I'm sorry about all that man....

I am always here if you need to.vent man.

I know how it feels man...believe me...

That sucks dude. Really wish I could help, but in my times at the moment I'm unable.

I know what you mean about depression though, I've had my runs of it, and it isn't fun by any means.

Here's for hoping things get for ya man!

Ive always found you to be a an amusing person. Im sorry the world has you down. I hope you feel better

Yes Robbin Williams was funny as hell too All Comedians suffer from Chronic Clinical Depression. He needs something Meaningful to keep himself occupied. I am becoming funny to my coworkers and I know I am getting depressed. I need to change jobs SOON I would suggest he do the same before he goes POSTAL......

No kidding, its a shame to see that kind of thing happen.

Barely making ends meet, bills seem never ending, you deal with more and more shit every passing day, and you ask your self. Why?
Cause you're to fucking stubborn to roll over and just let it win. Whether it's life's bullshit or someone else. Sure, you could die, problems are over but, why take the easy way out?

*shakes head* Nah, not you. You're not the "easy way" out. And depression is a bitch, always will be. Just gotta make sure you figure what you're gonna do with it, find your coping
mechanism. For some it's drugs, and or booze. Other's it's art, or music, your outlet will find you, or you'll find it. One of the two.

All you have to do is Fire your Job or do something different. Like I had this Funny Idea of going over to Flying squirrel and Jumping around on a trampoline for a few Hours....
Another words go to a theater and watch a comedy or play a Mindless Video game. go to the Jim and Punch a Bag till your Knuckles are red. Do something that makes your brain produce endorphin. or you would not normally do or even something like Paint your Cartoons Rabbi

I'll second that.

^ THIS.

I will keep you in my prayers buddy. I know how this feels. I'm here If you need to talk.

If you lived closer to me, or I lived closer to you. I'd be getting you involved in things like going out shooting. And other things.

You are a man of principle, and I *have* to respect that.

I'm sorry to hear that. Hoping and praying that you'll get better

...And yet you and I, we still go on. It may not help, but... I still like you, still respect you, still look up to you, and still miss you. Really wish I could do more for you as it is.

Good luck bro.
If it helps, I've liked a lot if your artwork from the get go, and like having you around. Don't change.

Live. It REALLY annoys them.

I miss you, Thomas.

It is true that we have been at odds. and there are things that I will not bring up. But there are also good things that I can bring up. Brand of cars, for example. would Red or any of the other characters you have written over the years look good driving Volkswagen products? I think Penelope would drive a 21 window bus with seats full of princes and princesses.
being passed by Red in her ragtop Karmann Ghia...passing a gas station with a fox machine in the waiting room...

failing that. would you want to own one of those single or double cab VW pickups?

If there is any way you could do it even if it means leaving stuff behind, the offer still remains to move to my home in Cut Bank. I have an empty room with some furnishings you can use and plenty of storage space. Cost of living is low and jobs are easy to find in my area. Best of all, there is little of that SJW and racist BS going on my town that you have been suffering over there. I know you are also concerned about being near cons for running a booth and such but has that really been paying the bills lately? Besides, if the SHTF like things have been threatening to do, do you really want to be that close to an urban area especially one with a high number of people dependent on the govt who know nothing about surviving except by taking stuff from others by force? They will melt down in no time if the money stops flowing.

I know money is the biggest obstacle. Perhaps you can come up with an estimate of what it would cost and we could pool resources to help make it happen. What does everyone else think about this possibility?

Depression is a hard thing to deal with, I know. I've followed you for a number of years, from WCOTP, to DA, and here on FA. I really like seeing your art and your viewpoints and opinions, even though I may not agree with them from time to time. I make it a point to read every journal you post. It'd be a terrible loss not just for me, and your followers, friends and family, but everyone who hasn't had the opportunity to come across you and your artwork if you were no longer here.

I really do hope that things improve for you.

I respect the determination that you've already shown, and that you aren't afraid to speak your mind and tell people exactly how the fuck it is. We need that right now. Badly.

I would ask about local furs, but I can't remember what state you live in. -__-

Check your e-mail, call me.

I wrote this four years ago in reply to Tim Johnson. It still applies.

