Navalniy, but he is just one of thousends of leaders who where killed, just most popular.
"So what? Politics shmolitics, dirty sport, what's it to you?"
After sanctions, prices for evenything just doubled, yes we have everything still, but if you are not making good money, you can now bearaly survive. Just the other day I saw job ofer on clothing shop, they need stuff, the ofer is 25k rubles per mounth. It is currently about 290$. Before taxes. For my little appartment I pay 15k rubles (rent + utilities). Then you have 10k for food and clothing? I am a junior programmer with 1 year of experience and I get payed 60k rubles. I can live, even tho every day I struggle a lot, I really really want to quit every day, but it's mangable. I do anourmous work to just... survive, my mental is so fucked but I need to keep it together to survive. Besides complitely ruined economy and hypnotyzed into savage bloodthirsty animals parents it's monilization I have to worry about. Can you even imagine living for years in fear of geting sent to war of prison? It is litteraly that. State picks you and say "GO DIE IN UKRAIN" if you disagree - you are criminal, "Article 328 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation" from 6 mounths to two years of prison. And also you are banned from registating as selfemploied and samy banned from working. How? Well, if someone is to hire you, they will have to pay 400k to half a million for giving you any job. So, yes, you are basicaly die at war, or in the street when winter hits, because you can not make any money leagaly.
Any day it can happen to me, or any of my male friends, it can happen to my boyfriend or classmate or anyone. It is pretty traumatizing to hear how
acquaintance of an acquaintance of my dad returned to his family in coffin.
Imagine being abdl in this mess. I want to be infantle, I want to be carless, stupid, carefree. And I want someone to take care of me. But in that kind of hell everybody for themselves. Me too. I'm on survivle mode for last 5 years. And I'm losing it. But I know, that no one it going to catch me if I fall.
Yes, even my boyfriend, my Doe. This femboy is an adult baby himself, not in a way I am, but like for real. I never got any love from my parents, no care. He got overprotected, too much care. So I don't trust in him. He is too careless, even when we play dota, he is not thinking with head. He can not take care for himself I feel like. Hope I am wrong.
So all my life I feel like I'm sinking in the middle of the ocean after plane crash. Everyone is sinking, no hope of getting any help. If you don't know, panicking sinking person is increadably dangerous, they are going to drown you first, not letting you help them. Sinking person just push the other one down with all available strangths. So... I sink, but everyone around is a deathtrap, I am afraid to even attempt to get close in plea for help. Burning parts of a plane are crushing around, I can see how it kills people around me. I just keep trying to live, I do not know why even try? I can see there is not chance to survive this. But I just keep on trying purely because of my basic animal instincts.
I will soon run out of strengths and drown. I just keep hoping for miracle.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3gPUP52qMVk
Putin came to power in 2000s, in democracy you can only be president for only 8 years then step out. But my country is occuped by a gang of mobsters, Putin is not a president, he is just a mafia boss, they hold as all hostage, all TV is non stop propiganda. People got used to old TV, where all info was tripple checked before being told. But not TV translates endless lies and gets into the internet. I am currently using VPN to be able to access Furaffinity. Goverment bans EVERYTHING they do not have controll over. Now they are banning youtube, video plays for 15-20 seconds then you get endless loading. They inprison everyone who dears to unite people, if they are still reaching out even from prison or just have too much influence, they kill. May be you've heard about Navalniy, but he is just one of thousends of leaders who where killed, just most popular.
"So what? Politics shmolitics, dirty sport, what's it to you?"
After sanctions, prices for evenything just doubled, yes we have everything still, but if you are not making good money, you can now bearaly survive. Just the other day I saw job ofer on clothing shop, they need stuff, the ofer is 25k rubles per mounth. It is currently about 290$. Before taxes. For my little appartment I pay 15k rubles (rent + utilities). Then you have 10k for food and clothing? I am a junior programmer with 1 year of experience and I get payed 60k rubles. I can live, even tho every day I struggle a lot, I really really want to quit every day, but it's mangable. I do anourmous work to just... survive, my mental is so fucked but I need to keep it together to survive. Besides complitely ruined economy and hypnotyzed into savage bloodthirsty animals parents it's monilization I have to worry about. Can you even imagine living for years in fear of geting sent to war of prison? It is litteraly that. State picks you and say "GO DIE IN UKRAIN" if you disagree - you are criminal, "Article 328 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation" from 6 mounths to two years of prison. And also you are banned from registating as selfemploied and samy banned from working. How? Well, if someone is to hire you, they will have to pay 400k to half a million for giving you any job. So, yes, you are basicaly die at war, or in the street when winter hits, because you can not make any money leagaly.
Any day it can happen to me, or any of my male friends, it can happen to my boyfriend or classmate or anyone. It is pretty traumatizing to hear how
acquaintance of an acquaintance of my dad returned to his family in coffin.
Imagine being abdl in this mess. I want to be infantle, I want to be carless, stupid, carefree. And I want someone to take care of me. But in that kind of hell everybody for themselves. Me too. I'm on survivle mode for last 5 years. And I'm losing it. But I know, that no one it going to catch me if I fall.
Yes, even my boyfriend, my Doe. This femboy is an adult baby himself, not in a way I am, but like for real. I never got any love from my parents, no care. He got overprotected, too much care. So I don't trust in him. He is too careless, even when we play dota, he is not thinking with head. He can not take care for himself I feel like. Hope I am wrong.
So all my life I feel like I'm sinking in the middle of the ocean after plane crash. Everyone is sinking, no hope of getting any help. If you don't know, panicking sinking person is increadably dangerous, they are going to drown you first, not letting you help them. Sinking person just push the other one down with all available strangths. So... I sink, but everyone around is a deathtrap, I am afraid to even attempt to get close in plea for help. Burning parts of a plane are crushing around, I can see how it kills people around me. I just keep trying to live, I do not know why even try? I can see there is not chance to survive this. But I just keep on trying purely because of my basic animal instincts.
I will soon run out of strengths and drown. I just keep hoping for miracle.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3gPUP52qMVk
User Profile
Accepting Trades
No Accepting Commissions
No Character Species
Margay (wild forest cat)
Favorite Music
don't mind any, have no concreet cretaerea
Favorite TV Shows & Movies
MyLittlePony g4, Back to the future, and all furry ones
Favorite Games
Dota2, TF2 (but on break from that one), maaany indi games and old ones (Fallout 1,2, Portal 1,2, Deus Ex ...)
Favorite Gaming Platforms
PC only
Favorite Animals
Cats and foxes
Favorite Site
youtube, FA, e621, tabun.everypony.ru
Favorite Foods & Drinks
Cashews, and just nuts in general. Accept for peanut, hate it
Favorite Quote
Did you know, you only live once!? Shocking, isn't it?
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