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Ryouji and Carmel help the foreign samaritan, and travel on to Atsu no Mitsu, the home of Ryouji's Master.
Ha ha, I made a something! I don't have much to say here, except that it really felt good to get this out. And hey look, new thumbnail, courtesy of GIMPshop! (I'll have to work on the numbers a bit.) If you're new to the series, do utilize the above links to navigate. :)
Also, as usual, I'm looking for feedback. You see, what I had really wanted to do was crank out two or three chapters in a row to make up for the recent inactivity -- I could, you know. But given how I've been writing this, I need to know that where I've been is suitable before moving on. So, no critique, no continuation, it's as simple as that! My focus is, as always, on the characters (I'm certain I'll get some flak for this chapter!), the flow of the plot (specifically, have I put too much in this chapter, drawing it out?), and the dialogue.
That's it! :V I guess I had more to say than I thought!
BEFORE CRITIQUING: please click "FIRST" and refer to the critiquer's note in the first chapter. Thank you.
Ryouji and Carmel help the foreign samaritan, and travel on to Atsu no Mitsu, the home of Ryouji's Master.
Ha ha, I made a something! I don't have much to say here, except that it really felt good to get this out. And hey look, new thumbnail, courtesy of GIMPshop! (I'll have to work on the numbers a bit.) If you're new to the series, do utilize the above links to navigate. :)
Also, as usual, I'm looking for feedback. You see, what I had really wanted to do was crank out two or three chapters in a row to make up for the recent inactivity -- I could, you know. But given how I've been writing this, I need to know that where I've been is suitable before moving on. So, no critique, no continuation, it's as simple as that! My focus is, as always, on the characters (I'm certain I'll get some flak for this chapter!), the flow of the plot (specifically, have I put too much in this chapter, drawing it out?), and the dialogue.
That's it! :V I guess I had more to say than I thought!
BEFORE CRITIQUING: please click "FIRST" and refer to the critiquer's note in the first chapter. Thank you.
Category Story / Anime
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 120 x 120px
File Size 17.3 kB
Listed in Folders
Interesting. I do like your action sequences and the flow seems to work alright for me. The chapter seems to have good bookends, from the tension of one fight to the tension of an impending fight with the other development in between. When published in serial form like this, the "cliffhanger" leads to the next installment. Might break differently when published as one long book *shrug* depends on what you want to highlight and make specific turning points. for instance, i could see it breaking at "Carmel couldn't (be?) sure if she was more afraid of her new friend, or afraid for him." or perhaps after Carmel's dream and starting a new chapter with the dawn of the new day if you want to punctuate Carmel's turn . . . . I may just be partial because Carmel is really turning out to be my favorite character. I have always been partial to the tension of a healer in the middle of so much violence, like medics and military chaplins . . .
Good grief, i'm rambling . . . anyway, just my $.02
Good grief, i'm rambling . . . anyway, just my $.02
It's cool. It seems a lot of people like Carmel, so I'm somewhat concerned with where she's going in the next few chapters. It took me about three tries to not turn her into a giggly schoolgirl when Steinar shakes her hand. c.c;;
As for serialization, I'm trying to plan it in my head as you would an anime series. The goal is for this to become a comic book, but I see no reason to start with something so permanent when I don't have a cohesive plot in my head. So, as I always say, the written form of OAR is the first draft (despite most of these episode uploads being second or third drafts), so I can get down everything you need to convey with words in a comic.
As for serialization, I'm trying to plan it in my head as you would an anime series. The goal is for this to become a comic book, but I see no reason to start with something so permanent when I don't have a cohesive plot in my head. So, as I always say, the written form of OAR is the first draft (despite most of these episode uploads being second or third drafts), so I can get down everything you need to convey with words in a comic.
Gee... I didn't really find anything about this chapter that I didn't like, aside from a few minor word-choices that I don't remember anymore. I like the idea of a guy who can turn his skin to stone (reminds me of Zelgadis a little bit), just as long as you give him some kind of personality quirk. 'Cause right now he doesn't seem real interesting.
One question: how do you wear somebody's soul as a hat?
One question: how do you wear somebody's soul as a hat?
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