Not usually one to open up like this but I felt like it's good to share what's going on. A couple of weeks ago I was sent to the emergency room as my heart rate and blood pressure were going high out of nowhere where it felt like I was on the verge of passing out. After some tests and other visits, they did mention that my potassium was low and that I was possibly dehydrated. Once I did visit my primary care doctor, they did say that things look normal after some more tests were done, I do have some more appointments later to check on my condition as I've been okay since then but still worried about having another episode.

With everything that the doctors told me, I feel like there's more to it for what happened to me. As mentioned in a previous journal, I was talking about how I've been getting jealous lately and I feel like that might be a reason especially since I have high blood pressure which runs in the family. I feel like my jealousy is really getting to me as I don't have anything against the source nor is there any bad blood as I look up to them but I just don't understand why it's getting to me. I have talked to some friends about it even telling them who it is and I've decided to try out therapy to get help from a professional. I am glad that I'm giving it a try as I really do need to keep an eye on my mental health so I don't self-destruct like I almost did.

I am gonna do as many sessions as it takes to help get over this as I really need to know why exactly I'm jealous of this person and how come I can't move on from it easily as I can with other people. My therapist did mention some possible theories like romantic feelings or a fantasy of a close friendship. I'm leaning towards the second one as I can't recall having a crush and I'm not looking to date anyone anytime soon. Guessing since we used to chat often a couple of years ago but lately they choose their clique more than others and I miss chatting with them on a regular basis. I also fear that I might be losing interest in their work as I do think that their content is amazing but it hasn't been the same seeing how they're working on other projects while neglecting what got me to even notice them which I feel like it is happening as most of their new content doesn't interest me like their previous work.

Thanks for taking the time to hear what's going on in my life. I'm not one to be the jealous type but I'm hoping that therapy can really help fix this as it's more of a mental problem than a physical problem seeing what happened to me.