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Sa'Rahn's ears and whiskers quivered like dried leaves in the wind, fueled by an itch in his veins. He felt as if here was something rustling inside him, inside in his belly, or maybe it was in his heart. His lungs perhaps? He wasn't sure, but it was something that made him anxious. For two weeks now, he hadn't been able to shake this mixed feeling of excitement and terror that clutched his emotions. He was happy! But then, why did he feel so scared? Sa'Rahn had the entire journey back to the starbase to ask himself that question, but still had yet to find an answer.

The base of his tail still ached from that dreadful EVA with the Professor. Truthfully he was just glad to put that behind him. He had immediately requested a meeting with the Captain of the Zane DeTigre after! Sa'Rahn had known the man for quite some time, worked with him while under his own previous captain. After some explaining, he realized it had been just miscommunication, with no malicious intent. The captain merely thought that Sa'Rahn would have realized the pre-arranged terms of the assignment beforehand, and saw no need to reiterate them. He should have known coming under command of an entire station would require more than just signing his name away on some document. Sa'Rahn now considered himself arrogant to have believed otherwise.

And, while the terms weren't exactly what he had hoped for, he accepted them! Things were far from finalized, years away really. But, as soon as the Alpha-Caitian IV returned to the Alpha Quadrant for duty, Sa'Rahn would inherit the responsibility of overseer for the reconstruction of the station. It would be his eventually. What he hoped for, had wanted all this time, it would fall squarely into his lap if he waited. Everything was going right! Mostly.

His ship had docked not long ago; it was long after most of the crew's working hours. He nodded to himself subconsciously as he walked through the vacant hallways of the starbase, relying on muscle memory to guide him to his quarters rather than his sight. It was definitely excitement that had him on edge! It had to be. He slowed his pace some as he closed his eyes, picturing himself reclining in the comfy chair of his soon-to-be station, overlooking the planet of the colorful Draconis system. Somehow he knew he would never tire of it.

He could finally relax, maybe retire he even considered! Retired in by thirties, the thought made him chuckle. No more endless files of resource paperwork and duty roster categorizing every morning. No more having to wait his turn for the replicators during breakfast, lunch, and dinner. No more being woken up in the middle of the night by passing couriers freighting supplies. He would finally be able to breathe freely.

He grinned mischievously and his tail began to wag upon picturing himself with Iris there too. She would be a free woman, free to be with him at last. En route back to the starbase, he had received a transmission she sent, informing him her parole officer had spoken with her concerning the "house-arrest", and had news to share with him upon his return. He was pleased the request he had sent to a contact he was referred at DTI came through. He hadn't thought it would.

Sa'Rahn had become so deeply entrenched with his daydreaming it made him physically jump a little him when he felt something very solid forcefully bump into his belly, causing a startled yelp to escape his mouth! His ears flattened momentarily, embarrassed that his voice cracked. Focus quickly shifted however when he heard a loud thump to the floor below and pained moan in front of him. Looking down, only then did he finally notice a cadet he had quite literally bulldozed over. "Mother's Cubs! I'm so sorry!" Sa'Rahn hastily apologized upon his realization.

The cadet was a caramel-furred Caitian, black hairs clipping the tips of his pointed ears and tail; arguably a little taller than Sa'Rahn, slim too, probably barely old enough to consume nepeta. While still painfully embarrassed he had knocked the young man over, Sa'Rahn was slightly relieved upon noticing he hadn't actually injured the cadet, save his pride perhaps. Sa'Rahn squatted down some, trying to offer an helping hand. He restrained himself from bending over too much however, for fear he might split his pants as he had in the past in similar instances. "Augh... I did not see that coming..." The cadet admitted, rubbing his head momentarily before accepting Sa'Rahn's help to stand once more. From his accent, it was reasonable to guess he was probably from the southern hemisphere of Cait. "Ah, not the first time I've been knocked on my bum." The cadet stated as he dusted himself off and straitened his uniform. He slowed to regard the obese Caitian standing before him, his expression quickly turning to shock when he realized who he was speaking to, "Oh! Admiral Noa'tek! I didn't know that-... that you-... I mean. I'm so sorry, Sir!"