There is danger for those of us that dare dream. The creative urge is way to close to insanity. It is not a case of us just talking about it or claiming it; science agrees. Every creative soul plays dice with this devil. Some of us more than others. The safe, sane people never change anything. They go about their lives half aware and that saves them.

Those of us that open our eyes to the unreal, those that dare dream of things that don't exist but could exist if you are willing to put forth the time, tears, sweat, and blood. We don’t just see the bright futures and the beautiful things. We see the dark corners. We see how bad it could be. And sometimes we fall into that abyss. There but for the grace of God go I. Very real and very sobering words. Frankly if not for the care and love of one very special Woman I would not even be talking about this. 20 years ago I would have curled up and died.

I tell people I create because I must. The urges to make the dreams real are not things I can ignore, be it words pictures, or objects. I must create. So along with the rest of the creative souls I roll my dice against madness, and cling to the anchors in my life that keep me out of that abyss.

Thank you anchors, you know who you are.

This is good advice no matter how big your Johnson is.

Dirty jokes, eh?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HpY3ggKAPIE

(laughs) ruined for life over that one. and the subject matter is one of the first jokes the Rabbi made going from goat to Stallion.

Hang in there man. Maybe you could do something with your art solely for yourself. When was the last time you created a whole new character and just explored it for your own imagination?

You know of my condition, and depression and/or anxiety are my most frequent visitors because of it I get it. When I encountered Death face-to-face, i looked her in the eye and gave her a passionate kiss; then things got kinky fast, as in "Oh, that's not right!", LOL. But seriously, it's not that I'm not afraid of my fate, but I'm just too stubborn to give up until there is absolutely nothing to gain by resisting and absolutely nothing to lose by giving up. I'm getting a "pacemaker" for my brain pretty soon; I hope I get good internet speeds with it! Keep resisting for as long as you can withstand it; there's a payoff for going through the Psychotic Training Montage in life.

You and are not that far apart in age and we both remember the Conferences of old. Time keeps marching on. We've seen our friends age, jailed or pass on. Life just socks at times.

So you break the loop. It is hard, but finding an outlet to open up new ventures to entertain can help. You like to tell stories, and you are great with kids. People know "Groat the Furry Artist", the boisterous loud character at cons. I also know the soft spoken quiet person the dealer hours are over of a man that needs something to fill his life, let him share some of the magic you find in art.

Maybe your local library offers a community art program. Draw for kids. Teach them to draw. You may act gruff and annoyed by kids, but I have seen you with your son and even kids that stop by your table with their parents. You've got a big heart there. Giving some classes or just open drawing sessions can give you back even more than you give out.

I'm lucky in that I have local artist friends I see and chat with regularly. It is sometimes easy for me to forget many fine people go through life isolated. Let's get you out there.

Also, hit me up on Telegram if you're there.

(Warning: Wall o' Text)

My man, I don't comment much here (or really ANYWHERE) much anymore, since I don't really consider myself a huge furry anymore, but I was drawn to this, because I truly feel your pain, or felt, to be more precise. I've been to dark places during my bout with depression, and I've got the scars to prove it (in retrospect I did get one thing out of the whole deal: whenever I get threatened by some asshole that he'll 'gut me like a fish', I can flash the scar over my heart and retort "Hope you're a better fuckin' aim than I WAS!").

And believe me, I know how shallow those words are. "Cheer up! Things will get better! Just don't let it beat you!" - their intentions are good, those words, but they equate much akin to telling someone with a 2-year-long case of the flu "Hey man, just stop vomiting! Think about something other than the excruciating stomach pain!" But, one thing at a time. First off...

In regards to the trolls, internet tough guys, SJW and whatnot - I must pause here to introduce an interesting anthropological and psychological concept: Dunbar's number. This number, while still debated, is the closest we have to an official number of relationships our brain can keep track of at any given time. And while the actual number, again, is still debated, the current most agreed one is 150. That's all. So, whenever someone says something nasty on the internet, in real life, or suggests suicide, I look at it like this: I have 150 slots TOTAL in my brain for people to truely give a shit about. Eliminating family and several friends, that number is approximately 125. If I divide the estimated population of Earth by 125, I get 56,000,000. Therefore, the odds of any one person I meet getting a friend slot is 1 in 56,000,000 - these odds are 4 times worse than the odds of winning $1,000,000 in powerball. In short, neurologically speaking you are a lottery, and one with an incredibly small winners pool at that, so you might as well act like it. Someone says something awful on the net, just respond "tough luck, chief! Better luck in the second chance drawing!"

