Turns out being the primary caregiver for two developmentally delayed adults, their child, ten cats, a disabled stage-4 cancer patient in extremely poor health, and a household, is a LOT more to deal with than I anticipated. Don't get me wrong, I knew it was going to be a lot. Just not quite this much.

I don't want to gripe about specifics because (a) we'd be here all day and (b) I don't want to spill that particular tea if I can help it. Some of it's pretty scandalous. All I can do is promise that I'm working towards trying to find some equilibrium in my life and when that happens, there will be more artwork and more activity on my Patreon.

That said, addressing my Patrons specifically: If anyone wants to go, please do so guilt-free. I don't want anyone feeling obligated or guilted or anything like that, especially since I've been putting out so little recently. Believe it or not, my biggest problem right now isn't money. Er... not exactly? Let me put it this way: A lotto win would save my life and set everything right (but that's not going to happen because I have the worst shit-luck in the universe and I don't play any lotteries anyway). Small amounts of money from Patreon and Ko-Fi are nice and I appreciate it immensely but it's not going to help much towards alleviating the vast number of issues I'm facing right now.

A lot of the difficulties that have come down on me since my mother died can only be solved with FUCK OFF amounts of money. I'm not comfortable just asking for it and even if I did, I likely wouldn't get it anyway. I accept that. All I can really do is keep doggy paddling along. I remind myself often that my life could be worse. I live in a nice house in a nice neighborhood. Most of my basic needs are met. I was able to afford a nice new computer recently (if a bit overpriced). It's just hard to be comfortable because the situation is tenuous. This isn't my house. The rug could go flying out from under us at any moment.

I feel like the last year of my life has been constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop and there's always another shoe. It's like a fucking shoe-monsoon. Most days it's flipflops, crocs, and sneakers I can deal with but some days, it's steel-toed combat boots and stiletto heels. I just need a moment to breathe every now and again but it's really hard to come by that.

Nevertheless, I'm still here. I'm still doing art. Just a little bit at a time.

















I also may have slightly kinda.... rage-deleted a few things out of my gallery. Sorry. ^___^; There were emotions happening. I'll put it back soon. In the meantime, you can still find most of it in my DA gallery here: https://www.deviantart.com/bjpentecost/gallery