Sa'Rahn's train of thought was quickly halted by the sudden turn-around apology from the cub. "What? I should be the one who's sorry, I completely blindsided you!" Sa'Rahn apologized, again.

"I-I should have been paying more attention, Sir. It's my fault, Sir." The cadet insisted, almost immediately standing at attention.

"Well, I know quite a few people whom I've bumped into and knocked down who would disagree, I can assure you." Sa'Rahn jested, laughing slightly at his own joke, trying to relieve the tension he felt of the situation. His light-winded chuckles slowly died off as he noticed the cadet standing as stiff as a wooden board, offering only a hint of a polite smile in return. Not even his tail was swaying! "At ease, Cadet... um..."

"Cadet Gailun R'ssato, Sir." The Caitian relayed, almost as if he had practiced saying it in the mirror a few hundred times earlier. Gailun relaxed his painfully statuesque stance at Sa'Rahn's allowance, but only slightly.

The cadet's eyes never wavered. It was as if he was trying his best to burn every second of this confrontation into his memory. Sa'Rahn felt uncomfortable in the presence of the cadet. R'ssato acted with the epitome of Starfleet discipline! Perfect posture, sucked in gut, level head, maintained eye-contact... the eye-contact, that was what unnerved him the most. "Is there, uh... something wrong, Cadet?"

"No, Sir! It's... my apologies, Sir. I-It's just an honor to finally meet you, Sir." He stammered.

An honor? Him? Sa'Rahn bit his tongue back from laughing! His amusement quickly faded when he noticed the cub spoke with all seriousness. A sense of awe was spread over the young Caitian's face and was visible in his body language. It didn't make any sense to him. "I... have to admit, I'm a bit surprised. Most cadets are more eager to meet the other Admirals of the fleet instead." R'ssato merely nodded slightly to the comment, not wanting to disagree with him. Sa'Rahn happened to notice the young man's jaw move slightly, as if he was about to speak, but had chosen to not. "If you've got something to say, Cadet...?"

"No, Sir! I mean, um... pr-... permission to speak freely, Sir?" Gailun politely requested.

"Of course. I mean, er-, granted." Sa'Rahn shrugged, realizing the cadet would probably respond better to proper attribution.

The cadet's thin chest expanded widely as he took a deep and very obviously nervous breath to gather himself before speaking. "I have a great deal of respect for you, Sir! During my time in the Militia was when I first heard a report about you, when you were still a Commander under Captain Fortyive."

"Heh, feels like a lifetime ago..." Sa'Rahn muttered to himself.

"You're the reason I chose enlist in Starfleet, Sir. I've studied every log of your journey through the ranks! A-and, if I may say, Sir, you're a real inspiration. To me, and other Caitians out there, I know too!" Gailun paused, looking away from Sa'Rahn, pondering if he should say what he had planned next. His ears lowered some and his brows furrowed, as if he was about to admit to something he'd done wrong. The cadet visibly shook, nervous as he opened his mouth to speak once more. "I.. I-I mean no disrespect, Sir. Truly, I don't, I swear it. But... the uh... the, your, disorder, that causes you to be f-... um... I... I have that defect, as well." He paused once more. "It's been... I've had to fight the weight, ever since I was a cub. Back in the Militia... the others would often... But, when I heard about you... I read about what happened to you at the Academy, all the way till now and... I-I realized that... I realized, if you could stand up for yourself then... it made me want too as well."

Sa'Rahn eyes widened over the cadet, unsure how to react. He knew he didn't deserved the respect Gailun was offering. Besides members of his own family, and Kenneth of course, he didn't readily know of many Caitians that were prone to the genetic disorder that cursed him. Sa'Rahn was all too aware of what the young cub had faced, and was still facing. He wanted to speak, console the cadet somehow, but yet remained silent. Upon noticing his confession had been poorly received apparently, Gailun retracted, "I... p-please accept my apologies, Sir! I didn't mean any disrespect, Sir! I should have kept to myself, Sir."