I always feel its important for depression sufferers, past and present to stick together, so as someone who got out of that place, I have good news, and bad news. The good news is it gets better; The bad news is that the only cure is time. In the meantime, all you can do is work toward treatments - things that can at least you give you enough resolve to dig your heels in, be a tree, and root yourself to weather the storm. You may hate every second of it, and it may take YEARS, but let me tell ya, its a hell of a rainbow, the first sunrise where you actually feel something positive where there once was none.

My only real advice I can give you here is: If you feel your life has lost value, look no further than to those who PUT value on your life. I'm not talking internet either - I'm talking sisters, brothers, Mom, Dad, Pet, whatever. The people who hinge a big part of their life on you. Recognize these people, then take whoever isn't on that list, write their names down, then flush that list down the toilet. This in turn will keep you reminded of who matters, and who would be affected most by your absence.

The birth of this attitude for me is best related through a realization I had after waking up in the ICU in the hospital, with the tubes in my side and down my throat. My Mom was standing over me - turned out I'd been out for 3 days, medically induced coma, crashed once in the OR, and she'd heard it since she used to be a nurse and understood the lingo. She told me all of this, and the entire time, I realized she'd been there, all 72 hours since the morning my lung collapsed, barely sleeping, and bawling her eyes out. And yet, the happiness she showed when I woke up made her seem as if she'd been hit with a shot of crystal meth.

2 weeks later, the night I was recovered enough to go home, she told me something: My Grandfather, a man I had been very close with, had been admitted to the hospital the same day I was, and she didn't want to worry me (naturally she didn't tell him about me being in the hospital either, for much the same reason). She told me that the last thing he said before they took him back was "If I don't make it, I want Kevin to have my Truck." The aforementioned Truck was one he'd had since he started his auto garage, and it was his pride and joy - and of all the 7 grandkids he had, he wanted to give it to me.

That pretty much cinched it - I couldn't pursue suicide anymore. Even if I felt my life held no value, like I was some lifeless husk, THEY put value on my life, and to go through with it anyway? To end myself, with the vivid image of my Mother hysterically sobbing over a casket, my grandfather starting to tell that story about me reading the paper to him when I was 3, then just....drifting into silence halfway through before he just shuffles to his recliner? And still try to tell myself that what I'm doing isn't selfish?

FUCK. THAT.

Sure, I still get depressed sometimes, I get frustrated, pissed, bored....but just thanks to those two people, one of whom is no longer here, I was able to hold on until that dark place just kind of....went away. And every time I even remotely think about going back, all I have to do is remember:

My Mother and Grandfather put value on me when I thought I had none, right up to the day he died. And I REFUSE to be the single bad investment he made in his life.

Apologies again for the length, but it honest to God comes from the heart, and he's a terrible editor. I hope at least some of this is relevant, or god willing, helpful, and I do hope this passes for you soon.

In short, neurologically speaking you are a lottery, and one with an incredibly small winners pool at that, so you might as well act like it. Someone says something awful on the net, just respond "tough luck, chief! Better luck in the second chance drawing!"

The most I ever give then is "I don't have enough time in my life for you?" If they get that.

I think the scariest thing I ever said to a troll and I saw the fear in his eyes, it was face to face. "I cannot afford the karma to hate you." Why that scared them I do not know, but there it is.

Your point is a valid one. We do not have room in our brains for negative people.

It's about time, ol' friend.

I'm waiting for my turn...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T6z3n0LEckk

"Not today, thank you." *CRUNCH*

*Nods* Yeah.

I think moving might help things for you.

I know how that feels having anxiety depression. What has helped me, is a vitamin B complex and vitamin D. A lot of people abuse welfare and the real people that need it gets denied. There is one way to get those fakers cut off is to report them to welfare and they will get reviewed. I have SNAP and I'm on SSDI but I'm in a jobs training program and I live in a real house with real house payments. I was let go of my Job because somebody got me into deep trouble because they wanted my hours.

