Friendships are something that's amazing to have and cherish. I have made a fair share of friends especially joining this fandom and I wouldn't change it for anything. Even though I do have some amazing friends, there have been some experiences lately that I've wanted to talk about and share some things that I've been feeling lately.

Lately, I've been noticing that I've been getting jealous of some of my friends and did talk to a few people wondering why I am jealous as I'm not one that usually gets jealous. After talking with them and giving it some more thought, I've noticed that my jealousy is from some of my friends having these strong relationships with their closest friends. What does that mean exactly? It means that they are always chatting with one another and doing lots of stuff together. Why does this make me jealous? I believe the reason being is that I try to chat with them to see how they are doing trying to strike up a conversation with them but I barely hear anything from or even get a "hello" from them. I do get it that we all have our own lives and don't have the time but it does hurt seeing how they somehow find the time to chat with their besties while I don't really hear from them and often get left on read when messaging them.

When I first joined this fandom, there were some that I did become friends with and still chat with on a daily basis and I'm happy to have met them. A few friends, on the other hand, I haven't chatted with them in a long time and since the pandemic started I've been working on re-establishing a connection with them where the friendship doesn't fade away. Making reconnections has been working but there are some instances where I feel like it's not really going that well as I feel like I'm putting in most of the effort in the friendship while the other party isn't. This isn't to say that I don't like them or want to remove them from my life but I guess that I just miss the connection that we had when I first started to chat with them. I am hoping that they will one day see that I'm putting in a lot of effort as I'm not asking to become BFFs with them but asking to at least try to establish a good friendship where we can get to know each other better to form a strong bond with one another.

Thanks for taking the time to hear about my personal thoughts. I do hope one day to get over this jealousy as being jealous is common in life but it's important to not be so focused on it where it can take control of your life and you miss out on a lot of things.