"No!" Sa'Rahn responded impulsively. "No, no thank you for sharing that with me. I... I'm not sure what to say. No one's ever said anything like that to me before. I mean, most just view me as some sort of title nowadays, not... that." Beginning to feel uncomfortable with the pressure to impart some sort of wisdom or meaningful response other than an honest thank you, Sa'Rahn merely said, "Relax, Cadet. Um, I-, I appreciate you sharing all that with me."

The Caitian was still clearly embarrassed, but at least there was a glimmer of consolation as Gailun nodded respectfully. He clasped his hands together nervously as he breathed the words, "I um, I didn't mean to hold you up for so long, Sir. I should leave..."

"Oh no, that's quite alright! It's not often I get to meet any of the cadets Admiral M'Ziuu supervises these days in person." Sa'Rahn replied, trying to keep his tone as sincere as possible to reassure the cub's confidence. "Where are you headed at this hour? Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Oh, no Sir! Thank you, Sir. I just finished my duties for the day, and was going to stop by the messhall for a quick bite before turning in, Sir." Gailun explained.

"Ah! I see. I'll leave you be then. I should know better than to get between someone and their food." Sa'Rahn smirked, patting his stomach jokingly. Gailun politely grinned in return. "Have a good evening, Cadet."

"And you as well, Sir." Gailun concluded, as he continued on his way, prior to being knocked down.

Sa'Rahn chose to stay put a moment longer to catch his breath, watching over his shoulder as the cub wandered off. His hand still resting on his middle, his fingers began to drum as he thought over the words that still rung like a bell in his mind. "An honor" he had said. Sa'Rahn still couldn't understand it. One of the reasons he wanted this transfer to commanding the station in the Alpha Quadrant so badly, was the rampant apathy of the remaining crew of the starbase.

He was reminded of that breakfast he had shared with his friend, Jagara, weeks ago, knowing his words to be accurate. It was in the air, like a contagious virus. People did their job, and kept to themselves or their own inner circles, so it seemed. Sa'Rahn himself tried to be a bit more social when he could, time permitting, but he too was no stranger to the sickness.

He continued on his way.

The conversation with young Gailun just now however, made him question those beliefs. Sa'Rahn viewed his job on the starbase to be trivial at most. Anyone who could read and press a button on a PADD would be as qualified for his daily tasks. His "leadership" as an Admiral rarely came into question. His days were mundane, but simple; sitting behind his desk, checking over paperwork and getting fatter. That's what he had always viewed it as, but was there more to it? Did the crew really respect him and the other admirals that much still? Maybe he had underestimated folks still on the starbase. If what the Cadet said was to be true, then perhaps his preconceptions were flawed.

Regardless, he chose to shelve the thought for the time being as he approached his quarters. Iris had told him she would be waiting for him upon his return. His tail swayed happily, eager to see her again, and even more eager to tell her he had acquired the station! With her soon out of custody, they both could continue their lives together in the Alpha Quadrant in peace.

It wasn't any sooner had he stepped one foot inside did he suddenly feel gentle hands pull him by the arm and a pair of lips pressing against his chubby cheek. Even though he was expecting her to greet him, Iris' pounce still took him by pleasant surprise. "Heh, welcome home big boy." She said to him.

"Mmm it's good to see you again." He replied, returning her love and nuzzling her forehead.

"How was your trip back?" She asked him, still holding onto his arm.

"As good as it could have been, I suppose." Truthfully it was less than pleasant. Sa'Rahn suddenly paused in place, raising his head to sniff the air in his quarters. He had been welcomed by Iris' familiar scent upon entering, but now smelled something more. Something delicious! Following the smell over to his glass desk in the corner he finally saw the half a dozen plates of hot food had been lain out, freshly replicated. The mixture of rich scents that radiated from them made his mouth water, and his ears and tail fall limp. "What's all this!?" He asked hopefully.

Iris stepped in front of him, playfully placing her hands on either side of his waist, looking up at him and answered, "I wanted to do something special for you when you got back to celebrate." She glanced back at the small feast she had laid out, adding, "I.. may have hacked into your replicator account to do so."