*hugs the goat* I'm proud of you for carrying on. The best possible advice I could offer, is to watch the video's at www.fasterEFT.com and start reprogramming your brain. Better internal state comes from better references. Change your inner world, change your outer world. You can reshape your life, but you must write new neural pathways. FasterEFT has been the hands down most effective tool I've ever used for doing so.

this link might be a better place to start https://www.youtube.com/user/Healin.....ery=depression

Well, I'm also in the Madison area, if you wanted to go bowling or play D&D or something sometime I'd be up for it.

http://www.randomacts.org/programs/.....pport-network/


:) note me if ya want, hon. I'm currently at work but I'm always here for you as much as I can be! *hughughug*

Me too Rabbi. Here I was contemplating jumping off the Pasadena Bridge, and out of the blue my friends show up with some of my stuff they rescued from the Condo. I felt a lot better afterwards, and I at least decided to stay around awhile longer.

The last time "Death" visited me I offered to play video games with him. He didn't like the idea of the characters popping back up shortly after they were declared "Deceased" though. "What's the fun in that?" he croaked.

Three weeks ago, I was forcibly retired from the IT job I'd had for 9 years, the one from which I was going to retire in another half-dozen years. Guess what? Nobody wants to hire a 59-year-old Computer Scientist. The company says they'll send me to an outplacement service, but I haven't heard anything yet. At least I got a small severance, which will see me to the end of the year.

Depressed, yeah. When I quit my previous job to go to work for these guys, I had such a bad case of clinical depression, I didn't recognize it until a month after I started the new job and it went into remission. I'm just glad the lady friend is working on her Therapist certification...

Thats the thing I am facing and see constantly, once you crack 50 and looking for work, your odds are stacked against you despite your work history and qualifications.

That's it, exactly. My career (my third one) of 26 years is over, and about my only recourse is to go back to Have Gun, Will Travel. I did the Armed Guard thing for a dozen years or so, and although it means a reduction to about 1/4 or 1/3 of what I made before, it will pay the bills. Thank goodness the house and the car are paid off, but if I have to do any major repairs to those (or myself), I'm up the creek.

Yeah. Having depression sucks bozons. I have it, too. If it's anything, fighting such a beast proves how tough a person is. There's two things that take more guts than anything else in this world: fighting depression & job hunting; The former being the hardest thing a person will ever face. You are tough. I am tough.

We fight this shit every day like Mario & Luigi fight the Koopalings. The fact that we're still here, refusing to give in shows that nobody will stand in our way. Like Captain Kirk, we are legends in our own right simply by beating odds & cheating death every day. We're scrappers.

My brother lost this fight two years ago at the age of 18, and he had everything going for him. Depression sucks. Talking about it helps, and I'm glad you made this journal. It's okay to feel this way. This stuff is hard. You are brave for fighting through it. Keep going - you don't know how many people you'll effect when you're gone.

I can't imagine the hell you went through with the loss of your brother. Let alone still battle with today. It will sadly be something you will live with your whole life, wondering what ifs running through your mind. Depression sucks total ass, not everybody can live a Pollyanna life style. You strive to see through the day, each and every day. You hope, pray that you can move on to the next day. It reminds me when my friend faked his own death, I was outright wrecked over the thought of losing him initially. His depression took ahold of him. Thankfully he didn't die, but damn was I pissed at him over the emotional hell he put me through. But at the same time, relieved he was still with us. My heartfelt tribute actually shocked him, he figured I just blow it off like everybody else had. Now he has more watchers than before. But still has a long way to regain the trust of many.

I left Furrymuck a year and a half ago cause I had one person openly tell me in the park , "I want you to commit suicide, I need a good laugh when I read it, so take a gun and shoot yourself!" I was dumbfounded, shocked at what I saw typed out, most of the parkies were silent, a couple actually were vocal calling the shit a asshole for saying it. But this clown didn't care. I went back later and privately told a couple truely trusted friends I was leaving , mainly what that asshole said and I have no idea when I'd be back, if I'd come back. I know I broke a heart that day, but they understood my reason why. I knew if I stayed, that one asshole would continue his attacks, and likely bring in others. And that would have made things alot worse for me.

