I am currently looking for jobs in my field and been harder than ever to improve on my skill set and applying to positions. Yet there seem to be no change in outcome from two three years ago, people around me getting jobs while I don't. I told myself that reality is nothing but a state of chaos and so these aren't really rational outcomes, more effort I put it doesn't really mean anything in this uncaring universe. Still, I am only a collection of cells bounded by my baser human emotions such as discouragement.

Times like these I try to look back, but I know that truth is that there is nothing to look back to. The only thing that exist and is real is now. The concept of looking back, regretting, thinking of the past are all illusions, a fantasy land made from the abyss of our past. The only thing awaiting me if I turn back and look is a void, versions of myself that want to drag me into oblivion, back into purposeless suffering.

The only path is forward, despite how insane it may seem. Repeating my efforts and expecting different outcome, the very definition of insanity. However, ain't that the very core of life, repeating a cycle of survival for our meat sack day after day, only to perish in the end anyways? This whole job hunting process screams the essence of life, madness. I must drag myself towards the purpose I set forth and look only towards the match I lit for myself, as the alternative being a silence void that will swallow me whole and engulf me in a state of eternal inaction and pain.