Taking one final whiff of the aromas that filled his quarters, he looked back at her and smiled. "Oh flower... thank you. You didn't have to do this..."

"Oh, I know." Iris replied, removing his badge and unbuckling his belt. "But I wanted to."

"Oh..." Sa'Rahn exclaimed, now understanding what she meant.

Despite being enough food for five or more people easily, the small feast would be gone in within the hour. While she had her own fill along the way, the majority was consumed by Sa'Rahn, most of which was hand fed to him by Iris. Not that he complained, of course.

His heart contended, Sa'Rahn released a long, audible sigh of satisfaction as he leaned back, propped up with pillows on his bed, wearing nothing now but his briefs and fur. The hefty meal Iris had served for mostly him had proven to be far more than enough to fill him, leaving him a bit bloated honestly. He licked his teeth, attempting to savor what was left of the rich flavors that still lingered. It always puzzled him a bit. Everything he had just eaten was constructed from a replicator, constructed from data and files. No home-cooking or personal touch. But, regardless, it always seemed to taste better when Iris fed him. She always knew just what would make him happy.

Iris, now mostly undressed as well, had chosen to lay between Sa'Rahn's legs, cuddling herself against his thighs, propping herself up and resting forward on his large belly to look at him. He smiled warmly and began to purr when his eyes met her. He could feel her heart beat, her chest pressed against him. She chuckled once as she eyed him. "Did you have enough?"

Sa'Rahn exaggeratedly nodded his head like a toddler. "Oof, yeah... I am thoroughly stuffed!" He exclaimed proudly! Reaching out to touch her hair, running his fingers along her pointed ear, he spoke more softly now and added, "Thank you, my flower."

"It makes me happy to see you enjoy yourself..." She whispered to him.

The shy smile that spread across her face gradually dimmed however, as her gaze drifted away from him. Sa'Rahn frowned upon noticing something wasn't right, leading him to ask, "Hey... hey, what's wrong?"

Her eyes turned back to him, at which she plastered her previous expression on once again, rather convincingly too. "Oh, nevermind. I'm just happy you're back."

Sa'Rahn just wanted to accept the bland answer and resume cuddling her while he digested, but even he knew he wasn't that naïve. Readjusting himself in bed slightly, trying his best not to overly disturb her, he pressed further, "C'mon Babe, tell me."

Iris retracted and bit her tongue a moment, thinking before asking him, "Did you receive that message I sent you on your way back?"

Between the love and attention Iris had shown him since he walked in the door to the food that now filled his belly, Sa'Rahn had completely forgotten all about the fact that Iris had wanted to tell him about the chat with her parole officer a few days ago. "Oh, yeah! Of course I got it! I'm sorry I didn't remember to ask... you wanted to tell me about what your parole told you, right? What did she say?"

Without speaking Iris' eyes gave away her wish that he hadn't received that transmission, or instead would have forgotten it, or never even looked at it. She shifted in spot uncomfortably, not wanting to get into the topic now, even though she was the one to bring it up. "Have you um... have you heard of the Galorndon Core system?"

Sa'Rahn blindly looked around the room as he thought, trying to think, as if something around might jog his memory. He had visited many star systems in his time, most under his late captain. Some he remembered vividly, some he would rather have forgotten. Most, however, blurred together. Not to mention, stellar cartography had never been his strong suit in the Militia nor the Academy. "I'm... not sure." He finally mumbled in response.

"My parole, she told me there was a temporal disturbance there earlier this week. A bad one, apparently, or something..." Iris explained. "She... um, she told me... that they're having to put all their resources towards containing it."

"Ok?"

"... They're going to be pushing off the new hearing... 'until further notice'." Iris' voice dwindled into hopelessness as she spoke.

Sa'Rahn's blood ran still for a beat. His heart then began to race and his voice rumbled with a low growl of frustration. "No! We were promised your hearing would be next month." He snorted, rapidly growing more flustered. They couldn't do this to her, to him! He violently squirmed in bed, searching on either side of him, "Where's a PADD? I'll contact her right now! If she think's she has the right to... t-... I'll...!"