I actually popped in as a guest a few times, to sample the waters, but sure enough, ran into a few detractors who kept up the verbal assaults, one was openly trashing me not realizing I was the guest. So away I stay.

I know the trolls are laughing at this, likely discussing it on their boards, possibly even wanting to see if they can push me off the ledge. But they are just bottom feeding cowards, internet tough guys, cleaver little monkeys furiously masturbating at their LULZ. Frankly I can care less, they've already fucked me over job-wise, not much else they can do. and I certainly doubt they would be willing to confront me face to face.

You are one of those folks I've offered to, if you ever need a shoulder to cry on, or even talk to, I'll be there.

This entire thing means a lot, and I totally....am with you on all of it. I'm glad you're talking about it. People are absolutely terrible and I think they don't understand at all how it can affect someone who is depressed. I remember that whole thing with your friend - people in psychological distress pull some really strange stuff :( I'm sorry he felt like that's what he needed to do to get what he needed, and that it had to involve you!

And don't let the haters get you down. Just keep on being you. Its the best way of slapping them right in their faces.

<3

Edit: Also, thank you again for that offer. It means the world to me.

Being that I too wrestle that particular dragon from time to time, let me reiterate that folks such as the Irish journalist John Waters (ex husband of Sinéad O'Connor), who have helped to popularise the new 'idea' that depression doesn't exist (i.e., is nothing more than a 'lame excuse for laziness and selfishness'), all deserve to be buggered with a spinning pineapple.

Likewise the asshole, who told me that 'white people have nothing to be depressed about'.

Hey bunky!

Thinking of you.

I miss you, you mad galoot!

Hang in there.

I draw to snap out of the funk I may have from time to time, myself.

It's not pro-caliber...but it's a good fucking stress release.

Thanks for sharing this. I actually understand a lot more about where you're coming from now. I mean, I don't agree with your viewpoints on social and political issues much at all, but I understand them and I find them justified, for lack of a better term. I'd be hard pressed to say I'd think differently if I was in your situation, but...well, actually I do know several things *I'd* do differently, but I'm not about to jump in and start telling you how to live your life. I'm not into feeling all knowing and superior because I'm *not*. Period. :) A lot of people don't seem to understand how people can have different viewpoints, and proceed to just write them off and ignore them, but most people aren't stupid or crazy and have perfectly legitimate reasons for how they view stuff.

So m'friend, I don't agree with your conclusions, but there's no denying the shit you have to put up with. I hope things get better.

For a short while, leave political as socal issues to thier own devices. they will do without you but if you don't stop for repiars to your spirit and soul you will hit depression.

What stands out is " look forward to the day and accomplish something meaningful " Define what that meaningful thing is, break it down into tiny steps , post it where you can see it and work on it daily just a little bit at a time.

You are worthy of taking some "me Time:.

At least that help me. I still get depressed but i also remember some high of accomplishing little things.

Hope that helps some

Yup, that is depression alright, and I've got a good many years ahead of me to go through.
I've started a promising new (to me) medication that may help, but first I have to pry off the claws of the old!
I've enjoyed your work in the past and will continue to for as long as you post it.
Hopefully I will even comment more once I have a bit more mental energy!
But I will say here, I enjoy your sense of humor!
(edited for easier reading)

For me, medication fucks up everything even more, so I've stopped. The only thing that I'm taking in a medication for my ADHD. That medication is called: Lisdexamfetamine.

Odd fact: Lisdexamfetamine can cause inability to achieve or maintain an erection or changes in sex drive.
In short: Lisdexamfetamine can cause erectile dysfunction.
For guys, this is very serious, not able to get a boner is like being sterile.
Believe me, it happened to me once.

I also have depression.
And it sucks.
And on top of that, I've suicidal thoughts.
I just wanna disappear into the darkness, where no one will ever find me again...

Why do I have this damn depression?

Yes, why?
Why am I here?
Why am I still alive?
Why haven't I committed suicide?

My life is meaningless...