Cold of winter slowly stretches over life
4 years ago
It's snowing outside. My mom called Wednesday to tell me my stepfather is dying. The hospital wants to move him to hospice. In 2017, John, who was like a father to me, died. It's surreal. Too much to deal with. I'm trying to sort out plans for travel. ...I can't think right now.
My mate still isn't speaking with me. I don't know why. There's never been any explanation. I'm a broken cat. I just don't feel hopeful anymore. I don't feel any hope in life. I'm trying to keep going. There's little else I can do. But continuing is just going through the motions. For the sake of surviving. People tell me someday it will be better. I'm not sure I believe it. All I feel is sadness. There's a sense of everything slipping through my paws like snow. I feel lost.
I really need you, kitten. You're one of the closest people in my life. I've rarely had anyone get so close. In ways, no one has. It's strange to think about. I let you into my soul. I miss you. I just need to talk. To have your support. You matter to me. I hope you're alright. I'm here for you, too. You know? I always will be.
Edit: Friday, January 7, 2022. My mom called this morning to let me know that my stepfather died at 5:29 a.m. CST.
My mate still isn't speaking with me. I don't know why. There's never been any explanation. I'm a broken cat. I just don't feel hopeful anymore. I don't feel any hope in life. I'm trying to keep going. There's little else I can do. But continuing is just going through the motions. For the sake of surviving. People tell me someday it will be better. I'm not sure I believe it. All I feel is sadness. There's a sense of everything slipping through my paws like snow. I feel lost.
I really need you, kitten. You're one of the closest people in my life. I've rarely had anyone get so close. In ways, no one has. It's strange to think about. I let you into my soul. I miss you. I just need to talk. To have your support. You matter to me. I hope you're alright. I'm here for you, too. You know? I always will be.
Edit: Friday, January 7, 2022. My mom called this morning to let me know that my stepfather died at 5:29 a.m. CST.

Skybowl
!skybowl
Read your post, sorry for your loss. I hope you and your mom are doing well. Wish you to become stronger.

PardoNightwalker
~pardonightwalker
OP
Thank you. We're doing, well, each of us is doing differently dependent on our circumstances. She lost her husband and is very sad. I lost my stepfather, and even if our relationship wasn't always great, he and my mother had been married for about 26 years. My own heart, it was already wounded. Damage taken again and again in life. I wasn't prepared for more.

Skybowl
!skybowl
Glad to hear, that you're okay. Life often gives us unexpected surprises, 26 years is a long time and it's very sad, when someone lose a loved one. Give your mom flowers sometimes, so she knows she's not alone.

PardoNightwalker
~pardonightwalker
OP
I thought I was doing ok. Things are rather hard right now. Life just keeps coming at me with new difficulties. 26 is a long time. I'll do my best to support my mom for sure. Thanks again.

Skybowl
!skybowl
I wish you good luck on your way :)