Iris struggled to regain his attention. "Shh shhh! Sa'Rahn! Sweetheart. Calm down..." She reached up and placed her hand gently on his cheek, attempting to sooth him once more.

"I... but, can't... She!..." Sa'Rahn was visibly shaking, not with just anger, but with more emotions than he could understand in that instance. Incoherent words and half-baked sentences spewed from his lips until Iris tried more forcefully, but still gently, to guard his attention back to her. Only the did he regain his focus. He sniffed, holding back tears that coated his eyes. "No... no. This was... It was all set. We were gonna be... I was gonna... I was finally going to... They can't do this to us again!"

Iris climbed up over him to laid at his side, wrapping her arms around his furry chest, hugging him tightly. "I know, I know... It'll be alright. Just like it was last time. We'll be alright." She breathed to him, also holding back a few tears of her own.

Sa'Rahn shook his head, knowing he was being dramatic. But, he felt he at least had the right to be this time. Gulping down the murk that had built up in his throat, he laid his head on top of hers. He tried to tell himself this was just a setback. Yet another in a long line of them, but a setback none the less. He and Iris would still be together as they were now at least, but he wanted more, and Mother's Cubs have mercy if he wasn't going to get his way eventually.

"I'm sorry, sweetie." Iris began to say to him. "I meant to ease you into it, I knew you'd be upset."

He didn't want to, but Sa'Rahn grinned mildly, gradually regaining his prior mood once more. "Ah, so that was your plan all along, huh? If you got bad news, you just stuff me full of food to get me in the mood I see?"

"Well, it almost worked." Iris played back. She nuzzled her head into his neck more, rubbing her hand on top of his belly. "I'm still sorry... We'll get through this."

"I know..."

"I'm just happy you're back for now though... What did you find out about that station during your visit?" Iris asked, trying to change the subject. "Are you going to be heading to the Alpha Quadrant soon?"

Sa'Rahn opened his mouth to tell her the good news, but right as the words rose from his throat, he found himself caught in a mixed snare, leaving only a hushed breath to escape. The entire trip home he had endured that strange emotion inside of him that he told himself was some form of fearful excitement! But now, with her in his arms, and he in hers, that feeling seemed more clear than before.

Looking down at her on his chest, into her deep purple eyes, he finally realized what he had been working towards, asking for all this time, was what would tear them in two. He would be shipping away to the Alpha Quadrant for years, years that he and Iris would be apart. And even if her parole officer were to change the situation at present, how realistic was it to believe things could work so swiftly in their favor still? In either situation, he would be leaving her, without any known return. Had he really been so blind as to not see that before?

What's more, had Iris known this whole time? Did she know regardless of her own outcome, his aspirations, knowingly or not, would outweigh what they had together? Iris had allowed all of this to transpire, just so he could have what he professed to want, even at the cost of their love. Did she really mean that little to him? He cursed himself for even considering that! He had promised they would be together. How could he have been such a hypocrite!

And in that instance, the words of young Cadet R'ssato rung in his ears once more. He had been an utter fool, believing there was somewhere else, something else, that would make him happier than he was right here in her arms, and surrounded by people who genuinely cared and respected him.

He had been willing to throw all of that away, and for what?

Blinking and waking from his monolog of thoughts, he quickly realized he still had yet to answer her question. "The station, right. Yeah, I spoke with the Zane DeTigre's Captain and Professor and uh..." He hesitated only to gather enough breath in his lungs, which still felt too long. "... I don't think it's going to work out."

"No?" Her voice sounded more hopeful than it had seconds ago, only proving to himself all the more just how wrong he had been.

"Yeah um... The station's really not what I expected. And I don't think it'd be a good decision right now." He said from his heart, even though it felt like a lie in a way. He didn't want to make her think he had changed his mind because of her alone however. "Besides, they don't even have working replicators. Immediate turn off!"

"Heh... well, that is quite a deal breaker." She smiled, it reassured him. "At least that gives us more time together."

"Yeah. That it does." He murmured, holding her closer. "That it does... my flower."

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-Sa'Rahn's story will continue...